Chapter Text
Magnus wasn’t on the bridge, and Alec was worried. In the two years they’d served together on the USS Brooklyn, Magnus had never even been late. Alec was pretty sure his species couldn’t even get sick, so it couldn’t be that, but maybe an injury…
An hour into the shift Magnus was supposed to be working, a different communications officer came in and took his seat. Alec stared at her before walking around to where the science stations were along the back wall and approaching Isabelle.
She looked up as he came up behind her and smirked. “Something I can do for you, Commander?”
Alec shook his head, leaning against the console in front of her. “Do you know where Magnus is?”
“Are you asking me as my commanding officer, or as my brother?” Izzy’s face said she already knew the answer.
“Both, I guess. As the officer in command, I should know why my crew isn’t where they’re assigned.” He sighed. “But mostly I’m just curious.”
“Ah, and simple curiosity has had you glancing over your shoulder more than twenty times in the last hour?”
“Do you know, or don’t you?”
“I don’t,” Isabelle said with a knowing smile. “Why don’t you go and ask Lieutenant Brown—if she’s covering for him, she has to know something.”
“Thanks, Iz,” Alec said, pushing himself off the console and heading over to where the replacement communications officer was sitting. He didn’t know her personally, but she had always seemed a competent officer, and Alec approached her with the confidence of a commanding officer. “Lieutenant Brown. I don’t recall you being on the duty roster for today.”
The Terran girl looked up at him and flushed slightly. “No, sir. I’m covering for Commander Bane, sir.”
He nodded. “And why was Bane unable to report as scheduled?”
Maureen shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure, sir. He asked if I could cover for him since he would be unable to report. I didn’t ask a lot of questions, sir, sorry—I owed him for a shift I missed last month, anyway. Sir.”
Alec nodded at her again, and walked back over to the captain’s chair to sit. He was tempted to give Clary the conn and go to talk to Magnus right now, but he only had another two hours before Captain Garroway would be on duty, and he’d be able to move freely throughout the ship then. He could wait two hours. Certainly Magnus or CMO Loss would have reported if there were something seriously wrong.
It was a good thing nothing too eventful happened during Alec’s shift, because he was horribly distracted the entire time.
“Captain on the Bridge,” Clary said, smiling at her stepfather.
Luke smiled at her and walked over to Alec. “I have the bridge.”
Alec stood up and gave the captain his chair, moving to stand beside it. He reported on the first few hours of the shift, and then asked for permission to leave the bridge.
Luke looked at him curiously, but nodded. “Granted, Commander, just be back before shift change.”
Alec smiled gratefully. “Thank you, sir.”
He had to stop himself from running as he headed for the turbolift. Originally he’d intended to head straight for Magnus’s quarters to confront him about his absence, but now that he’d had a few hours to think it occurred to him that he maybe should check with Catarina Loss to find out if there was anything medically wrong with him. As a good friend of Magnus’s and as the only other Lilian on the ship, she was sure to know, even if she hadn’t been the Chief Medical Officer.
“Ah, Commander Lightwood,” Doctor Loss said as he walked in. “I suppose I should have expected to see you in here this morning.”
Alec blinked at her. “You should have?”
“Let me guess—you want to know why Magnus wasn’t on shift this morning.” Her tone was far too knowing, considering how little Alec interacted with her.
“As his commanding officer, I have a right to know why he’s unable to work as scheduled,” Alec said stiffly.
“Mmm-hmm,” Doctor Loss said, in a way that would have been insubordination from anyone else. “Sure you do. Too bad I’m not going to tell you.”
“You aren’t?” Alec asked. “But you do know what’s wrong?”
She nodded. “I do. But I think he’d rather have the chance to tell you himself.”
“Is he okay?” Alec couldn’t keep the concern out of his voice, and he winced.
Catarina smiled. “There’s nothing physically wrong with him, if that’s what you’re asking. Go, talk to him, lord knows he’s just as much of an idiot as you are.”
“I’m fairly certain calling the First Officer an idiot is insubordination, no matter who you are.”
“Are you going to report me, First Officer?” Doctor Loss challenged, one eyebrow raised. When he didn’t respond, she nodded. “I thought so. Now get out of my office.”
Alec didn’t wait to be told again.
“Magnus, it’s me,” Alec said into the intercom outside Magnus’s door when he didn’t open it right away. “It’s Alec.”
The door swished open, and Alec walked in carefully, unsure what to expect. It was dark, and he couldn’t see anyone inside. “Magnus?”
“I’m here.” Magnus’s voice was small and muffled, coming from what seemed to be a pile of padds on the desk. As Alec’s eyes adjusted, he saw a figure slumped against the desk, head buried on his arms.
“Are you all right?” Alec asked, concerned.
Magnus lifted his head slightly. “Do I look all right?”
“Not really,” Alec said, stepping closer. “Is there anything I can do?”
Magnus shook his head. “Can I…? I think I could use a hug.”
“Of course.” Alec took another step forward, spreading his arms slightly. “Whatever you need.”
In one movement, Magnus pulled himself up from the desk and threw himself into Alec’s arms, burying his face in Alec’s neck. Alec brought his arms up around him, holding him close.
“What’s wrong, Magnus?” he asked gently when Magnus neither spoke nor made any movement. Not that Alec minded having him close like this. “What happened?”
Magnus shook his head against Alec’s neck and let out a strangled sob. Alec rubbed his back in what he hoped was a soothing fashion, trying to control his own panic. He and Magnus had been friends basically since they met, and he knew that aside from Catarina he was probably the closest person to Magnus on the ship, but none of that really prepared him for being cried on. Part of him was horrified that Magnus was upset enough to be breaking down like this in front of him; part of him was pleased that Magnus trusted him enough to let him in when he was like this, was willing to seek comfort from him. He wanted to be able to be there for Magnus, even if he knew he could never really give Magnus the love and support he deserved.
“It’s okay, Magnus, I’ve got you,” Alec murmured, leaning his head against Magnus’s. “It’s going to be okay.”
“It’s not,” Magnus said eventually, pulling back just enough to speak. “I don’t want to leave you, Alexander.”
“What? Why would you leave?”
Magnus sighed and stepped back, breaking Alec’s grip. “I think maybe this would be better to discuss sitting down.”
Alec nodded and followed him over to the bed, sitting down next to him when Magnus gestured for him to.
“I got a communique this morning,” Magnus said slowly, looking at his hands. Alec had never seen him like this, shaken and not at all put together. “From Lilia. I know I don’t talk about home much, and maybe I should have, but.” He took a deep breath. “There are things we don’t discuss with outworlders unless it’s absolutely necessary, and this is kind of related to one of those things, so I don’t think I would have mentioned it even if I did like to talk about Lilia. In fact, I think it might actually be illegal for me to tell you, an Idrian citizen, some of the details…”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Alec said gently.
Magnus shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. “No, I want to tell you. I want you to know why I—well, why I do the next several things I do. I know we’ve gotten...close, and I don’t want you to think you don’t matter to me. God, Alec, I don’t want to leave you, please believe me.” He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away, taking a few deep breaths. Alec didn’t know what to do or say and so sat there, hands gripping his thighs, feeling utterly useless. Finally, Magnus blinked away a fresh set of tears and turned back to him. His voice, when he spoke, was detached and clinical. “As I’m sure you know, Lilians are a very long-lived species; I’m nearly four hundred of your years old, and still considered to be rather young. You also know that, as a corollary to this lifespan, most Lilians are effectively infertile. What you probably don’t know, since, as I said, we don’t share this with outworlders, is the process by which we do reproduce. Each...Clan, I suppose, has a...there’s not really a word for this in your language, but a King, I suppose, is the closest analogue. Like the Queen of a colony of insects, a Sire, I guess. And then every few hundred years a...I suppose the best word is female? A fertile female is born every few hundred years. They’re kept in the house of the Sire and granted every comfort; usually only at most three exist at a time, per clan. They have one child each every one hundred or so years. The children are placed with a mated couple of infertile society members who are of the Clan, who raise them in what you would recognize as a traditional family unit.
“During the Idrian War—the Lilian war, I suppose, to your people—when you were a mere infant, your parents and those that fought with them slaughtered the rest of my clan, including our Sire, and, we thought, all of our...mothers. The only ones who survived were those, like me, who were off-world at the time of the attacks. Of those, I am the oldest, and the one with a profession considered the least ‘necessary’ by my government.” Magnus took another deep breath. “It has been discovered that there was one mother who survived, and she was carrying the seed of our Sire. I’m being called home to care for the small one until they come of age. In twenty earth years.” Magnus closed his eyes again. “I never thought this would happen, Alexander, you have to know that. If things had progressed normally I wouldn’t have even been eligible to be a father for another three hundred years, and then it’s been more than twenty years since I was told it would never be possible. I can’t refuse, not when this is my only chance to raise a child, but I just—you have to know that if it didn’t absolutely have to be now…”
“Hey,” Alec said gently. “You don’t owe me anything. If this is what you have to do, this is what you have to do.”
“I asked Catarina if she’d help me raise the child here, on the Brooklyn—it’s unusual but not unheard of, for parents to take their small one with them if they work off planet. But she said she wasn’t ready for something like that—not that I am either, but I don’t have a choice. I can’t raise a child by myself on a spaceship—I wouldn’t be able to do my job, and I don’t think the Council would allow it even if I wanted to do that to the poor thing. So I’m going to have to go home, and find a partner, and do the domestic thing. Guess I’ll have to try Starfleet again in a different lifetime,” Magnus said, smiling weakly.
“Wait,” Alec said, thoughts racing. “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying, here: you’re having a kid, or being given a kid to raise, whatever—you’re getting a baby. And you have to leave because you can’t raise the baby here alone.”
“That’s more or less the gist, yes,” Magnus said.
“Why don’t we do it? Does the other parent have to be a Lilian? Because I love kids. I’m good with kids. Ask my sister, I basically raised my baby brother. And everybody says we make a great team.”
“Alec, you can’t be serious—you’re barely twenty-two, you’re the youngest First Officer in Starfleet, I can’t ask you to—our infants are basically the same as yours. Which means being up all night with a screaming baby and all the other awfulness that that entails.”
“I’ve always wanted to be a father, Magnus, and, well, it’s a dream I’d given up on too. I want to do this. If you don’t want to, just tell me, but if you’re worried that I’m just doing this out of some misguided sense of obligation, I’m not. I don’t want you to have to leave a job and a place and people that you love, that’s true, and I don’t want you to be resentful of what should be a wonderful opportunity. But I also really want to be a father, if you’ll let me help you.”
“Alexander,” Magnus said, and then threw his arms around Alec as he started crying again. “Of course I’ll let you, are you serious, oh my god, are you serious?” He sat back, eyes red-rimmed. “Are we really going to do this? We’ll need to get different quarters and there’s so much stuff and I’ll have to see if we can get the child brought to us or if we’ll have to go there—do you think Luke will let us reroute to Lilia? Or we could take a shuttle?”
“I’ll talk to the Captain about it. I have to get back to the bridge soon, anyway. Do you mind if I tell people?”
“No, tell whoever you want, they’ll all find out soon anyway. I’ll start working on finding family quarters for us, you see about getting transport and maybe a little leave? The child will be about six months old, but we’ll probably want some time with them…”
“I’m sure Captain Garroway will do what he can. He likes both of us, and even with this being so sudden, it’s not like we could have given him more notice.”
Magnus nodded. “I don’t know how to thank you, Alec—this is…”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Alec said, a grin spreading across his face. “We’re going to be dads.”
“We’re going to be dads.” Magnus grinned back, looking genuinely happy for the first time since Alec had walked into his room. “We're going to be dads.”
Alec was still grinning as he left the room.
“Captain?” Alec approached him immediately on reentering the bridge. “Could I have a word? In private?”
The captain looked up at him in concern. “Everything all right, Commander?”
Alec nodded tightly, aware that Izzy and Clary were both watching him. “Just something I need to discuss with you. It's…somewhat time sensitive.”
Luke nodded and stood, gesturing towards his ready room. “Fairchild, you have the conn.”
“Aye, sir,” Clary said, and Alec saw her giving him a curious look as they walked into her stepfather's office. Well, she'd find out soon enough.
“What's on your mind, Alec?” Luke asked, sitting at his desk. “Is this a personal matter or ship's business?”
Alec took the chair across from him, lacing his hands together in his lap. “Both, sir. Kind of. Um.” he took a breath, knowing that the captain would give him the time he needed to say what he needed to say. “Commander Bane and I are having a child.”
“I know I've told you there's paperwork you needed to fill out before you actually started sleeping with him, Alec! You know the protocol—we can waive some of it maybe since you didn't actively keep it a secret, but Jesus, I can't believe you'd put me into his position—”
“Captain!” Alec interrupted, squeezing his hands together. “I'm not sleeping with him, God, no, we're just good friends! Why does everyone think—never mind. No. I guess I phrased that poorly. Um. Commander Bane is having a child, and I've offered to take on the role of said child's other parent, since he's unattached.”
“You're not sleeping with him?” Luke said incredulously, then waved a hand. “Sorry, wrong part of that to focus on. Commander Bane is having a child? By himself? While attached only to you, who are not having sex with him?”
“You know the Lilians have always kept their reproductive practices a secret,” Alec said, trying to hide how flustered Luke's assumptions had made him. “I don't think it's my place to explain fully. Suffice it to say, Magnus is unexpectedly about to become the legal guardian of a Lilian infant. He wasn't on shift today because he was making arrangements regarding the child's care. We'll need to go to Lilia as soon as possible; if we could reroute there, it would be ideal, but he and I can take a shuttle if we need to. And we'd like to take paternity leave, but I understand that this is a sudden request and there are channels we should have taken…”
Luke still looked shocked, but he wasn't captain for nothing. “A reroute should be fine, I just got orders to head to that sector anyway—some Admiral needs a ride to his next engagement, and he's been on Talto trying to negotiate a ceasefire. As for the leave, I'll see what I can do. You're right that it's a little late to submit for paternity leave, but I should be able to get you a few weeks off, at least. Is there anything else you need? Fatherly advice?”
Alec smiled. “I may have to take you up on that, sir. Thank you.”
“Do you want to tell the bridge crew, or shall I?”
“I think my sister will kill me if she hears this from anyone but me. Shall I just make an announcement when we go back out there? Or do you want to call a meeting?”
“I think just saying it to everyone on shift should do for now. It's big news for you, but hardly relevant to the rest of the crew.” Luke stood and came around the desk, clapping Alec on the shoulder. “Congratulations, son.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Izzy hugged him. He really should have expected it.
“I'm so happy for you, big brother! Why didn't you tell me?” she said, stepping back and smacking his arm.
Alec looked down at her in confusion. “I just found out, Iz, you know I didn't know this morning.”
“Not the baby, Alec, Magnus! Why didn't you tell me you were finally actually dating?”
Alec looked around at the rest of the bridge crew, who were pretending to work while obviously listening in, and spoke as firmly as he could. “We aren't dating.”
“Wait, you're not?” Ensign Kyle asked incredulously. Alec wondered what this helmsman he barely knew was doing speculating on his love life, and apparently the ensign wondered the same, slapping his hand over his mouth. “Sorry, sir.”
“No, Ensign, I'm glad you spoke up,” Alec said, trying to keep the threat out of his voice. From the way Kyle cringed, he hadn't succeeded. “Lieutenant Commander Bane and I are not and have never been in a romantic relationship. We are good friends. We are going to be raising this child together so that Bane does not have to choose between his service and his child, and we will be doing so as friends.” If he said it firmly enough, maybe he could ignore the twist in his gut that said it was a lie. “Does anyone else have any questions?”
Everyone except Isabelle and Captain Garroway looked away. Izzy looked sad, and Luke looked amused. Alec found he couldn’t take even one more minute of it.
“Then I’m going to go make preparations for my child’s arrival. With my friend.” Alec stalked to the turbolift.
As the door shushed closed, he banged his head gently against it. What had he gotten himself into? What was he thinking? It was only going to take three days to get to Lilia, and then he was going to be the father of a six month-old baby. A baby. Magnus’s baby. Of course everyone thought they were a couple—why else would they be having a child together? But they weren’t a couple. Despite the...feelings...that Alec may or may not have had, it just wasn’t possible. Magnus was a Lilian—the fact that they could even be friends was a miracle, given the history of violence between their planets. Alec’s own parents had fought in the last war against them less than twenty years ago. There was no way Magnus would want to be with the descendent of the people who literally committed genocide against his Clan. And it wasn’t like Alec cared what his parents thought, but...he knew he was gay, had for years, but his life was easier if he wasn’t loud about it. Since he didn’t really intend to date anyone, ever, there was no point in bringing it up. People could think what they wanted. He just wished...well, it didn’t matter. He was going to raise this baby with Magnus, and if sometime before the child was grown Magnus wanted to move on and find a real life partner, he would be happy for him. It would hurt like hell, but he’d be happy. Because Magnus deserved to love and be loved by someone. Just...not him.