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It was supposed to be a normal call.
Just that morning, they were good. Great even.
It’d been a slow shift, not that many calls and the ones they actually attended were barely minor injuries. Eddie was glad for the change of their usual pace, at their line of work they learned to enjoy slow and boring.
When the alarm went off, the whole team’s at the kitchen’s table, playing cards as a way to kill time.
Well, almost everyone.
Buck had just finished decorating the frosting of a batch of cookies he baked at the beginning of their shift, offering everyone a couple of them– some strawberry shortcake mix with white chocolate chips, Buck’d said.
As they all taste tested, Eddie could've sworn Buck’s eyes lingered on him for a second too long, as if waiting for his reaction only, the blue on his eyes always held a special spark while looking at him.
Eddie could feel his cheeks turning red but maybe he’d blame it on the fact he practically swallowed the sweet treat Buck offered him, which earned him a chuckle.
“That good, huh?” Buck'd said, a playful smile on his lips.
It was good, hearing everyone’s laugh and enjoying each other’s presence because after months of grieving, everything finally seemed to be back in place at the station, even if things with Buck had been a little bit rocky, Eddie knew they’d eventually figure it out because they're BuckandEddie, they always figured it out.
Only that maybe this time, life wouldn't grace them with another chance.
On the way there, the ride was as any other, as they joked around, dispatch– Maddie– informed them about the emergency; just a robbery going wrong. The only known shooter had taken two or three shoppers as hostages and a call to 911 told them they’d heard shots coming from inside the store, but Maddie said police already had the suspect in custody, so really, they only needed them to assist the victims.
Still, Eddie couldn't erase the weird feeling in his stomach all the way to the location.
When they got there, at first it was nothing out of the ordinary, many panicked shoppers and so many bystanders, the only injured was the cashier, who'd been shot on the leg, thankfully it had missed the femoral by many inches.
But as Eddie and Hen checked the clerk's leg wound, putting him in the ambulance and almost ready to go, they heard a gunshot.
Eddie turned around, looking out for the sound. Just in time to lock eyes with Buck, his Buck, who now had his hand holding his shoulder, a pained expression on his face. And while everyone around him was screaming and running away, he couldn't take his eyes off Buck.
Then they heard another shot and Eddie could see right on time when the bullet went through Buck’s chest.
Everything after that was a blur, he remembered Buck’s panicked look before he fell to the ground. And he vaguely remembered Ravi being the first one to get out of his shock, screaming through their radios for another ambulance and something about a firefighter down.
He vaguely remembered hearing another shot before the shooter was down.
But he couldn’t move. Eddie couldn't get over the fact of how it was supposed to be just a normal call.
Because now, in the ambulance on their way to the hospital, Eddie was putting pressure into the bullet wound in Buck’s chest, trying –and failing– to stop the bleeding, while the other man was fighting to keep his eyes open.
The same blue eyes that this morning looked at him at the station, bright and oh so beautiful while waiting for Eddie’s reaction to his latest baking experiment. The cookies were delicious, of course, he now wished he could’ve told Buck too before the alarm went off.
Buck’s pulse was dropping and they couldn’t stop the blood with how much it was coming out and Eddie couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t doing enough.
Buck grasped for air as he spoke, sloshed words that resembled a “I’m sorry.”
It was bad, Eddie was aware of that because no matter how much pressure he and Hen applied to his wounds, the gauze still came up red and soaked and vaguely, he realized his own tears were mixing up with the mess of Buck’s blood.
“Try not to talk,” Eddie said, pressing firmly into the wound, earning him a little sound from Buck, something between a chuckle and a pained groan, “Lets focus on your breathing, bud.”
“Two minutes away from the hospital!” Chimney screamed from the driver’s seat of the ambulance, speeding up, “How're you feeling Buckley?”
Buck blinked, nothing if a little disorientated, “Hurts,” he said and as if on cue, a pained groan left his mouth. Like an afterthought, he added, “M’ scared.” Eddie felt his heart shattered at that, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid any more tears from coming out.
“Chim?” Buck called as he tried, with his shaky hands, to clean the blood coming out of his mouth.
Eddie could've sworn he heard Chimney curse under his breath before using his radio, his voice loud and clear through the ambulance, though the sadness and desperation could be heard in it. “No, Buckley, don't–”
Buck kept talking over him either way.
“Tell Maddie how sorry I am,” and if Eddie didn't feel as if he was losing his mind over there, he would be ashamed of the pitiful sound that left his mouth; a mixture between a sob and a laugh, “Tell Jee and baby Robbie about how much his Uncle Buck loves– loved them.”
“Buck,” Chimney started but quickly gave up on that thought, “I will tell them, but you’re going to fight to tell them yourself.”
“Best brother in law I could've asked for Chim,” he said, ignoring Chimney’s plead, “Best brother I never got to have.”
Then, Buck turned his head slightly to his right, locking eyes with Hen, who shook her head in distress, her hands still trying to fix up the wound on Buck's shoulder. “Buckaroo--”
“Since I started working at the station, you always believed in me, Hen,” and Buck smiled, despite everything, he smiled at Hen and Eddie would've thought about how beautiful Buck looked while smiling if it wasn't tainted by the traces of blood and pain, “T-thank you for never giving up on me.”
“We can't lose you, Buck,” Hen said, voice trembling as she did, "Don't you dare do this.”
Buck smiled sadly, “Too late.”
Then, Buck’s eyes found Eddie’s, one of his hands coming to rest above his own, the one that kept pressure on his chest. The only thing that avoided Buck to bleed out on the ambulance.
“Eddie, look at me please,” and if Buck didn’t say it, Eddie wouldn’t have realized he’d closed his eyes the moment he felt the weak grip on his hand. “God, I’m- I’m so sorry, tell Chris I love him– you have to, Eddie.”
“No,” Eddie shook his head, the way he always did when trying to contain his tears and emotions at bay. It’s his tell, Buck said once. “Anything you need to say, you’re going to tell it to him, Buck, just hold on a little longer, we are almost there.”
And when Buck tried to laugh, a trace of blood left with the sound– deliriously the thought that if Eddie kept being Buck's partner during emergencies this wouldn't have happened invaded his mind, it's bitter and while the sane part of his brain knew how crazy it sounded to blame this on a change that happened months ago, the foolish part of it kept screaming on how if Buck died, it'd be all Eddie's fault for even leaving him while also wishing for a future with him.
Like some kind of divine punishment.
“E-Eddie,” Buck said, eyes fluttering and catching his attention back to the present, “You and Chris are everything I have, my best friends, my– fuck, Eds, you're my family.”
“I know, Buck, I know,” Eddie snapped, his voice desperate and pleading with everything he had, "That's why I can't do it without you, I need you here with us, with me.”
“I’m so in love with you, Eddie, I cant– I have to say it in case I don't make it,” his voice shook as he confessed between heartwrenching sobs. “Is why it hurts– seeing you leave cause I love you so much, too much that sometimes I don't know what to do with it”.
He wanted to laugh at the irony of it all. Deep down, Eddie knew that Buck loved him, he knew that was where their relationship was heading, ever since he left for Texas, ever since that hug they shared when Eddie felt when something shifted between them.
They just needed more time, enough time for them to get their shit together and have that conversation they’d been avoiding since Eddie came back.
But it always felt as if life kept getting in the way.
Bobby died and both of them got way too absorbed in their grief, Buck and him couldn't talk about it without fighting and then they just… avoided talking all together, only ever making small talk or when other people were around.
And while recently they'd been getting better– Buck started coming to Eddie’s house again, just to end up crashing in his couch even when they both had perfectly good beds, Eddie visiting Buck’s house after almost every shift; laughing and joking around with his best friend again until both of them had tears on their eyes– there still was something they both silently agreed not to talk about, the conversation both knew had to happen at some point in the near future but kept putting off. Eddie wanted the moment to be perfect, with a little bit more time it could've been perfect.
If only they hadn’t been so scared of what the change could mean for them, Eddie would’ve realized there was never going to be a perfect or a good enough moment even.
Still, Eddie couldn’t let it be like this, not if it was going to be the only time he’s going to hear it.
“You’re not telling me like this, Buck, you can’t, not like this” Eddie finally said frantically, “Please, you can tell me another time, whenever you want, but not like this.”
“This isn't how I planned to go,” and that alone felt worse than any pain Eddie had experienced, “We just needed… more time, Eddie, w-wish we had more time”
Buck was crying earnestly now, his shaky hands trying to ground himself on Eddie's own bloody hand. His wounds had to be hurting horribly, but Eddie knew Buck enough to realize those tears came from feelings of devastation and hopelessness, not enough time, not enough words, not enough of their story that didn't even get the chance to begin properly.
“We have time, Buck, we can, please,” Eddie begged Buck or to whoever was listening to him, “I can’t lose you, not you too.”
Buck made a pause, blue eyes teary and bottom lip trembling, “Don't ever forget me, Eddie, don't let Christopher forget about me, please–”
Eddie knew that wasn't all he wanted to say, but Buck's next words died in his throat; his eyes closing and the last thing Eddie heard before they arrived at the hospital was the cardiac monitor going silent.
Eddie moved through the halls of the hospital like a ghost, his turnouts bloody from where he tried to hold Buck. No one dared talk to him just yet. Hen and Chimney tried once but received no answer.
And even though they’d been here for less than an hour, Eddie was restless, going back and forth as he heard Hen say, “No news is good news.”
He wished he could believe her.
Nothing felt real, the silence in the hospital was overwhelming to say the least– but really, even if there was any noise, Eddie couldn't tell, too trapped inside his own head and thoughts to notice. Eddie needed Buck to come out of this, he had to.
He couldn’t grasp the idea of losing anybody else.
And maybe it was selfish to think that way, but right now, Eddie didn’t care, he wouldn’t be able to survive another loss.
He’d been grieving for a long time.
Shannon.
Bobby.
His abuela.
If Buck died, life would break the little pieces of his heart that, somehow, still remained intact over the years. The ones he kept locked deep inside to avoid this type of hurt.
And as he finally plopped himself in one of those awful hospital chairs, he heard someone sitting next to him.
“He’s going to be okay,” Maddie said and while her words were firm, the tremble on her voice betrayed her. One look at her and Eddie confirmed that much, “Athena said the shooter was disguised as one of the hostages.”
Eddie barely made a hum in acknowledgment, not really wanting to make a deep dive into the man that could take away the love of his life– but he didn't want to dwell into that possibility just yet and concentrated on what Maddie offered it to be, a distraction.
Maddie and him weren't exactly close per se, not that Eddie didn't want to, the opportunity hadn't really presented itself but he kind of felt like knowing her by how much Buck talked about her, during those nights they spent babysitting Jee and baby Robbie. Maybe after Buck’s out of the hospital Eddie could take her to brunch, Buck's favorite restaurant served some incredible french toasts, the plate was big enough for both of them and with Eddie' sweet tooth they usually shared though–
“I heard from Chimney what Evan said in the ambulance,” Maddie said, startling him away from his fantasy.
Eddie turned to face her and wished he could say he’s surprised but he’d known Chimney for years, he's well aware the man’s not able to keep anything to himself longer than twenty minutes. Instead, he laughed but it was humorless and almost on the line of sounding a little crazy, his hand rubbing roughly at his eyes, “Yeah well, he always liked to leave me a strong impression.”
Maddie chuckled and Eddie couldn't help but do the same, sadness lacing through both of them. Then, as their soft laughs died, there was a pause. Madde took a deep breath before asking, “Did Evan ever tell you before?”
She didn't specify what she's referring to but Eddie understood the question, it’s hard not too. Suddenly, his bloody and shaky hands were much more interesting than looking at Maddie at that moment because how could he even begin to answer that? That even if Buck didn't say anything, that he sort of knew but still chose to say nothing? That Eddie was a fucking coward who even if deep down he knew Buck love him, he couldnt tell him he love him just as much? That he’s so scared of his own happiness that he chose to punish both himself and Buck–
“Eddie?” Maddie questioned, stopping him from spiraling, her eyes soft and never judging. Logically, Eddie knew Maddie’s not mad at him for not saying anything about it before. Either way, he could still feel his cheeks burn in a familiar kind of shame.
Eddie felt her eyes on him but he couldn’t look up at her, not when he so foolishly wasted so much time thinking he and Buck would have a future together.
Now maybe he would never get to know what it felt like holding Buck late at night, stealing quick kisses at the station or getting to tell him how much he loved him.
“We never said it out loud,” he confessed in a whisper, “but I guess we both knew that’s where we’ll end”
The “if we get our second chance” was left unsaid. But really, it was far from a second chance, they’d been here before and still nothing had changed.
The tsunami.
The well.
The shooting.
The lighting.
They already had more second chances than most people and they’d taken them for granted– Eddie'd taken them for granted because while Buck'd let him take the next step at his own pace, Eddie kept pulling back.
There was a moment of silence that stretched too long to feel comfortable, making Eddie squirm in his chair. Then Maddie got up, so fast that Eddie worried he might've spoken way too much, already cursing himself in his mind for being so idiotic.
Only that Maddie wasn't leaving, in fact, when Eddie came back to himself all he felt was warmth and the soft smell of Maddie's perfume– hints of a flowery scent hitting him next to something sweet he couldn't really place– and oh, she'd put her arms around him in a crushing hug, he realized.
With that, Eddie broke.
He cried and sobbed in Maddie’s arms for what felt like an eternity, not remembering when was the last time he'd a meltdown this bad. Eddie hated it, he hated it so much that it took him this, it took him Buck getting shot twice for Eddie to realize he didn’t know what to do without Buck.
Eddie couldn’t grasp a life without him– without the daily bantering or the dumb fights at the grocery store because “No, Buck, we do not need another box of cereals just because our kid asked for it.”
Without Buck's cooking that made Eddie feel that his home was now complete or the video calls at three in the morning where neither of them could sleep because deep down, they knew both of them slept better next to each other.
Or without the soft smile Eddie knew was reserved only for him when Buck thought he wasn’t looking. The brush of their hands under the dinner table that linger for a little too long for him to know they weren’t really accidental.
Eddie was so in love with Buck but right now, that love only brought him so much hurt because he didn’t know if he would be able to tell him.
The angle was awkward, Eddie's still half sitting and half standing with his arms loosely surrounding Maddie while she had one of her hands around his middle and the other gently stroking his hair but it”s exactly what Eddie needed in that moment-- the familiarity close enough and the sisterly love that Maddie knew how to give so well. Maddie stroked his hair one last time before separating herself from him, just enough for her to bring her hands to his cheeks to wipe away some tears; the action was so familiar it brought another wave of sadness and emptiness to his body.
“He’s a fighter, Eddie, you know that,” Maddie said, smiling sadly at him, “He’s going to come back to us.”
“He better,” Eddie said, cheeks red from embarrassment and voice a little rough from all the crying, “He promised Chris he’d take him to buy this new videogame he’d been wanting ages ago.”
Fuck, he hadn’t tell Chris yet, he was at school and with all the chaos, Eddie hadn’t realize his son’s classes should be almost finished.
Buck, Eddie and Chris had plans for the evening, nothing too crazy, a movie the three of them’d decided together– that’s what they said but in reality, Buck and Eddie would go along with whatever Chris chose, using his damned puppy eyes to convince them, the same pleading eyes Buck insisted Chris got from him.
It was rare now, with Chris being a teen and a social butterfly, to actually get a day where both Buck and Eddie weren’t working and Chris wasn’t out with friends or busy with club work or homework. Eddie appreciated each moment, no matter how small, he got with his little family.
And no matter how much his kid groaned and said “I’m not a kid anymore dad!” Eddie knew Chris also liked their movie nights and loved them even more when Buck was there so both of them could info dump together about whatever caught their attention.
But how’s he supposed to tell Christopher about this? That he did all he could but they didn’t know if Buck was even going to come out of this one alive?
How’s he supposed to prepare his kid for the possibility of having another person he loved die? How, when not even Eddie’s ready to ponder into that scenario?
Three persons they loved in just a year.
Maybe the panic showed on his face at the mere thought of telling Christopher, or maybe it’s a Buckley sibling thing, where they just noticed. Whichever it was, Maddie squeezed his shoulder gently, “You got this, Eddie.”
When Eddie arrived to pick Christopher up from school, his kid knew something was wrong– Eddie’s eyes red and a little bit puffy from crying to blame because no matter how hard he tried to compose himself in the hospital’s bathroom, once the tears started forming, he couldn’t stop it.
The half hour ride to his Pepa's house was hard, Chris barely looked at him at all, only words exchanged were when Chris yelled at Eddie for not taking him to the hospital with him.
“He's family dad!” Chris’d yelled, anger and hurt clear in his voice, “Do you expect me to sit around when he could die?!”
Logically he knew that his kid was just scared of losing Buck– someone who’s been a constant presence in their lives after all the years, crossing the line of just being ‘his dad’s best friend’ a long time ago. It hurt not knowing how to make it better or how to protect his child from all this pain.
Christopher had been subjected to death so much already.
Even after they arrived at the house, they stayed in the car for another ten minutes, Chris only calming down after Eddie promised to call when they had any news, good or bad. Buck stayed the same for another hour? Eddie called; Buck woke up? Eddie had to call; Buck died? He had to call.
And he got it, okay? Eddie knew he could've taken Chris with him but something about seeing his kid on the hospital for hours on end, when they weren't certain how long it would take for them to get any news at all gave him goosebumps– he wanted to protect his kid of what could be some dreadful hours, at least he could shield him from that.
When they saw Pepa at the door, Chris’ hand stopped on the door handle, his kid paused for a moment before looking back at Eddie, whispering a broken “I don’t want him to die dad” and he couldn’t do anything else than hug his son, maybe harder than intended but he hugged back just as hard.
After Eddie helped Chris clean up the tears away, he watched his son go inside the house, a hollow feeling in his chest, memories of the day Buck got hit by lightning coming back to him.
The hospital. Christopher begging Buck to wake up next to his bed. The panic and sadness were all the same.
With a heavy sigh, Eddie drove back to the hospital.
When he arrived at the waiting room, nothing had changed. Hen was at the same spot he last saw her, only now she’d a coffee cup in her hand, Chimney and Maddie were wrapped in each other’s arms and Karen, who Eddie guessed arrived while he’s out was pacing around the room.
The lack of Buck made his heart ache.
Eddie was exhausted, the heaviness of his 24 hour shift and the events that followed catching up to him as he plopped into the chair he claimed as his, instantly, losing himself in his thoughts, memories of that morning and Buck’s laugh coming back to him.
At some point, someone put a plastic cup of water on his hand, gently guiding him to drink it. Eddie had to ignore the way his stomach hurled at that, he couldn’t remember the last time he ate or drank anything.
Hours passed or maybe it’d barely been minutes, Eddie couldn’t tell. Had it been too long without any news? Maybe the doctors already said something and Eddie somehow missed it, maybe he–
“Eddie,” someone called, snapping him out of his head. He blinked slowly, his eyes focusing again. Maddie was sitting next to him- when did she get here?- a hand on his knee, offering a grounding gesture. It didn’t work. “You’re back with us?”
“Something happened?” He immediately asked, straightening up in his chair, not even bothering to hide the panic in his voice, “Buck? Is- is he-”
“We don’t know yet,” Maddie interrupted, shaking her head, “Doctors want to talk to the family and I thought you might wanna go with me.”
He blinked slowly at her, surprised. Did she really consider him as part of Buck’s family? Eddie knew what Buck’d said but everyone said things they didn’t mean when on the brink of death… right?
Still, he couldn’t take one second more of this; the waiting in uncertainty, so Eddiíe stood up so fast it made him a little bit dizzy, nodding as he did.
“No, y-yeah, yes, of course.”
Maddie offered her hand for Eddie to take and, as he took it, he realized that maybe she felt as nervous and distressed as him, her hands a little bit shaky and sweaty. Eddie gave her a light squeeze in support before letting go to approach the woman in scrubs waiting for them.
This could be one of the worst moments in his life, was Eddie’s first thought, He could very much be told in two seconds about how the love of his life died.
Do doctors feel the same way they feel when losing someone on a call? The dullness and silence that filled the station after a heavy emergency?
“Evan Buckley’s family?” the doctor asked, Dr. Blackwell said the tag attached to her scrub.
“That’s us,” answered Maddie with a polite nod. A pause and then, “H-how is my brother?”
“One of the bullets did a lot of damage to his body– he had a collapsed lung and lost a lot of blood,” she made a pause, Eddie thought it might be only for dramatics, “he also went into cardiac arrest during the surgery.”
“Is he…?” a broken voice asked, out of breath and on the brink of tears. A voice in the back of his mind told Eddie that it was his own voice.
Please, please don’t be dead, please, don’t leave us, don’t leave our family, please don't be dead.
“Alive,” Dr. Blackwell said, “He’s going to be moved to the ICU, it’s not going to be an easy recovery but–”
Eddie stopped hearing after that, everything became white noise and if he wasn’t holding Maddie’s hand, Eddie swore he could fall to his knees and pass out.
Alive.
That’s all that really mattered.
At some point during the conversation Eddie did not actively take a part of, doctor Blackwell said something on how Buck fought like crazy to come back, how lucky he’d been because had the bullet hit him a few inches to the right, Buck wouldn’t have even made it to the hospital on time.
So even when every doctor they talked to said that Buck was not safe yet, that he still needed to get through another surgery to take the bullet of his shoulder out because when he came in, he was so weak and on the verge of bleeding out that it wasn't safe to do it– Eddie still held onto that hope, that he was alive.
Alive.
Later that day, when they allowed Eddie inside the ICU to see Buck, with no one else but the gloomy yet bright hospital walls to judge him, Eddie held his best friend’s hand in between his and let the tears fall.
Buck looked so young like that– pale skin like all blood was drained from him, bandages visible through his gown and tubes connected to his body onto the beeping machines. Eddie felt his stomach churn at the mere sight.
“Chris said he’s thinking of sneaking in,” Eddie said to Buck’s motionless body, wiping his face with the back of his hand, “Y’know, same as when you’re hit with the lighting, I swear, kid’s as stubborn as you.”
Eddie chuckled sadly, remembering the call to Chris minutes before, his chest hurting at the thought. He squeezed Buck’s hand gently.
“He needs you, Buck, it’ll break him to lose you,” Eddie paused, looking at his best friend, so fragile right now and yet, still so beautiful, “It’ll also break me because we love you so much, because I love you so damn much. You’re strong Buckley, you’ve survived hell, this got nothing on you, mi cielo.”
He stayed there for as long as he was allowed, holding Buck’s hand and talking to him– Buck once said he read somewhere that people in hospitals still heard when their loved ones talked; Eddie’d never wanted to believe in something so badly as in that moment.
And when Maddie knocked gently on the door, waiting for her moment to be alone with her brother, only then did Eddie stood up from the uncomfortable place he made himself in the chair next to the bed and in one quick motion, he placed a soft kiss in the back of Buck’s hand.
Eddie had already waited for so long to be together with Buck, he could wait a little longer for him to wake up.
At the end of the third day after the shooting, he got the call– Chimney talking way too fast for Eddie’s sleep deprived brain to really understand him but when Chim muttered the words, “Buck’s awake,” Eddie wasted no time waking his son up and driving to the hospital.
And now, more than a week since Buck had been shot and since he regained consciousness after two surgeries, Buck’s finally being discharged.
When Eddie entered Buck’s hospital room, Maddie and Chimney were already there, helping him pack the clothes and other stuff they’d brought him while doctors kept an eye on his recovery. Eddie got it, but he couldn’t help but deflect a little by seeing more people in the room. He’d hope to get Buck alone, feeling as if he held his thoughts a minute longer, Eddie would burst with them.
More than a week had gone by and while Eddie’d been there every waking second he could, he didn’t seem to be able to get a moment alone with Buck– someone always already inside the room and then, when Eddie thought he might be able to get his best friend by himself, Chris insisted he tagged along.
Eddie loved his kid, he really fucking did and actually, he relished on the sight of his son and Buck chatting like they usually would during movie nights. He couldn’t be mad to see them bonding… too mad, it’s just too hard to confess his undying love for Buck with his teenage son in the same room.
To say he’s a little disappointed to not find Buck alone, again, is an understatement. He had a plan damnit– with Christopher at school, he wanted to take Buck to their favorite diner spot and then take him home, their home, only to spill every single repressed confession that's been roaming his mind during the last few months.
So yeah, excuse him if he’s a little grumpy.
Buck hadn't even noticed him when he entered, too fixated on bickering with Chim on when he's coming back to work to really notice, but Maddie, ever the saint, spotted Eddie standing awkwardly at the door immediately, nudging softly at Chimney, as she said, “Hi, Eddie, we're just about to go grab a coffee, need one?”
Both Buck and Chimney turned, but while Buck's eyes stayed on Eddie’s– beaming a little once he realized it’s him– Chimney looked at his wife, confused, "But we haven't finished here– ouch! Okay, got it, coffee anyone?” He said with a pout, as he rubbed his side where Maddie clearly just pinched him.
Eddie tried to hide the smile on his face at the gesture and before any of them could even answer, Maddie’s already ushering her husband out of the room. As the door closed behind the couple, Eddie heard her yell, “We’ll bring you both something!”
Their breathings paired with Eddie's heartbeat was the only sounds that he could hear– it's briefly, where they simply stared at each other, basking in each other's presence. Buck with his too big blue hoodie, a little ragged at the sleeves where Eddie knew he picked at when he's anxious, his blonde curls messier and longer than when he first arrived at the hospital, his blue eyes with much more prominent eyebags underneath and his body filled with new bandages where the bullet wounds had yet to heal. Eddie didn't think he had ever seen a prettier sight since they met all those years back.
Instead of speaking straight away, Eddie rounded the room until he stood next to Buck’s bed, gently poking at Buck’s good shoulder that wasn't covered in bandages, scooting him over to make space for himself.
There was so much to say, way too much that Eddie didn't know where to begin. For a moment that turned into days, he thought he'd lost the chance to say all the words he'd kept hidden so close to his heart. Eddie had practiced for this exact moment, what he was going to say to Buck when they saw each other again; tell him he loved him, for starters, how he didn’t want to waste any more time dancing around each other, how Buck was it for him.
Instead, what came out of his mouth was a broken, “I can't do this again.” Eddie winced at his own words and judging by Buck's expression, eyes wide, he was as surprised as he felt at them. “No, no, I mean– fuck!”
This wasn't going according to his plan. How could he have already messed up? How difficult was it to say those three stupid words? Eddie could feel himself spiraling, a voice in his head muttering in his ear on how he could deserve Buck if he couldn't even say it.
Then, Buck placed a careful hand on his knee, a silent offer for comfort that Eddie gladly took, covering Buck's hand with his own. They shifted slightly in the bed, only to get as humanly close as possible, a gentle reminder for Eddie that Buck was still there.
“Mind telling me what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours Eds?” Buck asked, “I know I almost died but it's still just me.”
Against his better judgment, Eddie laughed, it was a deflection and a stupid attempt to get him to relax. He hated that it absolutely worked.
Buck joined him, barking another laugh and suddenly, hearing the man next to him laugh, so loud and unapologetically him, made Eddie realize he couldn't remember why he'd been so afraid. It really was just Buck, his best friend for more than eight years, the second parent to his kid and it just happened, that's the person Eddie wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
And for the first time in a long time, Eddie let himself want without wondering whether or not he deserved it, maybe he didn’t, but right now, he didn’t care, not when in that moment, Buck’s laugh was only for him.
For the first time, he was going to be selfish and let himself be truly happy. Buck had seen him at his worst and stayed. Chose to stay next to him.
“God, I love you so much,” Eddie said in one quick breath, as if it pained him to keep the thought inside any longer– which it kinda did. And once the faucet was open, nothing could keep the words down, “I know it took me way too long to say it, but it's the true, Buck and I know how cliché it might sound but I also don't care cause I almost lost you again and– and the only thing I could think of was how stupid I'd been for not telling you before how in love I am with you and how exhausted I am of pretending this–us– didn’t exist; of pretending this wasn’t the only possible outcome; of pretending I was okay with loving you and knowing you love me and no–"
Eddie's mind blue screened then, the rest of the words long forgotten, because Buck pressed his lips against his, kissing him earnestly. Eddie made a noise against his mouth before melting into the kiss, returning it with the same energy as he was given.
He'd thought about this kiss an embarrassing amount and somehow, the reality was even better than any fantasy Eddie's mind could ever create. Not so surprisingly, he couldn't get enough of his best friend's kisses, pushing himself closer to him; Buck caught up instantly with the program, his hands finding Eddie's hips at the same time his tongue licked at his bottom lip. Eddie made a noise in the back of his throat at the action, only to be taken advantage of by Buck, who used it to deepen the kiss.
The kiss was broken by Buck, leaving Eddie to chase the feeling instantly, which earned him a soft chuckle from Buck. The asshole knew the effect he had on him.
“You look so cute when you're flustered,” he said, his eyes fully focused on Eddie, as if Buck wanted to remember every detail of the moment, “and for the record, I love you too, Eddie, so fucking much I feel insane.”
Eddie grinned, wide and so fucking happy. Instead of answering with words, he leaned in, capturing Buck's lips once again, this time taking his time with it, a hand finding his way to his curls, playing with them. Somehow, the second kiss was even better than the first one.
A voice inside his head wondered if this was how kissing someone should really feel like.
They were interrupted by someone clearing his throat.
Both of them turned towards the door, lips red and shiny with spit, cheeks flushed and a little out of breath. Maddie, who had a tray with four coffees in her hand stared at them with an unimpressed yet exasperated but kinda-proud-kinda-knowing look, while Chim, the second they turned around, bursted in laughter, his phone out with the camera pointed at them.
“Glad to see you figure it out,” said Maddie at the same time Chim murmured something that sounded suspiciously like “Hen owes me so much money.”
Buck coughed, a little awkwardly, trying to hide the obvious blush on his face. Still, his hand didn't leave Eddie's, instead, he intertwined their fingers. Even as discreet as she was, Eddie caught Maddie looking down at the gesture and smiled.
“We're just going to leave this here,” she said, leaving two of the coffee cups on the table by the door, hiding an amused laugh, “We, uh, are gonna go and leave you both to… make up for the lost time.”
“Clearly you're in good hands Buckley,” Chim added with a shit-eating grin, typing something in his phone, “I'll send you both the pictures!”
As the couple exited the room, Maddie turned to her husband, “Actually, we both owe Karen a lot of money.”
They heard Chimney groan loudly, but already too far away to make out the answer, Buck and Eddie turned slightly to look at each other before falling into each other's arms, unable to contain their laughs.
As embarassing as it was to have your soon-to-be-sister in law finding them making out, the happiness and the memories of Buck's lips against his overshadowed that.
Minutes later, when their laughs died and disolved into giggles, Buck muttered softly after catching his breath, “I could get used to this," his hands gesturing between them.
“Me too,” Eddie said, pulling Buck into a much more slow paced kiss, putting every ounce of his love and devotion into it for him to take. Every piece of his heart for Buck to take. Between kisses that with every passing second got needier and messier, Eddie whispered, “Let's go home, mi amor.”
Buck's nod was all Eddie needed, giving him one last quick peck before taking the coffees and Buck's hand between his, rushing him outside the room and out of the hospital.
Later that day, when they were laying in bed, with Buck lazily tracing his fingers over Eddie’s naked shoulder– just right where he knew his own scar from the shooting all those years ago left its mark.
Somehow, it seemed Buck was thinking the same thing as he said, “Is it crazy to say that I hope mine will leave a scar like this?”
“Yes,” Eddie answered without missing a beat, only for Buck to roll his eyes at the same time he swatted him on his forehead.
“Don't be a dick, man,” and while Buck tried to keep a serious face, the spark of his eyes always gave his true feelings away so easily, “I meant, as in then we would have matching scars.”
That made Eddie’s heart swell, the thought so stupidly Buck that he, somehow, found it endearing– it would be hard for the wound to not leave a scar when it healed, realistically, just like the scars that the lighting left all across Buck’s chest. He straightened himself in bed, already missing Buck's warmth and judging by the other’s whine, he felt exactly the same. “First of all, we already have many matching scars, Buck; second– and don't look at me like that– don't ever call me man again when I had your tongue down my throat not even five minutes ago.”
Buck laughed, the sound filling the bedroom, his lips pressing small and teasing kisses on Eddie’s neck, his laugh vibrating against his skin, “Alright, alright, what about baby then? Or maybe princess?”
“Shut up,” Eddie muttered, and if Buck wasn't merely inches away from him, he wouldn't have been able to hear it, his blush spreading all the way down his chest.
“No, I don't think you want that princess,” Buck said with a smirk, the smug bastard. And then, he leaned back, just to pull him into a kiss– Eddie never wanted to stop kissing him, never stop feeling like this, not when he just realized how good it could feel. “How long until we have to pick up Chris from school?”
Buck was so close to him Eddie could feel the warmth of his breath tickling his cheeks. He gave another kiss before answering, “About twenty minutes.”
“Good,” he said, his hands already pushing Eddie down on the bed, “Kiss me again then.”
Eddie didn't need to be told twice.