Chapter Text
Buck lies on his side with his hoodie pulled over his head like he’s trying to hide from
the rest of the world, or maybe from himself.
The room is dark except for the neon little rectangle of his phone, glow washing over his face in that soft blue that makes him look even more tired than he feels.
It’s 7:08 pm.
He knows that because he’s checked the time every few minutes, waiting for something… he doesn’t even know what anymore.
A text.
A call.
A reason.
Six months since Bobby died, and somehow the hole left behind hasn’t just stayed open, it’s widened, eating at the edges of everything Buck touches.
Some days are worse than others,especially today.
Tonight, the silence feels like it's screaming.
He scrolls with his thumb lazy and unfocused, like he’s just going through the motions of being alive.
Instagram loads another post.
Hen’s feed.
A picture of Hen, Chim, Ravi, and Eddie squeezed into a booth at some dimly lit bar.
Chim’s holding up a beer, Ravi’s giving a little overexcited thumbs up, Hen’s mid laugh… and Eddie, Eddie’s resting his forearms on the table, leaning slightly toward Hen, his smile soft, the kind that digs into Buck’s ribs because it used to be aimed at him.
The caption reads:
“My favorite idiots dragged me out for drinks tonight. Love these guys”
Buck’s heart gives that small, awful lurch. Like someone reached in and tugged.
He blinks at the photo, then zooms in on Eddie without meaning to.
Eddie looks… relaxed.
Happy.
Free.
Like someone who isn’t missing anything.
Buck swallows hard.
His eyes burn.
“Cool”
he whispers to the empty room, trying to sound nonchalant, but his voice cracks right down the middle.
“Awesome. Great”
His chest tightens.
He doesn’t know if they didn’t invite him… or if they did and he ignored it, because he’s been dodging everyone for weeks.
Everything feels foggy.
He can’t remember the last time he actually showed up for something.
He scrolls down while searching for any kind of sign, any message he missed.
Nothing.
No notifications.
No text asking,
“Hey man, you coming?”
His throat closes.
He tugs the hood further down over his face with his breath catching.
“Stop it”
he mutters, like he can will the spiral away.
But it keeps coming.
He can’t stop seeing Eddie in that photo.
Eddie laughing with the team.
Eddie who he barely talks to anymore.
Eddie who he wanted to stay with so badly it hurt.
Eddie who didn’t ask him to move out, but Buck did it anyway, because he thought he was helping, he thought space would keep Eddie from getting sick of him, from seeing Buck unravel piece by piece.
But really?
He just made himself lonely.
A shaky breath slips out of him.
His eyes blur and he wipes them with the inside of his sleeve, irritated with himself.
“You’re fine”
he whispers.
“You’re fine, Buck. You’re always-“
A sob cracks out of him.
Sharp.
Ugly.
Uninvited.
He presses the heel of his hand to his mouth trying to swallow it back down, but once it starts, it’s like a dam breaking.
His whole body curls in on itself while trembling.
His voice breaks on it even though no one is here to hear.
He doesn’t know when “I miss the house” became “I miss you”
He doesn’t know when “I need space” turned into “I hate being alone.”
He can’t breathe for a second, the grief stacking on top of grief.
Missing Bobby.
Missing Eddie.
Missing himself.
His phone buzzes suddenly.
Buck jerks like he’s been shocked, swiping at his face and fumbling with the screen.
It’s a message from Eddie.
Eddie: You okay? Haven’t heard from you today.
Buck stares at it with his throat tight, tears still tracking down his cheeks in hot streaks.
He types, deletes, types again.
His reflection stares back at him in the black background with his red eyes, blotchy cheeks and hoodie sleeves pulled up around his knuckles like when he was kid trying to hold himself together.
Buck: Yeah. I’m good.
His thumb hovers.
He’s about to hit send.
Another message pops through.
Eddie: Hen posted a pic. I figured you saw it. We should’ve checked in with you today. That one’s on us.
Buck’s whole chest pulls tight.
He can hear Eddie’s voice in his head.
Steady.
Gentle.
Worried.
Another message.
Eddie: Buck… I miss you.
Buck’s breath stutters.
God.
He can’t do this.
He wants to.
He can’t.
Buck: It’s fine. Have fun. Sorry I didn’t come.
Eddie: You didn’t get the invite, did you?
Buck freezes.
Buck: There was an invite?
He wipes his face again trying to see the screen.
Eddie: …yeah. We sent it this morning. Group chat. You didn’t answer.
Buck scrolls up in the chat and realizes there’s a whole thread he never opened.
He missed it completely.
He wasn’t ignored.
He ignored them.
A broken little sound escapes his throat a half laugh and half sob.
He presses his hand over his mouth again trying to keep himself quiet.
His phone vibrates again.
Eddie:
Buck.
Talk to me.
Please.
Buck closes his eyes.
His breath shakes.
His entire body feels hollowed out and raw.
For a long moment, he says nothing.
Then he types, fingers trembling so badly he has to backspace three times.
Buck: I don’t know how to anymore.
He drops the phone on his chest and stares at the ceiling with his eyes still burning.
Two minutes later his phone lights up again.
Eddie: I’m coming over.
Buck’s heartbeat kicks up.
He bolts upright with panic slamming into him.
Buck:
No.
don’t please don’t.
I’m okay.
He doesn’t want Eddie to see him like this.
Wrecked.
Small.
Crying.
Eddie replies almost instantly.
Eddie: Then that’s exactly why I’m coming.
Buck sucks in a shaky breath.
He presses the phone to his forehead.
And whispers into the empty room with his voice cracking:
“…Eddie”
~~~
The soft creak of Buck’s front door is barely audible over the broken sound of his own breathing.
He doesn’t even lift his head from the pillow he thinks maybe he’s imagining it.
The room’s still dark except for the faint streetlight spilling through the blinds, silvering the mess of tissues on the nightstand and the phone still glowing dimly in his trembling hand.
Then comes another sound a hesitant step, slow, like whoever it is isn’t sure they’re welcome.
“Buck?”
Eddie’s voice.
It’s soft and careful.
The kind of tone people use when they’re approaching something fragile a wounded animal, or a man whose heart has just given up trying to hold itself together.
Buck tries to answer, but his throat burns. His chest stutters.
He just squeezes his eyes shut tighter, like if he can stay still enough, maybe Eddie will go away before he sees the state he’s in.
But Eddie doesn’t leave.
He moves closer.
The floorboards creak again and a moment later the warm, honey colored glow from the kitchen spills into the dark room as Eddie flips a single light switch.
It’s not much just enough to paint the edges of Buck’s figure in gold.
His hoodie’s damp from tears, his knuckles red where he’s been pressing them to his face.
Eddie pauses in the doorway.
His expression crumples a little when he takes it all in.
“Jesus, Buck…”
he breathes with his voice breaking just slightly.
Buck curls inward while muttering,
“Don’t-“
Eddie ignores it.
He crosses the room anyway, slow and deliberate, crouching down beside the bed.
His knees press against the mattress
and he reaches out a tentative hand to brush a few curls from Buck’s forehead.
The skin there is cold and damp with sweat.
“You didn’t answer my calls”
Eddie says quietly.
“I haven’t heard from you all day even on shift”
Buck doesn’t even remember hearing his phone ring at all.
He laughs or something that sounds like it, thin and sharp and wet.
“Didn’t-didn’t mean to. I just…”
He swallows hard while shaking his head.
“Didn’t think anyone’d even notice”
Eddie’s heart twists at that.
He sits down fully on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight.
“Of course we notice. Of course I notice”
Buck’s lip trembles with the words scraping up his throat raw.
“You went out. You were smiling. You-“
He chokes.
“You all looked happy, and I can’t even get out of bed”
Eddie doesn’t try to reason it away.
He just shifts closer, sliding an arm around Buck’s shoulders and pulling him in until Buck’s face is pressed against his chest.
The contact is instant like something inside Buck finally gives out completely.
He grabs at Eddie’s shirt while clutching it in both fists, and the sob that rips out of him sounds like it hurts to make.
Eddie holds him tighter.
One hand cups the back of Buck’s neck thumb tracing slow, grounding circles there.
“I got you”
Eddie murmurs.
“You hear me? I got you. You’re okay”
But Buck just keeps crying.
His breath comes in broken gasps, his whole body shaking against Eddie’s.
The grief, the loneliness, the guilt it all hits at once, six months of holding it together collapsing under the weight of Eddie’s voice and warmth.
“I miss him”
Buck gets out finally with the words cracking apart.
“I miss him so much, Eds. And I hate that everything keeps going like it’s supposed to. I hate that you all keep going, and I can’t-“
“Hey”
Eddie whispers while pressing his forehead to Buck’s temple.
“You’re allowed to miss him. Hell I still miss him. You don’t have to keep up, Buck. You don’t have to be okay yet”
Buck pulls back just enough to look at him, eyes swollen and red, lashes wet.
“Then why does it feel like I’m failing? Like I’m-like everyone’s moving on without me”
Eddie’s throat tightens but he forces the words out steady.
“Because you care. Because you loved him. And because you’re human”
Buck stares at him, trembling.
He looks so small like this the same man who once stood in fire and wreckage without flinching now barely holding himself upright.
His breaths come in shuddering little gasps.
“I’m so tired”
he whispers.
“I know”
Eddie says softly.
He eases Buck back, guiding him down so his head rests against Eddie’s chest again.
“Then rest. Just breathe for a bit”
Buck doesn’t resist.
His fingers untangle from Eddie’s shirt, only to curl in again like he’s afraid Eddie might vanish if he lets go.
Eddie stays like that holding him, slow steady breaths against Buck’s hair, the faint hum of the refrigerator the only sound from the kitchen.
After a while, Buck’s sobs fade to quiet hiccups, his body heavy and slack with exhaustion.
When Eddie finally speaks again, it’s just a whisper:
“You never should’ve moved out”
Buck mumbles something against his chest something that sounds like I know.
Eddie closes his eyes, hand still moving gently through Buck’s curls.
“Then come home, Buck. Whenever you’re ready… just come home”
There’s no answer, just the sound of Buck’s breath finally evening out shaky but real and the dim kitchen light painting both of them in soft gold, two men trying to breathe again in the quiet after grief.
~~~
Sometime after the house falls into silence and Buck’s breathing finally evens out and Eddie lets his own eyes drift closed.
He’s still propped awkwardly against the headboard with one arm locked around
Buck, the other resting across his back.
It’s nowhere near comfortable his shoulder’s going numb, his back’s starting to ache but Eddie doesn’t even consider moving.
Not when Buck is sleeping on him like the world will end if they lose contact.
The house stays dim and still, the soft amber glow from the kitchen fading as the automatic light timer shuts it off.
The streetlight through the blinds becomes the only illumination cool stripes of moon washed gray across the room.
Eddie’s mind wanders in that drifting, restless way it always does when he’s half awake, half keeping watch.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been out when he startles awake again, heart thumping, a prickle of alarm crawling up his spine.
His eyes blink open into the quiet dark. Something feels off a tiny movement against his chest, a tremor, a soft twitch.
It takes Eddie a second to understand it’s
Buck.
He lies still, just listening.
Buck’s breath is uneven.
Not panicked, not night terror harsh just uneven, a soft stuttering inhale like his body is chasing something in a dream he can’t quite outrun.
His fingers twitch where they’ve fisted lightly in Eddie’s shirt, and his legs shift restlessly under the blankets.
Eddie lifts his head, sleep clinging to him and whispers softly into the space between them:
“Buck?”
No response.
Buck’s still deeply asleep.
His lashes flutter against his cheeks, and another small jerk runs through his shoulders.
It’s not violent nothing that scares Eddie but it’s enough to tell him Buck’s not resting peacefully.
Eddie gently smooths his hand down Buck’s back, slow and steady, the same way he used to calm Christopher when he had bad nights.
Not to wake him… just to remind him he’s not alone. Just to anchor him.
“Shh… it’s okay”
Eddie murmurs even though Buck can’t hear him.
“I’m right here”
Buck twitches again with a soft jerk of his knee, a little tremble under Eddie’s palm.
His breath catches, then stumbles, like a sigh that never fully forms.
That’s when it happens.
Buck shifts blindly, instinctively like his sleeping body is searching for something it’s terrified of losing.
His hand the one curled in Eddie’s shirt tightens.
And then he pulls himself closer.
Right up against Eddie.
Practically buries himself into Eddie like Eddie’s warmth is the only thing keeping him tethered.
The movement is small.
Quiet.
But it hits Eddie straight in the heart.
“Oh, Buck…”
Eddie whispers with his voice cracking in the softest way.
Because Buck clings to people but not like this.
Not unconsciously.
Not with this kind of honesty his waking mind refuses to allow.
Eddie shifts slightly so he can fully wrap both arms around him, one hand sliding into Buck’s messy curls, thumb stroking gently.
He presses a soft kiss to the top of Buck’s head before he can stop himself it comes out instinctive, natural, like muscle memory.
Buck’s breathing eases just a little.
The twitching doesn’t fully stop, but it softens under Eddie’s hands, like his body recognizes the safety, even if his mind is miles away.
Eddie keeps holding him.
Keeps whispering nothing words soft reassurances, meaningless to anyone awake, but meant for him all the same.
“I Got you… you’re okay… I’m not going anywhere”
He doesn’t realize how long he stays awake, watching over him again until a glance at the dim red numbers of the oven clock tells him it’s nearly three in the morning.
Buck sighs again softer this time and tucks his face deeper into Eddie, fingers still clinging, breath warm against Eddie’s sternum.
Eddie feels something warm burn behind his ribs.
Something aching and full and so stupidly tender it almost hurts.
Because Buck shouldn’t have had to fall apart alone.
Because he never should’ve moved out.
Because Eddie misses him God, he misses him in every room of his house, in every quiet moment with Christopher, in every night he falls asleep by himself and pretends he’s fine with it.
He rests his cheek against Buck’s hair.
Buck doesn’t stir.
He just breathes, soft and uneven but slowly evening out, held safely in Eddie’s arms.
And Eddie stays awake until the tremors stop, until Buck’s breathing steadies into a gentle rhythm, and until the night folds comfortably around both of them again warm, quiet, and finally peaceful.
~~~
Morning comes gently.
It always does in Buck’s house the sun slipping in through the blinds like it’s trying not to startle anyone, painting the bedroom in a pale gold that softens everything it touches.
Eddie wakes the way he always does after a night spent holding someone he can’t bear to lose slow, tense, aware of every inch of where Buck is pressed against him.
Buck’s still asleep, breathing deep and even for the first time in… God, Eddie doesn’t even know how long.
He’s tucked against Eddie’s side, cheek against Eddie’s chest, fingers curled lightly into the fabric of Eddie’s t shirt like his body refused to let go even in sleep.
There’s a faint heaviness between them not bad, not heavy heavy more like the weight of everything unspoken.
Eddie stays still for a minute, letting himself breathe it in.
Buck warm against him.
The room quiet.
His own heartbeat steadying from the night’s tension.
And then Buck shifts in his sleep just a small, soft movement his nose brushing Eddie’s ribs before he settles again.
Eddie’s chest tightens.
He can’t help it.
Something about the innocence of it, the trust.
He lifts a hand, gently pushes Buck’s curls off his forehead, and before he can talk himself out of it,
He presses a soft kiss there again.
Just a brush of his lips.
Quick.
Careful.
Something he’ll deny if Buck ever asks.
Buck doesn’t stir.
Eddie lets out a slow breath feels that familiar ache settle deep in his ribs, and finally gently eases himself out from under Buck.
He replaces himself with the pillow he’d been using, knowing Buck will reach for it.
He does.
Immediately.
Eddie watches Buck’s fingers curl into the pillowcase like he’s still looking for him, and his heart stumbles a bit.
Eddie rubs at the back of his neck as he walks into the kitchen closing the door with his muscles stiff from holding Buck half the night.
The kitchen feels a little too still, like the house hasn’t gotten used to being occupied yet.
Eddie flicks on a light, finds Buck’s coffee setup exactly where he remembers it from before Buck moved out neat, organized, quietly familiar.
His phone buzzes.
Hen:
Eddie?
You alive?
Chim:
Did you find him??
Ravi:
Any update?
May:
Is Buck okay?
Harry:
Is he sleeping? Eating? Breathing?
Maddie:
how's he doing?
How are YOU doing?
Eddie sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.
They must’ve been texting for hours.
He types back with one hand while he scoops coffee grounds into the filter with the other.
Eddie:
He’s sleeping.
Long night.
He’s okay.
Eddie:
And yes, I’m okay too.
Three dots appear immediately.
Hen:
Okay as in “fine” or okay as in “Buck had a rough night and you carried him emotionally again”?
Eddie:
…
Chim:
So the second one.
Athena:
We’re here if either of you need anything.
Maddie:
Please tell him I love him.
May:
We all do.
Eddie’s chest tightens again, but in a different way something warm, protective.
He sends.
Eddie:
I’ll tell him.
The coffee pot gurgles to life.
While it brews, Eddie see texts from Chris.
Chris:
Did you stay with Buck?
Is he okay?
Did he have a bad night?
Tell Buck I said good morning please.
Eddie smiles as he types back.
Eddie:
Yeah, bud.
He's okay.
Still sleeping.
I'll be home in a bit.
Love you.
Eddie leans against the counter, arms folded loosely across his chest, the smell of coffee filling the kitchen, grounding him.
It hits him how familiar this feels.
Being here.
Moving around Buck’s kitchen like muscle memory.
Taking care of him without thinking twice.
It feels… right.
Too right.
He hears a soft, sleepy shift from the bedroom down the hall Buck turning over, maybe pulling the pillow closer.
Eddie swallows.
He pours himself a cup of Bucks expensive coffee.
The kind Eddie teases him about but secretly loves.
He moves around Buck's kitchen island like he's done a thousand times.
Because... he has.
but before he takes a sip, he glances down the hallway again.
There’s no obligation.
No emergency.
He just… wants to be here.
He should probably head home soon.
Check on Christopher.
Shower.
Pretend this didn't mean more than it should.
But even as he thinks it, his eyes drift down the hallway toward Buck's
bedroom.
He knows he's not going anywhere until Buck wakes up and knows he isn't alone.
And that truth settles into him like sunlight through the blinds warm, quiet, impossible to ignore.
It’s been a few minutes and Eddie hears soft steps behind him.
Buck appears in the doorway, hair flattened on one side, eyes swollen and puffy from crying, hoodie stretched from pulling on it all night, voice still caught in sleep.
He looks…
God- he looks fragile in that way Eddie recognizes instantly.
The way Buck gets after nightmares or hard calls or when he’s trying to pretend he’s okay.
“Morning”
Eddie says gently, turning halfway toward him.
Buck doesn’t answer.
He just walks straight into him slow, hesitant at first, then with this sudden rush like he can’t hold himself back and he wraps both arms around Eddie from behind.
His forehead drops onto Eddie’s shoulder, warm and heavy.
His breath shudders softly against Eddie’s neck.
“Hey”
Eddie murmurs, surprised but already melting into it.
“You okay?”
Buck nods, but it’s a small and embarrassed little movement.
He tightens his arms around Eddie’s waist like he’s scared Eddie might disappear if he loosens his grip even a little.
“Didn’t mean to-“
Buck’s voice cracks, muffled against Eddie.
“Didn’t mean to cling”
Eddie shakes his head immediately.
“You’re allowed to cling to me”
he says quietly.
“Anytime. You hear me? Anytime”
Buck exhales shakily.
And before he pulls away maybe before he can talk himself out of it he presses the softest kiss to Eddie’s shoulder, right through the cotton of Eddie’s shirt.
A quick, instinctive little thing.
Almost shy.
Eddie’s breath catches barely there, but it’s real.
Buck freezes realizing
“Sorry I don’t know why I-“
“It’s okay”
Eddie says gently, too fast, too sincere.
“It’s okay, Buck. Really”
Buck doesn’t let go.
If anything, he leans a little more of his weight against Eddie, eyes closed, grounding himself on the familiar warmth and Eddie’s steady breathing.
Eddie sets the mug down so he can rest his hands over Buck’s forearms, rubbing slow circles with his thumbs, soothing the tension he feels there.
“I made coffee”
he says softly.
“Yours is the mug with the chip”
Buck huffs a quiet, embarrassed laugh.
“Thanks”
“And I’m not going anywhere”
Eddie adds, voice dropping to something warm and certain.
“You don’t have to wake up alone today. Or tomorrow. Or whenever”
Buck’s eyes flutter shut.
That hits him harder than he wants to admit.
There’s a long, quiet moment Buck pressed against Eddie’s back, Eddie’s palms warm on Buck’s arms, the kitchen filled with that soft morning stillness that only happens when two people trust each other more than they know how to say yet.
Then Eddie’s voice breaks the silence, gentle but careful
“Thanksgiving’s coming up”
Buck lets out a slow breath still leaning on him.
“..yeah”
“It’s the first one without Bobby”
Eddie says quietly.
Buck stiffens not violently, but like something inside him splinters a little.
His voice is barely a whisper.
“It’s gonna be so weird without him. I keep thinking he’s gonna walk into the kitchen and start bossing us all around about the turkey or… or steal the mashed potatoes before anyone sees”
Eddie’s throat tightens, but he stays steady.
His hands slide slowly up and down Buck’s arms, comforting, grounding.
“I know”
Eddie murmurs.
“I keep expecting to hear him teasing us about burning something. Or reminding me not to let Chris eat too much pie before dinner”
He exhales softly.
“It’s gonna hurt. For all of us”
Buck presses his forehead harder into Eddie’s shoulder, a little noise slipping out of him a grief-soaked, exhausted sound.
“But we’re gonna get through it”
Eddie says quietly.
“Together”
Buck nods into him.
Another shuddery breath.
Another long, clinging squeeze.
Neither of them moves.
Not for a long time.
And when they finally do, it’s only because Eddie gently brings Buck’s hands forward and places the warm mug of coffee into them.
“Drink”
Eddie says softly.
“Then we’ll figure out the rest.”
Buck holds the mug but doesn’t step away from Eddie.
Not yet.
They eventually drift from the kitchen to the couch, still wrapped in that quiet, careful morning calm.
Eddie just sits beside him, knees brushing.
Buck rubs his palms on his legs,fidgeting.
“I, uh… I can make us breakfastL
he says, voice still scratchy from crying.
“Like eggs, or pancakes, or something. You didn’t eat last night and I-“
Eddie is already shaking his head with that soft, bossy tenderness he only uses on the people he loves.
“Nope”
He stands up with his hands on his hips.
“Stay. Right there”
Buck blinks up at him.
“Eddie, it’s my kitchen”
“And I’m still not letting you move”
Eddie says, stepping closer and tapping two fingers to Buck’s knee.
“Sit. Relax. I can handle breakfast”
Buck’s mouth opens, ready to argue, then closes again.
“You don’t have to”
“I know”
Eddie says, gentle smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“I want to”
Something in Buck melts.
He sinks back into the couch cushions, pulling a blanket from the backrest over his lap.
“Okay”
he says softly.
“But only if you actually let me help later”
“We’ll negotiatel
Eddie calls over his shoulder smirking as he walks into the kitchen.
Buck watches him go, the way Eddie automatically rolls up his sleeves, the way he opens cabinets like he’s been in this kitchen a hundred times…
Eddie moves around the room like muscle memory. Like home.
Buck’s chest squeezes.
Ed’s pulling out the pan when he glances back.
“You want pancakes or eggs?”
Buck shrugs a little.
“Whatever you want”
Eddie gives him a look.
“Buck. You always have an opinion about breakfast”
Buck huffs a tiny laugh.
“Pancakes, I guess”
“Pancakes it is”
The sound of batter whisking fills the space.
It’s domestic.
It’s warm.
It feels like a version of the life Buck keeps pretending he doesn’t still want.
From the couch, Buck pulls the blanket up to his chin and watches Eddie with that softness he could never hide not from Eddie, not from anyone who really knows him.
“Hey, Eds?”
Buck says quietly.
Eddie flips a pancake.
“Yeah?”
“Thanksgiving”
Buck swallows, picking at the edge of the blanket.
“We gonna do something? With everyone?”
“Yeah”
Eddie says without hesitation.
“Of course. The team wants to get together. Chris is excited”
A comfortable quiet settles over them.
Eddie goes back to cooking, and Buck keeps watching him with that soft, aching fondness he thinks he’s hiding but absolutely isn’t.
Eddie glances over his shoulder again.
“You okay over there?”
Buck hesitates.
“I think so”
he says honestly.
“This helps”
Eddie smiles small, warm, the kind that hits Buck in the ribs.
“Good. That’s the point.”
Buck pulls the blanket tighter around himself.
“Smells good”
“Almost done,”
Eddie says.
“So don’t move.”
“I’m literally wrapped in a blanket. I can’t move even if I wanted to”
Eddie chuckles.
“Good. That’s the plan”
Buck leans his head back against the couch, eyes drifting over Eddie again the soft morning light in his hair, the way he hums under his breath, the gentleness in every motion.
He looks like home.
He looks like the life Buck wants so badly it scares him.
And still… he sits back and watches him cook, quiet and full of something warm and fragile and too big to name.
~~~
Eddie returns from the kitchen balancing two plates with pancake and bacon for Buck.
The smell fills the quiet house, warm and grounding.
Buck is curled on the couch almost half asleep but he looks calmer.
Fragile, yes but softer around the edges than last night.
Eddie sets one plate down on the coffee table, then kneels a little so he’s eye level with Buck.
“Hey”
he says gently.
“Made you the good stuff”
Buck’s mouth pulls into this tiny, tired smile while he opens his eyes
“You made me bacon? You never make bacon at your place”
“Yeah well”
Eddie smirks,
“I’m in your kitchen and you’re emotionally compromised, so I made an exception”
Buck lets out a soft, breathy laugh the kind that’s half real and half surprise that he’s even capable of laughing today.
Eddie’s chest aches at the sound.
Buck scoots forward as Eddie sits beside him, sinking into the couch.
Their knees brush.
Neither of them moves away.
Eddie hands over the plate.
“Eat. You barely had anything yesterday”
Buck takes it, murmuring,
“Thank you”
He looks at the food like he’s not sure he deserves it, then looks at Eddie like he definitely doesn’t.
For a few moments they eat quietly.
The TV is off.
The morning light is pale and soft through the windows.
Buck’s house feels… not empty, for once.
Eddie glances at him.
“How are you feeling?”
Buck shrugs, poking at a piece of toast.
“Like someone punched me in the eyes. And in the chest. And maybe the soul”
Eddie huffs a soft laugh.
“Pretty accurate”
Then, more gently
“You scared me last night, you know”
Buck’s fork stops moving.
“Sorry”
“Don’t apologize”
Eddie says immediately.
“I just-when I saw you like that…”
He swallows.
“I hate that you were alone”
Buck stares down at his food.
“I didn’t want to be a burden”
Eddie sets his own plate aside and turns toward him fully.
His voice drops warm and certain.
“Buck. You are never a burden. Not to me”
Buck’s breath hitches, just slightly.
His eyes shine.
He doesn’t say anything right away, just takes a shaky bite, trying to keep himself from spiraling again.
After a moment, Buck speaks quietly.
“Everything feels so weird without Bobby”
Eddie nods, expression sinking.
“Yeah. It does”
“It’s like…”
Buck searches for the words.
“Every morning I wake up and expect a text from him. Or-when something funny happens at work I want to tell him, and then I remember…”
His voice breaks on the end of the sentence.
Eddie’s hand finds Buck’s thigh, warm and steady.
“I know”
he murmurs.
“Me too”
Buck looks up, eyes red again but open really open.
Eddie says softly.
“He was… the person I went to when I didn’t know what to do and now we’re all trying to keep each other afloat without him”
Buck’s throat works.
“And I’m the one sinking”
Eddie shakes his head, leaning closer.
“No. You’re grieving. And grief doesn’t move in a straight line. It hits hardest the people who loved hardest”
Buck looks away, blinking rapidly.
“I just… I don’t want him to be gone. I don’t want any of this to be real”
“I know”
Eddie whispers.
“But you’re not alone in it”
The room goes quiet. Buck’s breath shudders.
Eddie’s thumb rubs a slow circle against his leg comfort, grounding, something quietly intimate.
Buck swallows hard.
“He’d be mad at me”
“For what?”
Eddie asks, confused.
“For shutting everyone out”
Buck’s voice is small.
“For pushing you away. For moving out”
Eddie inhales, steady and deep.
“Buck… Bobby wouldn’t be mad. He’d worry, yeah. He’d tell you to lean on your family. He’d tell you that you don’t have to walk through this alone”
A tear slips down Buck’s cheek, and he wipes it quickly like he’s embarrassed.
“I’m trying. I just… don’t feel like myself”
Eddie’s voice softens even further.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to be yourself yet. I’ll sit with you until you find your footing again”
Buck looks up at him like the words physically hit him like they’re sinking into the cracks in his chest.
“And for the record?”
Eddie adds, mouth twisting in a tiny smile.
“I’m not letting you push me away again”
Buck breathes out, shaky but lighter.
“Okay”
Then, quieter again,
“Okay”
Eddie nods.
They sit in the soft morning light, plates warm in their laps, grief shared between them not lessened, but held.
Together.
And somewhere in the space between them, something slow and steady keeps growing.
It had been a few minutes and Buck doesn’t even mean to lean his body just goes, like gravity pulls him toward Eddie
automatically.
One second he’s sitting there with his coffee mug n his hand, eyes shiny with that raw Bobby ache, and the next he’s drifting sideways until his shoulder bumps Eddie’s arm.
Eddie doesn’t hesitate.
He shifts immediately, opening his arm like he was waiting for Buck to fall into the space against him.
The warmth of him, the steady breath, the quiet patience in the way he moves it all feels like home in a way Buck hasn’t let himself feel in months.
“Hey”
Eddie murmurs, so soft it’s almost a breath.
“Come here”
Buck doesn’t fight it.
He lets Eddie guide him gently, hands warm and careful, until Buck’s head rests against Eddie’s chest.
Eddie’s arm wraps around him, protective but not smothering, like he’s holding something precious without even realizing it.
Buck exhales shakily, tension melting out of him in little pieces.
“Is this okay?”
Eddie asks, voice low, almost timid.
Buck nods against his chest.
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s… it’s really okay”
Eddie breathes out like he’d been holding that question inside for a long time.
He brings his hand up slowly giving Buck every chance to pull away and then gently places his palm on the back of Buck’s head.
His fingers slide into Buck’s curls, warm and steady, thumb brushing soothingly against his scalp.
Buck melts.
His whole body goes pliant, soft, like Eddie just found the switch that turns off the endless tension he carries.
Buck curls a little closer, breath shuddering against Eddie’s shirt.
Eddie’s voice comes out low and honest.
“You scared me last night”
Buck’s fingers curl into Eddie’s shirt not gripping, just holding on.
“I didn’t mean to”
“I know”
Eddie whispers.
His hand stays, stroking gently through Buck’s hair.
“But seeing you like that… it just- I don’t want you going through this alone”
Buck swallows hard, eyes closing.
“I didn’t want to drag anyone down”
“Buck”
Eddie says, gentle but firm,
“you’re not dragging anyone down. You’re grieving. You lost someone who meant the world to you. To all of us”
Buck’s breath tightens at that.
“I just… when I see everyone laughing and going out and-moving forward-I feel like I’m stuck behind”
Eddie tilts his head slightly, resting his cheek on Buck’s hair.
“Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving him behind”
Buck’s lips tremble, and he presses a little closer like he’s trying to fuse himself right into Eddie’s chest.
“I just don’t know what my life looks like without him”
Eddie’s hand slows, becoming even gentler.
Buck goes still.
“You’re not alone, Buck”
Eddie says, softer now.
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere”
Buck’s voice is a whisper, barely there
“You promise?”
Eddie doesn’t even hesitate.
“Yeah. I promise.”
There’s a silence, but not the bad kind the warm, settling kind.
Buck breathes in the scent of Eddie’s hoodie, laundry detergent and something that’s just… him.
His fingers relax in the fabric.
“You always know how to calm me down”
Buck murmurs, embarrassed but honest.
“That’s because I know you”
Eddie replies, thumb brushing lightly across the back of Buck’s head.
“All of you”
Buck exhales shakily — not a cry, not a laugh, something in between.
“You’re too good to me”
Eddie gives a tiny huff of breath that sounds like a half smile.
“You deserve good”
Buck swallows again, emotion thick in his throat.
They sit like that, Eddie holding Buck against his chest, Buck curled into him like he finally found a place to rest.
The tension hums between them soft, warm, tender, unspoken but neither of them moves away.
Eddie keeps rubbing slow circles over Buck’s scalp, protective and sweet and careful.
And Buck lets him.
Eventually, Buck’s breaths even out slowly the kind of worn down rhythm that only follows hours of crying and the safety of someone’s arms.
Eddie feels the second Buck’s weight grows heavier against him with his muscles unclenching, body sinking, cheek pressed fully over Eddie’s heartbeat.
Eddie lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding.
He shifts just enough to brace Buck better, one arm looping securely around his back the other hand still cradling the back of Buck’s head.
His thumb moves in slow, absentminded strokes through Buck’s curls.
Buck melts instantly, a soft little exhale brushing Eddie’s T shirt.
He snuggles in closer, practically nuzzling deeper into Eddie’s chest in his sleep.
A few minutes pass before Buck stirs again.
Not waking just shifting, head rubbing lightly against Eddie’s sternum like he’s finding the perfect spot.
It damn near knocks the wind out of Eddie.
He feels something hot building in his chest something he’s been trying not to name for months.
Something that feels terrifyingly like love.
Like home.
Buck murmurs something unintelligible, not words, just a sleepy little sound that somehow manages to break Eddie’s heart in the softest way.
Eddie smiles, brushing a curl off Buck’s forehead with two fingers.
“…You good there?”
he whispers.
“Comfortable?”
Buck doesn’t answer as Eddie suspects as he just breathes in deeper and sinks even more onto him, deadweight and trusting.
Eddie huffs a laugh under his breath.
“Comfortable. Got it”
Another moment passes the kind that feels suspended in warm honey before Eddie’s voice dips even softer.
“Y’know… I really missed this”
Buck doesn’t respond, still halfnasleep, but Eddie keeps talking anyway.
Something about holding Buck again, feeling him like this, makes honesty slip out easier than it ever does when Buck’s awake.
“I missed-“
Eddie stops, tries again.
“I missed… having you close”
Buck sighs gently, and Eddie swears he feels it right against his ribs.
He swallows hard.
“I didn’t want you to move out”
he whispers, thumb brushing Buck’s temple.
“I didn’t want… I don’t want this distance between us. I hate it”
Buck shifts but doesn’t wake.
His hand slips instinctively up Eddie’s side, fingers curling into Eddie’s shirt like a kid hanging on.
Eddie’s whole body goes still.
Like Buck’s touch lights up every nerve.
“God, Buck,”
he breathes, voice cracking barely at the edges.
“You have no idea what you do to me”
Buck’s breathing hitches just slightly still asleep, but reacting to the sound of Eddie’s voice.
Leaning in.
Trusting him even unconscious.
Eddie’s heart pounds painfully, protectively and reverently.
And that… that’s when Eddie feels it bubbling up the confession he’s been swallowing for years.
“Buck…”
he murmurs, fingers threading through soft hair.
“I-“
He freezes.
His heart slams once, hard, like it’s trying to punch its way out.
Say it.
Say it.
Tell him.
Tell him you-
“I’m… I’m really glad I’m here”
he says instead, the words shakier than he intends.
“I’m glad you let me stay”
It’s pathetic.
A half start.
A coward’s version of what he wants to say.
But it’s all he can manage without breaking open completely.
Buck shifts again.
He’s still sound asleep, but Eddie swears there’s something in the way Buck relaxes like hearing Eddie’s voice makes him safe.
Eddie holds him tighter.
“I’m not going anywhere”
he whispers again for the thousandth time, the only confession he’s brave enough to make.
Buck’s fingers curl into Eddie’s shirt again, gripping soft but sure like his body understands something even if his mind isn’t awake to hear it.
Eddie exhales shakily.
He rests his cheek lightly on top of Buck’s head and closes his eyes, holding him as the house grows brighter with morning.
Slowly falling or maybe he’s already fallen.
And in Eddie’s arms, Buck sleeps like he finally feels safe.
~~~
By the time Buck and Eddie walk into the station the next day, the sky outside is pale blue, half clouded, the kind of soft daylight that makes everything look gentler than it is.
And Buck…
Buck looks gentler too.
He smiles.
He jokes.
He slings his bag down in the locker room and gives Hen a hug when she pulls him in without warning.
He looks better.
But Eddie watches him just a little too closely and sees what no one else catches.
The way Buck’s shoulders still sit too tight.
The faint redness around his eyes.
The way his laugh is half a second delayed and his smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes.
He’s trying.
God, he’s trying so hard.
And Eddie can’t even bring himself to focus on that because halfway through a briefing he’d suddenly felt… off.
Warm.
A little dizzy.
The smallest coil of nausea twisting low in his stomach.
He ignores it.
Buck needs him steady, not complaining.
Now, mid afternoon, Buck is in the upstairs kitchen grabbing water when Eddie climbs the stairs slowly, because his head swims just a little.
Buck turns at the sound of him.
And for a second, something in Buck’s chest drops.
Because Eddie is looking at him with that soft, fond, too-warm gaze again like Buck is something he wants but doesn’t let himself reach for.
Eddie doesn’t even know he’s doing it.
Buck’s heart stutters in his chest.
“Please don’t look at me like that,”
Buck thinks.
“I’ll say it. I’ll say it out loud. I can’t, I can’t lose you.”
But Eddie does look like that.
And when Buck meets his gaze, Eddie immediately blushes, cheeks pinking as he ducks his head a little.
Which great.
Now Buck is blushing too.
Behind them, from the table, Hen, Chimney, and Ravi all stop their very intense debate about Christmas movies and lean forward like a synchronized gossip troop.
Hen whispers,
“Did you see that?”
Chim elbows Ravi.
“Look, look, they’re doing the thing again”
Ravi tilts his head.
“What thing-“
Hen grins.
“The staring thing”
Chim slaps Ravi’s arm.
“The soft staring. The ‘married for ten years’ staring.”
Ravi squints his eyes.
“Oh. Ohhh. Yeah, that’s— that’s real soft”
Meanwhile, Buck sets his water down and steps closer to Eddie, brows pulling together.
Eddie steps up onto the platform with his smile shy, voice low.
“Hey”
“Hey”
Buck says quietly, voice slipping into concern without him even trying.
“You okay? You look a little-“
“I’m fine”
Eddie lies instantly.
His stomach flips again.
Buck, unconvinced, reaches out before he can stop himself and presses the back of his hand to Eddie’s forehead.
Eddie freezes.
Buck freezes.
Hen, Chim, and Ravi silently explode.
“Eds…”
Buck murmurs as his hand rests there gently.
“You’re warm”
Eddie’s throat bobbles.
“I-it’s just hot up here”
“It’s November,”
Buck says softly, thumb brushing once over Eddie’s temple before he snatches his hand back like it burned him.
“You sure you’re okay
Eddie nods, too fast.
“Yeah. Just-“
He swallows.
“Did you get some sleep? After I left?”
Buck’s face softens in that way Eddie can almost never look at directly.
“Yeah. Thanks to you”
Hen whispers loudly,
“Oh my God.”
Chim mutters,
“This is better than TV.”
Ravi whispers,
“Should we… like… leave?”
“No”
Hen and Chim say at the same time.
Buck clears his throat, cheeks pink.
“Um -water?”
He hands Eddie the bottle without thinking, their fingers brushing, and both of them jerk like there’s actual electricity between them.
Eddie rubs the back of his neck.
“Thanks”
“You sure you’re good?”
Buck asks softly.
Eddie forces a smile.
“Yeah. Just checking on you”
Buck’s chest warms at that. Really warms.
He looks away, trying to breathe normally because if he doesn’t he’s going to blurt out something like,
“I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years. Please don’t ever stop looking at me like that”
Instead he says,
“I, uh… I’m really glad you’re here”
Eddie’s eyes soften.
“Always, Buck”
Hen’s voice cuts the moment sharply
“So tell us, gentlemen-“
she says much too loudly,
-“we’re trying to settle an important Christmas argument. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie or not?”
Chim gasps in betrayal.
“Hen! That was the nuclear option!”
Buck laughs.
Eddie finally exhales something warm and quiet.
Buck turns to Eddie and murmurs,
“You feeling up to rescuing them from themselves?”
Eddie smiles faintly.
“With you? Always”
Hen elbows Chim with a whispered,
“Kill me, they’re so in love”
Buck hears none of it.
Eddie hears all of it and turns red to his ears.
But they both walk over anyway side by side, close enough their arms graze and Eddie’s smile falters for the tiniest second.
A sharp pain twists across his face quick, but real.
His hand presses to his abdomen like someone stabbed him from the inside.
Buck immediately straightens.
“Eds?”
Eddie swallows the discomfort down.
“I’m fine”
“You don’t look fin
“I’m fine”
Eddie repeats, softer, embarrassed, trying to nudge Buck’s concern away.
“Just… stomach being weird. Didn’t eat enough earlier, probably.”
Buck steps closer too close.
Eddie goes pink again.
Hen mouths,
“OH MY GOD THEY’RE IN LOVE”
to Chim, who nods vigorously.
Buck frowns.
“are you okay?”
Eddie forces a smile.
“Just tired, Buck. Promise”
Buck doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t push. Instead he lingers a moment too long, thumb brushing along Eddie’s temple again before pulling away.
Chim clears his throat loudly.
“SO! Buck! Eddie! Christmas movies!”
Eddie gives a tiny laugh, relieved at the distraction.
“Oh, uh-right.”
Hen leans in with narrowed eyes.
“And you two? What’s your pick?”
Buck shrugs.
“Honestly? I love The Holiday. I even cried at it once”
Eddie smirks gently.
“Once?”
Buck laughs, bumping Eddie with his shoulder.
“Okay, like twice”
“Three times”
Hen corrects, pointing.
“We all remember the year you lost it when Jude Law cried”
Buck groans.
“Why are you calling me out?”
Eddie is still smiling at him.
Soft.
Warm.
Nearly glowing despite the flush on his cheeks.
“Buck’s sensitive”
Eddie teases quietly.
“It’s one of the things I like about him”
Buck freezes.
Eddie realizes what he said what it sounds like and his eyes go wide.
“I-I meant like-professionally. As a person. Not-uh-“
Buck saves him, blushing just as hard.
“Yeah, no, I got it. I mean-thanks”
Hen and Ravi smack Chim’s arm repeatedly in silent, delighted excitement.
Chim whispers loudly,
“They’re so dating in spirit”
Buck sits on the counter stool to hide how red he is, taking a long drink of water.
Eddie stands beside him, leaning a hand on the counter for support.
Another small twist of pain crosses his face, barely visible except Buck sees everything.
Buck angles toward him.
“Eddie… that hurt, didn’t it?”
Eddie looks startled he caught it.
“Buck, seriously, I’m fine”
“You’re literally wincing”
“It’s nothing”
Eddie insists, voice low.
“Just a stomach cramp. Probably something I ate last night. I’m good”
Buck mutters,
“You always say that”
“And I’m always fine”
Eddie tries to joke.
But Buck steps closer again, instinctive, protective, and soft in a way that cracks Eddie’s heart a little.
“Tell me if it gets worse. Please”
Eddie goes quiet.
His eyes soften.
“Yeah. Okay.”
His voice is almost a whisper.
“I’ll tell you”
Buck nods.
“Good”
Hen clears her throat.
“So..are we ignoring the fact that you two are standing like you got married last week or-“
“HEN”
Buck and Eddie say at the same time.
She grins.
“Thought so”
Chim claps his hands.
“Back to the debate! Die Hard-“
“NO”
everyone says.
Eddie laughs, but then presses a hand subtly to his stomach again, hoping no one sees.
Buck sees.
Buck always sees.
And even though his heart is hammering from every small glance Eddie gives him…
he’s more worried than anything else
~~~
The engine hums as they head back to the station, but the usual chatter has died down.
Chims tapping absentmindedly on his knee.
Hen’s writing her report.
Ravi keeps glancing over with that worried little crease between his brows.
And Eddie… Eddie is folded forward on the bench seat, elbows on his knees, head nearly between his legs, one arm wrapped tightly around his stomach like he’s holding himself together.
Buck is directly across from him, watching every single thing Eddie is trying and failing to hide.
“Eds?”
Buck says quietly.
“You okay?”
Eddie doesn’t look up.
“Yeah”
he mutters, breath shallow.
“Just… tired.”
Buck’s eyes drop to the sheen of sweat across Eddie’s forehead, the way his fingers tremble against his own thigh.
Hen catches Buck’s look, then looks at Eddie.
“Eddie, you’re sweating like you ran a marathon. You good?”
“Fine”
Eddie grits out.
“Just hot. The call was a lot”
Ravi exchanges a glance with Buck.
“Uh… we were outside. It’s sixty two degrees”
“Exactly,”
Eddie says, voice too tight to sound normal.
“Weather’s weird”
Buck leans forward, elbows on his knees.
He lowers his voice.
“Eddie. Look at me”
Eddie finally does and it’s a mistake. Because Buck sees the pain.
The pale skin.
The glassy eyes.
“Eds…”
Buck whispers.
“Something’s wrong”
“I’m fine”
Eddie insists,a little too sharply.
“Just don’t feel great. Happens”
“Since when?”
Chim chimes in, raising a brow.
“Because you were fine yesterday”
“Chim,”
Eddie warns.
Buck doesn’t break eye contact.
“You need to tell someone if you’re not okay”
Eddie closes his eyes, jaw tight.
“I just need a minute. That’s it”
The pain pulses again sharp, deep, like someone jabbed a knife under his ribs and Eddie lets out the smallest wince.
Buck hears it.
Buck always hears it.
But Eddie shakes his head like he can outrun Buck’s concern.
“Please. Just drop it”
The engine rolls to a stop behind the station.
“Ed-“
“I’m okay”
Eddie cuts in.
“Seriously”
He gets up too fast, swaying slightly before heading inside.
Buck starts after him, but Hen gently touches his arm.
“Give him a second”
she murmurs.
“Then go”
Buck doesn’t wait long.
~~~
Eddie makes it to the bathroom just in time.
His knees hit tile.
The nausea rises fast and violent, and he grips the rim of the toilet as he throws up.
It hurts.
It hurts so much it makes his vision blur.
He tries to breathe through it, tries to be quiet, tries to pretend he’s fine.
He can’t text Buck, even though every instinct in him screams I need him.
He can’t give in to that.
Not right now.
Not when he doesn’t even know what’s happening in his own body.
The world tilts.
His ears ring.
And suddenly everything goes dark for a moment just a few seconds, but enough to scare him.
He blinks back awake on the bathroom floor, cheek pressed against cold tile, breathing hard.
His stomach still throbs.
His hands shake.
But Eddie Diaz knows how to pull himself together.
He has done it his entire life.
So he wipes his mouth, splashes water on his face, stand too quickly, waits for the dizziness to settle, then forces his expression into something neutral.
He walks out like nothing happened.
Buck is there. Of course he is.
His arms are crossed, foot tapping anxiously, brows furrowed so tightly he looks seconds from ripping the door off its hinges if Eddie stayed in any longer.
The moment Eddie steps out, Buck straightens.
“Eddie. Why were you in there so long?”
Eddie shrugs, casual.
Too casual.
“Got soap in my eye”
Buck blinks.
“…Soap”
“Yup”
“Eddie, it was fifteen minutes”
“Hard soap”
Buck stares at him.
“..Hard soap?”
Eddie nods vigorously.
“Yup. One of those-those fancy rough ones Hen buys for the bathroom. It-uh-it burns”
Hen, from across the hallway,
“It’s lavender”
“Lavender can burn”
Eddie says, still walking.
Buck follows him, frowning hard.
“Eddie”
“Buck”
Eddie counters, trying to steer away.
But Buck steps directly in front of him, gentle hand on Eddie’s arm.
He lowers his voice.
“You don’t have to lie to me”
Something flickers across Eddie’s face fear, pain, vulnerability before he smooths it away.
“I’m not”
he says quietly.
“I’m fine. It was nothing”
Buck studies him.
The pale cheeks.
The lingering sweat.
The tightness in Eddie’s jaw.
“Okay”
Buck says softly… but not convincingly.
“Okay. But if you need to sit down, or go home, or-“
“I’m good”
Eddie says again.
“I promise”
Buck doesn’t believe him.
Not even a little.
He wants to reach for him again.
Wants to touch his face.
Wants to press his forehead to Eddie’s and say what he’s been holding in for months,
“I love you. Let me help. Let me take care of you like you take care of me”
But he swallows it down.
Instead, he murmurs,
“If it gets worse… you tell me”
Eddie nods once.
A tiny, grateful thing.
“Yeah”
he whispers.
“Yeah, Buck. I will”
Even though they both know he won’t.
Buck stands there for another minute zoning out.
While Eddie barely makes it up the stairs.
Each step sends a hot, twisting spike through the right side of his stomach, deep and sharp enough that he has to hold his breath.
He keeps one hand still pressed low against his abdomen, fingers curled tight in the fabric of his shirt, like that’ll stop the pain from spreading.
He just needs to sit.
Just for a second.
Then he’ll be fine.
He always is.
The couch is close ten more steps, five, two and Eddie lowers himself down carefully, dragging in a shaky breath.
His stomach clenches again, hard and mean, and he folds forward with a small, helpless sound before he can stop it.
He presses a fist against the cushion, eyes squeezing shut.
“God, okay. Just… just breathe. Nobody can see you like this. Just breath”
But the pain throbs again and again, pulling at the edges of his consciousness, making his vision go dim for a second.
His head drops back against the couch cushion, his eyelids flutter, and the exhaustion that’s been building all day finally swallows him whole.
He’s asleep within seconds.
Buck comes upstairs a few minutes later, worry eating at him like it always does when it comes to Eddie.
Buck’s gut that annoying, stubborn, always right instinct won’t calm down.
He spots the top of Eddie’s boot first.
Then he rounds the side of the couch and freezes.
Eddie’s curled slightly on his left side, one arm tucked under his head, his lips parted just a bit.
His hair mussed from running his hands through them all day, and his shirt is crumpled from where he’d been holding himself through the pain.
He looks exhausted.
He looks… soft.
He looks heartbreakingly cute.
Buck’s chest tightens, butterflies exploding in his stomach so suddenly he has to grip the back of the couch to steady himself.
“Eds…?”
he whispers, even though he knows Eddie won’t answer.
He steps closer, crouching down in front of the couch.
Eddie’s cheeks are a little flushed, and his breathing is slow, but uneven like he fell asleep too fast.
Buck frowns, lifting a hand to gently press the back of his fingers against Eddie’s forehead.
Still warm.
Too warm.
“Damn it, Eddie”
he murmurs, voice barely above a breath.
“Why won’t you just tell me when something’s wrong?”
Eddie shifts in his sleep not waking, just instinctively leaning toward Buck’s hand like he knows the comfort even unconscious.
That makes Buck’s stomach flip all over again.
He swallows hard.
Seeing Eddie like this vulnerable, hurting and alone makes every protective instinct in Buck’s body flare up.
He wants to scoop him up, hold him, tuck him against his chest and whisper that he’s got him, that he’s not going anywhere.
But he also doesn’t want to wake him if he’s finally getting rest.
Buck sits on the coffee table edge instead, elbows on his knees, just watching Eddie breathe.
Watching the rise and fall of his chest.
Watching the little crease between his eyebrows relax and tighten again.
“Eddie”
he whispers, voice soft and aching.
“You look so tired”
He drags a hand through his hair, exhaling shakily.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you”
he admits quietly,
“but I wish you’d let me help”
Eddie shifts again, a soft sound escaping him, more of a faint whimper than anything else just uncomfortable, not waking. It hits Buck right in the chest.
He reaches out, brushing a stray hair off Eddie’s forehead.
Buck stays there and doesn’t touch him again not wanting to cross any lines but the ache in his chest is deep and warm and terrifying.
Because God, he loves this man.
More than he should.
More than he can ever say.
Buck watches Eddie breathe for another long moment, his heart going soft, slow, and unsteady in his ribcage.
Finally, he whispers, barely audible,
“You look really cute when you sleep, you know that?”
Eddie doesn’t hear it.
Thank fuck.
Buck stands slowly, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch.
He unfolds it and drapes it gently over Eddie’s body, making sure it covers him fully. Eddie instinctively curls closer into the warmth.
Buck feels his heart stutter.
He can’t stop staring.
And it scares him how much he wants to climb onto that couch, pull Eddie into his arms, and never let go.
~~~
Eddie wakes with a tiny start not dramatic, not jarring, just a soft inhale that pulls him up from whatever shallow, uncomfortable sleep his body fell into.
For a second he forgets where he is.
The pain is muted in the moment, like his body hasn’t remembered it yet.
His eyes flutter open.
And the first thing he sees is Buck.
Buck sitting in the armchair pulled close to the couch, elbows on his knees, hands clasped, watching Eddie like he’s the moon and he’s afraid if he blinks it’ll disappear.
Buck’s eyes are soft, worried, warm all at once.
And when Eddie looks back at him, Buck’s lips curve into this quiet, relieved smile.
“Hey, sleeping beauty”
Eddie freezes.
Then he blushes instantly and helplessly cheeks warming, ears going pink.
“Buck”
he groans, half embarrassed and half flattered.
“Don’t call me that”
Buck laughs under his breath, a soft little sound.
“Why not? You looked… peaceful”
He shrugs a bit.
“And you scared me. I didn’t mean to fall asleep next to you, then boom -you’re passed out on the couch alone”
Eddie tries to push himself upright, tries to smile back, but the world tilts and something sharp twists inside his right side.
It hits fast a white hot cramp that feels like someone jammed a fist straight into him.
Eddie’s breath punches out of him.
“Shit-“
he gasps, hand immediately clutching his side.
Buck is on the couch beside him before he can think, kneeling on the floor, one hand on Eddie’s knee, the other gently bracing his arm.
“Hey-hey, hey, easy”
Buck’s voice drops into that worried, too
soft tone he only uses when he’s terrified.
“what’s wrong? What is it?”
Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, swallowing the pain, forcing his breath to steady.
“It’s nothing. Just-just a stomach thing. Probably a really bad bug”
Buck absolutely does not buy it.
He shifts closer, searching Eddie’s face.
“Because, you know, most stomach bugs don’t make you curl up on the engine like you’re gonna pass out. Or go missing for like 15 minutes Or fall asleep the second you sit down. Or-“
“Buck”
Eddie interrupts weakly, trying for a reassuring smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m fine. Really”
Buck shakes his head.
“Eddie… you’re not fine”
Eddie’s chest tightens and not from the pain this time.
From the way Buck says his name, from the worry in his eyes, from the absolute tenderness dripping off him like he can’t help it.
“I just need rest”
Eddie insists again softly.
“Sleep. Water. I’ll be okay”
Buck doesn’t argue, but his concern doesn’t fade.
Not even a little.
“Let me help”
he murmurs.
Before Eddie can protest, Buck stands and moves toward the kitchen.
Eddie watches him go, heart squeezing with something warm and terrifying all at once.
Buck moves quickly opening a cabinet, letting water run, grabbing a clean washcloth.
He comes back and kneels near Eddie again, gently pressing the cool cloth against Eddie’s forehead with careful, steady hands.
Eddie exhales shakily at the temperature, the relief, the tenderness.
“Buck…”
he murmurs.
“What?”
Buck asks quietly.
“You don’t have to… take care of me.”
Buck’s expression softens painfully and beautifully.
“I know I don’t have to”
He brushes a thumb over Eddie’s temple.
“I want to”
Eddie’s heart stutters.
He swallows.
“You’re gonna get whatever this is,”
he whispers, eyes closing as Buck keeps the washcloth in place.
Buck smiles faintly.
“Then I’ll survive it. Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been sick at the same time”
Eddie huffs a laugh.
That hurts too just a little.
Then another sharp flash of pain hits his side and he winces again, teeth clenching.
“Hey, hey”
Buck murmurs, shifting closer, one hand moving to Eddie’s shoulder, grounding him.
“Breathe through it. I’ve got you”
Eddie does. Because Buck’s voice makes it easier.
When the wave finally ebbs, Eddie slumps back into the couch cushion, exhausted.
Buck gently adjusts the washcloth, brows still furrowed knowing eddies lying.
“You sure this is a bug?”
Buck asks quietly.
Eddie nods too fast, too defensive.
“Yeah. Definitely something I ate. It’ll pass”
Buck hesitates.
Then,
“If it doesn’t… we’re going to the hospital. Okay?”
Eddie rolls his eyes, but his voice is soft.
“Okay, Buck.”
Buck exhales, relieved by even the smallest agreement.
He settles onto the couch beside Eddie, close enough their knees touch.
And Eddie… despite the pain… feels himself relax.
Because Buck is here.
Because Buck always makes him feel like he’s safe.
Because even when he’s hurting, even when he’s trying to hide it, Buck sees him.
And cares.
Maybe too much.
Maybe exactly enough.
~~~
The shift ends in that quiet, exhausted way the worst ones always do.
Eddie holds it together just long enough long enough to get out of his uniform, grab his bag, give vague goodbyes, pretend his stomach isn't tearing him apart.
Long enough to make sure Buck isn’t watching too closely.
But Buck always watches too closely.
Eddie can feel his eyes on him in the locker room doorway, concerned, soft, tracking every too shallow breath Eddie tries to hide. It almost makes him break.
Almost.
But Eddie forces a tiny smile, a quiet
“See you later”
and he manages to walk out to his truck without doubling over.
Somehow.
~~~
By the time he gets home, the adrenaline has burned off, and the pain slams into him full force.
Sharp.
Deep.
Wrong.
It radiates up his side, into his ribs, stabbing down into his lower stomach like fire.
He changes into sleep clothes with shaky hands, checks on Christopher peacefully asleep, chest rising and falling in the soft glow of the nightlight and then collapses into his own bed.
Curled tight.
Silent.
Trying not to make a sound.
He bites into the sleeve of his hoodie to muffle a groan as another wave hits.
His whole body curls tighter until his knees are nearly to his chest.
He can’t breathe through some of the worst of it.
Sweat beads along his forehead.
“Fuck”
he whispers, voice breaking.
“Jesus-“
He tries to stand to go get water, or maybe to the bathroom because nausea hits at the same moment the room tilts.
He sits on the side of his bed, gripping the blanket like it’s the only thing holding him up.
Everything inside him hurts.
Everything feels wrong.
His hands shake uncontrollably as he presses them against his stomach and bows forward, trying to muffle the pain.
His eyes sting.
And suddenly…
He doesn’t want to be alone.
He doesn’t want to be acting like he’s fine when he feels like he’s dying.
Not like this.
Not tonight.
Not anymore.
He wants Buck.
He grabs his phone with trembling fingers.
He stares at the screen for a long moment, chest tight, breath shaky, thumb hovering.
Then he types
Eddie: you up?
He barely has to wait five seconds.
Buck:
what’s wrong?
Eddie swallows, feeling tears burn unexpectedly behind his eyes.
He types the truth.
For once.
Eddie:
can you come over?
His heartbeat ramps up.
His breath stutters.
Then he adds, before he can chicken out:
Eddie:
i just want you.
He hits send and immediately presses a fist to his forehead, shaking, embarrassed, terrified but needing Buck like air.
The three dots appear instantly.
Then:
Buck:
Eddie
Buck:
give me 10 minutes
Buck:
i’m coming right now
Buck:
are you okay??
Eddie lets out a tiny, broken breath.
He isn’t okay.
Not even close.
But Buck is coming.
Buck is coming.
And for the first time that night, Eddie feels himself unclench just slightly, like someone has reached into the dark and found his hand.
He sinks back into bed, holding the phone, eyes closed, breath shaky.
~~~
Buck hasn’t stopped thinking about Eddie since he watched him walk out looking pale and exhausted, since he found him asleep on the couch earlier, since Eddie brushed everything off with that forced smile that Buck knows too well.
Buck’s halfway home when his phone buzzes.
He glances at the screen at a red light and saw Eddie texted him.
Buck’s whole chest goes hot and tight.
Buck doesn’t even breathe.
He hits the blinker, turns the truck around, and types back with shaking hands.
After a few minutes Eddie stops texting.
Buck:
Eddie? talk to me.
No answer.
Buck’s heart is pounding so hard it makes his eyes blur.
He’s speeding he doesn’t care pulling into Eddie’s driveway in record time.
Buck doesn’t even knock.
Eddie hears footsteps fast, panicked and then the front door swings open so hard it bumps the wall.
“Eddie?”
Buck’s voice cracks around his name.
He lifts his head, but the room tilts so fast he has to squeeze his eyes shut.
Buck is beside him in seconds.
“Oh my God, Edd-“
Buck drops to his knees right in front of him, hands hovering like he doesn’t know where to touch first.
“Hey-hey, look at me. What’s happening? Why didn’t you tell me this was this bad?”
Eddie doesn’t even try to pretend anymore.
The pain’s too sharp, too blinding.
His face crumples, his breathing stutters.
“I—I didn’t…”
Eddie’s voice breaks.
“I didn’t want to put more crap on your plate, Buck”
Buck’s whole expression shatters.
“What?”
Buck whispers, horrified.
“Eddie, no-no. God, no
Eddie finally meets his eyes, and it’s a mistake.
Because the moment he sees Buck’s face bare, terrified, heartbreak written all over it his own eyes fill with tears.
Fast.
“I just-“
Eddie chokes on the words, chest shaking.
“You’re still grieving. You’re barely sleeping. You’re trying so hard to keep everyone together. And I didn’t want to be another thing you had to carry. So I tried to handle it. I thought I could”
Buck’s breath leaves him like someone knocked the wind out of him.
“Eddie”
he says, voice trembling while cupping Eddie’s jaw so gently it could break him.
“You don’t ever—ever—have to protect me from your pain. That’s not how this works. That’s not us”
Eddie’s tears spill over.
He isn’t sobbing, just shaking, quiet, defeated.
“I’m supposed to take care of you”
Eddie whispers.
“Make sure you’re okay”
Buck shakes his head fiercely.
“We take care of each other. That’s how it’s always been. That’s how it’s supposed to be. You don’t get to decide you’re doing this alone”
Eddie swallows, hard.
“Buck… its bad”
Buck’s jaw tenses.
“How bad?”
Eddie looks down, ashamed. “
“After that call today… when we got back? I went to the bathroom.”
His voice wavers.
“I threw up. And I blacked out. Just for a few seconds. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell you”
Buck’s hand drops from Eddie’s jaw only so he can grab Eddie’s shoulders instead, steadying him.
“Eddie”
Buck’s voice is barely a whisper.
“I knew something was wrong. The way you were sweating in the rig? The way you looked at me like you were trying not to fall over? I should’ve made you sit out. I should’ve-“
“No”
Eddie interrupts weakly.
“It’s not your fault. I just… I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want to be the thing that finally breaks you”
Buck stares at him like he doesn’t understand how someone could be so wrong about something so important.
“Eddie”
he whispers, leaning in so close their foreheads almost touch,
“you could never break me. Losing you would. But you? Letting me in? Never”
The room swims in Eddie’s vision.
Not just from the pain though that’s bad, pulsing hard in his right side but from emotion, raw and overwhelming.
“Buck…”
he whispers.
Buck squeezes his shoulders.
“Eddie, hey—hey, look at me”
Eddie tries.
He really tries. But the edges of his sight start fuzzing, darkening, and his body sways forward.
“Eddie?”
Buck’s voice spikes.
“Eddie! Hey-hey, stay with me”
Buck catches him just as he lists sideways, one arm wrapping around Eddie’s back, the other cradling the back of his head.
Eddie lets out a soft, pained breath, eyelids fluttering.
“Buck…”
His voice is faint.
“Hurts”
“I know”
Buck whispers, frantic but gentle.
“I know, Eds. I’m right here. Come on-open your eyes for me”
Eddie’s eyes crack open just barely.
“‘M trying…”
“Good. Stay with me, okay? Don’t do that blackout thing again. I need you here”
Eddie gives a tiny, broken laugh that immediately twists into a wince.
“Didn’t… mean to.”
“I know”
Buck’s hand rubs slow circles on Eddie’s back, trying to keep him conscious.
“But you scared me. You’re still scaring me”
Eddie leans into him, breathing shaky and uneven, pain written in every line of his body.
“I’m sorry”
Eddie whispers.
“No,”
Buck says instantly.
“Don’t you apologize. Just… let me take care of you. Please”
Eddie finally lets himself slump fully against Buck’s chest, too exhausted to hold himself up anymore.
Buck’s arms go around him instantly, instinctively, protectively.
“We’re going to the hospital”
Buck murmurs against his hair.
“Right now”
Eddie doesn’t argue.
He can’t.
He’s too tired.
Too scared.
because Buck is holding him like something priceless, something irreplaceable.
because for the first time in hours… he feels safe.
Buck’s hand is shaking as he grabs his phone.
Eddie is slumped sideways against him, barely conscious, breath shallow, sweat beading along his hairline.
His eyes flutter like he’s fighting to stay awake and losing.
“Eddie-hey, stay with me”
Buck pleads with husbvoice breaking
“I’m right here, okay? I’m not leaving. Just stay awake for me”
Eddie’s eyelids drag open for half a second.
“Buck… I’m trying”
he whispers, voice thin.
“I know, I know”
Buck breathes, brushing a shaking thumb under Eddie’s eye.
“I’ve got you. I promise”
He dials 911 with trembling fingers.
The line picks up immediately.
“911, what’s your emergen-“
“Maddie?”
Buck blurts, voice cracking.
There’s a pause, then a sharp inhale.
“Buck? Buck, what’s wrong-did something happen? Are you hurt?”
“No-no, it’s not me,”
Buck says, pacing one frantic step before dropping back beside Eddie.
“It’s Eddie. Maddie, something’s really wrong with Eddie.”
Eddie tries to shift, curling inward around the pain, and Buck drops immediately to the floor beside him, one hand supporting his back.
Maddie’s voice softens but tightens with urgency.
“Tell me everything. What’s going on?”
Buck swallows hard, trying to steady himself.
“He’s got really bad pain-on his right side. He threw up earlier at the station and passed out for a couple seconds. And he’s sweating, like-like he’s burning up, but he’s freezing. And he keeps almost blacking out again”
Eddie’s fingers clutch weakly at Buck’s sleeve, needing him close.
Maddie doesn’t hesitate.
“Buck… it sounds like appendicitis”
Buck’s heart drops.
“What?”
he whispers.
“No-no, no, no-“
“Buck,”
Maddie says firmly,
“you did the right thing by calling. I’m sending Hen and Chim to your location right now. They’re on shift and closest”
Buck chokes on a breath.
“They’re coming, okay?, they’re coming. Just stay with me.
Eddie barely nods, eyes slipping closed again.
“Buck”
Maddie says gently,
“I’m getting off shift. I’ll meet you at the hospital. You’re not doing this alone”
Buck nods even though she can’t see him.
Behind him, heavy footsteps thump down the hallway.
Chris, hair messy, eyes bleary, stands in the doorway.
“Dad?”
he murmurs, confused and already scared.
“Buck? Why are you calling 911?”
Buck turns quickly, reaching out one arm.
“Hey, buddy. Come here”
Chris moves closer, eyes widening the second he sees Eddie slumped over, sweating, barely awake.
“Dad?”
Chris whispers, voice trembling.
“What’s wrong with him?”
Buck keeps his voice calm even though his heart is thundering.
“He’s really sick, Chris. Maddie thinks it might be appendicitis”
Chris’s face goes pale.
“Is he gonna be okay?”
Buck cups the back of Chris’s neck gently.
“He’s gonna be okay”
he says, steady despite everything.
“We caught it. Hen and Chim are coming right now. They’re the best people he could have”
From the distance, faint but growing, they hear the sirens.
Chris swallows hard.
“I’m going in the ambulance with you”
Buck nods without hesitation.
“Of course you are. Your dad’s gonna want you right there”
Eddie, somehow hearing through the fog, breathes out,
“Chris… stay… with Buck…”
“I’m not going anywhere”
Chris promises, squeezing Eddie’s hand.
“I’m right here”
Buck’s heart aches at the sight both of them clinging to each other even in panic.
The sirens grow louder.
Buck helps Eddie sit up a little, supporting most of his weight as Eddie’s head dips, eyes rolling slightly.
Buck panic sharpens again.
“Stay awake. C’mon. Hen and Chim are almost here”
Blue and red lights flash through the living room windows.
Buck pulls Eddie closer, voice a trembling murmur in his ear:
“You’re not alone, okay? We’ve got you. I’ve got you”
Chris stands right beside them, hand gripping Eddie’s arm, eyes shining with fear but trust, too.
Buck doesn’t even hear Hen and Chim come through the front door not at first.
He’s frozen, standing a foot away from the bed, both hands still half raised like he isn’t sure whether he’s supposed to touch Eddie or kneel beside him or do something, anything, other than stare at the man he loves in pain.
Hen’s voice snaps him out of it.
“Buck! Hey-Buck, we’re here”
Buck blinks hard, like waking from a trance. His eyes jump from Hen to Chim and back again.
“Oh-yeah-yeah, he’s-he’s right here-
His voice cracks.
Hen gives him one sharp, assessing look. It’s the kind that says I see you spiraling; I need you with us.
She steps past him toward Eddie, Chim right behind her with the med bag.
Chris hovers near the doorway, wide-eyed
“He was fine earlier,he was fine”
Buck immediately moves toward him automatically reaching out even though his own hands are shaking.
“Hey, it’s okay, Hen and Chim are here now. They’re gonna take care of him”
His voice is gentle, soft, but not steady. Not even close.
Chris nods, but he’s breathing fast, head darting between Eddie and the chim and hen
Hen crouches next to Eddie on the bed.
“Eddie, can you hear me?”
Eddie groans faint, exhausted with his eyes barely slitting open.
“Yeah”
he whispers, voice thin.
“Sorry… I—uh—sorry”
“Don’t apologize”
Chim says, already checking Eddie’s pulse, his forehead, his breathing.
“Talk to us. What hurts?”
“Right side,” Eddie whispers.
“Bad. I… I threw up earlier. Passed out”
Buck winces — because that’s the first time he’s heard Eddie say it out loud with no attempt at hiding, no “I’m fine,” no excuses. He feels sick.
Hen exchanges a quick, loaded look with Chim.
“Okay”
she says, calm but firm.
“We’re gonna get you to the hospital. Sounds like your appendix is definitely angry”
Chris swallows hard, voice trembling.
“Is he gonna be okay?”
Hen softens immediately.
“Yeah, sweetheart. We caught it early enough. We just need to get him help, okay?”
Chris nods, looking like he’s trying not to cry.
Buck stands behind him like a statue shoulders tight, eyes glassy, hands curled into fists at his sides.
He looks completely overwhelmed, like the fear is clawing up his throat and he’s barely keeping it back.
Chim notices.
“Buck”
he says gently,
“can you grab Eddie a overnight bag? Eddie’s gonna need his wallet and ID. It’ll help”
It’s an excuse to give Buck something to do and thank god, because Buck jolts like someone restarted him.
“Yeah-yeah, okay yeah”
He rushes into the hallway, almost trips on the doorframe, catches himself, forces deep breaths.
“Okay. Okay”
Hen and Chim get Eddie sitting upright, supporting him carefully.
Hen murmurs.
“We’ve got you”
Eddie swallows, whispering,
“Chris…?”
Chris steps closer instantly.
“I’m right here, Dad.”
Eddie gives him this small, shaky smile.
“Hey, mijo”
Then another wave of pain hits, and he grips the blanket, jaw clenching.
Hen steadies him.
Buck rushes back in with Eddie’s wallet and the bag, but the color drains from his face when he sees Eddie’s expression.
“Oh god”
he breathes.
“Eddie-Eds-“
Hen looks at Buck again that soft, steadying expression that says breathe.
“Buck? We need to get him into the ambulance . You ready?”
Buck nods a little too quickly.
“Yeah. Yeah-“whatever you need.”
Chim sets up the portable stretcher.
“Eddie, we’re gonna help you stand, okay?“
Eddie nods weakly, but when Chim and Hen lift under his arms, he flinches hard and his knees nearly buckle.
Buck lunges forward before he realizes it.
“I’ve got him”
His hands go to Eddie’s waist, steadying him.
Eddie sags against him for a second, forehead brushing Buck’s shoulder.
“Sorry-“
Eddie whispers.
“Don’t you dare apologize”
Buck breathes back.
Hen helps them get Eddie seated on the stretcher. Chris edges closer, voice still trembling.
Hen gives Buck one more look half reassuring, half worried.
“He’s gonna be okay. But keep talking to him in the ambulance. If he almost blacks out, get him focused”
Buck nods, jaw tightening.
Because he always will.
Chim starts rolling the stretcher out toward the door.
Buck hovers beside Eddie, barely an inch away, voice low and soft and terrified and steady all at the same time.
“I’m right here,. I’m not going anywherel
Eddie’s eyes flutter as they wheel him through the living room, his voice a scratch of sound.
Once they reach the ambulance.
Chris climbs in first, takes Eddie’s hand with both of his.
Chim moves into paramedic mode.
Hen helps Buck up into the back too because she already knows there’s no universe where he stays behind.
Eddie tries to keep his eyes open.
Buck gently squeezes his shoulder.
“Stay with me, okay? We’re almost there”
Eddie breathes out, voice almost gone.
The ambulance doors shut.
The sirens start.
And Buck holds onto Eddie like the world is swaying.
~~~
Everything happens in a blur.
Buck doesn’t even fully remember the ambulance doors closing behind Eddie before they’re stepping into the bright, too cold light of the ER.
The second the Hen and Chim wheel Eddie in, nurses swarm them, pulling the gurney down the hall.
Buck follows two steps before a nurse gently blocks him.
“Sir, you have to wait-“
“That’s my-“
Buck’s voice cracks, and he swallows it down.
“That’s Eddie. Please. Please be careful with him”
The nurse nods, gentle but firm.
“We will. He’s in good hands”
Eddie disappears behind a swinging door.
And something in Buck’s chest tears open.
Chris is glued to his side instantly wide
eyed, scared, barely breathing.
Buck drops a hand to Chris’s shoulder automatically, grounding him, grounding himself.
Maddie rushes through the sliding doors at that exact moment, still in her dispatch jacket, looking frantic and pale.
She spots Buck and makes a beeline straight for him.
“Buck!”
She pulls him into a full hug, one arm around his back, the other around Chris.
“Oh my god, are you okay? Where’s Eddie?”
“They-“
Buck’s voice wavers.
He clears his throat, but it doesn’t help.
“They just took him back”
She squeezes him tighter.
“You did the right thing calling”
Behind them, Hen and Chim ate breathless from transporting Eddie in.
Chim gives Chris a reassuring look.
“He’s in surgery prep, kiddo. They’re fast with this type of thing”
Hen places a hand on Buck’s arm.
“You got him here in time”
Buck swallows hard.
They all move together to the waiting room a little cluster of people who love Eddie Diaz so fiercely it radiates.
They sit.
Silence settles over them like a heavy blanket.
Chris sits beside Buck, gripping his hand so tight his knuckles turn white.
Buck gives him a small squeeze back.
Hen sits forward, elbows on her knees.
Chim scrolls nervously on his phone, leg
bouncing.
Maddie watches her brother with eyes full of worry.
And Buck…
Buck breaks the silence first.
His voice is low, hollow,
“This… this is my fault”
Everyone looks at him.
Chris immediately shakes his head.
“Buck, no-“
Buck stares at the floor.
“I should’ve seen it earlier. I did see it. I knew something was wrong with him all day and I just-I let him brush it off. I let myself get so wrapped up in-“
He cuts himself off.
In grief.
In trying to survive.
In pretending he’s okay when he’s not.
He takes a shaky breath.
“I should’ve pushed harder. I should’ve taken him seriously. I should’ve-“
“Buck”
Hen interrupts gently.
“Stop. This is not on you”
“Yes it is!”
Buck whispers.
“If anything had happened to him-if I had lost him too-“
His voice cracks hard enough to echo through the room”
Chris leans into him immediately, pressing their shoulders together.
“Buck”
Chris says softly.
Buck forces himself to meet Chris’s eyes.
“I’ve been watching you and my dad since I was little” Chris says, voice trembling but steady in that Diaz way.
“I know how much you care about him and you take care of him and me more than anyone else does”
Buck’s throat closes.
Buck’s eyes brim he blinks fast, trying to stop it.
Maddie reaches over and threads her fingers through his shaking hand.
“He’s right”
Buck presses his free hand over his face, choking back a sound.
“I just-“
he breathes out, voice splitting.
“I love him. I-I love him so much it terrifies me. And if something happens to him because I wasn’t paying attention-“
There’s a beat of absolute silence.
Then-“
Chris lights up. Like, full-on bright grin, eyes wide, almost relieved.
“I knew it!”
Buck blinks.
“I knew it!”
Chris practically bursts.
“Even my friends at school did! We talk about it at lunch sometimes!”
Hen chokes on a laugh.
Chim snorts.
Maddie actually smiles.
Buck’s ears turn bright red.
“Chris-wait your friends?”
“Oh yeah”
Chris says proudly.
“They all know you’re basically one wrong move away from proposing”
“Chris”
Buck whispers, absolutely gone.
Hen wipes her eyes.
“He isn’t wrong”
Chim nods.
“Honestly, the whole station has bets”
Buck sputters. “
“WHAT-“
Maddie pats his back.
“… it’s very obvious”
They’re all smiling now —soft, warm, trying to offer him anything that resembles comfort.
Except Buck’s chest still aches, raw and tight.
He drops his voice again.
“I just… I can’t lose him. Not Eddie”
Chris rests his head against Buck’s shoulder.
Buck wraps an arm around Chris automatically his boy, their boy holding him close.
Hen adds gently,
“Appendicitis has a really high recovery rate. Eddie is strong. And he’s stubborn. He’ll be fine”
Chim nods firmly.
“He’ll be back complaining about paperwork in like two days”
Buck lets himself breathe.
Just a little.
But he keeps his hand wrapped in Chris’s, and Chris keeps holding on.
Because they’re waiting for Eddie
And Buck refuses absolutely refuses to lose him.
~~~
It had been almost an hour.
A long, quiet, exhausted, anxiety soaked hour.
Buck had drifted in and out of a half sleep, his head tipped back against the waiting room wall,
Chris slumped against him with his head on Buck’s shoulder.
Most of the 118 had dozed off too Hen leaning on Karen, Chim half-snoring, Ravi was now there curled awkwardly in a plastic chair. And Tía Pepa also there,sat upright and alert the whole time, arms crossed, radiating worry.
At 11 p.m., the waiting room lights felt too bright and the silence felt too loud.
Then the door opened.
A doctor stepped out with a clipboard, and Buck jolted awake instantly zero transition, zero grogginess.
Just pure instinct.
Chris blinked awake beside him, rubbing his eyes.
Everyone else straightened immediately.
“Family of Edmundo Díaz?”
the doctor asked.
Buck stood so fast he nearly knocked Chris off his shoulder.
“Yeah-yes, that’s us”
he said, voice tight but steady.
The doctor nodded, flipping through notes.
“As we suspected, Mr. Díaz did have acute appendicitis. The appendix was severely inflamed and close to rupturing, so an emergency appendectomy was necessary”
Buck’s heart free falls, even though he expected this.
“But he’s okay?”
he asks.
The doctor gives a small, reassuring smile.
“The surgery was successful. He’s stable and in recovery. Still very groggy, but everything went as it should”
A wave of relief rolls through the room slumped shoulders, long exhales, quiet thank Gods.
Chris sits up straighter, eyes brighter, and mutters a soft,
“Finally”
The doctor continues,
“Only one person can see him right now. He’s still coming out of anesthesia”
Hen glances at Buck.
Chim glances at Buck.
Athena, sitting with May and Harry, raises an eyebrow pointedly at Buck.
Even Tía Pepa gives a tiny nod toward him.
Then Chris says, in full unimpressed teenage bluntness.
“Obviously it should be Buck. He’ll freak out less if you’re there”
Karen snorts.
Chim tries not to laugh.
Buck goes red.
“Okay, wow”
Buck mutters, rubbing a hand over his face.
“Thanks, buddy”
Chris shrugs.
“I mean… facts are facts”
The doctor smiles patiently.
“Alright, come with me”
Before Buck follows her Chris says
“Tell him I’m here, okay?”
Chris says quietly.
“And… tell him he scared the crap out of us”
Buck’s expression softens.
He cups the back of Chris’s head for a second and presses a quick kiss to his forehead the kind he’s been doing forever with zero thought.
“Yeah. I will”
Buck swallows hard, nods, and follows the doctor toward the recovery room.
His heart feels like it’s lodged somewhere in his throat.
But at least Eddie’s on the other side of those doors.
At least he’s okay.
~~~
Buck’s heartbeat feels louder than the footsteps under him as he pushes open the door to Eddie’s hospital room.
It clicks shut behind him.
The room is dim just a soft amber light glowing above Eddie’s bed, the kind hospitals use at night.
Machines hum quietly. The
sheets look too white.
Eddie looks too still.
Buck swallows hard.
He pulls the chair forward slow and careful like he’s afraid to wake him too soon and sits.
His knees brush the edge of the mattress. His hand hovers, almost reaching for Eddie’s, then retreats halfway.
His chest aches.
Eddie’s face is relaxed.
Peaceful.
No pain.
No tension.
No tightness around the eyes.
For the first time in days.
Buck lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
Minutes pass.
Maybe longer.
Buck doesn’t move.
Then Eddie shifts a small, groggy sound in the back of his throat and his eyelids blink open, slow and unfocused.
Buck sits up straight immediately.
“Hey”
Buck whispers, soft as a breath.
Eddie squints, blinking until the blur turns into a person.
Then recognition hits.
“Buck…?”
His voice is scratchy, sleep heavy.
Buck nods, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Yeah. I’m right here”
Eddie looks around, confused but calm.
“Did… did surgery already happen?”
Buck lets out a choked laugh relief mixed with nerves.
“Yeah. Hours ago. Everything went great. Doctor said you’re good like, actually good. No more pain”
Eddie tests a breath in his chest and winces only from stiffness, not sharp agony.
“Feels… weird not hurting”
“Yeah well”
Buck exhales,
“I’m extremely okay with that”
Eddie’s eyes drop to Buck’s face that has that exhausted look.
“How long have you been sitting here?”
he asks.
Buck shrugs.
“I don’t know,Times weird. Everyone told me to go in first and I wasn’t gonna argue.l
He huffs a tiny laugh.
“Chris even shoved me toward the door”
Eddie smiles at that a tired, fond one.
“He’s a good kid”
Buck nods again.
Then his throat tightens. He looks down for a second.
Eddie notices immediately.
“Buck?”
he murmurs.
Buck tries for a smile.
It half works.
“I thought-“
His voice cracks embarrassingly, so he clears it.
“I thought I almost lost you”
Eddie’s eyes soften.
“And I’m kinda… mad at myself”
Buck continues quietly.
“I should’ve pushed harder earlier. I knew something was wrong. I knew it. And I just-I didn’t-“
“Buck”
Eddie cuts in, gentle but firm.
“Come here”
Buck blinks.
“I’m right here”
“No”
Eddie says, lifting his hand just a little, palm open.
“Come here”
Buck hesitates only a second before pushing out of the chair and leaning over him.
Eddie shifts enough to wrap an arm around Buck’s shoulders, pulling him into a careful, soft embrace not too tight, but grounding.
Buck freezes for half a breath, then melts.
Eddie rests his cheek against Buck’s temple.
“You didn’t do anything wrong”
he murmurs.
“You did everything right. You showed up. You always show up and that was my fault because I didn’t do anything about it”
Buck’s breath shudders.
“Still… I should’ve-“
“Hey”
Eddie whispers, squeezing his shoulder gently.
“You being here? That’s what got me through half the night when I was freaking out. Just knowing you’d come”
Buck’s eyes sting.
He pulls back just enough to meet Eddie’s gaze.
“You scared the hell out of me”
Buck whispers.
Eddie gives a small, crooked smile.
“Sorry about that”
Buck huffs.
“Don’t do it again”
“I’ll try not to have life-threatening abdominal emergencies”
Eddie teases lightly.
Buck snorts a watery laugh he didn’t mean to let out.
“Good”
Eddie looks at him softly again.
Really looks at him.
“You look exhausted”
“So do you”
Buck fires back instantly.
Eddie smirks.
“I have an excuse”
Buck rolls his eyes.
“Whatever”
There’s a beat warm, heavy, close where Buck almost says something else.
Something big.
Something true.
“I-“
Buck starts, voice soft, heart pounding.
Eddie watches him, brows raising slightly.
Waiting.
Buck swallows.
His courage evaporates.
“I… uh… I brought your favorite Gatorade from the vending machine”
He holds up a bottle he clearly bought ten minutes ago.
Eddie blinks.
Then he smiles this slow, warm, knowing thing like he understands exactly what Buck didn’t say, and exactly why.
“Thanks, Buck”
he murmurs, voice rough but full of something gentle.
“Really”
Buck sits back down but stays close.
Their arms almost brush.
Eddie watches him for a second longer.
“You can relax now”
Eddie says quietly.
“I’m okay”
Buck finally exhales and leans back in the chair, head dropping for just a second.
“Yeah”
he murmurs.
“Yeah. I know”
But the way he watches Eddie…
The way his shoulders only truly loosen once Eddie smiles again…
It’s clear he needed to see Eddie safe more than he needed anything else.
And Eddie feels it every bit of it.
A few minutes go by and the door opens just a crack quietly before a mop of familiar curls slips through the gap.
Chris.
He glances over his shoulder like he’s making sure no nurses saw him, then steps fully into the room, shutting the door behind him with exaggerated care.
Buck blinks.
“…Did you sneak in?”
Chris lifts his chin, dead serious.
“Yes.“
Buck raises an eyebrow.
“How?”
Chris jerks a thumb over his shoulder.
“Maddie distracted the charge nurse and Athena did that thing where she just… looks scary enough to make people move”
Buck actually snorts.
“That sounds right”
Eddie smiles the second he sees him.
“Hey, mijo”
Chris’s whole face softens.
“Hi, Dad”
Then, squinting,
“You look like crap. But like… better crap than before”
Eddie laughs real, warm, effortless.
“Thanks, bud Love the honesty”
Buck steps aside so Chris can shuffle closer to the bed.
Chris looks at his dad carefully, eyes scanning over the IV line, the monitors, the hospital gown.
“You scared us”
Chris mutters, voice dropping into something softer, less performative.
Eddie’s smile wavers just a little.
“Yeah”
he says, voice low.
“I know. I’m sorry”
Chris swallows then points accusingly at Buck.
“And you.”
Buck frowns.
“Me?”
“Yes, you,”
Chris says, crossing his arms.
“You look like you haven’t slept in… ever. You were freaking out. Like… pacing. And doing that hand hair thing. And asking the nurse the same question like twelve times”
Buck flushes.
“Okay, I was not-“
“Yes”
Chris interrupts flatly.
“You were. Ask literally anyone out there”
Eddie gives Buck a tiny, warm, fond look.
“He worries”
Chris rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, Dad, I noticed and I know”
Buck raises both hands in surrender.
“Fine. Maybe I was a little stressed”
“A little?”
Chris scoffs.
“Buck, you looked like your soul left your body”
Eddie tries not to smile too widely but fails. He nudges Chris lightly.
“Be nice”
“I am being nice”
Chris says.
“If I wasn’t, I’d be giving Buck way more crap right now”
Buck groans.
Chris sits on the edge of the bed, careful of Eddie’s legs.
Then his expression softens again, more serious.
“I’m glad you’re okay”
he says quietly.
“Both of you”
Eddie reaches for Chris’s hand.
“I’m not going anywhere”
Chris nods… then looks at Buck again, eyebrows raised like he’s about to say something very sassy.
“So…”
Chris starts, slowly.
“When I told everyone Buck should be the first one to see you after surgery? They agreed. Like, instantly. Even Tía Pepa. Which is weird, because she ALWAYS argues”
Buck stiffens. Eddie blinks.
“And why”
Eddie asks gently
“did you think Buck should go first?”
Chris looks between them like the answer is obvious.
“Because he’s Buck”
he says.
“And because you’re you. And because-“
He gestures between them vaguely.
“-this. Whatever this is”
Buck’s heart jumps into his throat.
Eddie opens his mouth.
“Chris-“
Chris cuts him off with a raised hand.
“Look. I’m fourteen, not stupid”
Buck chokes.
Eddie looks like he might combust.
Chris shrugs one shoulder, casual.
“You guys are literally the slowest people alive. It’s painful. My friends at school know. Their parents know. Probably the neighbors know”
Buck rubs a hand over his face.
“I’m… gonna go walk into traffic”
“No you’re not”
Chris says, patting his arm.
“You’re staying here and being in love like a normal person”
Buck’s entire body freezes.
Eddie’s eyes widen and a flush creeps up his neck.
Chris sighs loud, dramatic.
“I’m not asking for a TED Talk. I’m just saying I’m glad you’re both okay… and you should maybe talk. Like… eventually. Before I graduate high school?”
Eddie stares at him
Buck stares at the floor.
The slow burn tension hums in the room like a low electric current.
Chris adjusts his glasses, then grins.
“Anyway. Dad, you look like a burrito. A sad hospital burrito”
Eddie finally laughs again the sound Buck hasn’t heard in a while.
Buck exhales, something easing in his chest.
Chris hops off the be
“I’m gonna go tell Maddie you’re awake so she stops stress eating Skittles”
Then, pointing at both of them:
“Try not to be awkward. Or… actually, whatever, you can’t help it”
He slips out the door just as silently as he came in.
Leaving Eddie and Buck staring at each other, the air warm and soft and absolutely full of things they’re both terrified to say.
~~~
Buck's running on zero hours of sleep, three cups of terrible hospital coffee, and a level of protective energy that could power Los Angeles. Eddie, stubborn as always, insisted on
"stretching his legs" once the nurse cleared him to walk... which apparently means wandering the hallway in a flimsy gown and hospital socks like a feral raccoon.
Buck is practically hovering, one hand ready to catch Eddie’s elbow, the other hovering near his back, trying to appearcasual and failing miserably.
“You don’t have to hover”
Eddie says, shuffling forward.
“I’m not hovering”
Buck lies, hovering even closer.
“I’m supervising”
“Those are the same thing”
“Nope”
Buck says, guiding him around the corner.
“Supervising implies authority. Hovering implies anxiety. I’m both, by the way”
Eddie snorts.
“You had emergency surgery, Eddie!”
Buck whisper-yells.
“Appendix tried to jump ship. You keeled over on the bathroom floor. And don’t even get me started on the part where you didn’t tell me anything was wrong”
Eddie rubs one hand over his face.
“Buck, we’re not doing this right now-“
“Yes, we are”
Buck blocks his path for a second.
“I swear to god, if you so much as think about ripping a stitch, I am throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you back to your room and also killing you."
Eddie lifts a brow.
“In a hospital gown? Really? That’s the image you want?”
Buck stares him dead in the eye.
“I’ll do it”
A beat.
Then Eddie grins, small and crooked
“You’re ridiculous.”
Buck exhales through his nose, trying not to melt at the smile.
“Can’t help it. You almost passed out on me again. The trauma lives here now.”
He taps his chest.
“Like an unwanted Airbnb guest”
“Buck.”
“I mean it! You scared me, Eds.”
Eddie’s steps slow a little, the hallway lights giving everything a soft, early morning blur.
“Yeah”
he says quietly.
“I know”
They fall into a strangely comfortable silence, shoes whispering against the floor, machines humming behind closed doors.
Buck supports him without grabbing him, always close enough to catch him if he
stumbles.
Halfway down the hall, Eddie lets out a low breath.
“Your … bossy,”
he mutters.
Buck sputters.
“Bossy? Me?”
“You told four nurses how to do their jobs”
“They were doing them wrong”
“No, they were not”
Buck looks personally offended.
“They were letting you walk unsupervised!”
“I’m literally walking with you right now”
Buck waves this off like irrelevant evidence.
“Still. Someone here has to have tact”
Eddie stops walking.
“Excuse me?”
Buck stands taller.
“Tact. You should try it. It’s like… thinking before speaking. You might like it”
Eddie stares at him.
“You’re lecturing me. While I’m in a gown. Barely awake. With IV tape stuck to my arm”
Buck folds his arms.
“If that’s what it takes”
Eddie steps closer not enough to be obvious, but enough that the heat rolls gently off him.
“You’re tired”
he murmurs.
“You haven’t slept at all. Maybe you shouldn’t antagonize the sick person”
“I’m not antagonizing you”
Buck says.
“I’m preventing you from doing something dumb”
Eddie smirks, barely.
“So you are hovering”
Buck groans.
“Fine. I’m hovering. Happy?”
Eddie shrugs.
“Kinda”
They start moving again, a slow shuffle past the nurses’ station.
It’s quiet too quiet for two people who have spent years dancing around every charged moment between them.
Chris’s voice still echoes in both their skulls.
They haven’t acknowledged it.
They won’t.
Not yet.
Maybe never.
Buck keeps his eyes straight ahead, unwilling to let the thoughts creep too far.
Then Eddie shifts.
It’s small at first a subtle leaning like he’s adjusting his balance.
But then Eddie’s head drops gently onto Buck’s shoulder.
Buck tries to swallow, but his throat's basically sandpaper.
“I-yeah. Totally... normal”
"You're being weird”
Eddie murmurs.
"I'm being weird?"
Buck sputters.
"You're the one using me like a human pillow”
Eddie's lips curve against Buck's shoulder.
“You’re tall. And warm”
Buck definitely stops breathing for three full seconds.
“Y-you sure you’re okay?”
he asks softly.
“Better now”
Eddie murmurs.
“Walking’s easier like this. Less spinning”
Buck swallows, throat tight.
“Okay. Yeah. Lean all you want. I got you”
Eddie smiles into Buck’s shoulder.
“Figured”
They move like that slow, quiet, soft — Eddie tucked into him like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
No one’s left in the waiting room anymore.
The 118 went home hours ago. Athena, Karen, May, Ravi, Pepa all gone. Everyone’s resting.
Buck hasn’t slept.
He doesn’t care.
All he cares about is right here, leaning on him, trusting him.
Eddie’s voice comes out low and husky.
“You’re not… mad at me, right?”
“For almost dying?”
Buck whispers.
“Yeah. A little”
“Buck”
“I’m kidding”
Buck says gently.
“Mostly. I’m just… glad you’re okay”
Eddie’s fingers brush Buck’s wrist not intentional, just soft contact.
“Thanks for staying”
Buck huffs a tiny laugh.
“Like I was ever going anywhere”
Eddie closes his eyes again.
“You shouldn’t… put your whole life on pause for me”
Buck looks at him, something warm and aching blooming in his chest.
“That’s not what this is”
he says quietly.
Eddie lifts his head just enough to meet Buck’s eyes.
“That so?”
“Yeah”
Buck murmurs.
“I stay. Because it’s you”
The charged silence returns thick, warm, unbearably close.
Eddie is the one to look away first, cheeks warm, throat bobbing.
"You know I'm still waiting for you to deny anything Chris said”
Buck stumbles.
“Why-why would I deny anything? I didn't hear anything, Pretty sure I blacked out”
"You didn't”
Eddie's smirking.
He can't help it.
Buck shoots him a look.
“You're supposed to be recovering, not instigating”
"That's what you get for waking up a patient at like two a.m. to pace the room like a worried golden retriever”
"I wasn't pacing”
Buck protests.
"You were clocks”
Eddie says.
“Full cartoon pacing. Pretty sure you left marks on the tile”
Buck huffs.
“Well excuse me for caring”
Eddie's voice softens.
“I know you care. You always do”
Buck's heartbeat does something embarrassing.
They reach the end of the hallway
Eddie pauses, leaning a little heavier on Buck than he probably realizes.
Buck steadies him with a hand on his back, warm and gentle.
"Hey”
Buck says under his breath.
"You hurting?"
"No”
Eddie glances up, eyes warm.
"Not with you here”
And Buck definitely forgets how to inhale for a solid three seconds.
The air tightens between them like something waiting something huge and stupid and inevitable.
Eddie notices it too.
His gaze flicks away, down the hall.
“We should... head back."
"Yeah”
Buck savs, voice way too soft.
"Probably”
And Eddie’s head finds its way back to Buck’s shoulder
And Buck lets it as they keep walking.
~~~
The station is just starting to wake up lights buzzing on, coffee brewing somewhere, the quiet hum of a building about to get loud.
Eddie steps through the apparatus bay with a little bounce in his step.
He’s fully healed, feeling human again, and… okay, yeah — he’s excited for the day. More specifically, he’s excited to see Buck.
He rounds the corner into the locker room and stops.
Buck is already there at their shared locker, half inside it, humming some ridiculous tune under his breath while he tries to dig out a clean T-shirt.
His hair is still damp from a shower curling a little and he’s muttering something like,
“Where is it…? I swear this locker eats clothes.”
Eddie leans against the locker next to theirs, crossing his arms, just watching him for a few seconds because it feels nice to see Buck like this.
Relaxed.
Goofy.
Alive.
Then, soft as anything, Eddie goes,
“Hi”
Buck jumps and bangs his head on the inside of the locker door.
“Ow-! … Eddie?”
He peeks around the locker door, cheeks instantly turning pink.
“Oh. Uh. Hi”
They’re so close their breaths mingle. Neither moves.
Neither wants to.
Eddie raises an eyebrow, teasing.
“You ignoring me this morning?”
Buck stammers.
“No-i wasn’t ignoring you, I was… avoiding eye contact with my pile of laundry. It’s judging me”
Eddie bites a smile.
“You could just admit you didn’t hear me walk in”
Buck’s blush deepens.
“I-yeah. That. Exactly”
They just stare at each other for a moment. Inches.
Close enough Eddie can count the freckles under Buck’s eyes.
Close enough Buck forgets what he was even looking for.
Eddie tilts his head, voice lowering without him meaning to.
“You doing okay?”
Buck swallows.
“Yeah. Because you’re here”
Eddie’s heart kicks hard.
A warm flush climbs up his neck.
His voice goes soft, too soft:
“Yeah. Same”
And then Ravi bulldozes between them like they are two trees blocking his path.
“Guys, seriously, personal space! I need my locker, and you two are doing… whatever that was-“
Ravi gestures vaguely at their proximity,
“-right in front of it.”
Buck blinks.
“Morning to you too?”
“I’m just saying”
Ravi continues, opening his locker and grabbing his jacket,
“if you’re gonna flirt, maybe do it somewhere that isn’t directly in front of-“
“We weren’t flirting”
Buck blurts instantly tomato red.
“Anyway! I had this idea. There’s this holiday drink thing downtown tonight -hot cocoa flights, peppermint lattes, cinnamon… something? Thought the team could go”
Ravi says yanking his locker open.
Buck sighs very dramatically.
“That’s cool, man. Sounds great. Totally… festive”
Eddie smirks.
Ravi keeps going.
“Right? I figured since things have been heavy lately, a festive outing could be good for morale-“
Eventually Ravi grabs his water bottle, waves, and walks out.
The locker room falls blessedly quiet.
Buck releases another dramatic exhale.
“I swear he talks more when he’s excited”
“He does”
Eddie laughs.
“It’s kinda adorable.”
Buck raises a brow.
“Adorable? Really?”
“Well”
Eddie shrugs lightly,
“not as adorable as you trying to hide behind a locker door”
Buck groans.
“Eddie-“
Before Buck can finish, Eddie reaches out and grabs the thing in Buck’s hands a crumpled workout towel that Buck forgot was even in his handand backs away with a mischievous grin.
“Hey!”
Buck calls, already smiling.
“Shouldn’t leave your stuff lying around, Buckley”
Eddie taunts softly, walking backward toward the benches.
Buck stands there for about three seconds before he sighs.
“give it back”
Eddie holds the towel behind his back.
“Make me”
Buck freezes.
Eddie freezes.
Oh.
Oh, that’s dangerous territory.
Buck’s eyes flicker challenge accepted.
He steps forward once.
Eddie steps back.
Buck steps forward again.
Eddie nearly laughs, trying to keep the towel away as Buck reaches for it.
“Oh my god, Eddie”
Buck says, voice somewhere between fond and amused,
“this is so unnecessary-“
Eddie runs.
Buck lunges.
Eddie barely gets two steps before Buck’s hands land on his hips firm, sure, warm and Eddie stops breathing for a second.
“Gotcha”
Buck murmurs.
Eddie is very, very glad the locker room is empty.
Buck doesn’t even think he just scoops Eddie up like he weighs nothing, hauling him over his shoulder.
Eddie yelps.
“BUCK!”
Buck laughs, actual sunshine in sound form.
“Told you to give it back!”
Eddie hangs over Buck’s shoulder, face burning, hands gripping Buck’s back.
“Oh my god put me down!”
Eddie sputters, kicking the air.
“Nope!”
Buck says cheerfully, walking toward the lockers like he’s carrying a bag of flour and not a fully grown firefighter.
“You are the worst-“
Eddie says, between flustered breaths.
Buck pats his leg.
“You started it”
Eddie feels Buck’s shoulder shaking under him he’s laughing too hard.
Eddie is smiling so much it hurts.
Because he wants Buck.
So badly.
And Buck…
Buck seems to want him too.
Even if neither of them is brave enough to say it yet.
Buck sets Eddie back on his feet, his hands lingering for just a second on Eddie’s waist as if he’s not ready to let go.
Eddie’s face is flushed a soft pink, his hair slightly mussed from being hoisted like he weighed less than a rolled up hose.
He clears his throat, trying to look unaffected, but the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth completely betrays him.
“Thought weren’t gonna do that”
Eddie murmurs, avoiding eye contact like he’s trying not to grin too big.
Buck shrugs, eyes sparkling.
“You were running. I had limited options”
“That was not running”
Eddie argues.
“That was strategic retreat”
Buck laugh full-body, shoulders shaking laugh and Eddie looks like he wants to melt into a puddle right there.
What neither of them notice at least at first is Hen and Chim outside the locker room, faces pressed almost comically close to the glass pane like two kids watching a nature documentary but the nature documentary is: Buck and Eddie being ridiculous.
Hen mouths something like ‘JUST KISS ALREADY’ pointing dramatically.
Chim nods in frantic agreement, clutching his phone like he’s two seconds from texting the group chat.
Eddie finally glances toward the window and nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees them.
Buck turns, spots them too, and just waves like he’s greeting neighbors.
Hen waves back enthusiastically.
“Of course”
Eddie mutters under his breath.
“Of course they’d catch that”
Buck bumps his shoulder lightly against Eddie’s.
“Could’ve been worse”
“Oh really?”
Eddie says.
“How?”
“You could’ve said ‘strategic retreat’ in front of them”
Eddie gives him a look but Buck’s already grinning in that boyish way that makes Eddie’s chest feel warm.
Eddie rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling now too small, soft, unguarded.
Buck reaches out, brushing a bit of lint off Eddie’s shirt, his fingers trailing down just a little longer than necessary.
Eddie’s breath catches.
It’s subtle, but Buck notices.
His smile softens into something gentler flirty, but in that way that feels like he’s not even trying.
“You good?”
Buck asks quietly.
Eddie nods, eyes locked on Buck’s, voice low.
“Yeah. I’m good”
For one suspended second, the air feels different.
Warm.
Close.
Charged.
Sweet.
Hen and Chim are losing their minds silently outside the window.
But before anything can build before Buck can lean in closer or Eddie can say something that will ruin him forever an alarm blares overhead.
The call tones.
Everyone freezes for half a second and than Buck and Eddie snap into firefighter mode like someone hit a switch.
Hen and Chim peel away from the window and sprint toward the engine.
Ravi is sprinting from the hallway.
Eddie and Buck move automatically, grabbing their gear, helmets clattering, the moment between them dissolving into adrenaline.
As they run toward the trucks, Eddie glances sideways at Buck.
There’s something in his eyes
fear, adrenaline, determination but also something softer.
Something that hadn’t quite settled from the locker room.
Buck gives him a look that’s equal parts steady and teasing, even as the sirens begin to wait.
The fire is already visible in the sky as they pull out of the station thick black smoke rising like a warning.
It’s huge, bigger than anything they’ve had in a while.
Chim whistles low under his breath.
“Yeah… ‘massive’ might be an understatement”
Eddie grips the rail in the back of the rig as they speed down the street.
Buck sits across from him, and for a moment, in the flashing reds, their eyes meet.
The locker room sweetness is gone, replaced with something sharper, more protective.
But beneath it…
Still the same softness.
Still the same quiet, growing thing between them.
The call is going to be rough.
And they both know neither one of them is letting the other out of their sight.
~~~
The fire had been burning for so long it felt like a living thing a beast with lungs and teeth, roaring every time the wind shifted.
Sirens, radios, yelling, the crash and hiss of water hitting flame… it all blended into a frantic soundtrack of hour long chaos.
Eddie and Hen had been running triage nonstop, marking foreheads, checking vitals, passing people off to ambulances.
Eddie’s shirt clung to him with sweat and ash; his hair was damp from sweat and steam.
Every few minutes he’d glance toward the house to check on Buck, who was up by the front line with Ravi, working the main hose.
Across the way, Buck was soaked from the spray, yelling to Ravi over the roar,
“Push right-no, you’re right! Good!”
completely oblivious to anything except the flames.
When the thudding helicopter blades cut through the noise, several firefighters looked up, worried the heat would make for a dangerous landing.
Eddie squinted as the machine hovered, then lowered onto the street, kicking ash everywhere.
The second the door swung open and Tommy stepped out in his stupid aviator sunglasses in the dark, at a fire, like he was making an entrance on a reality show Eddie felt his stomach drop.
Hen muttered next to him,
“Oh, perfect. The human migraine is back”
Tommy fixed his hair like he was arriving at a photoshoot, not an active fire scene.
Then he spotted Eddie and strutted toward him with that slow, smug grin Eddie had always hated.
“Diaz!”
Tommy called, as if they were old pals reunited at a barbecue.
“Long time no see”
Eddie didn’t bother hiding the flat annoyance in his eyes.
“Yeah. That was kind of the point”
Hen snorted under her breath.
Tommy didn’t take the hint he never did.
He leaned his weight onto one foot, arms
crossing casually like he owned the place.
“So… where’s Evan?”
Eddie’s jaw ticked.
“Buck is working the nozzle with Ravi”
he replied, not missing the way Tommy
deliberately used Evan like it was a weapon.
Tommy nodded like he’d expected that answer and immediately dove into the monologue Eddie knew was coming.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about him. A lot. About us, really. We had our issues, but… well, I guess every relationship does”
Hen looked sideways at Eddie, seeing his patience drop by the second.
“I mean, Evan was always staying up late”
Tommy continued, chuckling.
“Doing his little fun facts and rabbit holes. He’d be up at 2 a.m., reading about, like, I dunno… tree frogs or ancient elevators or something. So childish sometimes”
Tommy smirked.
“But I guess that’s Evan”
Eddie’s eyes narrowed.
Slowly.
Dangerously.
“And he was always-what’s the word-impulsive”
Tommy laughed to himself.
“I swear, he’d get distracted by a shiny rock if you didn’t keep him focused. Really exhausting, honestly”
Hen’s hand drifted toward Eddie’s arm.
She could feel the tension rolling off him like heat.
Tommy sighed theatrically.
“But, relationships end. Maybe it’s not a bad thing. I mean… your relationships didn’t exactly last long either, right? So clearly the competition wasn’t ever really out of the way”
Eddie’s head snapped toward him.
“Competition?”
he repeated, voice dangerously calm.
“We’re not even playing the same game”
Tommy blinked, thrown by the even delivery.
Eddie stepped in closer, his voice low.
“And trust me -Buck is better off now that he’s not dating someone inattentive and…”
He took a slow breath, choosing his word like a dagger.
“Unremarkable”
Hen muttered,
“Oh damn”
under her breath.
Tommy scoffed, rolling his shoulders back.
“ Real mature,Diaz”
“You’re talking about him like he’s a list of flaws you survived”
Eddie snapped, finally letting the heat
through.
“Like his curiosity is a burden. Like his spark is something you get to criticize”
Tommy lifted an eyebrow smugly.
“Just calling it how I see it”
“No”
Eddie said, stepping even closer.
“You’re calling it how you lost it”
Hen actually whispered,
“Holy hell”
because she’d never seen Eddie go full scorched earth like this.
Tommy’s mouth twitched, offended now.
“Look, I’m just saying Evan wasn’t perfec-“
“And you think you are?”
Eddie scoffed.
“You walked out on him and now you’re circling around like you suddenly realized what you threw away”
Tommy’s eyes hardened.
“He can do better”
“He already did”
Eddie fired back without hesitation.
Tommy’s smirk returned, sharp and condescending.
“Really? With who?”
Hen tried to get Eddie’s attention, sensing he was seconds away from full detonation.
“Eddie. Eddie. Walk away”
But Eddie wasn’t done not even close.
Tommy flicked imaginary lint off his sleeve.
“Well… maybe Evan just doesn’t know what’s good for him. Never did”
Eddie laughed one sharp, humorless sound.
“You didn’t know what was good for you. You had someone brilliant and kind and good and you treated him like a puzzle you were too bored to finish”
Tommy’s jaw clenched.
“And for the record?”
Eddie said, raising his voice now, no longer caring who heard.
“His name is Buck!”
Buck turned at the exact second Eddie yelled it, confused, water still spraying from the hose.
He saw Eddie being physically pulled back by Hen as Tommy stood there looking rattled.
Ravi yelled over the roar,
“Uh… is everything okay?”
Buck blinked, brow furrowed, watching Eddie still firing off words even as Hen dragged him toward the triage area.
Hen hissed,
“Eddie, breathe. Breathe”
Eddie glared over her shoulder at Tommy.
“Stay away from him. He deserves people who actually see him”
Tommy raised his hands, mocking innocence.
“I just came to help with the fire”
“Then go help”
Eddie snapped.
“Anywhere except near him”
Buck watched, confused and concerned, as Hen finally got Eddie far enough away that he stopped trying to go back for round two.
The fire still roared behind them, but the tension between Eddie and Tommy crackled just as loudly sharp, hot, and extremely not over.
Eddie stormed back toward the engine looking like he’d just threatened to throw someone into the burning house.
Buck frowned immediately.
“Eds? What happened?”
Eddie was still breathing hard, jaw tight.
“Nothing I wanna repeat”
he muttered, wiping sweat from his forehead.
“Tommy’s just-Tommy”
Buck blinked with his heart dropping.
Before Buck could ask anything,Chim yelled over the roar of the blaze,
“HEY! WE’VE GOT CONFIRMATION -SOMEONE’S STILL INSIDE!”
The fire had been burning for over an hour, the heat radiating off the collapsing structure like the inside of an oven.
The whole sky was orange.
Embers rained down like angry sparks.
Buck immediately snapped into focus.
“Ravi! With me!”
Eddie’s hand shot out to grab his arm.
“Buck-wait-“
Buck turned back, giving him the softest smile despite the chaos.
“I’ll be okay. Hey look at me. I’m okay”
Eddie swallowed, still shaken from Tommy’s crap, still vibrating with protective anger.
“Just-be careful. Please
“I always am”
Buck said.
“Well… most of the time”
Eddie huffed a laugh, lips twitching.
“Idiot”
“I know”
Buck grinned, then squeezed Eddie’s shoulder and ran toward the burning house.
Hen came up behind Eddie.
“You good?”
“No,”
Eddie said honestly.
“Not even a little”
Buck and Ravi moved fast through the smoke, sweeping rooms, calling out.
The place groaned around them, boards sagging, walls popping with heat.
Ravi spotted movement.
“I got ‘em! Buck, go check the back!”
“Copy!”
Buck called, though the radio crackled enough to make him wince.
With the victim secured, Ravi dragged them toward the exit while coughing into his mask.
Buck jogged down the hallway toward the backdoor.
And then the floor gave out under his boot.
Buck crashed down hard, the impact rattling his teeth.
His radio clattered beside him and shattered into silence.
“Shit-“
He pushed himself up, wincing.
The house creaked ominously.
Somewhere outside, sirens wailed and someone probably Chim was yelling over comms.
But Buck heard none of it.
Ravi burst out of the doorway with the victim.
“I got him! I got him!”
Chim was already pulling the victim into triage.
“Great-where’s Buck?”
Ravi’s eyes widened.
“He said he was coming out the back”
Chim flicked through channels.
“Buck, come in. Buck?
Only static.
Eddie froze.
“He’s not answering?
No one answered him.
He spun toward Chim.
“Tell me he’s answering!”
Chim shook his head, face pale.
“His radio might be down-“
“Or he’s hurt,”
Eddie said, voice cracking.
Suddenly the roof gave a monstrous groan.
Chim yelled into his radio,
“BUCK, GET OUT OF THE STRUCTURE NOW! IT’S COMING DOWN!”
No response.
Eddie took off running toward the house.
“BUCK!”
he shouted.
“BUCK-ANSWER ME!”
Chim and Hen reached him at the same time, grabbing his arms and holding him back as the flames surged like a living animal.
“EDDIE STOP!”
Hen yelled over the explosion of heat.
The house lurched, fire punching upward like a geyser.
“LET ME GO!”
Eddie begged, voice breaking as he
struggled.
“LET ME GO, HE’S STILL IN THEREBUCK!”
The building groaned, then_
BOOM.
A blast of fire shot out the windows, raining sparks, shaking the ground.
The entire 118 flinched back.
Eddie stared in horror as the structure buckled inward, flames swallowing the doorway Buck was supposed to come through.
He collapsed to his knees, chest heaving.
Hen knelt beside him, gripping his shoulder.
Just as Chim whispered, defeated,
“We need to call a Mayday-“
A shape moved in the smoke.
Ravi turned, eyes bulging.
“Wait-“
Buck stumbled out of the back corner of the house, covered in soot but completely fine, waving a hand like he was returning from a jog.
“Hey! Did I miss something? Radio’s dead!”
Chim’s jaw dropped.
“We’re going to murder you”
Hen pointed at him furiously.
“That is NOT funny, Buckley! We thought you were-“
Ravi hugged him so fast Buck squeaked.
“Stop terrifying me!”
Buck blinked, dazed. “
“Um… my bad?”
But Eddie wasn’t moving.
He was still on his knees, staring at Buck like his brain couldn’t quite process reality.
Buck’s smile instantly fell.
“Eds?”
he said softly.
“Eddie?”
He stepped closer.
That was all it took.
Eddie surged to his feet, stormed forward, and grabbed Buck’s face in both hands. Hard enough that Buck gasped.
“Eddie?”
Buck breathed.
Eddie didn’t answer.
He was trembling too much.
“Fucking-screw it”
Eddie muttered.
And he kissed him.
Buck made a sound that was half gasp, half laugh.
It wasn’t neat or planned. It wasn’t gentle at first, either.
It was the kind of kiss that came from terror and relief colliding all at once like the breath Eddie couldn’t release until he felt Buck alive under his hands.
Buck froze for half a second, shocked
Then his hands found Eddie’s waist, gripping tight as he kissed back with this stunned, breathless eagerness like he’d been trying not to want this for years.
Heat from the fire glowed behind them, the world still chaos, but they stood in the middle of it like nothing else existed.
Buck’s thumb brushed Eddie’s cheek as Eddie leaned in, their foreheads pressing together like they both needed the other to breathe.
When they finally pulled away, both of them were wide eyed and shaking.
“Oh… shit,”
Buck whispered.
Eddie said with his voice hoarse.
“Yeah,that… that just happened”
They both stepped back at the same time, like two magnets that suddenly remembered they weren’t supposed to touch.
Complete silence.
Then-
“WHAT THE-“
Chim blurted.
Hen’s jaw dropped.
“Well. That escalated”
Ravi made a strangled noise.
“I—I don’t—should I just—look Away??”
Eddie ran a shaky hand through his hair.
“I-uh-I wasn’t-planning-“
Buck stared at the ground like it might give him advice.
“I didn’t—uh—mean to… but also I… didn’t not mean to? I—oh god”
They looked at each other.
And both immediately looked away again.
Hen crossed her arms.
“Okay. So. Anyone else wanna pretend we didn’t just witness a season finale cliffhanger live?”
Chim pointed between them.
“You two need to talk. Like… soon”
Ravi whispered, still dazed,
“They kissed. They actually kissed. I’m living in a fanfiction”
Eddie shot back weakly,
“Ravi, shut up”
But Buck laughed breathless, stunned, stunned, alive.
And even though everything was
overwhelming and awkward and terrifying…
It was real.
And no one could pretend it hadn’t happened.
~~~
The entire ride back to the station was silent.
Not the comfortable kind they usually had.
This was the kind that sat heavy between them, tense and charged.
Buck sat rigid in his seat in the back of the engine, staring straight ahead, but every few minutes he would glance at Eddie.
Quick flicks of his eyes.
Then longer looks he couldn’t help.
His expression wasn’t lust, not exactly.
More like a quiet ache, like he wanted something he was terrified to lose.
Eddie kept noticing.
Every time he caught Buck looking, Buck would snap his gaze back to the window, jaw tight.
Eddie’s heart felt like it was trying to climb up into his throat.
No one mentioned the kiss.
No one breathed wrong near the topic.
They arrived just as the shift ended.
Everyone scattered, pretending not to stare, pretending not to whisper “holy crap” under their breaths.
Buck ducked into the locker room fast, shoulders hunched, trying to look normal even though nothing felt normal.
He was shoving things into his duffel bag when the door creaked open behind him.
Eddie walked in.
He sat on the bench beside Buck not too close, not far enough.
Just… there.
Buck could feel Eddie’s warmth like a spotlight.
Neither of them made eye contact.
Eddie rubbed his palms on his knees, took a breath, and started,
“Look, Buck, I-“
Buck cut him off immediately, words spilling
fast and uneven.
“Look, you don’t need to explain, okay? I get it. It’s totally fine. You were worried, I almost died, adrenaline was high -it happens. We’re fine”
He forced a smile but couldn’t keep the tremble out of it.
He was absolutely not fine.
Eddie blinked, thrown.
“Oh- okay So we’re good?”
Buck nodded too quickly.
“Yeah. Totally”
Eddie studied him for a beat, something complicated flashing in his eyes.
“Okay. Cool”
Silence fell again.
Heavy.
Uncomfortable.
Eddie tried again, softer.
“Do you, maybe… wanna come over tonight? Hang out? Me and Chris were gonna watch a movie and-“
Buck’s throat tightened.
He wanted to say yes so badly.
But he could still feel Eddie’s mouth on his.
He still felt like he’d stepped off a cliff.
“Sorry, man”
Buck said, avoiding Eddie’s eyes.
“I can’t tonight. I’ve got dinner with Chim and Maddie. Next time, though”
Eddie smiled, a little shy, a little disappointed but trying to hide it.
“Okay, yeah that-that’s fine”
Buck finished zipping his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and walked out.
The second the door closed behind him, he leaned back against the wall, eyes wide.
“Oh shit”
he whispered.
“What the fuck was that?”
His heart was pounding.
His hands were shaking.
“Why did I say it was fine? Why-why do I do this? That kiss-God-what am I doing-“
He dragged a hand over his face, nearly pacing.
Behind the door, Eddie was still sitting on the bench, staring at the floor, replaying everything in a loop.
After a long minute, he exhaled shakily.
Tommy.
The fire.
Buck disappearing.
The explosion.
The kiss he hadn’t planned on hadn’t even thought about because it had just happened, like gravity pulling two things together too strongly to fight.
He’d scared Buck.
He knew he had.
Eddie pressed his palms together, swallowed, and finally stood.
But as he zipped up his own locker, the door swung open again.
Buck had come back.
His hair was messy, he looked nervous, and his voice was quiet when he said.
“Eddie… what did Tommy say to you?”
Eddie froze.
“Why?”
Buck shrugged, fidgeting.
“Because when I asked you earlier, you looked… hurt. And angry. And I didn’t really get to hear why”
Eddie sighed, leaning back against the lockers.
“He was-patronizing. Condescending. Acting like he still knew you. Listing things he thought were flaws, like they were funny stories. And then he called me the ‘competition,’ like he’d lost some stupid game”
Buck’s eyes dropped to the ground.
Eddie continued, voice low and tight.
“And then he said something about how maybe the competition hadn’t been out of the way after all. Like… he was implying something about you. About me. And I-“
he exhaled sharply.
“I snapped at him. I told him you were better off without someone inattentive and-God, what did I even say-unattractive. I don’t know. I was pissed”
Buck blinked at him, surprised.
“You… said that?”
“Yeah”
Eddie muttered.
“I’m sorry if I overreacted. I just-he was tearing you down and I wasn’t going to stand there and let him”
Buck looked stunned.
Then something in him softened melted, even.
“Eddie”
he said quietly,
“don’t apologize. Please. Nobody has ever… stood up for me like that. Not like that”
Eddie lifted his head, finally meeting Buck’s eyes.
That tension returned immediately.
Heavy.
Warm.
Scary.
Buck’s voice dropped even softer.
“Thank you”
Eddie swallowed.
His voice was rough when he replied,
“I’d do it again. Every time”
They stayed there, close but not touching, breathing uneven.
Something was happening something neither of them knew how to name.
Buck finally shook himself and stepped back a little.
“I, um… I should go. Maddie will kill me if I’m late”
Eddie nodded.
“Yeah. Yeah, of course”
But neither of them moved.
For a second, it felt like the world was holding its breath between them.
Then Buck forced a smile, lifted his bag, and slipped out the door.
Eddie watched it close.
His chest ached.
~~~
Buck barely made it up the porch steps before the front door yanked open.
Maddie stood there with her arms crossed, eyebrow already raised like she’d been waiting.
“Chim warned me about this”
she said flatly.
Buck froze. “
“About-what?”
“You. Melting down.”
She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him inside before he could escape.
“Come in”
Buck stepped in and shut the door behind him, trying to breathe normally.
“I’m not melting down”
he announced, totally melting down.
“Uh-huh”
Maddie said.
“You’re vibrating”
Buck made a strangled noise.
“Okay, fine, I’m-look, Eddie kissed me”
Maddie blinked once.
“Yes. Chim told me. Loudly. With hand gestures”
Buck threw his arms out, pacing a frantic circle.
“He kissed me. On a call. In front of everyone! He just-he grabbed my face and-just-“
He made a helpless noise that wasn’t even a word.
“And Chim saw it, fucking Tommy saw and Hen saw it, and Ravi nearly passed out-“
Maddie gently put a hand on his shoulder.
“Buck”
“And Eddie’s supposed to be straight!”
Buck blurted, hands flying through the air.
“And I said I wasn’t in love with him. I told everyone I wasn’t-but I am! I always have been! And now-now-“
He stopped dead center in the living room.
Maddie waited.
Buck’s voice cracked.
“Now I can’t breathe”
Maddie softened.
“Hey…”
Buck shook his head fast, rambling.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. He kissed me like-like I mattered. And no one-no one ever-“
His voice collapsed.
He scrubbed his hands over his face.
“I push people away and they leave anyway and I always get left behind, Maddie. Always. And I can’t-“
His breath hitched.
“I can’t lose Eddie. I can’t”
Maddie stepped forward and wrapped both arms around him, pulling him into a full, grounding big-sister hug.
“Evan”
she whispered,
“look at me”
He lifted his head reluctantly.
“You are not unlovable. And Eddie does not kiss people he doesn’t care about. That man looks at you like you hung the moon. Everyone sees it except you two”
Buck swallowed, eyes burning.
“And yes”
Maddie continued gently,
“you’re scared. Because he matters.That’s what love does. It terrifies us”
Buck’s voice was small.
“What if I mess it up? What if he changes his mind?”
“Then he’ll tell you. Not disappear on you. You two talk through everything. You always have”
Buck sniffed, dragging in a shaky breath.
“You really think he-?”
“I know he does,”
Maddie said.
“Buck… he’s in love with you”
Buck sat heavily on the couch like his legs gave out.
“I… I don’t know what to do next”
“You don’t have to decide tonight. Just breathe. Let yourself feel it”
Buck nodded, quiet, overwhelmed.
“Okay… okay”
~~~
Chris stabbed a tortilla chip into salsa while staring at his dad with narrowed teenage suspicion.
“Dad. You’re being weird”
Eddie froze mid-bite.
“What? No. I’m fine”
Chris leaned back, unimpressed.
“That’s literally what people say when they’re not fine”
Eddie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Sorry, bud. Just… long shift. I’m tired”
Chris raised a brow.
“Or… something happened”
Eddie hesitated, eyes flicking toward the kitchen doorway.
He lowered his voice.
“Okay. Sit with me a second”
Chris perked up, sliding his chair closer.
“Oh this is serious-serious”
Eddie laughed weakly.
“Mijo…”
He took a breath with his shoulders tense, eyes glistening just a little.
“I’m gay”
Chris blinked.
Then broke into the biggest smile Eddie had ever seen.
“Dad! That’s awesome!”
And he jumped forward, arms wrapping around Eddie’s shoulders.
Eddie froze for half a second, breath catching, then hugged him tight, eyes burning.
“You’re not… upset?”
Eddie whispered.
“Why would I be upset?”
Chris pulled back, grinning.
“I’m proud of you”
Eddie exhaled shakily, wiping his eyes with the heel of his hand.
Chris tilted hishead.
“So… this wouldn’t have anything to do with you kissing Buck in front of everyone, yeah?”
Eddie choked.
“How did-!?”
Chris smirked.
“Dad… literally everyone at the station group chat knows”
“Group-what-!”
“Maddie sent emojis.”
Eddie groaned and dropped his head onto the table.
Chris leaned in.
“So… you love him”
Eddie whispered,
“Yeah. I do”
“Okay,”
Chris said simply.
“So what’s wrong?”
Eddie lifted his head slowly.
“I think I messed up”
Chris frowned.
“How?”
“I kissed him when I thought I’d lost him. I wasn’t thinking. And Buck-he-he didn’t say anything after. He avoided eye contact the whole way back. And he turned down coming over”
He swallowed.
“I think he’s scared. Or upset. Or… I don’t know”
Chris rolled his eyes with all the power of a 14-year-old who had witnessed too many slow-burn idiots.
“Dad. Buck is literally obsessed with you”
Eddie blinked.
“…what?”
Chris shrugged.
“He smiles at you like an idiot. He follows you around the station like some kind of giant golden retriever. And don’t even get me started on the way he looks at you when you’re cooking”
Eddie blinked again, stunned.
Chris continued,
“He’s scared, not avoiding you. You kissed him in the middle of a burning building scene. Anyone would freak out a little”
Eddie ran a hand through his hair.
“I just… I need to talk to him”
Chris nodded wisely.
“Yeah. But maybe let him breathe tonight”
Eddie nodded, soft.
“Yeah. I will.”
Chris grinned.
“But… dad?”
“Yeah?”
“You and Buck are totally going to end up together”
Eddie couldn’t help the small, hopeful smile.
“Yeah… mijo. I hope so”
~~~
Buck had spent the last 48 hours trying not to think about the kiss.
Which, naturally, meant he had spent the last 48 hours thinking ONLY about the kiss.
He barely slept.
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Eddie’s face the soot, the sweat, the panic, the way Eddie grabbed him, the way his voice broke when he said screw it.
And then the kiss.
And then the silence afterward.
So yeah.
Awkward wasn’t even close.
Eddie spent the last 48 hours replaying everything too.
And now, of course, the first call of the day was exactly the kind that guaranteed emotional disaster.
A couple had gotten into a dramatic argument in their driveway a loud, explosive one and managed to injure themselves when one tried to walk away and the other tried to stop them.
“So”
Chim said as they approached,
“”they fought, they tripped, he fell off the porch, she landed on top of him, and now they hate each other”
Hen shook her head.
“Classic”
Buck and Eddie exchanged a glance one that lasted 0.5 seconds but felt like an eternity before looking away quickly.
They followed Hen to the couple sitting in the grass beside a broken garden gnome.
The woman, holding her ankle, immediately pointed at her husband.
“He thinks he knows what I’m thinking even when I haven’t said anything!”
The man threw his arms up.
“Because you NEVER say anything! I’m not a mind reader!”
Hen blinked.
“Wow. Relatable”
Buck and Eddie both froze.
Great.
Perfect.
A fight about communication.
Just what they needed.
Buck kneeled beside the woman.
“Let’s get you checked out. You might’ve sprained something”
Eddie crouched beside the man.
“Any dizziness? Pain in your ribs?”
The woman leaned forward suddenly, squinting at Buck and Eddie.
“Wait… are you two dating?”
Buck choked on air.
Eddie almost dropped the guy’s wrist.
“What? No-I mean-what-who-?”
Buck’s voice cracked.
“We’re-friends. Co workers. Teammates. People”
Eddie added uselessly,
“We work. Together. On calls. Professionally”
The woman looked between them.
“But you’re so cute together”
The man nodded.
“There’s definitely something going on”
Eddie’s ears turned red.
“No. Not-nothing. We’re just-“
Buck spoke too fast.
“Nope! Nothing! Nothing’s happening or happened or will ever happen-I MEAN-not like that-I mean-we’re fine-totally fine-strictly-“
Hen walked by and muttered,
“Oh my god, this is torture”
The woman smirked.
“You’re in love with him”
Both Buck and Eddie shouted:,
“WHAT?!”
The woman shrugged.
“Honey, I’ve been married twenty years. I know the look”
Buck stared at the ground.
Eddie stared at anything that wasn’t Buck.
The tension was unbearable — tight,
buzzing, heavy —until Hen loudly clapped her hands.
“Alright, lovebirds-which you are, whether you like it or not-let’s finish treating them”
Buck’s eyes went wide.
“Hen!”
Eddie covered his face with one hand. “
“Hen, please”
But the couple was giggling now, whispering to each other about “young love” while Buck and Eddie worked in awkward silence.
A very, very awkward silence.
~~~
The rest of the day had felt like 10 years, Buck had one hand on the door of his truck, keys dangling, shoulders tight from a whole day of silent tension.
Every time he and Eddie passed each other, one of them looked at the floor.
Hen was done with them.
Chim kept sighing dramatically.
Ravi acted like he wasn’t paying attention even though he absolutely was.
Buck inhaled shakily, ready to unlock the door and flee-
“Buck”
Eddie’s voice cut through the parking lot, sharp and annoyed.
Buck stiffened, closing his eyes for a second before turning.
“Hey. Uh. Shift’s over, so… I’ll just-go-“
Eddie marched straight toward him with the kind of determination that meant Buck had no chance.
“NoL
Eddie said, stopping right in front of him.
“Come with me.”
Buck blinked.
“..What?”
Eddie’s jaw worked.
“I said come with me. We need to talk”
Buck’s heart dropped into his shoes.
“Eddie, I can’t. I have things to do, I have-actual plans-“
“Buck”
Buck swallowed.
“Eddie-“
“No.”
Eddie pointed at his own truck.
“Get in the truck”
Buck stared at him.
“Are you-seriously order voicing me right now?”
“Yes”
Eddie snapped.
“Get. In. The. Car”
Buck looked around like someone would save him.
Hen and Chim were at the door of the station watching like they were seeing a soap opera. Chim gave him a thumbs-up. Hen mouthed, finally.
Buck muttered under his breath,
“Traitors”
Eddie crossed his arms.
“Buck, don’t make me drag you.”
That sentence shot through Buck like lightning because
Eddie absolutely could drag him.
Eddie absolutely would drag him.
And Buck really did not want that happening in front of the entire station.
“Okay! Okay!”
Buck threw up his hands.
“No dragging necessary”
He walked around Eddie’s truck and climbed in, heart pounding.
Eddie got in on the driver’s side, slammed the door shut, and immediately locked it.
Buck flinched.
“Is that really necessary?”
“Yes”
Eddie said.
Buck stared at the dashboard.
“Okay, that’s… concerning”
Eddie pulled out of the station lot way too fast, gripping the wheel like it had personally wronged him.
The silence in the cab was suffocating. Buck could hear his own breathing.
After almost a full minute, Buck said quietly,
“You’re mad”
“No”
Eddie said, too quickly.
“I’m not mad”
Buck made a face.
“You gave me the ‘Eddie Diaz I’m pissed’ voice. That’s the ‘mad’ voice”
Eddie exhaled through his nose.
“I’m not mad at you”
Buck blinked.
“…At who, then?”
Eddie didn’t answer.
Buck’s pulse kicked into overdrive.
“Eddie-look, if this is about the kiss-“
Eddie gripped the wheel harder.
“Buck, we’re not doing this in the truck”
Buck let out a frustrated breath.
“I didn’t do anything wrong”
“I know”
Eddie said softly.
“That’s the problem”
“What does that even-“
“Not in the truck”
Eddie repeated.
Buck slumped back, whispering,
“…Oh God, I’m gonna have a heart attack”
~~~
Eddie pulled into his driveway and shut off the engine.
Neither of them moved for several seconds.
Then Eddie got out.
Buck followed slowly, stomach in knots.
When Eddie unlocked the front door, he stepped inside and motioned for Buck to do the same.
Buck hesitated.
“Are you sure I should-?”
“Buck. Inside”
Buck walked in.
Eddie shut the door.
The click sounded like a countdown.
Buck shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Okay. We’re here. You dragged me. What do you want to say?”
Eddie took a breath like he was preparing to jump off something very tall.
“Okay”
he said quietly.
“We’re talking. No more running. No more avoiding”
Buck swallowed.
His throat felt tight.
“I’m not avoiding you-“
“Yes, you are”
Eddie’s voice wasn’t angry now.
It was soft.
Tired.
“You’ve barely looked at me since that kiss”
Buck’s heart lurched.
“Eddie-“
“And we can’t keep pretending nothing happened”
Eddie pressed, stepping closer.
“Not after everything. Not after the fire. Not after the way you looked at me when you walked out of that house”
Buck’s voice broke.
“There’s nothing to figure out. We’re fine”
“NO, Buck”
Eddie’s tone snapped sharp for the first time.
“We’re not fine. You’re pretending we are because you’re freaking out”
“I’m not-“
“You are”
Eddie insisted.
“I know you. And Chim told me-“
Buck’s eyes flashed.
“Oh, so you’re all buddy buddy with Chim now. Good to know”
Eddie blinked.
“What? Buck where is that coming from?”
“Oh, I don’t know”
Buck said bitterly.
“Maybe because it was Hen, and now it’s Chim, and what, you need a whole committee to talk about me behind my back?”
“Buck, what the hell?”
Eddie said, stunned.
“I wasn’t-“
But Buck kept going because the dam finally cracked.
“You kissed me, Eddie!”
he shouted, voice trembling.
“You kissed me in front of everyone on a call and everything’s been-different! Ever since Texas, ever since Bobby, ever since-“
He choked on the next words, tears welling unexpectedly.
“Ever since everything”
he whispered.
“It’s all different”
Eddie’s breath hitched.
“Buck…”
“There’s been this… thing between us. This tension we haven’t talked aboutL
Buck scrubbed at his face.
“And I’m-God, I’m in love with you and I don’t know what you want from me. Do you wanna tell me? What do you want from me, Eddie?!”
The room fell painfully quiet.
Eddie opened his mouth?closed it,tried again and nothing came out.
He just looked at Buck like he wanted to say a hundred things but didn’t know which one to grab.
Buck shook his head, defeated.
“That’s what I thought”
He turned toward the door.
But Eddie’s voice came out hoarse, raw,
“I want you to kiss me”
Buck froze.
He didn’t even turn around.
Just… stopped.
Completely.
“…what?”
Eddie stepped forward.
“I want you to kiss me”
Buck stared at the floor like it could save him.
Eddie reached out and gently wrapped his fingers around Buck’s wrist, coaxing him to turn.
Slowly Buck let himself be turned around.
He still wouldn’t look up.
So Eddie reached out and slid two fingers under Buck’s chin, tilting his face until their eyes met.
Buck’s breath caught.
Eddie’s thumb brushed lightly along his jaw, a trembling, deliberate touch.
Eddie whispered,
“I want you to kiss me, Buck”
Buck leaned in slow, hesitant, terrified until his forehead rested against Eddie’s.
Their noses brushed.
Their breaths mingled.
Buck’s hand gently found Eddie’s shoulder, fingers curling as if asking permission.
Eddie whispered,
“It’s okay”
Buck kissed him.
Soft.
Careful.
Like he was afraid Eddie might disappear if he moved too fast.
Eddie let out a shaky breath and kissed him back, tender and sure, his hand sliding to the back of Buck’s neck.
The kiss deepened the kind that felt like years finally exhaling.
When Buck pulled back, both of them were breathing unevenly, foreheads pressed together.
Buck whispered, voice cracking,
“Eddie…”
But Eddie didn’t let go.
His hand curled into Buck’s shirt and he pulled him in again, kissing him with more urgency still safe, still gentle, but full of everything he hadn’t said.
Buck made a tiny, breathless sound against Eddie’s lips, gripping Eddie’s arms to steady himself.
When they broke apart, they stood there, foreheads touching, both stunned and shaking.
Eddie whispered,
“That’s what I want”
Buck swallowed hard.
“Yeah”
Eddie nodded, brushing their noses together.
“Yeah”
Buck let out a trembling, disbelieving laugh.
“Okay”
“Okay”
Eddie whispered back.
His chest rose and fell as he stood in front of Buck, hands on his hips like he wasn’t sure if he was trying to steady his breathing or stop himself from pacing again.
Buck swallowed, his voice quiet.
“Eddie… I’m sorry. For avoiding you. For freaking out. For-whatever the hell I’ve been doing these past few days”
Eddie shook his head immediately, stepping closer until their chests almost brushed.
“Buck… you don’t have to apologize”
“I do”
Buck’s voice cracked.
“You kissed me and I panicked because all I could think was ‘he’s gonna regret it, he’s gonna realize I’m not worth the mess this’ll make’ and I-“
He stopped, breath shaking.
“I didn’t want to lose you”
Eddie’s face softened in that way that always knocked the air right out of Buck’s lungs.
“You’re not losing me. You’re not losing me, Buck”
Buck blinked hard, then whispered, barely holding it in anymore:
“I love you, Eddie”
It was soft.
Honest.
Terrified.
Eddie’s breath hitched.
And then he smiled that small, quiet smile he saved for only the safest moments.
“I love you too”
Buck let out a breath that sounded like relief and disbelief mixing together.
Eddie stepped into him fully, sliding his arms around Buck’s waist and resting his head right against Buck’s chest like he’d been waiting years to do it.
Buck let out a warm, startled laugh.
“You okay?”
Eddie mumbled into him,
“Perfect”
and Buck’s laugh softened into something quieter, something that curled warmth all the way through him
After a long moment, Buck tipped his chin down.
“Where’s Chris? He’s usually the one interrupting emotional breakthroughs.”
Eddie chuckled, still pressed to him.
“Sleepover he wanted to stay up all night with his friends and watch horror movies that I’d never let them watch”
Buck huffed.
“So we have the house to ourselves?”
Eddie lifted his head just enough to shoot him a small, teasing look.
“Don’t get cocky”
Buck held up a hand.
“Wasn’t going to. Just… nice. Being here. With you”
Eddie’s eyes softened again.
He leaned his forehead against Buck’s collarbone, breathing him in like he’d finally let himself calm down.
Buck wrapped his arms fully around him, smoothing a hand over Eddie’s back. After a moment, Buck let out a quiet, breathy laugh the kind that carried something a little sad, a little warm, and a lot of love.
“Bobby would be proud of us”
Buck murmured.
“You know… for finally figuring out our shit”
Eddie’s breath caught not painfully, but like something inside him unclenched in the best possible way.
He let out a soft laugh against Buck’s chest.
“Yeah”
Eddie whispered.
“Yeah, he would”
Buck smiled down at him.
“Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t leave behind some kind of, I don’t know, ‘Buck and Eddie Emotional Communication Instructions,’ already filled out and clipped to his paperwork”
Eddie snorted quietly.
“He probably had a whole binder labeled for us”
“A binder?”
Buck grinned.
“Color coded?”
“With tabs”
Eddie said, chuckling.
“Definitely tabs”
Buck’s arms tightened just slightly, pulling him a little closer.
The laughter faded into something warm and full, like they were both standing in the exact place they were supposed to be.
Eddie looked up at him really looked with his eyes soft and a little shy and completely sure.
“Well”
he whispered,
“he won’t be disappointed”
Buck’s breath caught again, but this time
in the best way.
“Yeah”
he whispered back.
“He really won’t”
Eddie rested his forehead against Buck’s again with his eyes closing.
And in the quiet of the house, with no fire, no fear, no chaos just them everything finally, finally felt right.