Chapter Text
Will Byers wasn't sleeping again. As much as he wished the sleep would finally come and carry him into the dream world, it didn't. It never came. And when it did, after hours spent hypnotizing the ceiling, it was filled with nightmares.
He didn't know when his sleeping problems even started. Was it after his father first beat him? After he had been called a queer fairy for the first time? Or when the Demogorgon kidnapped him to the Upside Down? He didn't know. But now, it was years of waking up in the middle of the night, his body shaking, covered in sweat and tears. He hated it. He hated how weak he was.
The hum of the electric heater seemed abnormally loud in the otherwise quiet night. Will hated the sound with passion, it drove him mad every night. But at least the basement was warm. Kind of.
It was already a few months since they returned from California. Even though Will was really happy to finally be home with his friends, he hated living with the Wheelers. He didn't hate the family, not at all. He loved Mrs Wheeler's warmhearted smiles and liked the way Nancy was always nice to him, she was like that since they were kids. He always thought Holly was adorable when she came to him, ponytails bouncing, holding another drawing in front of his face with a proud smile. And Ted Wheeler - well, okay, he really didn't like Mike's dad, he was kind of scared of him, actually. But even he wasn't the problem.
It was Mike. Mike, of all people. His 'best friend', with whom he hadn't spoken since that night.
It was barely a week since they returned to Hawkins and things seemed to finally become less tense between him and Mike. They had even watched a movie or two together. It was nice. Peaceful. Almost the same as when they were kids.
Well, that was until Will ruined it all.
They were sitting on the old basement couch, slouched together under a thick blanket, shoulders pressed together so casually. Like it was normal for them still. Like they haven't grown apart in the past few years. they were just them. Mike and Will.
Will felt the sleepiness fall onto him, eyelids closing even though he forced them to stay open. He didn't even know what they were watching at this point. The glow of the TV felt too harsh for him, for that part of him that wanted to fall asleep right there at that moment, pressed into Mike's shoulder, covered in the warmth that was radiating from him. Like he was the sun that shined for Will only.
Maybe it was the sleepiness that made Will finally speak up.
"You know, I really missed this," said Will, supressing a yawn. He should really go to sleep, unless he wants to fall asleep on Mike's shoulder or whatever. Yes, that's actually exactly what he wants.
"Really?" Mike shifted a bit, face turning towards Will.
"Yeah." Will's eyes were almost fully closed now and he could swear that Mike's shoulder was just inches away. "You know, the way we used to be. Close." Will hesitated for a moment, before he let the words slip out. "I missed you."
He felt Mike's gaze on him. He didn't say anything for a moment. But the quiet, disturbed only by the buzz of the movie, wasn't uncomfortable. It was nice.
The pressure of Mike's shoulder intensified as he leant closer to Will. "I missed you too." Will felt his warm breath as he whispered.
He couldn't stop the smile that was already forming on his lips. He missed him. Mike misssed him.
Neither of them needed to say more. They knew exactly what they meant. Every unsaid word. Every single thing they were sorry for, every regret they had. They felt it all without even saying it.
And yet, Will still somehow managed to ruin it. He always did.
"So what happenned?"
Mike froze next to him. "What?" His voice barely a whisper.
"To us."
"Nothing happenned." Mike's voice was sweet, comforting. He never spoke like that to anyone except Will. "We are best friends," he added.
Will's eyes striked open. Suddenly, he wasn't tired at all. Best friends. That's what Mike said. And for some reason, it made Will's heart ache. Because, that's what Mike decides to say after he had ignored him for months when he was in California, that's what he says after he wasn't able to even hug him back then at the airport? After he didn't even send him one letter?
The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "No. We are not." Will backed off a bit, almost as if the touch of Mike's shoulder had burnt him. "We haven't been for a long time now."
Mike opened his mouth, but there is nothing, just silence. He blinked a few times, almost as if he just realised what Will actually said. "Will, what?"
He didn't respond. He didn't realize that this was real. That he really said that to Mike. He wanted to take it back, return to the moment that had just shattered into pieces, creating an abyss so deep, so dark that no words could fix it. He knew he fucked up.
"Talk to me, what do you mean?"
Will couldn't. How was he supposed to explain what he meant without making it worse? He was okay with Mike loving El. He was fine when they stopped spending so much time together. Of course, it hurt like hell, knowing that they were growing apart, that Mike didn't need him anymore.
What wasn't fine was the thing Mike said in Surfer Boy Pizza. The way he looked at El like she was the only thing that mattered. Like he would die without her.
El, I don't know how to live without you.
Will hated it. He hated how much he hated El in that moment. His own sister that was literally dying. He should have been happy that Mike was saving her, that she would survive.
But in that moment, he couldn't, he hated her. He hated that it wasn't him who MIke said these words to. He hated El, because she had the only thing that he wanted his whole life. Mike.
I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods.
I feel like my life started the day Will disapeared.
Will thought about that speech nearly every night. He hated how often it made him cry. How empty he felt. And he knew it wasn't fair. He was the worst brother, the worst friend, because happiness of two of his closest people made him miserable. He hated how his heart broke every time he saw them together, with every kiss, every smile, every look full of love they shared.
Because every time, he imagined that it was him instead of El. He imagined that it was him who Mike was kissing, that it was him whose hand he held. He knew he shouldn't. But he couldn't stop.
"Will?" Mike's woice was soft, full of worry.
He felt the tears on his face, the way he was shaking, trying to supress a sob. He hoped that in the dark, Mike won't notice.
"I'm tired." His voice squeaked, almost as if he had been choking.
Mike must have noticed something was off, because he gently touched his shoulder, eyes full of worry. "What's wrong? Will, are you crying?"
"I-" His voice broke, more tears bursted out of his eyes. "You should go."
Mike's grip tightened.
"Is it Vecna? Will, please, just tell me what happenned!"
He couldn't. He kept his gaze glued to the basement floor, unable to look into Mike's eyes without telling him how it killed him, loving him this whole time when he was happy with El, and Mike would hate him then, shattering even the last bit that was left of their friendship. So he just shook his head, forcing himself to say the words.
"I told you to go," he spit out, letting the tears take control over him.
Mike flinched. Slowly, he let go of his shoulder, taking the empty snack bags from the table. "If that's what you want."
Will nodded, unsure if Mike could see it in the dark, but he assumed he did, because Mike stood up, the warmth disappearing with him, and left the basement without another word.
Will didn't sleep that night. He stayed in the basement the whole day. And the day after.
And Mike, Mike didn't come.
And just like that, the best friends became strangers again.