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⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
if my dreams come up empty
it’s overwhelming, the sense that something is gonna happen all throughout the weeks leading up to the birth. they were a week out, seven days until their heir was expected to arrive - both men sitting in bed and resting.
arthur could feel them, his hand resting on the bottom of the swollen tummy, the soft push of tint feet into his palm. his eyes shot up to merlin, big blue eyes going wide with excitement as he leaned in closer.
beaming embers crept in through the castle windows, lighting up their bedroom. arthur pressed a kiss to merlin’s exposed shoulder - letting his lips linger in the spot while the prince just hummed in his arms.
“boy or girl?” merlin asked softly, hands moving to play with arthur’s fingers - dragging over the long digits and interlocking their hands.
that was the question the whole kingdom wondered, if there would be a male heir who’d take the throne or a daughter they’d wed off. arthur wouldn’t let that happen though, he’d have his daughter be the queen, crowning her proudly when she became worthy and ready for the title.
they hadn’t known the gender, gaius was convinced he had some ancient remedy he could use to figure it out but merlin just laughed and disagreed. arthur hummed fondly as he rubbed his hand over the belly, “i hope it’s a girl, and i hope she’s as beautiful as you.”
merlin laughed quietly at that, sitting up slightly in bed and leaning into arthur, cupping his face. “i know they have your heart, it’s why i fell in love with you.” he hummed, and it was true - arthur’s big heart with so much love to give made merlin fall face first as his man servant.
spending the days watching as arthur worked tirelessly to support his kingdom, doing anything he could for his citizens and making it seem like nothing - truly so giving. merlin would follow behind him, watching him notice the small issues that accumulated from the smallest towns to the wealthiest villages in camelot.
merlin placed a hand on arthur’s chest, feeling the beats of his heart - laying his head down and letting the steady beats soothe him. the baby moved tirelessly inside of him, pressure against the skin.
he cleared his throat, moving a hand underneath arthur’s at the curve of his belly and grimacing at a slight tension in his body. merlin’s breathing shallowed as he tried not to alert arthur but the king immediately sat up and pulled him closer, “something’s wrong.” arthur stated, not questioning it but just knowing from the look on merlin’s face.
“just pressure.” merlin said, pushing out of the bed and beginning to circle the room - trying to walk through it, hoping it was just a cramp. a hand moved to the small of merlin’s back, soft whines leaving his pale lips as he kept pacing.
arthur shook his head, moving out of bed and quickly to his husband. “it’s not pressure, you’re in pain.”
there was a tight tension surrounding merlin giving birth, the fear of the unknown - of a possible destiny like arthur’s own mother. one he couldn’t let happen to merlin, something he couldn’t even fathom. his chest ached at the idea of merlin in pain, let alone leaving this earth and never seeing their baby - never getting a chance to help mother children he’d given everything for.
merlin’s lips formed a circle as he let out pants, laboring breaths as he forced himself to keep moving - his movements stopped being steady and moved to staggered steps closer together.
when merlin paused, feeling his legs like jelly and body consumed in heat - arthur was at his side in a second. he had an on his shoulder and the other on his stomach, rubbing lightly around to feel what might be causing this but only finding one solution - the baby was so active, so ready to meet them.
his fingers dug into arthur as he tried to stabilize himself, his head shaking at a bad pain moving through him - the air being stolen directly from his lungs. “last time– it was different– it was–“ merlin groaned, clutching arthur.
“last time?” arthur panted out, confused.
merlin shook his head, “it was false labor, this one..” he took a deep breath, blue eyes so weary. “this one is different.”
“different how?” arthur didn’t get a response, didn’t need one to know what to do next. “i’ll call for gaius.”
merlin was unresponsive, hunched over himself with hands on his belly as he breathed heavier. he’d imagined it being intense, and hurting when the baby came but never like this - never so caught in this moment of what would or could go wrong, the anxiety rising in his chest.
“it’s still early, it could go away.” merlin gritted out, breaths shallowing out, mouth attempting to close but not being able to. he shook his head, trying to push off the bed.
arthur helped him back down, against his will, “i’m calling him, doesn’t matter if it’s early - you’re in pain.”
the king made his way to the door, rushing it open and looking around to see if anyone was around. “gaurds?” he yelled out, men coming to his need at the drop of a hat. “the baby is coming.” it went without saying, the two guards looking at each other before rushing away to go find the courts physician.
arthur turned back to merlin, coming to his side and propping him up on the bed.
“i promise, im making it look worse than it is.” merlin tried laughing it off, the sound coming more breathy. “the baby isn’t coming yet, im fine.”
“you don’t look fine.” arthur raised a brow, ignoring the constant resisting of help as he pushed a pillow behind merlin’s back.
deep blue eyes look up to meet arthur’s brows furrowed together in a concentrated face until they shifted into something wide, and sudden. warmth spread across merlin’s lap, wetness spreading through his pants. eyes darted to his waist, “arthur.” merlin whispered immediately.
arthur’s eyes widened as well before shaking his head, trying to regain control and not worry merlin more than he already was.
it was all a blur, merlin loosing control of himself and body as all he felt was something baring down on his body - attempting to make its way through as he tossed his head back in a yelp. “open- open the window.” he gasped, drops of sweat cascading down his face.
“i’ll get you a cloth.” arthur offered, looking around and standing to go down the hallway but getting pulled back down by merlin.
merlin laid on his back, propped up slightly and looking over arthur with tears forming in his eyes - “stay?”
arthur didn’t hesitate. he helped merlin sit up slightly before climbing in to sit behind him, knees up around merlin and holding him to his chest - syncing their breaths.
“i’m not going anywhere.” he said firmly, “not for a second.”
merlin nodded shakily, eyes fluttering shut as he reveled in the feeling washing over him - another wave of contractions coming to him as he gripped arthur’s hand.
outside the bed chambers, foot steps pattered to the door but arthur saw nothing except merlin. he took in every breath, comparing it to how he’d breathe normally, wanting no shortness or slight hitches despite the pain he’d been baring.
it was a beg, a cry for a prayer to granted onto him. he’d known the risk, he knew but- but he’d done this for merlin, it made him so happy to think of them with a child but this moment terrified him.
before he was a king, he was a warrior, a brave knight but he couldn’t help be overcome with fear as he breathed in merlin’s scent - taking in every piece of him as if it might be his last.
merlin squeezed his hand, rocking back into him as he was held close. “i’m right here.” arthur murmured, “i’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” it was mostly for himself, a hope to comfort both of them.
“breathe with me,” he said softly, low and close. “that’s it, nice and slow for me.”
the door creaked open and gaius stepped inside, already rolling up his sleeves. his expression was calm but serious – practiced steadiness of a man who not only delivered many babies, but also cherished the boy in front of him so deeply he couldn’t help but stay calm for him.
“it’s begun.” gaius said gently.
arthur didn’t look away from merlin. “tell me what to do.”
gaius had been there when arthur was born, knowing exactly the fear that sick beneath the reigning kings skin as merlin laid before them both. when the queen took her final breath as uther held a screaming arthur, her skin going pale and her heart beat stilling. the blue eyes matched his mothers, eyes he’d never met before because of a horrific accident like this.
“merlin,” gauis said, kneeling next to the bed and becoming level with him. “look at me, if you can.”
merlin turned his head enough to grasp onto the familiar face, eyes glossed over as he kept taking deep, steady breaths to ease the pressure. he swallowed, “it’s early.”
“not too early, most babies come around this time.” gaius replied, firm but kind - soothing to merlin’s mind. he reached out, helping merlin get undressed with quick movements, “you’ve done everything right, i know you’re scared – but you’re in good hands.”
“you mean your hands?” merlin let out a weak, humorless laugh. “i’m gonna be okay?”
gauis gave a small smile. “more than okay, you’re gonna be a father.” he brushed a hand over merlin’s head, staring at him with pure love filling his chest - the boy he raised, cared for until he was able to stand for himself and find a life in the palace. “the pain will come in quick movements, let it pass through you-“
for a moment it worked, jerking letting their breathing sink as the pain had slightly subsided and let him catch his breath in the moment. then it hit. it wasn’t slowly building like before, it was sharp and and sudden, and dragging the air from his lungs.
the physician moved now, quicker. a towel placed underneath merlin, a cold, wet cloth being placed on his head.
merlin cried out, fingers digging into arthur’s arms.
“i’ve got you, it’s okay, i’m here–“
“oh shove it.” merlin exclaimed, eyes clenched shut as he felt his feet pushing down into the bed. he didn’t mean it, obviously but god, he wanted to kill arthur for putting a baby in him. (even though he begged.)
merlin shook his head, a broken sound ripping from his chest. gauis watched carefully. “don’t push yet, i know you feel like you need to – but don’t.” he instructed.
the prince sobbed through it, teeth clenched, body tense and trembling as the wave crested. then slowly, mercifully, receded. he sagged back against arthur, the king holding back a soft chuckle at merlin’s earlier screams at him.
the next one came faster. the pain wasn’t just a forceful pressure, it was pulling, dragging something deeper and instinctive to the surface.
arthur felt it like a phantom pain.
his mother’s screams, a sound he hadn’t heard but knew so well despite it. the whispered rush of the doctors as they did everything they could, everything they knew how in an attempt to save the queen. a story always told in fragments, in silence - hushed history and dark secrets of camelot. the price of the prince, the cost of the queen.
his grip tightened around merlin, forehead pressed to the back of his neck as he tried to keep himself present but the fears crept under his skin. arthur wouldn’t let it happen, history couldn’t repeat itself - not here, not with him.
gnashing of teeth, harsh yells as merlin flexed against every touch - the light tears from before now full off sobs as gaius kept the cloth pressed to his head, a hand on his abdomen.
“i can’t–“ merlin gasped out, hands shaking as they clutched arthur. “i’m not – i’m not strong enough–“
arthur let that break him, free him from the thoughts of his mother. so many things in this moment were scary and so real, so frightening and realistic but one thing wasn’t real at all. merlin not being strong?
“you’re the bravest man i’ve ever met.” arthur said, like it was nothing, like it was as easy as breathing. he’d known merlin to fight off monsters, call dragons, cast impossible spells to save camelot and the idea that he wasn’t brave in this moment – it drove arthur insane.
“you can, you will.” arthur comforted him, rubbing his shoulder.
“the pain will come harder now, but you’re not in danger.” gauis said, looking over merlin - a fatherly smile on his face but a sternness in his tone. he loved merlin like his own child, hell, it felt like he was his own child.
his gaze moved to arthur, a reflection of a younger uther in his eyes. the sight of a newborn arthur in his eyes while he watched his wife cry in agony, doctors surrounding her as she took her last breaths. magic had taken the queen, and to uther magic had taken everything and given him nothing in return.
as arthur held merlin to him, he couldn’t help but see magic had given him everything. every breath he took was due to magic, every beat of his heart - every second of sun on his skin had been thanks to magic. and now? he was holding all of magic in his arms, magic coursing through merlin’s veins – woven into his bones, pumping his blood was magic.
magic gave arthur this boy, magic was giving them their baby – how could anyone hate such a divine power?
another cry tore from merlin, sharper this time, his body curling into itself as he clutched his belly. arthur held him, falling into the sound, grounding himself. ‘it’s not the same’ arthur chanted in his head, a mantra looping in his head to keep in this moment and not drifting into a past he had no power in changing.
the contractions are closer together now, stronger with no real breaks - leaving merlin speechless as he can’t even speak through the pain, only letting out sharp breaths. it’s what shows arthur that there is not ‘later’ there is no weeks ahead to prepare for the baby, there is no final touches on a nursery or false labors. this baby was coming now, right here in his arms.
gauis quietly helps merlin reposition, pulling his knees slightly up higher as he stood in front of him - hands ready to help at any moment when he’d begin pushing. he was efficient with his movements, soothing his body.
one contraction has merlin crying out in a way that he wasn’t sure he could, a shaking through his body as he clutched arthur’s arms enough to leave makes on his golden skin. it pulled arthur away, as he closed his eyes all he could hear were screams - memories of visiting his mothers grave all throughout his childhood, an evil fear that it could soon be his fate with merlin.
merlin blindly reaches for arthur, the only sound he was able to get out being a quick gasp, “arthur–“ another cry leaving him as he turned back to look at him. it brings arthur back to him, his softening grip now tight once again. “i’m scared–“
and arthur didn’t want to lie, he didn’t want to say he wasn’t scared or that he knew exactly what to do but there was one thing he did know. “i’m here.”
“it’s time.” gaius informs, watching as merlin began to panic. blue eyes, going wide as he shook his head. “it’s okay, you can push, your body knows what to do.”
merlin nodded, stabilizing himself and pushing before his mind could fake him out - his body taking control and freeing his thoughts from fear. as he bared own, pushing, it hurt like hell but something also awoke inside of him.
this was all for their baby. this was all for the future of camelot and as much as merlin wanted to give up, wanted to just rest and cry - he knew that this baby was coming now. he’d climbed mountains on foot, drank poison for arthur and somehow this was one of the hardest things he’d ever found himself doing.
merlin believed in camelot. it wasn’t his duty, it was his life to build it and stand beside arthur as he worked tirelessly for this kingdom. he wasn’t just serving the king, he was creating a life with the man he loved so dearly. this wasn’t just the heir to the kingdom, to all of camelot but this was their child. something merlin had dreamed of since a young boy, a family he longed for, a family he greatly desired despite his own.
this labor wasn’t just filled with suffering, it was filled with so much purpose that drove merlin to keep pushing - keep fighting for the life he’d worked so hard for. this was a reward to him for he had survived worse than pain. he had survived all his fears.
“keep going, just like that.” gaius said softly, one hand rubbing merlin on the leg as praise - going back to preparing for the baby.
after what felt like hours, a sudden contraction interrupts merlin’s rhythm, mouth dropping open in a deep, gutted whine. he’s crying out in frustration, not pain - unable to feel as he’d been instructed to push. “i can’t– i don’t know how–“ he gasped out, the only thing he could do was breathe.
arthur grabbed his hand, kissing his knuckles, head pressing to the side of merlin’s temple - grounding the both of them. “take a deep breath, and push.” he instructed, breathing in with merlin to help him concentrate and then guiding him back to pushing.
at the height of it all, its silent.
the only sound filling the room was grunts from merlin and his deep breathing, gaius focused intensely, arthur silently praying. merlin had nothing left in him but somehow it was enough to get him there, to the final moments. a tension releases from him, the pushing from below finally freeing itself.
and for one terrifyingly long second, there was nothing.
everyone holding their breaths until a sharp cry ripped through the castle, merlin letting out a breath of relief. arthur’s facade of strength finally breaks, a laugh of disbelief leaving him as he watched gaius place the baby onto merlin’s chest. an overwhelming feeling of love fills merlin as he feels the the heartbeat of his baby, eyes welling with tears as he stared down at them.
arthur pressed a kiss to merlin’s cheek, “thank you, oh my love, thank you.” he gasped out.
merlin stayed silent, reveling in this moment, really soaking it all in. even with how slimy the babe was, laid on his chest.
gaius stands up, “she’s gorgeous.” he confirmed.
“a girl.” merlin grinned, tilting his head back to look at his husband - their lips meeting.
and for once, magic hadn’t taken anything from either of the boys. it gave them something, something beautiful and brand new.