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From a young age, the small little burns littered along her tiny body had been Mai's constant companions. They decorated her mouth and crawled up her arms and—as she grew older—made walking a pain. It was the sign of a powerful soulmate, she was told. Whoever the "other half of her soul" was, they were a powerful bender; a rumour confirmed without a doubt a year or two later when the frizzle of lightning shocked its way through her system.
Mai remembers being young and afraid for the marks on her body; afraid for the little kid who's pain this was. Soulmates are exceedingly rare, her father had told her. Two people brought together by spirits, with a bond so sacred that only the most cruel would try to spilt them apart. Two people who could feel every awful injury the other had, could share something so intimate as each other's pain.
It had sounded... well romantic, she supposes. She was safe-keeper of her soulmate's pain. And a younger Mai, stuck by the notion of it all, had tried to keep her body injury free. There was someone out there who could feel every scratch that landed on her and, for the longest time, she had hoped to protect them. To make sure that they couldn't feel the same pain that they brought her every waking day.
It was some form of torture, she thought, to hurt the people who are supposed to love you. But her soulmate didn't know, not while Mai made sure that nothing could ever hurt them.
So Mai swallowed the pain and she never caused herself any.
Until the day everything in her household changed. Until the day her father got a promotion and every eye turned to them.
Suddenly it was important that Mai look perfect. That the only scratch on her was her soulmate's. That she dressed correctly and smiled politely at functions and never talked. That she was perfect so that everyone could forgot about her. So she blended perfectly into the background, another beautiful decoration.
And suddenly there was all this anger inside her with nowhere to go. Everyday she spent quiet and nodding and away in the shadows was just another piece of coal that fuelled the hatred within her. Some days, she didn't even need a powerful firebender; she was the fire itself, sparking along her veins, pouring into her mouth, waiting for the next time she had to bite her tongue.
It was her mother who suggested the knives. "A way to protect yourself," she said. And a way to keep your anger in check, she didn't say. So Mai picked up a hobby, and the first time Mai held the throwing knives in her small child's frame... Well, it finally felt like there was something in the world built for her.
Only for her.
The knives became a part of her. They were her shadows. They were her nails. They were her vessels for all the feeling she wasn't allowed to feel. There were a lot of things that Mai could only bow her head against, but her knives were always there, protection against things she barely had the words to name.
But a nonbender with a powerful bender as a soulmate is bound to attract attention. She knew, now, that those who looked should not find a single flaw. Not one thing they can point towards. She simply had to be untouchable.
So she poured herself into her knives; learned their weight and give and how to throw them so they always landed where she wanted them to. She built herself a ruthless reputation for stoicism and precision. Her knives were a part of her and they could bring devastation with just a single flick.
No one dared to say anything.
She hoped her soulmate could forgive her for the cuts they suffered but, if nothing else, she knew they understood; they were a matched set. They shared the same drive. Both of them knew there was nothing worse than being less than perfect.
They were alike in that way.
When turns nine, she stands and watches as the servants pack away her life.
Her father has gotten a promotion and her family was moving to Caldera, the Fire Nation capital. She was supposed to be happy for him. She was supposed to be happy for herself—for all the social opportunities she'd now have. She'd be able to mingle with other noble girls and be playmates with even the Firelord's own family. It was an honour.
So Mai didn't protest the upheaval of her life. After all, who would listen to the compliants of some spoiled noble brat?
No one ever had. Not until Azula.
The first time she sees Azula, she had bowed her head and fawned over her, just like everyone else. That was the type of attention Princess Azula demanded from the people she graced with her presence and Mai did it because everyone else was doing it.
The girl had been tiny back then (they all were), with such a sense of herself that Mai would have killed to have. She was self-possessed, sharp and clever and prideful. There was an air to her, some sort of energy that made Mai follow behind her steps and tolerate her boasts.
For the first time, Mai found herself wanting; wanting Azula. Wanting to be something—anything—to her.
But to catch the attention of someone like the Lightning Princess, well she had to do more than bow.
And that's why she turned her sights, first, to Ty Lee.
To catch the attention of the girl the Princess listened to like an advisor was easy enough. Ty Lee was known for being friendly and approachable, and she has been the Princess' right hand since before they were in diapers. Some even whisper that the two are soulmates, platonic or otherwise. That their bodies map each other's scars. That there is no one else in the world closer to Azula than Ty Lee.
So she moves for the easy target.
For as long as she can remember, Ty Lee has been Princess Azula's soulmate.
Very few people actually know the marks that litter her body, the lightning that burns through her, the hurt she holds inside herself all belong to Azula. Very few people know that Azula carefully hides scrapped knees, rope burn and the phantom aches of dislocated or broken limbs.
"Show me," Azula had asked once.
The day had come to a close and Ty Lee had convinced Lady Ursa to let her sleep over. The girls were curled up in Azula's bed. Soft blue poured into the room through the open window and met Azula's warm orange. It was a rarely seen sight—warm fire from the Lightning Princess—and Ty Lee was in awe.
Of the girl beside her. Of the fire beside her. Of their twin marks. Of her pain reflected on another body.
Azula's hand had been so cautious. Delicate as they trailed across skin. Her fingers were cold despite everything and the dual sensation of heat and cold made goosebumps rise on her skin.
Azula's path continued over the scar lining Ty Lee's lips (she had tried to breathe fire, like her Uncle Iroh, and all it had done was leave a small burn). Over healing burns on her fingers (gained so many years ago but they still hadn't healed, not yet). Over every scrap and bruise with painful, furrow-browed concentration.
And all she had found herself thinking about was the world outside that they were both ignoring.
It was hard to enough to be Azula's friend sometimes. At some point, she would have to tell the world that they are soulmates, destined to be something to each other, if not perfect partners.
She can't say she's not imagined it.
(Azula, the Firelord, and Ty Lee. Both of them grown up. Both of them dressed in their best. Matching scars bared to the world. Here we are. Here is what we mean to each other. Azula has a crown and Ty Lee has a ring and the entire world gets to decide what they mean to each other. There is no sleepovers where they marvel at the other's skin in the dark. There is no more privacy. Maybe it's always been a show.)
Then, someone intrudes into their life.
A girl who never smiles, who never laughs. Who holds herself so stiffly that everything she says seems like a performance. A girl who has arms filled with scars. Her scars. Azula's scars.
But the confirmation doesn't come until weeks later.
Azula was uncharacteristically bored and uninterested in all her usual favourite pass times. "Let's do something with all the girls," she said around lunch time. "Let them show off a little for me." And Ty Lee was happy enough to relay the news to everyone who wanted to participate. Mai was one of the first people to come to the courtyard, stone-faced as always. But maybe there was some slight excitement in her that only Ty Lee could see.
Every girl took her turn showing off some skill that she had while Azula watched with her sharp, calculating eyes. They watched dancing and acrobatics and so many different skills that at some point Ty Lee stopped paying attention to the competition itself. Instead, her focus changed to the skills themselves, a flicker of curiosity driving her to pay attention.
Then, Mai steps up.
Azula is engrossed in some sort of conversation with a couple of other girls. It sounds like she's trying to understand how to do some trick that one of the girls did. Ty Lee tries to get her attention but Azula waves her off.
It's only Ty Lee watching as Mai palms three knives, holding them delicately between her fingers. She takes a moment to just look at the target and then throws. The knives whizz through the air and thud into the tree one after the other. Each knife almost stands on top of the other, sticking like some sort of terrifying staircase. Ty Lee finds herself gasping at the sheer display.
It's Azula who turns first. Her gaze first lands on Ty Lee and then drifts to Mai who stands without a single expression, stark straight. Then her eyes move to the tree and the knives.
She grins.
"How did you learn to do that?" Azula asks and Mai starts on a story about being young and wanting to be great. She can see Azula leaning in, already enamoured with this interloper with an interesting skill. "Can you teach me?" Azula asks and Mai nods yes without a single blink.
Everyone clears a circle for them and Mai holds Azula's hands, teaching her how to hold a knife and how to feel its weigh and how to use those factors to throw a knife perfectly. Ty Lee stands back and watches as Azula, smiling like she never is, pulls back and throws. And pulls back and throws. And pulls back—
And cuts. A deep jagged wound into her palm.
For a moment, it seems like the world itself stills. Ty Lee is caught between concern for her soulmate and concerned for her own skin, but the pain blossoms a second later; bright and unfamiliar, her palm opens up before her, red red red pouring out like rain.
And, across the garden, Mai hisses.
Red blooms again on skin that is not hers. Or Azula's.
When Azula says they're friends now, Mai accepts. When she says that Mai is the in Royal Fire Academy, she accepts. When Azula teases that she likes her brother, Mai scowls like she's agreeing.
When Ty Lee suggests they tell Azula the truth. Well that's a different story.
"I. I can't." Mai says.
She already knows what it would all entail. A perfect performance. Not a single flicker of emotion. She would have to make up for being her, for being the second soulmate, for being a girl. Azula would never be taken seriously ever again, not in front of her court or people or, most importantly, her father. It would be... nothing. Nothing at all like she ever imagined it would be.
"It's better if she doesn't know. Nothing would be the same again." And Ty Lee hangs her head like she already knew the answer even before she heard it.
They grow up. The news stops being something shocking. Blood and burns mark both of their skin and they silently endure it together, shoulders set against the world.
Mai watches from the shadows as Azula holds Ty Lee close at night, whispering lost words into her ear. She watches as the two girls stand shoulder by shoulder, practising their respective skills with a symmetry that is downright jealousy inducing.
She gets to sit besides Ty Lee listening as she cries about the pain, about the ways Azula makes her feel (good and bad and like she's standing on an electric cable and like it's something wonderful just because it's for Azula). She gets to drag Ty Lee to whatever function she needs to, just so she doesn't have to keep herself company.
And between everything, before she ever realises what's happening, a surprising friendship forms. For the first time since they moved to Caldera, Mai feels... happy. Like there's actually something in the world for her.
Maybe the weigh of their secret should be killing her. Maybe she should be taking advantage of Princess Azula's affection. Maybe she should be using this to get a connection with the rest of the family. But the only other person she can really tolerate is Zuko and she simply doesn't care. There's nothing else to it; she's happy in her friendship. She doesn't need anything else.
And then Lady Ursa leaves.
Azula sits in her room, face as blank as she's always wished hers could be.
"I'm sorry," Mai says, for all the good that does.
"She... she really didn't say anything to you?" Ty Lee moves closer to the princess, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. It's a testament to Azula's mood that she barely reacts.
The silence stretches between them. She could almost mistake Azula's numbness for callousness, if it weren't for the burn in her heart. A small furious heat that could never be hers. Could only be Azula's grief, silent and unmistakable, lodged safely between her ribs.
She didn't know soulmates could share emotional pain. What a time to learn things.
"She hates me," Azula says in a voice she's never heard before. It's soft and small. Maybe that's what Azula had sounded like, as a child, before she learned how to command respect and fear with just a word. Before she became the Princess, her father's right hand. She sounds younger somehow.
"That's not true," says Ty Lee and Azula's glare is like an argument itself.
Over Azula’s shoulder, Ty Lee catches her eye.
"You shouldn't be spending the night alone," Mau says, listening to her silent request. Azula’s glare turns to her but she refuses to entertain an argument. She just calls a few servants to ask for a couple more pillows. When she pulls Azula down into the bed, she resists for a spilt second and then everything melts away.
She folds herself into Mai's arms and Ty Lee curls up around her back. They drift asleep together and Mai pretends like she can't feel Azula's tears staining her robe.
The second time it happens. Well it's much, much worse than the first. At least that's what Mai tells her during her occasional visits. There's a part of her that wants to ask for more details or ask if Azula will ever come to see her, but the renewed lightning flowing through her tells her everything she needs to know.
"So how is this place?" Mai asks once, lounging casually as Ty Lee practises. The girl's face is twisted into disgust but it's been an hour since she's arrived. There must be something she's staying for.
Ty Lee shrugs.
"Come on. You've spent months here. Tell me one thing you like about it."
She likes... a lot of things about it, really. Her friends actually seem to like her instead of her just being there for various superficial reasons. Her talent is something valuable instead of something that distinguishes her from her sisters. People actually know her name.
"I just feel more free," she finds herself saying, a lot more honest than she was expecting to be. "You know? I walk on a tightrope and I take a look down and everyone's watching me. They're completely focused on me. It's..." Exhilarating.
Mai nods as if she actually finished that sentence. Like she heard was Ty Lee was thinking.
"Plus I get to wear fun costumes!" And at that, Mai rolls her eyes. "They're practical too!" She does a couple tricks to show the versatility of movement. Mai moves on from eye rolls to flicking through her knives like she's bored.
"Fascinating."
Ty Lee sticks her tongue out at her, and when that still doesn't get a response, she vaults over and grabs the knife right out of her hand.
"Hey!"
Mai jumps up but she's already running away. The room is small and Mai is faster than her but she's more agile. She climbs over chairs and tables and flips over Mai and uses every trick she knows to get away. Mai still catches up, grabbing her shoulders and pressing her down as she reaches for it. And they're both grinning, a little breathless as Mai tries and fails to pull the knife out of her hands.
She's taller than the other girl. She didn't use to be. And Mai is very, very close.
Slowly, Mai pauses in her reaching and then they're standing in each other's space, so close that she can almost feel Mai's breaths.
"Uh. Here—here." She presses the knife into Mai's hands and then takes a step back. For a moment, Mai just stands there, looking at the knife. When she looks up, her smile is gone.
"I should go," she says and barely waits before she starts to.
And Ty Lee remembers why she called her here. "Wait!" Mai is almost out the door, rushing away like she's desperate to never see her again. "Wait, I need to tell you something!"
Mai pauses at the door but doesn't turn around and Ty Lee takes a deep breath.
"You should tell her."
It sort of hurts to allow this. To allow her soulmate to slip through her fingers, but she can't make Azula happy. Not right now. Mai can. She knows that. Mai is wonderful and they would be good together, even if as nothing more than friends. Azula needs someone and they both know there's no one more loyal than Mai.
Mai doesn't move. "Tell her what?"
But they both know what she's asking.
"Tell her." she repeats.
"What would be the point?"
Ty Lee gets a little closer and when she turns Mai around, there's little resistance. Slowly, she wraps her arms around the girl. Mai doesn't do anything, just stands there with her arms at her sides and Ty Lee feels like she's leaving behind a life, even if it's one she didn't really want. Maybe there's no going back from this. Maybe this is it; the last time she sees either of them. She holds on tighter.
"She deserves the truth," she says into Mai's shoulder. "And you deserve whatever happiness you can get with her. You both do."
Mai shakes her head, silent.
"You do." She insists and holds her.
She knew Azula was coming to New Ozai. What she wasn't expecting was Ty Lee, trailing behind her like they're twelve again.
"Tell me you're here to kill me," she says and bows and Azula laughs like she missed her, even though it's not been that long since she left. Ty Lee smiles too and then she hugs her like the last time. Like years haven't passed since they've seen each other.
"I have a mission for us," Azula says and that's all she needs to hear.
"Count me in. Anything to get me out of this place."
And later, when she asks Ty Lee why she's back (out of earshot of Azula), well, she looks away. "She's my soulmate, too," she says, so silent that Mai almost misses it. "She wanted my help."
Mai waits.
"Did you... did you tell her?"
"I did."
Ty Lee looks at her, a little desperate.
"If she was happy with just me she wouldn't have come for you."
She wasn't sure what reaction she was expecting but all she gets in response is silence. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Azula calls and they go back to her side.