Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the losers club || friday , 4:12 pm .

penis lord : SUMMER FUCKING BREAK BABY

GINGER : FUCKING FINALLY

mike ^_^ : you guys are wayy too excited about this

billynator9000 : you dont understand mike

hypochondriac : I understand him

ben : i dont think you get a say in this

No offense

penis lord : Yeah he doesnt

[🖕: 1] — hypochondriac

Its ok eds just tell me you want me

hypochondriac : i want you dead

stanley urine : i've never related so much to a message

penis lord : YOU BOTH WOUND ME

For i hath dkne no ewrong

hypochondriac : Your spelling can't say the same

penis lord : yeah but ur mom can

penis lord has been muted by stanley urine for an unspecified amount of time.

GINGER : stan saves lives

hypochondriac : why would you do that

billynator6000 : wdym

hypochondriac : hes spamming my fucking pms now

mike ^_^ : whats done is done

stanley urine : it's for the better

ben : we appreciate your sacrifice, Eddie

GINGER : make it out alive soldier

billynator6000 : we'll miss you champ

hypochondriac : WHAT THE FUCK

[❤️: 5] — GINGER, ben, stanley urine, billynator6000, mike ^_^, [💗: 1] — penis lord

i hate you all

mike ^_^ : you loovee us

ben : you don't need to hide it Eddie ❤️

GINGER : IM GIGGKING WE SOUND LIKE FACEBOOK MOMS

hypochondriac : richie fucking tozier do NOT make a joke about my mom using reactions.

penis lord has been unmuted by billynator6000

--> "GINGER : IM GIGGKING..."

penis lord : mrs k mentioned 😍😍

hypochondriac : FUCK YOU

BILLY EHY EOULD YOY DO THIS

penis lord : technically i didnt use reactions

billynator6000 : it all comes and goes

(i was bribed with comics)

penis lord : thats what she said

hypochondriac : >< this close to leaving this GOD FORSAKEN group chat

GINGER : babys first time using emoticons aawwww 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️

penis lord : thats how close ur mom is

stanley urine :

hypochondriac :

ben :

mike ^_^ :

billynator6000 : on second thought maybe he should go back to the cage

penis lord : i did nithing eirng

penis lord has been muted by stanley urine for 10 minutes.

GINGER : barely been 2 minutes since he got unmuted btw

hypochondriac : the world is healing

stanley urine : i can feel the stress evaporating

billynator6000 : A whole new world

mike ^_^ : A new fantastic view

ben : No one to tell us no, or where to go

GINGER : Or say we're only dreaming

hypochondriac : Your theatre kids are showing

ben : you love it

hypochondriac : unfortunately I do

[😂: 1] — penis lord

dont you DARE laugh you muted little shit

[☹️: 1] [Ⓜ️: 1] [🇧🇶: 1] [🚽: 1] [🍅: 1] [🚫: 1] [🫩: 1] [🤬: 1] [💔: 1] [🖕: 1] [🇦🇱: 1] [🙅‍♂️: 1] [🧃: 1] [🐛: 1] [👎: 1] [🤤: 1] [🐦: 1] — penis lord

what the fuck.

billynator6000 : LMAO whta the fuck does that mean

ben : the flags 😭

GINGER : WHY IS THERE A TOILET

stanley urine : the bird.

mike ^_^ : are we supposed to be deciphering this?

hypochondriac : no

billynator6000 : Yes

I love a challenge

[✅️: 1] — penis lord

stanley urine : yeah i bet u like being romantically challenged rich

[😟: 1] [🖕: 1] — penis lord

GINGER : HELLO??

hypochondriac : WHAT

ben: IM SO SORRY FOR LAUGHING

mike ^_^ : Its ok, I did too

billynator6000 : the silent retaliation 💔

"😟" "🖕"

mike ^_^ : i cant believe im watching this live

stanley urine : infront of the big screen

ben : this is free??

GINGER : surprisingly

mike ^_^ : if Richie was unmuted

I don't wanna imagine how it's gonna look like

billynator6000 : light banter disguised as utter hatred and despair

GINGER : theyd throw the craziest shit at eachother and then talk about dead poets society like it belongs in a museum 5 minutes later

stanley urine : .

hypochondriac : caught red handed I fear

GINGER : you mean rainbow handed

stanley urine : WHAT THE FUCK

ben : lgbtq hands

billynator6000 : WHAT

GINGER : wonderful analogy ben

mike ^_^ : so very accurate

hypochondriac : I'm touched Ben

penis lord : I'll touch you

hypochondriac : WHAT

GINGER : WHAT

stanley urine : What

EHATT

billynator6000 : EHATATATTTATAA

ben : I beg your finest pardon?

mike ^_^ : anything else youd like to share witb the class ❤️

stanley urine : so shocked i forgot i muted him earljer

HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU CHAT

penis lord : well well well

Im just that 𝖆𝖒𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖓𝖌

mike ^_^ : no stan just pressed 10 minutes on accident instead of unspecified

stanley urine : 𝖔𝖍

GINGER : THE FUCKING FONT

hypochondriac : I CANT BREATHE

penis lord : EHAT

mike ^_^ : HYPOTHETICALLY OR??

billynator6000 : EHTTJR  1 S

hypochondriac : I tried using slang

stanley : Eddie, yes offense, since when was "I can't breathe" a slang

hypochondriac : MINDY FROM 8TH GRADE SAID IT WAS

GINGER : who the fuck is Mindy 💔

penis lord : cheating on me huh

I see how it is eds >:/

hypochondriac : WE ARENT EVEN DATING??

ALSP dont call me that

mike ^_^ : that goes both ways

stanley urine : either youre dating mindy OR you're dating richie

hypochondriac : SjrhTOP IMNKT DATING ANYONE

GINGER : denial is a river in egypt

ben : it's ok eddie we'll support you

GINGER : even if they have a penis or not ❤️

penis lord : you heard em' eds 😉

billynator6000 : freakass wink emoji bro

ben : it looks like it'd cuddle up with me in bed

penis lord : if it insists

hypochondriac : are you serious

GINGER : aww eddie spaghettis jealous

stanley urine : what else is new

penis lord : ur moms shampoo

penis lord has been muted by stanley urine for 5 minutes

stanley urine : MY FINHERS KEEP MAKING THEM TIMED INSTEAD OF UNSPECIFIED

[😂: 1] — penis lord

shut the fuck up richie

[☹️: 1] — penis lord

ben : nothing we can do now I guess

hypochondriac : the moment he gets unmuted is the moment my grave finally gets used

GINGER : WHY do you already have a grave set up

billynator6000 : richie made it to trip Mrs. K up

mike ^_^ : of course 💔

ben : Once again

I apologize for giggling 💔

billynator6000 : we all did

its a canon event

mike ^_^ : intimidating sound effect

GINGER : giggling whyd u type it out

mike ^_^ : my phones mic is really bad

billynator6000 : is it as bad as richies in a round of valorant

[🖕: 1] — penis lord

mike ^_^ : yeah, that bad

ben : that bad..?

hypochondriac : His mic isn't that bad

stanley urine : why are you defending his mic

GINGER : hes in a romantic affair with richies mic

hypochondriac : SOTP IM NOY

penis lord : my mic cant say the same

richie & stan's dms. || friday 4:41 pm .

stan : you wanna be that mic dont you

richie : yes i fucking do

Chapter Text

the losers club || friday , 4:51 pm .

billynator6000 : can u microwave spaghetti

georgies asking for some and theres leftovers in the fridge

penis lord : u can microwave anything your heart desires, billiam

ESPECIALLY if georgie asks

ben : georgie asks georgie gets

GINGER : ✅️✅️✅️

billynator6000 : ok

[a video of a bowl of frozen spaghetti, a hand (presumably Bill's), slowly reaching out to grab it as the camera wobbles ever so slightly, lifting it up the table with one hand and attempting to open the microwave door with his pinky, succeeding and effectively shoving it in, gently closing said microwave door shut, setting it to 1 minute, and leaving the spoon .]

(1:01)

mike ^_^ : that looks yummy

billynator6000 : yeah

I cooked it 2 days ago

penis lord : woah

Bill, COOKING correctly..?? My eyes decieve me.

ALSO!!! EDS!! loook, its u 

hypochondriac : first of all

Dont call me that

Second of all

we're just gonna ignore the time you set your kitchen on fire because you left the stove on for an hour?

penis lord : ☹️

Yes, yes we will, Eddie Spaghetti.

GINGER : I beg to differ

penis lord : Unfair :/

stanley urine : everything is automatically fair if it goes against you

penis lord : well ur mom was pretty fair in bed

penis lord has been muted by hypochondriac for 5 minutes.

GINGER : aww look at this lil softie

Muting his boyfriemd for 5 minutes

hypochondriac : HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND

ben : wait how do you have admin

I thought only bill and stan were admins

hypochondriac : I have my ways Benny.

mike ^_^ : doing anything to shut Richie up huh

stanley urine : who WOULDN'T do anything to shut Richie up

ben : me ?

GINGER : You don't count

So does Mike

Both of u are too nice for this world 🚫🚫

ben : :)

mike ^_^ : thanks, bev! ^_^

billynator6000 : They even use emoticons

GINGER : The glaze never stops

Anyway hows the spaghetti bill??

billynator6000 : well uhm

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MDY GOSH

mike ^_^ : what happened??

billynator6000 : THE MICROWAVE EXPLODED

mike ^_^ : oh!

stanley urine : WHAT

hypochondriac : HOW

ben : why?

GINGER : LMAO

penis lord : 5 types of people ahh

GINGER : richie, as much as i love you i dont think this is the appropriate time to be spouting out memes

[✅️: 5] — hypochondriac, ben, mike, billynator6000, stanley urine

penis lord : 🤫

billynator6000 : ok i may or may not have left the spoon in

hypochondriac : ohh my gosh 

stanley urine : HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU FORGET TO TAKE THE SPOON OUT

billynator6000 : idk

My mind works in special ways, stanninator7000

penis lord : plagarizing my nickname gig now huh

I see how it is billcycle 

GINGER : BILLCYCLE???

billynator6000 : no THATS JOT WYAT

hypochondriac : how about we focus on the fact ur microwave just exploded!

Just a tip

penis lord : i want your tip

penis lord has deleted a message.

hypochondriac : what

I didnt catch that

Send it again

penis lord : no dickface

hypochondriac : ://

mike ^_^ :  😟

GINGER : sweetie its not the time to be flirting 🥹

ben : no offense but yeah guys

hypochondriac : none taken

RICHIES just being an ass

stanley urine : now why did you underline "RICHIE"

ben : and make it bold

billynator6000 : and italian

GINGER : .

stanley urine : .

penis lord : .

hypochondriac : .

mike ^_^ : italian..!

ben : i can hear the crickets chirping

ok so about the microwave

billynator6000 : well!

broken

Fried

Roasted

Baked

Cooked

Deepfried

Sauted

Is that how u spell it idk,,

Salted

Sugared

ben : SUGARED..?

penis lord : Oh how i sure do adore having my coffee get sugared

[🖕: 1] — billynator6000

hypochondriac : is that even a word

stanley urine : seasoned*

GINGER : Bill I think its time you look at a dictionary

bill : oh fuck off

anyway,

This shits busted

Gulpp

mike : whyd you physically type it out

bill : theres no gulping emojis

penis lord : the things id do if there were

mike ^_^ : sometimes there are thoughts we keep to ourselves richie

hypochondriac : yeah richie :/

penis lord : yeah uh huh speak to my wang

penis lord has been muted by billynator6000 for 10 minutes.

GINGER : these penalties are too low

billynator6000 : yeah but it gets slightly boring without him making penis jokes every few minutes

stanley urine : I unfortunately agree

ben : are we jhst gonna move past the microwave

hypochondriac : Are you in love with Billy's microwave or something

ben : WHAT

GINGER : I will NOT let myself be out bested by a measly rectangle that heats your food up

stanley urine : adding that to my vocabulary

billynator6000 : "Measly rectangle that heats your food up" this is gonna be great for guessing games

wait do you guys remember the corn guessing incident

hypochondriac : No dont remind me

GINGER : huh

stanley urine : story time I guess

This was when it was only me, bill, eddie, and richie

billynator6000 : ok so

We were playing those guessing games in class right

hypochondriac : just get to the main point already

billynator6000 : JEEZZZ nothin' wrong with a little world building

Fineee

So

Our english teacher was making us poorly describe a word that u got from a deck of cards

And richie got corn

stanley urine : (Worst thing to ever happen)

hypochondriac : and then

He quoted

"A yellow penis with pubes."

GINGER : LMAO WHAT

ben : Excuse me

mike ^_^ : It works i guess?

billynator6000 : omgg her face when he said it I CANT ERASE IT FROM MY MIND IT WAS SO FUNNY

stanley urine : SHE LOOKED LIKE THAT BLUEEMOJI SHOCKED IMAGE

hypochondriac : Jimmy Neutron quality

GINGER : HRLP9RVHSHEHDKKAJFH

hypochondriac : He was sent to the Principals office shortly after

mike ^_^ : if he didnt idk WHAT shed be thinking

stanley urine : right??

billynator6000 : he was so confident too

ben : Richie probably feels famous

stanley urine : silently watching us tell his tale

hypochondriac : we know you're there rich

penis lord : whatever

I was an absolute CHAD

stanley urine : chad from 6th grade??

hypochondriac : you mean the one that thought my inhaler was vape 

billynator6000 : and then he stole it

stanley urine : and then he tried 'vaping'

penis lord : and when he got caught the teachers thought he had asthma so he was sent to the hospital

GINGER : WHAT

mike ^_^ : we missed out on SO much

ben : Should I be amazed at the sheer stupidity or scared

stanley urine : both

penis lord : either way that shit was hillarious 

ben : wait was that Eddie's only inhaler tho?

hypochondriac : no dont worry

Richie always carries a spare

GINGER : goals i guess

hypochondriac : wdym

GINGER : yk what nvm!!!

billynator6000 : do you guys think this spaghettis still edible

penis lord : idk try it

stanley urine : that shits a safety hazard it probably has microplastics all over it

hypochondriac : throw it

Leave it

Get it away from you

billynator6000 : ok jeez

Chapter Text

the losers club || saturday , 3:50 am .

billynator6000 : YUUUU

penis lord : SOULJIA BOY TELL EM

billynator6000 : AYYY I GOT THIS NEW DANCE fPR YALL CALLED THE SOULJIA BOY

penis lord : YOU JSUT GOTTA PUNCH AND CRANK BACK 3 TIMES S FROM EFT TO RIGHT

billynator6000 : AH YUU

penis lord : SOULJIA BOY OFF iN IT🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🥹🥹🥹🤞🤞

billynator6000 : OHHHH

penis lord : WATCH ME CRANK IT

billynator6000 : EATHC ME ROLLLLL

penis lord : WATCH ME CRANK THAT SOULJIA BOY

billynator6000 : TEHN SUPERMAN THAT HOO🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯

penis lord : NOW WAYCJ ME YUUU

billynator6000 : CRNAK TAJT SOULJIA BBOY

penis lord : NOW WAYCH ME YUUUUU

billynator6000 : CRANK THAT SPULJIA VOYYY

penis lord : NOW Wtch meE YUUU

billynator6000 : CRANK TAJTTT SOULJIA BOYY

penis lord : blablbalvla NOW WATCH

billynator6000 : SOULJIA BOY OFF IN IT

penis lord : OHHH

billynator6000 : SWATCH ME CRANK OT WATCY ME ROLLL

penis lord : WATCH ME CRANK THAT SPULJIA BOY 

billynator6000 : TJEN SUPERMAN THAT HOO 🤞🤞🤞

penis lord : NOW WATCH ME YUUU

CRANK TAHT SOULJIA BOY

billynator6000 : NOW WATCH ME YUUU

CRNAK TJAT SOULJIA BOY

3jeifhhens blabal rwpsat rewpat

NOW WA5CH

penis lord : SOULJIA BOY UP IN IT OHHH

WATCH ME LEAN THEN WATCH ME ROCK

billynator6000 : SUPERMAN THAT, OHHHH

penis lord : YEAH WATCH ME CRANK THAT ROBOCOP

billynator6000 : SUPE RFRESH NOW WATCH MS JOCK

penis lord : JOCKIN ON THEM HATERS MAN 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯🤞🤞🤞

billynator6000 : I LEAN TO THE LEFT THEN CRANK THAT THANG NOW YUUU

penis lord : IM JOKCING ON YO

billynator6000 : (IM.JOCKING ONYOU)

penis lord : NOW OM COCKIMG ON YOI

stanley urine : What posessed you to do this at 3 in the morning.

penis lord : Yoru MOMMM 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞😱😱😱😱😱😱🌹🌹🌹🌹 OHHHH BURNN

stanley urine : I'm gonna burn you alive

billynator6000 : souljia bboy..??

stanley urine : Kindly

Sybau.

penis lord : i say we souljia our boy sum more amirite lads 🤞🤞🤞🥹⚡️⚡️🗣🗣💯💯🌹

billynator6000 : AHHHHHHHOOEHHHHHAYH

penis lord : SOULJIA BOY OFF IN IT 

billynator6000 : OHHHHHHHHHH

stanley urine : 🫩

99+ more messages.

read by everyone.

===

the losers club || saturday , 9:46 am.

GINGER : WHAT THE FUKC WERE YOU GUYS DOIGN AT 3AM

billynator6000 : souljia'ng my boy frfr icl ngl 🥹🤞

GINGER : Hey, I think. We should.take you to the padded room..

billynator6000 : NO 💯🗣🗣🗣🗣💯💯 FRWEDDOM RIGHTS USA COCKAW

ben : i think.we should. Take.bill away from richie

penis lord : NO👿👿👿

when the cock strokes twelkfvve...

Midnight arrives 🤞🤞🤞🤞

Cokc yoru guns

And sharpen yrou KNIVES...

THERES  A GRAND LRIZE...

For teh bats demis e

SO KNOCK HIM DEAD AND BRING HIS HEAD

AND WE'LL ALL CELEBRATE

WE'LL PARTY AT ONE

WE'LL ALL HAVE FUN

SO DONT GO RUNNIG LATE

mike ^_^ : Should we be concerned

hypochondriac : no 

penis lord : BUT TELL A LIE

WHEN THE BAT DIDNT DIE

AND YOUR HEADLL BE ON THE PLATE

SO HURRY NOW

YOURE ON THE DIME

ITS TIME TO DO THE CRIME

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

YORUE TOO LAYE 🗣🗣🗣💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🤞🤞🤞🤞⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️🔥🔥🔥🔥🗣🗣🗣🗣🤞💯💯💯🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

stanley urine : I don't know this person

GINGER : dni people with the users PENISLORDre

billynator6000 : PENISLORDre i am yoru biggest fan

Dont listen to the haters twin 🤞

ben : im scared

mike ^_^ : its ok me too

mike wheeler : is ts tuff in derry maine

penis lord : whatWJAG THE FJUCK

mike ^_^ : EJAT

mike wheeler : EJAT

GINGER : EXCUSE ME

mike wheeler : gulp

billynator6000 : WHO IS THAT

hypochondriac : Do you have any illnesses

stanley urine : For God's sake Eddie, he's behind the screen. 💔

mike wheeler : 🥹🤞

oh wow look i really have to shit

penis lord : rlly convenient cous

billynator6000 : "cous" YOURE COUSINS

hypochondriac : Congratulations sherlock

billynator6000 : :(

hypochondriac : No wait I'm sorry

GINGER : BOOOOO MEANIE 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

GEY OFD THE STAGEEEE

mike ^_^ : 😟

penis lord : YAH EDS

billynator6000 : *sniffle.s?m.......*

hypochondriac : WHY ARE YOU ROLEPLAYING

GINGER : I think.this is your sign.to roleplay with him 🥹🤞🤞

hypochondriac : are we deadass

mike ^_^ : yes

Head on

Bullseye

Bingo

Go-fish

Uno

Monopoly

A natural 20

mike wheeler : BOOM SHAKALAKA 🥹🤞

penis lord : DND ADDICT PUKKEEE PUKEE

mike wheeler : SYBAU YOY WERE ADDICTEDTO THOSE TOILET GAMES

stanley urine : can confirm

ben : What do I do with this information

hypochondriac : light the lanterns and spread the news like its the bubonic plague

mike ^_^ : WHAT

penis lord : FUCK YOU IG /aff /pos /j /nsrs 

GINGER : might as well add another million romantic tone tags

penis lord : I ONLY PUT 3????? 🙄🙄🙄☹️🫩

billynator6000 : 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 

stanley urine : Ok Bill.

GINGER : Bill can only be cured by true, yaoi roleplay.

ben : His heart rate is dropping Eddie you have to do it

billynator6000 : *coughs otyu mutard*

penis lord : i think u meant mayonaise

Hahhahahha idot😂😂

hypochondriac : 🫩

*Kisses gay man passionately*

penis lord : which one

billynator6000 : Ehat

whHWTA

GINGER : HelpmeHELPME

WAIT DID YOU AHBR TO ADD TEH PASSIONATELY PART..M MMMMM....

mike ^_^ : I think it's fundamental!

penis lord : Mike everyone shpuld be like you

mike ^_^ : 🔥

mike wheeler : u mean me too rite

penis lord : no 

billynator6000 : 😱😱

GINGER : BEING MEAN TO YOUR GAY COUSIN IN 2025!!@@

mike wheeler : WHAT

ben : WHAT

billynator6000 : HAPPY PRIDE

stanley urine : It's October...

penis lord : but bur hbrbut

mike wheeler : everytime richie sejds a message an angel lpses its winsgs

penis : SYBAU SHIBAL ICL UU PMO FRFFR NGL 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄😒😒😒😒😒🤞🤞👿👿🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫😢

syanley urine : send help plsp sos xoxo anyone helhrldhHLEP