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It was a very regular, uneventful, Decepticon-free day in Jasper, which subsequently translated to a very bland day in the Autobot base.
There had been no signs of Decepticon activity the whole morning so far, nor any immediate tasks that had to be fulfilled, like energon scouting, random unknown signal scouting, scouting-in-general scouting, etc. Team Prime had what was essentially a rare vacation day, coincidentally on the same day the kids had Monday off for parent-teacher conferences. Bumblebee and Raf had been gone from base for about two hours now, taking a drive around the outer roads of Jasper and probably talking about Raf's new coding projects. Bulkhead was off in the training room, beating a dent into the many two-ton sandbags in there and leaving a few dents in the wall while he was at it. Ratchet, meanwhile, was cleaning/fixing his many, many tools for the first time in many, many vorns. Jack and Miko were sitting on the couch, laser-focused on Mario Kart, while Arcee was watching the whole time, semi-bored and semi-interested by the concept of Mario. Agent Fowler was off somewhere, making a call and cursing up a storm. Expected these days given the number of downed powerlines the Autobots and Decepticons tended to leave in their wake.
Those five hours he had to spend watching Optimus and Arcee try to detangle Bulkhead from six different powerlines between two poles were five hours he was never going to get back again.
Commander Leland's voice crackled through the phone. "I don't know what you want me to do Fowler. You need approval from the others before I do anything abut the power-line problem. Just bring it up at the next meeting."
"Since when did you need permission for anything?!" Fowler snapped back, before flipping his phone shut as aggressively as he could, without breaking the hinge again. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Next meeting was coming up in three days. Screw him. He always had to report the most banal, inane things ever, because Uncle Sam decided it was necessary to know what new show Miko was pirating on the base Tv. Meetings now took 2 hours, at minimum, to slog through. And he still hadn't made the PowerPoint presentation.
Speaking of meetings, where was Prime?! He had four different reports of suspected 'Con activity in both northern China and southern Mongolia and he needed that issues nipped at the bud, stat, before command was up his ass, demanding to know why it hadn't been dealt with yet.
"Ratchet!"
Ratchet looked up from his mass of tools, an expression of annoyance etched on his faceplates. Never one for interruptions.
"Where's Prime?"
Ratchet huffed, before turning his attention back to one of those beepy tools that you wave at someone and it tells you whether or not they're dying. The internal wires were spread out over the whole table.
"If he's doing what I told him to do, he's recharging."
Fowler did a quick run through of his mental dictionary to remember what recharging was.
"And how long is he going to be out?" Fowler hoped Optimus's chronic insomnia kicked in soon. He needed to pass on those reports and start making a presentation.
"Hopefully the rest of the day, given the amount of repairs I had to do and how little energon was left in his fuel tanks."
Unfortunately for Ratchet, at that moment, Optimus decided to stumble into the main room, simultaneously looking like he had slept 36 hours straight and hadn't slept for 3 weeks straight. His frame and armor were still tellingly battered and chipped in several areas from the beating he received from Megatron while serving Megatron a beating right back at 'im, his optics were unfocused and exhausted, and his finials were pinned back, akin to an annoyed and bewildered cat.
So even Prime himself is not a morning person. Good. Fowler had a complaint to register with those freaks of nature.
He'll try to make this quick.
And promptly proceeded to only get out the word 'Optimus' before Ratchet interrupted him and started in on Prime.
"Optimus?! What are you doing?! You should be recharging right now! Doctor's orders!" He jabbed a servo at Prime's chest before pointing at the hallway Prime emerged from, like an eternally sleep-deprived cryptid.
Ratchet's question took a moment to load in Optimus's sleep-and-pain-muddled processor. And for him to realize he had a reason that he lost somewhere along the way of waking up and getting a (notably short) lecture from Ratchet.
"Ah, Ratchet, I . . . I came to see how-"
"Ah uh, no excuses. You are going back to your berth right now and staying there until I say so." Optimus's pinned back finials drooped a little lower at his indefinite sentencing.
Ratchet then grabbed a cube of med-grade Energon and shoved it into Optimus's chassis. "And you're drinking all of this too."
Optimus looked distastefully at the cube of med-grade he was now holding. Thick, bland, off-tasting sludge, likely with 20 different metal powders added given how atrocious Optimus's diet was according to Ratchet. Potassium, magnesium, zinc, iron, Primus knows what else . . .
Jack and Miko had found his suffering amusing as well, having paused their game to laugh. Arcee looked unsurprised.
Still, he reluctantly sipped it, turning around to head back to his quarters, suppressing the urge to gag as it slid down his pipes and cables. How anybot could stand drinking med-grade was beyond him. Regular energon was even worse. It had to be rather watered down for Optimus to be able to handle drinking it.
His trail of thought was interrupted by the tell-tale rumble of an engine coming down the tunnel. Bumblebee drove in, speed slower than expected for the scout, before parking several feet in front of the platform Agent Fowler was standing on. Raf stepped out of the driver's set, holding a piece of paper and looking down, both in the literal and metaphorical sense.
Quietly, he mumbled, "We got a ticket."
This was not surprising news.
Jack turned his attention from the game. It seemed like a strange thing to get Raf so down, given their day to day lives consisted of 'try not to get murdered by giant robots with gun/knife/chainsaw hands' and 'go after Miko while she does his weekly psychotic stunt'. Miko had gotten tickets multiple times and Jack had gotten them once of twice. Raf knew that. Miko apparently had the same line of thought.
"A ticket? So what. Join the club!"
Raf shuffled a bit forward, holding the ticket up to Ratchet, who took it.
"I was in the driver's seat and Bee speeding a bit and we were both just talking. And we drove right by a cop without realizing. He . . . ended up pulling us over and I had to convince him I was actually fifteen, not ten like he thought, and I had a permit, which wasn't easy. He didn't ask to see it though, which was good. But then he wanted to follow me home so he could talk to my mom about letting me drive around without someone who had a license being in the car with me, so I had to convince him again to not follow us and I would give the ticket to her myself. He tailed us for a while anyway, so Bee had to lose him in Jasper before we could come back to base."
Oh. Now Jack understood. That could've gone really poorly. Ratchet, Optimus and Fowler just blinked.
Then Fowler spoke up. "Why didn't you," he turned to face Bumblebee, "have your holoform activated?" He silently thanked God that Raf somehow managed to convince and escape that cop, because otherwise Raf's mother would get involved and he would have to get involved in order to explain how her 12 year son has a sports car, why her 12 year old has a sports car and where said ' sports car' came from.
Bumblebee beeped and trilled in his defense, Arcee quickly translating before Raf could say anything.
"Bumblebee doesn't have a holoform." she explained.
"He- why does he not have one?! You should all have holoforms!"
Fowler got only silence in response as he saw Optimus and Ratchet exchange a quick side-eye glance at the other. He did not like his new sneaking suspicion.
Jack, meanwhile, had a feeling that Fowler was not going to be happy to learn that Arcee might be the only one to have a holoform.
And of course, Miko then chose that moment to jump in and say exactly what Jack was thinking. "Isn't Arcee the only one with a holoform? I mean, I've never seen Bulkhead use one. Or Ratchet. Or Optimus."
Fowler jerked his head to Optimus and Ratchet. "Neither of you have holoforms?!"
Optimus did not know this would be such a touchy subject for Fowler.
"Apologies, Agent Fowler. We did not know this was of such . . . great concern to you."
Fowler clenched the railing, wishing he could crumple it with his bare hands, before aggressively sighing as loudly as he could. He did not get paid enough for any of the bullshit he dealt with in this job.
Then Bulkhead chose that moment to walk in.
"Hey guys! Oh, I didn't know you and Raf were back yet Bee!" He looked around the room, his expression changing to confusion as he surveyed the room. "What'd I miss?" he asked.
"Raf and Bee got chased by a cop." Miko offered unhelpfully. "And Ratchet was lecturing Optimus about something and also Fowler's kinda mad-"
Fowler interrupted her. "Every member of Team Prime better have a holoform by tomorrow. And stop speeding. Looking at you Miko." Miko gasped in fake offense. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make a PowerPoint presentation about powerlines, 'Cons and today's absolutely unenlightening conversation."
With that, he stormed his way to the elevator, got in his jet and started flying back to HQ.
It was when he was halfway there did he realize he forgot to give Prime the reports.
"So what holoforms ya think they're gonna have?" said Miko.
The three of them were all sitting at the same giant rock in the courtyard at lunch. Raf had half of a leftover chile relleno, a Hawaiian Punch and some grapes, while Miko had her coffee she still had from this morning and was periodically stealing fries from Jack, who had grabbed his lunch from the KO Burger drive through, the result being now having to protect his food from a seagull trapped in the body of a human girl.
"I don't know." replied Raf. "Maybe military based. Or a NASCAR driver!" He had gotten really into NASCAR even since he met Bee. In fact, he had added NASCAR driver to the list of things he wanted to be when he grew up, right behind government intelligence agent, video game maker and hacker.
Miko responded with a squawk as Jack pulled out his squirt water bottle and began to spray her with it in an attempt to defend his lunch.
"I SURRENDER I SURRENDER-STAWP IT!!!!" Miko lunged for the bottle, toppling Jack, with her landing on top him, the fries just in reach. She grabbed the whole container before quickly sitting up and frantically crawling over to hide behind Raf. Raf could only blink in confusion and twisted around to see Miko caressing the box like she found a gold ring on the ground.
"Sorry Raf, you're my shield now." she whispered. Jack sat up, grass in his hair and looking slightly annoyed. "Miko, give them back. I paid for those."
Miko pouted a bit, before she stole her last two fries and handed the container back to Jack, popping the ones she was holding into her mouth, with a shit-eating grin on her face. She crawled out from behind Raf and flopped down on the grass, arms and legs spread.
"I'm thinking, like, Bulkhead does some bulky guy. 'Cause it's in his name and everything. Or Kratos from God of War -that would be siiiick. Hey Raf, pass me my coffee, will you? Pretty please? I need caffeine to function and I don't wanna get up."
"I think you have a problem." Raf handed her her coffee anyway. Jack rolled her eyes as Miko chugged half of it before dramatically sighing like she was a dehydrated desert traveler who came across water for the first time in days, before pondering Miko's question.
"Bulkhead, maybe something like Johnny Bravo." Miko and Raf just stared at him. "Ya know, that cartoon guy? Blond hair, on CN from 1997 to 2004? He- never mind."
"Ratchet's definitely gonna be a grumpy old man. Like my ojiichan. He's always yelling and rambling on about something he sees on the news or what 'kids' these day' are doing, though he's always super nice to me and my cousins. Not my parents though. He got me my cats for my 11th birthday and then glared at my chichi when he said I didn't need any cats."
"I think Bumblebee's gonna have headphones. Or glasses. Maybe even both. He seems like he would choose that."
Jack took a sip of his soda. "Arcee might change her holoform. She mentioned it once or twice. Who knows."
"Optimus is like super obvious. He's gonna pick one that gives off total grizzled war commander vibes."
Jack nodded as Raf pulled out his laptop. "Hey, do you guys wanna see a project I've been working on?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"I've been trying to make my own Geometry Dash levels and I got about a quarter done of it so far."
"Oh! Cool! I wanna try! Can I? Or you planning on finishing it first?"
Raf handed the laptop to Miko. "I haven't gotten any play testers so you can be my first. Jack, do you want to try?"
Jack shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"
Jack was humming 'Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)' as Arcee sped down the road to base. Arcee hadn't spoken the whole time, something out of character for her. Eventually, Jack stopped humming.
"Arcee, you good? You've been quiet the whole time."
"Hm, oh yes. I'm fine Jack. Just . . . wondering."
"About what?"
"What a 'boys' night' is. I was going to search it up, but I kept forgetting."
Okay. That was not on Jack's bingo card for today. Then again, nor was seeing Vincent get shoved into a trash can by a pissed-off Miko.
"Uh, why do you ask?"
"Remember when a few days ago, you and Raf were hanging out while Bulkhead was waiting for Miko to get out of detention?"
Jack and Raf were in the base. It was quieter than normal, due to the lack of any Mikos or Bulkheads. Miko was stuck serving detention again and Bulkhead always waited for her until she got out. Jack had pulled out a chess set and the two of them were currently occupied in playing it when Arcee and Bumblebee sped in from a quick scouting trip. Arcee transformed, brushing some of the Nevada desert dirt off her plating. Bumblebee beeped out a quick greeting to Raf and Jack, who were laughing about something.
"Hey Bee, hey Arcee." said Raf.
"Hey Arcee." said Jack as well, moving one of the small game pieces across the board. And then quiet for a second.
"Ya know, we should have a boys' night at some point." said Jack. He then looked up at Arcee. "Sorry Arcee, you can't be included."
"Whatever you say Jack." she replied, before she shot a glance a Bumblebee, who seemed to have the same question as her: what was a 'boys night'?
"Oh, that." Jack rubbed the back of his head while he thought up a quick explanation. He sometimes forgot that Arcee and the others weren't super well-versed in many of Earth's concepts. They had learned some things from Fowler, but the U.S. government's priority wasn't explaining anything beyond the basics and what a Lockheed Martin missile was. So that meant Jack, Raf and Miko would often say something or reference some pop culture thing and have to explain it to the 'Bots. Sometimes they succeeded, sometimes they got blank stares and confused optics. Like the time Miko tried to explain the concept of memes to Optimus and failed. Miserably.
"Basically it's when a bunch of guys get together and hang out, like playing video games or messing around or having a night on the town."
"Really? I thought it would have something to do with tactics or supply coordination. Something along those lines."
Jack didn't really know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything for a bit.
It wasn't until base was in their sights that he remembered his earlier conversation with Raf and Miko.
"Did everyone make a holoform?"
"Yup. We chased off some 'Cons this morning and messed around with the forms for a while. I hopped on the train and made a few changes of mine. Nothing too eye-catching, but I learned a thing or two about biker culture."
"Miko decided Bulkhead's gonna look like a mashup between Kratos and the Doom guy."
"Really? Well, she's not exactly gonna be disappointed about the last one."
"Wait, since when did you know what Doom is?"
"I've seen you guys play it several times. It's a rather good metaphor for how storming Kaon felt."
When they rode into base, Miko was already there, Bulkhead holding her in his large hand, while she kept pestering Ratchet with questions about the holoforms over and over again.
"Miko, how did you even beat me and Arcee here? We get out at the same time."
Miko turned her attention from bothering Ratchet to Jack. "I faked being sick. It was so easy." She flipped her hand. "My exchange parents won't be back home until five so I have plenty of time anyway.
Bumblebee drove in with Raf, who quickly slid out of the car, hands flapping excitedly. "You guys made your holoforms? Can we see them? Bumblebee promised to show me his-"
Ratchet slammed his tools into the table. "Why are you all so obsessed with the idea of seeing our holoforms?! They're hardly anything of note, simple holographic technology, most, if not all, Cybertronians possess!"
Miko jumped at the chance "We wanna see what you guys would look like if you were humans! Also, hardly anything of note?! Holograms are the stuff of future! You see them in everything! Like in the movie the Matrix, the world that Neo, the MC, lives in at the beginning is virtual, which isn't really holographic but in the realm of that stuff and-"
Raf pushed up his glasses. "I want to see how it works, since holograms are still a really experimental field."
Jack looked at Miko, still going on her rant. "Personally I'm curious too."
Ratchet sighed. "Fine, no harm in showing you." Miko stopped dead in her rant and began to cheer. "Bulkhead, you also gotta show me yours!"
Bulkhead gently set Miko down. "Was planning on showing you anyway."
"Guess we're all doing this." said Arcee.
Ratchet opened a panel on his arm and pressed several buttons in rapid order. A holographic form suddenly appeared on the ground in the center of the circle everyone had unknowingly formed.
The form was of a rather average man: middle-aged, short brown hair, brown eyes, a pair of glasses. He was dressed like an EMT: black cargo pants with multiple pockets, a long-sleeved polo with blue plastic gloves, thick-soled boots and a bright turquoise jacket tied around his waist, and an EMT kit on his back. There was several small facial scars on his face, mostly around his right eye, mouth and forehead, but other than that, he looked like a regular, plain EMT ambulance driver.
Jack was pretty sure Ratchet just looked up a picture of an ambulance driver and coped it.
"Hm, suits you Doc." said Miko, arms crossed and eyeing the form up and down. Ratchet didn't respond, clicking a button and the form was gone. "Was expecting him too be older, but oh well."
That got a response. Ratchet spluttered. "Excuse me, do not call me 'Doc' and do not call me old!"
"But you are!"
"Not the point!"
"Uh, who should go next?" asked Bulkhead, looking at Arcee. Arcee shrugged in response. "Why not you?"
"Uh, okay, here it is." Bulkhead did the same action as Ratchet and his holoform appeared. A very androgynous, albeit tall and muscular human appeared, with several pieces of the Doom's armor on him. Them? The form was blond, slightly longer hair cut around the neck in a shag cut, with tattoos covering the body, with a Metallica shirt, leather jacket, incredibly ripped jeans and military combat boots.
Jack was right about the blond. Arcee was right about the Doom guy fit. Miko gasped loudly in sheer awe and joy. "Bulkhead! Awesome! You look just like a monster trucker! Now we can actually go to rallies!"
Ratchet thought otherwise. "No." he said firmly. "You're not going to attend any, you've already been caught enough as it is." He was never going to understand the youngling's obsession with getting in trouble.
"Come on Ratchet. There's a rally coming into-"
"Hey Bee, do you wanna go next?" Raf interrupted, his eyes glittering with interest. He was doing his signature hand-flaps and bouncing up and down on the heels of his sneakers. Bee chirped and whirred something in response, opened a panel and pressed a button or two, while Bulkhead pressed a button and his holoform disappeared, quickly replaced by Bumblebee's.
Bumblebee's holoform was average height, bister brown skin freckled with light spots across his face, with a black-and-yellow striped sweatshirt, a pair of plain jeans and Converse sneakers. His eyes were green and he had black hair, cut short like Ratchet's though a bit fluffier. And, like Raf had guessed, he wore a pair of red glasses and black headphones around his neck. The holoform turned to face Raf and waved. Raf waved back, before turning to Bumblebee and giving him a high five.
"Cool Bee! You gotta show me how that works at some point." Bumblebee in response, clicking the button to remove the holoform, and Arcee set hers up. She let the panel slid open and tapped on several buttons that would start up her holoform, place it where she wanted it projected and confirm the sequence. It loaded up.
Her holoform was somewhat the same, with several differences. On her suit were several pink and blue stripes on the legs and arms. Her hair went from black to black with streaks of white and blond and the ponytail was longer and thicker. Her helmet also had several stickers pasted on it: JD, CJ and TG.
Jack pieced the initials together quite instantly and was about to say something to Arcee when Optimus pulled in. Arcee tapped the button to turn off her holoform configuration, while Optimus quickly detransformed and walked towards the circle.
"What is going on?"
Raf spoke up. "Arcee, Bulkhead, Ratchet and Bumblebee were showing us their holoforms. You wanna join?"
Optimus looked down at Raf, before nodding. "I would be glad to, friend." He also open a panel and tapped the necessary buttons before his holoform loaded. Raf, Miko and Jack all turned their attention to Optimus's holoform, and the excitement rapidly turned to confusion and silence.
His holoform had nothing really special or strange stand out abut it. Coffee-brown skin, long curly reddish-brown hair, long-sleeved black-and-red flannel jacket with a white shirt with a red symbol of a truck on it. Several dragging scars across the face, with one disappearing below the neckline. Black boots with a pair of ripped jeans, with a belt done loosely around it. It seemed like someone you'd see driving a truck.
No, nothing special.
Except for the fact it was a woman. A very attractive woman: Jack would have never conceived the idea that he might suddenly find Optimus's holoform attractive. Yet here they were.
The 'Bots glanced at each other, and at Optimus, in confusion. Bulkhead tentatively asked, "So what do you guys think?"
Jack, Miko and Raf turned at Optimus. "Optimus, that's a girl," said Jack. "And you're . . . a man."
Optimus nodded. "I am aware. I admit, when we first arrived on Earth, I was surprised your species had its own version of frame subtypes, just like Cybertron and its mechs and femmes. Though in hindsight, the concept is not exactly unique."
Miko spoke up next. "Uh, you do know girls," she gestured at the figure standing in the center. "Go by she/her. And we call you he/him 'cause you're a guy. Unless we're missing out on some important information?"
"Wait." Now Bulkhead was shaking his head. "You're telling me humans assign identification based on frame types?"
Miko looked at Bulkhead. "You don't do that on Cybertron? I thought mech meant male and femme meant female."
Arcee jumped in with an explanation. "Those are frame-subtypes. How somebot's frame is built. The main two types among grounders actually, which is why you've only heard those. Seekers, and Praxians to some extent, have different terms for their sub-types. That has no bearing on what you're referred to."
Ratchet started laughing. Very out of pocket for him, given his personality could be summed up as a stereotype of 'angry old man yells at children for causing problems and huffs about the "good old days"'. "What's next?" he wheezed out. "You're gonna say something about how the terms he/him aren't for leadership?"
Jack, Raf and Miko turned to each other. "Uh, no." Jack said. "Where did you guys even get these ideas from?"
So apparently the U.S. government neglected to inform the Autobots of some very basic info about humans. Fowler had just gotten out of a meeting when Jack had called him, asking him about what Uncle Sam had informed the Autobots about and the general history packet that had been given over to them.
When asked why he was asking, Jack told Fowler that the Autobots, due to historical trends and also applying Cybertronian logic, thought that he/him were the pronouns of which denoted leadership and she/her was for ranks in the middle and below in command structures. They also did not understand the concepts of femininity, masculinity or androgyny all that well either.
Fowler made Jack put Optimus on the phone.
And so he learned the only reason this hadn't been questioned yet by anyone was because they interacted with only five humans. Fowler, June, Jack, Miko and Raf. In their eyes, with the faulty logic Fowler couldn't really fault them for, it had made perfect sense: Fowler, obviously the leader of everyone. Most of the time, his authority was deferred to. June was clearly the authority of Jack, but she worked at the hospital and wasn't leading there, being a nurse and all and had no authority over Fowler. Jack was the leader of the kids and Miko and Raf sometimes deferred to him, but Raf was the leader of the middle school computer club.
It did not entirely make sense to any of the Autobots, but since human gender was not exactly comprehensible to them-Fowler learned that femininity, masculinity and androgyny were not even concepts on Cybertron-and they were on a foreign planet, they collectively decided not to question it, as to not offend humans.
Now Fowler was driving to the Autobot base and had several new exciting slides to add his PowerPoint. Wonderful. He really wished this wasn't necessary, but helping Team Prime understand Earth culture was part of the job description and very likely in the future, they would have to meet various generals, agents and other U.S. government workers and Fowler really didn't want to have a meeting with his superiors on how Optimus managed to accidently offend most of the U.S. government.
"Any questions?" Fowler announced, erasing off the whiteboard he had Jack and Miko pull out for him. He had arrived to see Miko trying to explain pronouns and their proper meanings, which she had been doing for the last thirty minutes, and was getting nowhere. Fowler had shooed her and Jack off to get him a whiteboard. He did damage control over English grammar meanwhile.
Optimus, who looked like he'd been in deep thought when Fowler moved on from explaining the concept of 'female', shook his head in response to Fowler's inquiry. "No, I do not have any questions." Bumblebee shook his head as well. So did Arcee and Bulkhead. "Nope, no questions on my end either."
"Great." said Fowler, rubbing his hands together, before he switched to finger-gunning them. Arcee, Bulkhead and Bumblebee immediately rolled their eyes in response. "I, however," he said, "Have some questions for you, because clearly whoever was in charge did crap job when it came to informing you all of how Earth works. And also, I admit, we did not bother learning how Cybertron worked and for some odd reason, thought you guys would immediately understand how we worked. So how does gender work on Cybertron?"
"We have a myriad of factors that decide how somebot is referred to on a planet." began Optimus. "Power, age, whether one creates frames for the newsparks that have merged from the Well," Fowler made a mental note to ask about the Well later. "If one is caring for sparklings and/or younglings, which region or city you live, job, in Praxus, if one was a devotee to a certain one of the original Twelve Primes would affect how you were referred to, in Vos, if one had a Seeker Trine or not and what role one took in it, and pre-war," His optics dimmed as he looked away, his rumbling voice becoming a little quieter. "the caste system, your function and if one was free . . . or a slave, would affect it as well. Many Cybertronians have long since shed the last three labels."
Ratchet had his own information offer. "On quite a few colonies and moons, it was becoming custom for somebot's personal feelings to affect it as well. It hadn't spread to the main planet before the war started, however."
Optimus spoke up again. "I apologize-"
Fowler interrupted them. "No, no, I understand. If anything, Uncle Sam should be apologizing for the assumptions and for not bothering to ask how you all think. Is there anything else I should know."
"It is tradition for Primes, beyond what they are already called, to be referred to as the same markers as Primus is called. After much thought, I had made the conclusion that the closest human equivalent for both my own personal, and Primus's, would be she/her."
Ratchet shrugged. "Frankly, I don't care. Pick and chose whatever you want." With that, Ratchet just walked off and went back to his seemingly never-ending task of updating his equipment. Fowler sighed. He swears that Ratchet hadn't stopped doing that since he arrived at base yesterday. He already finished around mid-day when Fowler stopped by to hand off those 'Con reports to Optimus. He was pretty sure at this point Ratchet was doing it to keep anyone from bothering him. Not that it was remotely working.
Fowler stood at the front of the room, pointer in hand, taking a survey of the audience. Several generals, commanders, some randos in suits from some alphabet agency he didn't care to learn the name of, one accountant, one typist to record the whole thing like it was Shakespeare's newest theatre production and his boss. He sighed as he heard the clock inch ever closer to three o' clock, the exact moment the meeting would start.
Twenty different alarms went off at once. Everyone quickly scrambled to shut them off, before all eyes were on him. Fowler turned to the projector and pressed next.
"Good afternoon to everyone here. This is the 27th meeting we are having about the Cybertronian forces on Earth, including the ones the U.S. government is currently allied with." His voice was the monotone drone of a man who had long since died inside. The typist was already scrambling away on the keyboard, click-clacking down every letter and word and syllable that came out of somebody's mouth.
"We've had a recent update in regards to Team Prime, especially Optimus." The suits stood up straighter, one now leaning forward with an elbow on their knee. "Turns out, Team Prime doesn't understand a lot of major aspects of human culture. Including gender." He clicked the button again, the next slide having a bulleted list of the many factors affecting Cybertronian gender. "Which I found out two days ago. After a rather lengthy explanation of how it actually worked and deliberation on her part, Optimus Prime is to be referred to by female pronouns from now on."
Eyebrows raised. Instantly. One commander raised his hands. Fowler sighed again. He was sighing a lot these days. "Yes, Commander Herm."
"He . . . they're not . . . a man?"
"Nope. Nor is she a woman by our definition. Unsurprisingly, Cybertronians don't have the same concept of gender on us. Why we assumed that? I have no idea, but hindsight is 20/20. Ratchet has stated he does not care what he referred to. If you don't believe me, you can mosey on down there yourself and ask them."
The typist rose his hand the next. "Should I send a notice to Archives to update the files?"
"Sure, just do that as soon as possible. Next order of business: infrastructure."
Groans quickly came from all over the room. No one could stand fixing the problems or hammering out the immediate issues they had to deal with such as budgeting, cover stories, etcetera, etcetera. A lot of paperwork and a lot of bullshit that could and would test even the patience of Optimus.
"The Decepticons and Autobots alike keep knocking down powerlines left and right."
"Can't you blame it on something again?"
"I've said squirrels, illegal mining operation, sinkhole, squirrel again, rogue parade float, and another damned determined squirrel yet. Again. That does not explain why powerlines keep getting torn, uprooted, sliced in half, sparking out or yanked around weekly."
An agent with an incredibly bright, never-before-thought-of idea piped up. "Can't they just, ya know, avoid it?" They shrugged like it had never been thought of before and like Fowler hadn't said that to Team Prime at least thirty times before.
"They are giant robots at war with each other and from an alien world. They are not built for civilian infrastructure. A few weeks ago, I had to watch Arcee and Optimus spend five hours untangling Bulkhead from various powerlines, in the hot Nevada sun, from 10:03 in the morning to 3:16 in the afternoon. I am never getting those five hours of my life back. Ever. And then, immediately after freeing Bulkhead, Optimus stepped backwards . . . into another powerline. Took a whole neighborhood out on the spot."
Fowler's boss sighed. "I'll talk to Commander Leland about moving them underground. Is everyone okay with that?" Murmurs of agreement rose around the room.
Fowler raised his hands. "It's settled then. Next up on our agenda . . ."
On so the meeting went on completely uninterrupted, for the next 2 and 1/2 hours of the day.
When it was finally over, everyone shuffling out of the rooms, shaking hands and calling out goodbyes, the typist and accountant collecting their papers and supplies, Fowler stretched, feeling the vertebrae in his back pop. He needed to get back to his desk, send a few emails, look over a form or two to see if anything needed signing. Then he could go home, say hello to his mother, use his government-sanctioned credit card to get some lobster or steak, maybe settle down for a few programs before bed . . .
His wistful planning of a pleasant night ahead of him was interrupted by the tell-tale buzzing of his cellphone. Pulling it out, he read the user ID. And his eyes widened in shock.
It was Miko.
"What have they done now." he muttered, swiping right to pick up.