Work Text:
In the aftermath of their conversation by the fire, of Flint's confession, the atmosphere between them changed. There was a certain lingering unease, caused not by the nature of the confession, but rather the fact that it had happened at all. They both showed more of themselves than they were used to, much more than they were comfortable with and those freshly exposed vulnerabilities still felt raw.
They tended to distract themselves and make sure there was always something else to focus on between them. Plans and charts, and their crew. It was not difficult to find something, they were in the middle of war and their focus was required to stay on their targets.
It seemed however that once the walls were cracked it became almost impossible to seal them completely again. And even in the middle of war the shift in the relationship between them pulled like a fresh wound one could not help keep on touching to check if it still felt off, if it was healing.
„You said, you've told me about him, because I've asked and I deserved to know,” said Silver one evening.
They sat in Flint's cabin, officially still discussing the charts laid on the desk and the attack they were planning for the upcoming future. DeGroot left them to it, knowing well enough they've planned all they could plan and now they will just go over everything time and time again. Flint pulled out a hidden bottle of rum soon after they were left alone and sat across John, both of them enjoying the drink until they would finally run out of the excuses to prolong the time spend together.
They've been doing a lot of that too, lately. Lingering in each other's presence. Not saying or doing anything of significance, just unwilling to part as soon as it was possible.
„Yes,” agreed Flint, flicking his eyes to John's, wry smile twisting his mouth. „You suspect me of some more nefarious motives?”
John snorted, looking briefly away before meeting Flint's gaze again. Sometimes it was hard to look the man in the eye, sometimes though it felt like it was much more of a hardship to look away.
„As a matter of fact, I don't. For once,” he added with a quick smirk. „I just think you really wanted to tell this story.”
„And don't you think, if that was the case, I would have told it to someone years ago?”
John knew not many people were aware of this story, strongly suspected he was the only one who actually heard it from the source, but somehow having it confirmed felt big, regardless of his assumptions. He forced himself not to show it.
„I'm not saying it was easy. And I would think the pressure was not as profound while Mrs. Barlow was still among the living and there was someone else to remember him. I think you simply consider him too great of a man to be completely forgotten.”
Flint looked down into his cup and John thought he really should stop, but now that he had the access to this vulnerable, personal part of Flint, he simply could not let it go, even as he walked on the thin, dangerous line of Flint's temper.
„He was a great man,” said Flint finally, looking up and meeting John's gaze firmly, but far more calmer than John expected. „Even if nothing ever happened between us, if our relationship would never grow past the official one, I would still consider him a great man.”
He was looking straight at Silver as if daring him to comment on the sentiment. John looked away first, nodding shortly.
„There are very few people who would still remember him and it is highly unfair that most of them remember him as nothing more than a shame to his family and societal scandal. Perhaps you are right to think I want to share the real story, to protect his name and memory in some small way. But somehow I think this is a pointless endeavour.”
John looked at him questioningly, watching with some bewilderment how Flint smiled, while looking away, clearly recalling the man he was talking about. Silver swallowed uneasily, regretting deeply starting the subject. He considered stirring Flint to sharing the story with more people. The war they were fighting was a tactical disaster, giving it a personal twist, if done right, could gain them more sympathy and loyalty. As always, he tried to use everything that was offered to him, though he could not deny that a part of him just wanted to keep on asking about it to learn more, to see more of this Flint, uncomfortable as it made him feel.
„He always was rather hard to describe. People rarely understood his descriptions until finally meeting him. He was simply... captivating. Always had the power to just pull people in with personality and way of treating others. Often people who never would've agree with him on anything and had low opinion of him in general, stayed for hours in his office, debating most serious or ludicrous things with enjoyment and passion.”
The soft smile playing on Flint's lips made John almost feel like he was intruding on something incredibly private. Yet he could not deny the thrill that came with the sure knowledge that there was no one else left on Earth, who would be allowed to see this side of Captain Flint. No one left alive besides him, who would even know this side existed.
„If you two ever met I doubt I'd ever manage to get a word in edgeways,” he finished finally, looking right at Silver, the soft smile, the Thomas one, still on his face and for the life of him John could not find a way to respond.
He smiled back, with ease born from practice, and finished his rum, while Flint focused on his own drink, still seemingly lost in thoughts and memories.
---
If John put some extra effort to avoid Flint just a bit more after their last conversation, he made sure it wouldn't be noticable. The last thing he needed was for Flint to call him up on it, or more probably, assume it was the fault of his over-sharing and clump up again. That was quite the opposite of what John wanted and he was fully aware he needed to thread carefully until he manage to squash the uncomfortable feeling that overpowered him, whenever Flint talked about Thomas as if the man hanged the moon and carefully placed all the stars as well.
There was still plenty to do, to organize and the entire crew of convenient interruptions, so it was not at all suspicious that the next time John found himself mostly alone with Flint and with silence scratching between them, happened quite a few long days later.
They were looking through the spyglass at the ship in the distance they were considering attacking. Just a moment ago there were others next to them, but Flint somehow managed to send them off with a few well placed orders and now they were officially pursuing their latest prize to remind everyone that it is not over and they are not gone.
John realized that while they were still on the deck full of people as usual these days they were left this bubble of space around them and they were more alone than they have been in days.
They both stared at the horizon, Flint glancing through the spyglass every few moments, confirming that everything was going according to the plan and carefully not looking at John.
„I thought about this,” he said finally. Clearly enough, so John had no trouble hearing him, but not loud enough for the crew to overhear.
„Oh?” inquired John, unsure of where their conversation steered.
„About my motives in telling you about Thomas.”
„Ah,” said John softly, frantically looking for something to say and finally settling on a cocky, self-assured smirk. „And you found that I was right?”
Flint looked back at him dryly, before looking out at the sea again.
„No,” he said shortly. „Thomas was important to me and I do not want him to be forgotten or remembered in the way London society painted him out to be, but this was not my concern at the time. It was not about Thomas that night. I came to realize that I simply wanted you to know the truth about me.”
He looked back at John. Again with the stare so flat and calm, it clearly covered his unsure feelings about the conversation, before his eyes escaped to the line of the horizon again.
John could only gape at him, unable to fully process what he's been just told and how much it changed about their situation, but also how much more obvious it made it.
„I- I realize that is a rather big of a deal, such confession-” he stumbled.
„It doesn't have to be,” Flint interrupted him firmly, almost irritated, quickly glancing back at him. „It changes exactly as much as you want it to change. It can very easily change nothing between us.”
Between us.
John stood there, thinking he really should have seen that coming and how completely oblivious he was. Focused on an entirely wrong part of the debacle.
Flint turned towards the crew, striding towards the main deck, ready to shout the orders and prepare his men for the battle.
John caught his arm, stopping him for one more moment and meeting his eyes firmly, his voice steady and sure, even as his heart still pounded from this unexpected twist.
„I think it changes a lot,” he said and gave Flint a thin smile that to his surprise was answered with a satisfied smirk and a short nod, before the captain turned back to his duties.
John gulped nervously, looking back at the ocean to avoid the crew spying on his expressions. He took a calming breath and allowed himself a short moment to grin wildly at the insanity he was entering, before he rejoined his crew.