Chapter Text
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Dustin rummages through his locker, searching for his history textbook. After a few more seconds he finally finds it and grabs it, slamming his locker shut. It had been about 18 months since the earth split in four, the town went to shit, and Eddie died. He had been there. He was holding him; the blood seeped onto his hands into his lap, pooling around him, it was so cold, so, so, cold all Dustin could do it choke on his tears, begging for Eddie to–
– “Hey, nerd. What did I say about wearing that shirt?” Andy hisses, pushing him to the wall, then slamming his shoulder down, pinning him. Andy's goons stand behind him, they've attracted a little crowd.
“I said not to wear that fucking shirt.” Andy spits, peering closer to Dustin, who is just letting this happen. It's been a regular occurrence. It's been getting more frequent though. He doesn't care for it either way.
“You just gonna stand there? Not say anything? What?- are ya’ gonna cry???” Taunted Andy.
“Fuck off” Dustin finally hisses, getting sick of this.
“He talks! - got tired of me talking about your little murderer friend?” Dustin hadn't even noticed they brought up Eddie, he was busy in his thoughts.
“C'mon.. you-” Andy starts, Dustin stops him by spitting in his face. Before reverently shoving through the crowd to History, catching eyes everywhere.
–
“You hear that, Henderson?” Andy snarled. They were at the cemetery. Dustin was promptly getting beat up by Andy and his goons. (At least that's what Steve calls them).
“Yeah you hear that?? Right?”
“Silence. No one's here to help you. You're alone. Eddie's death was your fault. You let him die, you did, he could've been saved, you just begged and pleaded. You didn't even try to help him.” .. He could feel the sting come to his eyes once again.
“Hello? Henderson? Pass out already?” Andy sneered as they dropped him to the floor and kicked him a few more times before walking away.
Dustin crawled to Eddie's grave and prompted himself up lethargically. He felt blood fall down his temple and pool on his cheeks. He felt that pang of sting in his eyes as his vision blurred and the tears seeped out of his eyes, tracking the blood and dirt down with them. biting his bruised lips so hard they bleed. The pain lets him forget about his guilt and grief. He felt something crack while they were kicking him, but he honestly couldn't care less, he was pretty sure he already had a broken rib or nose, but whatever.
He sat there for what seemed like hours. He was getting dizzy, his nose and head stopped bleeding though. He stumbled up, there was a crawl today and he was already late. It's not like this one’ll be any different anyways. He makes it to his bike and hoists himself on. His trench coat was covered in dirt, and some blood. His hellfire shirt was okay for the most of it. He's going to hand wash it either way he knows how to get blood out of the trench coat so it'll be fine.
He reaches the squawk, Steve already left, they started without him, probably sent Jonathan. Joyce won't let Will leave her sight. He knocks on the door and Robin answers it.
“Holy shit. What happened dude?” Squawked Robin.
“I fell off my bike.” Ah yes, his go-to response. He was never this late though, he usually lied to Steve. Luckily it was Robin though, Steve might be catching on.
“Well… let's getcha’ patched up…” Robin consoled, putting a hand on Dustin's back, he just flinched away, scowling at her. His lips ached the most, he kept nipping at the sensitive bruises, subtlety.
– “I mean you look messed up some days, but this time it's actually like– this might be serious Dustin. Dustin? Dustin, are you listening?” Robin blabbered. He just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, even though his head was pounding. He should've just gone home. Why did he even come here? Robin tries to roll his sleeves up to apply bandages but he pulls his arms back. Robin darts back at the sudden movement.
“I'm leaving now” Dustin hisses, leaping down from the counter. He only let her do that because he wanted her to lose concern for him. But it might've done the opposite. He doesn't want anyone to care about him anymore. It'll just hurt more.
He hops on his bike, biting on his lip, feeling that sweet relief. He heads home. His mom is working night shifts much more frequently at the hospital. He spots the WSQK van down the road and peddles very quickly past them, or well he tries with his injuries. The van honks as he passes by and abruptly stops as the door opens and Steve comes hurdling out.
“DUDE WHAT THE FUCK.” Steve yells to him, trying to catch up with him. Dustin's legs are on fire right now, but it doesn't stop him and he just flips off Steve before riding far away enough and practically collapsing. He pushes further to his house though.
–
He finally makes it home after what seems like years and collapses on his bed. He takes off his trench coat and looks at his busted brushed arms, most of the injuries are from the bullies. Most of them are. He changes into pajamas and goes to wash his face off, his face is hot with a mixture of tears, blood, and sweat. He looks into his reflection. His blistered, bruised, bloodied, hurt reflection. Eddie told him to never change. But how the shit is he supposed to do that. He closes his eyes and then it gets cold, and he can feel weight on him, tears on his hot face. “ I didn't run away this time did I?” A choked, broken voice he knows so well says.
“No- no no you didn't- no Eddie please- no Eddie hey– don't– no Eddie please- please” He says, slouching into the sink, holding himself up with the rim of the sink. Choking on tears, falling into the sink, flowing into the drain. Blood, too he didn't even realize he was biting his lip again, right in the center, where the battered bruise is. Eddie would still be here if he did something. He needs to be punished. He's already pushed everyone he cares about away. He can't bear to lose anyone else. It's his fault. They sure as hell probably won't care if he suffers the same fate as Eddie. They don't even know him anymore.
He's at his desk now. Writing. When the phone rings, one time. Two times.
Three.
There's 2 left.
Four.
Five.
He continues writing, wiping his face, he doesn't want the papers to get wet. It's late, but he needs to finish at least one more.
His dreams are of Eddie. They've been getting more and more graphic. They always give him false ‘hope’ like he can save him. He knows how it'll end up though. He still wakes up with tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, even though he's replayed that scene in his mind thousands of times. He finds a note on the counter. “Good morning Dusty! Had to go to an early shift, will be back late at night. Make sure to eat! Love you! Mom.” With hearts and flowers drawn on it. He just crumples it and throws it away. He knows it's an act anyway. He decides not to go to school. No one will notice anyway.
He put the final letter in the envelope. Eddie wouldn't have wanted this. But he can't keep living like this. He can't live with this grief and guilt, this hatred, this sadness. He drops by all of the parties’ houses, putting their respective letters in the mailbox. Mike, Lucas, Will… Will doesn't have a mailbox does he. Shit. He slides the envelope under his door as quietly as possible. He doesn't want to attract Joyce's attention. There's 3 letters in that envelope.
Jane doesn't have a mailbox either. And the door is sealed. Hopper is intimidating as fuck sometimes but honestly he doesn't care anymore. Knock knock.
“Hey… ….Dustin” Hopper peers, very confused, also a hint of concern, his face was still messed up.
“Shouldn't you be at school?” Hopper questions. Shit, he had forgotten about that.
“My mom picked me up early, we had a-uh–a family emergency. It's all good now. I just had a gift for Jane." He murmured, handing the envelope labeled ‘to Jane' Hopper’s was also there. He quickly makes his way to his bike.
“Hey, Dustin,” Hopper shouts.
Dustin pretends not to hear him and bikes as fast as he can away.
Time for Steve's.
He knows Steve doesn't work on Wednesdays, he says it's unnecessary. Or something like that. He stumbles to Steve's doorstep. His parents are never home. He slides the envelope under the door. Holding back a sob. His was the longest. He beats footsteps and bikes away to the quarry. He was tired at this point. He could take a break soon though.
His bike was somewhere at the entrance to the quarry, he didn't need it anymore. He sobbed. Eddie wouldn't want this. Why is he doing this? It's so late to back out now. Why why why why. He can hear Eddie begging him to stop and asking him if he ran away and asking him to never change and claiming that it was his year. He's never graduating. He's never going to know what it's like to finally ace that class. Because of Dustin. Dustin Henderson. He took his coat off. It was Dustin's fault he isn't here right now, having lunch with Mike, Lucas and Will, who never even got to meet him. Will would've fucking loved Eddie. He would've been able to play DND with more than just the party. The tears don't stop. His face is burning. He is sobbing and choking, his breaths short and shallow. He's screaming.
(Steve) Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I haven't cried since fuck I don't even know. Can this car go any faster? I can't breathe. Those two words are echoing in my mind. “Dear, Steve”. This has to be a dream right? Henderson wouldn't actually do this. Right? Right? He would actually.. he wouldn't.. is that his bike. Hahhhhh this is all part of a sick joke. Right? He was about to find out.
Dustin is still screaming. He can't stop, he's sobbing, his breaths are short and he's choking on the air. He's curled up on the same spot Mike jumped for his stupid teeth all those years ago.
“FUCK OH MY GOD FUCK OH DUSTIN YOU.. DUSTIN.. FUCK.. STOP NO DUSTIN PLEASE” A voice he knew pleaded. And begged behind him. He inched closer to the edge. He isn't real. He's acting. He's… he– he. How did he find Dustin so quickly? He dangled his feet off the edge, his face sticky with tears and blood. He's filled with pain and anger and guilt so much guilt, so much guilt it hurts he hears footsteps, he's filled with fear and grief and sadness. He hears Eddie over and over he sees Eddie. He feels the air on his face. His long curly hair, he grew out for Eddie, even though he's gone. His rings he wore, for Eddie even though he's gone. Eddie's gone and never coming back. It's all his fault. Whydidhenotdoanythingwhywhywhywhywh
I'm holding him so tight I might suffocate him. I don't care. He's sobbing into my shoulder. I'm holding onto him so he can't go away. I don't care that my shirt is covered in tears. I'm on my knees, crying into his back as he sobs endlessly into my shoulder. We can stay like this forever. I've never cried like this in front of anyone ever. I don't know the last time I've cried.
Dustin is repeatedly apologizing and sobbing his voice cracked and broken and out of breath he can't even speak anymore but he'll still try. He's crying till all his tears are used up. Why would he even try to do this? Why why why. Eddie wouldn't want this. Steve is crying into him aswell. He's never seen Steve cry before. Steve doesn't know his shirt is getting covered in blood and tears and snot. He doesn't care though. Dustin can't seem to care either. He's so stupid why would he even try this. He – why would he do this. The others are going to get out of school soon. He couldn't care less right now though. He grips Steve, never wanting to let go ever.
“W– Why.. why .. why would you…you– do that.. bud” Steve manages to croak out.
“I–.”
“The- the- I– guilt.-" Is all Dustin can say, squeezing Steve tighter.
“Oh, buddy,” Steve says, voice cracking. Holding him even tighter. Sniffling.