Work Text:
The first thing Silena does in the Underworld is go find everyone she killed.
Her mouth is filled with apologies, genuine, heartfelt apologies coming from the person who betrayed them.
Everyone's shocked it was her. Her, of all people.
They forgive her though, for some reason she does not understand. They all agree that it must have been some sort of manipulation or coercion, something Kronos had over her that made her break.
She recognizes denial when she sees it.
Denial gives way to all the stages of grief, which give way to acceptance and forgiveness and for some reason, they all stay with her in Elysium until she can find Charlie.
“I feel sick.” She tells Lee one time when walking down the beach with him and Michael. “I feel like I don't deserve this.”
Lee just sighs and smiles sadly. “That just makes it worse, doesn't it?”
“Because I killed you.”
“No.” Lee's voice is firm as he pokes her forehead. “Time killed me, Lena. All you did was-”
“I betrayed you.” She hisses through shaky breaths. “I betrayed my family, my friends. I betrayed Charlie and Clarisse, the two most important people in the world to me.”
She curls up and brings her knees to her chest. “I betrayed everyone.”
Lee's face saddens. “Silena…”
“She's not going to stop blaming herself, Lee.” Michael warns.
“But we're trying to help her!” He protests.
“Do you think she's going to listen to us?” He counters. “She already thinks we're hallucinations and that she doesn't deserve Elysium! I can't watch my friend fade away, even after everything she's done!”
“You should leave.” She forces out. “Please. Just leave.”
Lee and Michael watch her sadly, before they both go silent.
They don't leave.
~~~
She finds Charlie on the beach next to the lake in Elysium.
He raises his gaze from the distant waters to her as she approaches.
“Silena.” He whispers.
Even though they're both dead, he looks at her like she is the world.
“Hi, Charlie.” She says softly.
“I missed you.” He tells her.
‘Why?’ She wants to ask. ‘I’m the reason everyone is dead.’
“I missed you.” She says back.
~~~
Lee and Michael find her on the beach with Charlie.
It’s a weird thing, being dead in Elysium.
She misses the beat of her heart, the warm sun on her face.
She misses the smell of the forge on Charlie’s arms whenever he holds her, misses the feeling of Clarisse’s lips on her cheek whenever they talk.
She misses being able to sleep with the two people she loves in the world right by her side.
“How is she?” Lee asks Charlie when Silena stares blankly out at the ocean.
“The same.” Charlie’s voice shakes. “I don’t know how to help her, Lee. She’s been like this ever since she found me.”
“She blames herself.” Michael whispers. “She’s convinced that she’s the reason everyone died.”
“Because a Titan and a close friend of everyone’s got in her head and convinced her that she is the reason, why do you think she never came forward?” Charlie growls angrily.
“Shame and guilt.” Michael answers. “She’s free of his lies, but her actions will haunt her forever.”
“I can hear you, you know.” Silena croaks.
She drops the shell, ignoring the red edges and the pain under her nails.
“I told you we forgive you.” Lee says gently.
“And I told you I don’t deserve it.” She snaps back, covering her arms with her hands. “I should not be here, I told you already.”
“Silena.” Charlie gently brushes her hands.
She looks down, at her feet, until his hand dips under her chin and makes her look into his eyes.
“You deserve to be here as much as anyone.”
His other hand gently brushes the tears off of her cheeks. “You matter. To me. To Lee, to Michael, to everyone here. Everyone knows you were manipulated by Kronos. Some of the people here were too.”
Charlie’s hands hold her face still as she cries. “This was not your fault, Silena. My death was not your fault.
I forgive you.”
Silena cries as she finally lets herself fall apart in her lover’s arms.
~~~
A year after she dies, something happens.
Castor disappears from Elysium.
It’s not related to the other souls who left Elysium when Thanatos was captured (the four heard about that from an escaping soul who was then jumped by four very angry demigods), this is different.
He just. disappears.
Silena thinks it’s something worth looking into, so when she drags the other three with her to where someone else saw Castor, she expects to find… something.
She finds nothing. No sign of Castor's presence other than a small pile of shiny rocks on the ground.
Silena threads her fingers with Charlie's as she tries to think.
Hello.
She, Charlie, Michael, and Lee turn to see four different colored strings floating in front of them. Pink, orange, and gold.
Silena blinks. ‘Huh?!’
“Ummm…” Lee begins, looking back and forth between them and the strings worriedly. “What the-”
Don't worry, Lee. I'm not here for you yet.
Lee frowns and crosses his arms, but doesn't leave. “You know my name?”
I know who all of you are. I know who every single person in Elysium is.
I actually came here for you three.
Silena blinks. “Us?”
Yes, Silena.
You.
I want to show you something important. Something that would help all of us.
Charlie narrows his eyes. “What do you mean by all?”
Let me show you.
The strings all reach out, pink to her, orange to Charlie, and gold to Michael and Lee.
The moment she brushes her fingers against the string, she is yanked into another world.
~~~
The pink string drops her in front of an open courtyard covered with green plants, flowers with every color of the rainbow, and gentle waterfalls flowing from the roof. Tall white pillars with gold markings and flowering vines line the halls, and a gentle breeze flows through her hair.
She looks around in wonder.
‘I don't remember Olympus looking like this…’
“Silena?” A young girl's voice calls out.
She knows that voice.
Silena slowly turns around and makes eye contact with Clarisse.
The daughter of Ares had changed from when she last saw her. She's younger, and Silena can practically taste the freedom in her heart. Sharp white tusks emerge from a dark crimson red helmet she holds at her side. Her armor is covered with scarlet scales and what looks like dark brown boar pelts.
Bright red draconian wings are folded on her back, only moving whenever the wind blows from behind Silena.
Her face is covered with red paint that almost resembles blood, a circle on her forehead, horizontal lines under her eyes, and vertical lines on her cheeks and on her chin.
She looks… alive.
“Clarisse?” Silena whispers in shock.
“Hi, Lena…” Clarisse practically beams at her. “I missed you.”
“I-” She slowly reaches out a hand, brushing against her cheek.
“How?”
“Does it matter?” Clarisse asks with a laugh.
She takes Silena's hand and presses it to her cheek.
It's warm.
Everything about this place is warm and full of life.
She wants to be here more than anything.
“Come on!” Clarisse laughs again and grabs her hand. “There's so much I want to show you and Charlie!”
“Charlie?” Silena repeats. “He's here?”
“He's over with Chris. Now come on!”
She squeezes her hand and drags her toward the three people in the distance Silena had seen earlier.
As they draw closer, Silena sees that there's not just three people. There's five.
Two of them are as tall as herself and Clarisse, with one of them having small bird feathers down his neck and snake scales on his face, and the other wearing orange scales on his arms under a metallic cloak.
His eyes are covered with charcoal and orange scales, and the second he looks at Silena, her eyes widen as she realizes ‘That's Charlie.’
And he and Chris are clearly bickering over something on the table in front of them.
The older people turn to look at her and one of them, a man wearing a red sash over his white clothing smiles warmly. “Clarisse, my daughter.”
“Father, we're back!” Clarisse calls out.
Silena nearly trips, but Clarisse grabs her arm and helps keep her steady.
‘Father?! That can't be Lord Ares, right?!’
If this is true, then…
She slowly turns her head to look at the other two adults. Hephaestus and…
“Silena!” Aphrodite laughs with delight.
She's holding a small dark-skinned baby with kaleidoscope eyes in her arms, with the baby asleep and leaning into her mother's embrace.
She gently shifts the baby to one arm and holds the other out for Silena.
Silena stares at the outstretched hand warily.
“It's ok.” Aphrodite whispers. “I promise you, it's ok. I'm here now.”
Tears well up in Silena's eyes, and before she can stop herself, she's in her mother's arms and sobbing.
“Oh, my daughter.” She feels her mother's white dove wings wrap around her in a warm, soft hug. “Welcome home.”
Silena closes her eyes and leans in closer to her mother, feeling like a child all over again.
The warmth gives way to a bright gold light glowing around her, until it's all she can see.
My dear Silena.
Silena whirls around in the golden glowing void. “What was that? Where did you take them?!”
A vision, like I told you.
They're still there, Silena. Clarisse and your mother. They're waiting for you.
Silena laughs. “Me?! They're waiting for me?”
Of course they are. You deserve a family who will love you forever. Not one that judges you because of your mistakes.
She winces. “You know about that?”
I know, Silena. I know that you blame yourself for something that was out of your control. Yes, you had a part to play, but you were played as well.
“So what do I do?” She asks. “I won't be a traitor again, I can't.”
You won't be a traitor to anyone, I promise you that. You'll be saving people from their Fates.
She snorts. “I've heard that before.”
Trust me, Silena. I will not lie to you or manipulate you. All I want is what is best for everyone, including you.
If you still believe that you are a traitor, then let me help with your redemption.
“How?” She asks.
You can redeem yourself with the help of the people who matter most. You won’t have to hide your scars anymore.
Silena, I will give you a family, one that will love you no matter what.
What do you say?
…
“I'll do it.” She whispers.
That's good.
Because we need you, Silena. We want you.
You have to live, for the future we all want to come true.
Silena can't stop the smile from appearing on her face. “You actually want me?”
Always.
Now go, Silena. Follow the string, and I'll meet you at its end.
From there, I'll guide you home.
~~~
She's alive again.
She's alive again and she knows that she should not be alive, it's clear as day from her first breath, her first attempt at opening her eyes.
Her heart is beating and she is breathing and she is very much alive.
She ignores the stares of everyone watching her, waiting to see just what she'll do next.
She already knows that they hate her.
Silena ducks into the bathroom, hands shaking. She should not be alive. Everyone who sees her is angry at her, and she deserves it. She deserves it several times over. As much as the people she's killed don't blame her, she still killed them. She still doomed Aphrodite, her mother, and might have ruined whatever sway she had over Camp Half-Blood.
Why did this thing even bring her back to Camp Half-Blood? To redeem herself? She can't be redeemed. Everyone else already decided that the moment she woke up.
Silena does something that's probably stupid.
She reaches for the razor, and without even missing a beat, presses the blade into her wrist and slices sideways.
Behind her, she hears Aphrodite gasp.
She ignores it, ignores her mother, and bends over the sink to let her traitor blood gush out of her like a waterfall.
Maybe that will redeem her in the eyes of her so-called family.
Someone bangs on the door.
She ignores them.
“Because.” She can already hear the campers whispering. “Why should she get brought back to life when she caused the deaths of so many of her fellow campers... Kids who trusted her implicitly…
They're all dead because of her.”
They're all dead because of her.
They're all dead because of-
BANG.
“Silena, STOP!!!”
Charlie's terrified voice echoes, snapping her out of her thoughts. She turns around and stares blankly at Charlie, her mother, and Lord Apollo in the doorway. Behind them, she could see the confused faces of the other campers (most who knew her) before the expressions change into shock and horror.
Silena looks down at her wrist to see the razor blade halfway in her arm, and a small puddle of blood on the floor from the sink overflowing with her blood.
“Silena?” Lord Apollo's voice fills with fear. “Silena, please give me the blade.”
“I shouldn't be here.” She says instead. “I should not have been brought back.”
Tears fill her eyes and drip onto the floor, stained with her traitor blood.
“I don't know why it brought me back.” Silena whispers. “None of you are going to listen to anything I have to say, anyway.”
“You know I will, Silena.” Charlie whispers. “You know I will.”
“You're different.” She counters. “You, Michael, and I worked out our problems. I'm gonna be an outcast in my own home.”
She lets out a broken laugh. “Then again, I already was an outcast.”
Silena stares at her mother. “In my own cabin, I never felt love. Not the kind I feel from the other campers. I can feel their emotions shift like the breeze, and all I can feel is my own cabin's hatred.”
“That's not true.” Aphrodite whispers, clutching the doorway like it's a crutch. “That's not true at all.”
“Then why did it bring me back?!” She yells.
“I asked to bring you back, Silena!” Charlie explodes.
“Why?!” Silena wails. “I killed you, Charlie!!!”
“It would have killed me to leave you there alone.” Charlie whispers. “Besides, you need help. Help that Lee and Michael and the others and I can't give you.”
He holds out his hands. “So please, Silena. Give me the blade. Let us help you now.”
She sniffles, nods once, and slowly hands Charlie the blade.
He takes it, covers the blade, then reaches for-
For her.
Always for her.
His arms wrap around her back and he pulls her closer, cups the back of her neck, and makes her rest her head on his shoulder.
“I don't deserve you, Charlie.” She whispers.
“Yes.” He tells her. “You do.”
~~~
Lord Apollo pulls his hands away from her arm. “There.” He says finally.
Silena stares down at the raised scar in the shape of a cross.
“Thank you.”
“You're welco-” His head suddenly jerks to one side and he frowns. “Excuse me for a moment.”
He disappears in a flash of light, leaving Silena alone with Charlie.
“Hey, Silena?” He asks.
She hums softly, not wanting to say anything that could ruin the moment.
“Why did you say yes to coming back?” Charlie whispers back. “I know I didn't ask for it.”
Silena's quiet as she struggles to put how to say it.
“It said I could redeem myself with the help of the people who matter most.” Silena says finally. “I wouldn't have to hide my scars anymore.”
Charlie slowly reaches a hand and lets his fingers brush over the healing scar.
“You know that I've always told you that you're beautiful, right?” He whispers in her ear.
She nods.
But she doesn't feel beautiful. She feels unworthy, unloved.
Unwanted.
We do want you, Silena.
No matter what.
The doors bang open, loudly, and Silena jumps.
‘What now?!’
Drew storms into the room, clearly furious.
“Why the FUCK are you back, Silena?!” She spits out, seething. “Have you come to betray us again?!”
Silena does not want to have this conversation.
She really does not have a choice, does she?
“No, Drew.” She says bravely. “I don't know why I'm back, other than a second chance.”
Drew slaps her across the face, ignoring Victoria and Nyssa's dual yells for her to leave.
“You of all people should never get this second chance.” Drew seethes. “Gods, I wish the worst on you.”
“Drew, do not finish that sentence!” Charlie snaps angrily, pulling Silena closer.
She lays her head on his shoulder and hears his heart racing.
“Show me your wrists, dam it-”
“Drew, NO-”
Drew grabs Silena's wrists and yanks them toward her-
Only to freeze at the sight of the large, self-imposed, self-harm cross shaped scar forming on her arm.
She stares at it in clear disbelief, as if she's seeing a ghost, then she slowly looks up at Silena.
“Lena?” She whispers, her face flooding with heartbreak.
“I told you.” Silena says.
She's trying not to cry again.
“I should not be alive right now.”
Drew stares at her in shock, then lets go of her arms.
Silena lets Charlie pull them back to her chest as Victoria and Nyssa grab Drew's shoulders.
“Walk with us.” Victoria orders. “Now.”
Drew is oddly silent as the two girls walk her out of the Big House.
Then Silena finally registers her mother, Lord Apollo, and Lord Hephaestus are in the doorway.
“Silena-” Her mother begins.
She looks down at the floor.
Her mother inhales. Exhales.
“I'm here if you ever want to talk.” She says. “We all are.”
Silena inhales sharply, tries to bite back the immediate retort that comes directly into her mind, and instead nods once.
Lord Apollo doesn't leave.
Instead he walks over to the young woman, pulls out a chair, and sits down next to them.
His eyes linger on the scar.
“...did you ever do that before?” He asks gently.
Silena stares at him.
Looks down at the floor.
“...Was it when you were working for Grandfather?”
Wordlessly, she nods.
Charlie gasps and Lord Apollo inhales.
She doesn't look at either of them.
“...The makeup covered it up.” Silena whispers. “I… didn't want anyone to know that the daughter of the Goddess of Love felt unloved by her own mother and siblings.”
Then she breaks, burying her head in her hands and she sobs.
“I can't even love myself after what I have done!” She gasps out. “I'm supposed to- I should-”
“Silena.” Lord Apollo says gently. “Your mother has always loved you for who you are.”
“But she never showed it!” She yells angrily. “She never showed it to any of us! I became a Titan's spy just to know that her love for us was completely different than what she shows everyone else! I betrayed so many people, and I hate myself for it!!!”
She continues sobbing as Charlie holds her, and keeps sobbing after Lord Apollo leaves.
‘Someone, please. Help me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.’
I am sorry, Silena. But believe me, your family will help you. They will guide you.
They will love you.
~~~
Victoria and Nyssa drag Drew outside of the Big House as her mind whirls.
‘My sister tried to kill herself.
My sister tried to kill herself.
My sister tried to kill herself.
My sister-’
“Drew.” Victoria's voice stings with anger. “What were you thinking?”
Drew blinks.
“She wasn't, Tori.” Nyssa grumbles, crossing her arms. “She just went in there and started a fight like she usually does.”
Drew opens her mouth to argue but-
Blood. Silena's blood. Silena slicing her arm open and spilling her blood on the floor of the Big House bathroom just because she knows she should not be alive and blames herself for being manipulated by a Titan. And Luke.
If not her, then it might have been you in there, serving as a traitor.
She closes her mouth.
Victoria sighs. “Go take some time to cool off, Drew.”
“What do I do?” Drew's voice comes out strangled, like a cat.
Nyssa snorts. “You're the daughter of the Goddess of Love.”
She turns around and says over her shoulder “You figure out the right way to show your sister love in a time like this.”
She leaves Drew and Victoria standing outside the Big House, going back inside probably to see her brother-
Victoria sighs. “In all my years at Camp Half-Blood.” She whispers. “I've never seen anyone do something like… like that.”
Drew blinks again and Victoria's shaking her head.
“No one really knows what to do when something like this happens.” She says softly. “We don't have this kind of support.”
‘Since we die early.’ She thinks.
Victoria looks at Drew. “Hey.” She says, surprisingly gentle. “I know that this is a lot. Just. Give it some time. Silena will probably talk again when she's done resting.”
She leaves, and Drew stands motionless in the night.
“...Mother?” She whispers. “What do I do?”