Chapter Text
Mello had stared down the barrel of a gun before. If he closed his eyes, this time wouldn't so different.
The lights they were beaming at his face painted the inside of his eyelids in scarlet, threatening still to burn holes as they hovered over the soft skin that peaked outside his mask. Shutting his eyes hurt more than glaring did. That was fine. He could do this facing them. He could gather up enough quick gulps of breath to keep his legs from failing.
Their fingers were itching on the trigger, he was certain of it. Let them. He wondered for a moment how it would feel if they fired. How loud. Would he be conscious long enough to feel each individual impact? Would he be able to see his flesh go flying off the bone in chunks?
No. That one who'd shot before had to be a marksman, or some kind of prodigy. Mello would be gone before he even saw the bullet heading for his brain.
He swallowed. Options.
The static echoing from the monitors behind him was heightening, cresting over him in waves, like a crescendo with the preemptive ringing in his ears; his hands were shaking, he thought, hazily.
His thumb skimmed the smooth surface of the button for just one moment.
I don’t want to do this.
In the infinite space before it started, Mello was aware of the weight of his rosary around his neck. It hung, final as a noose, patient, waiting, waiting, waiting to be strung up and leave him to swing beneath it. The cold metal of the cross on its end rhythmically tapped the exposed skin on his stomach as the rise and fall of his chest swayed the beads.
He saw the cloud of light flooding towards him for one singular instant. His only thought was that it was beautiful.
And that he was scared.
Pain
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Pain
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Pain
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Pain Pain
Pain Pain
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Pain Pain Pain
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Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain
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Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain
Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain
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Pain