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When Connor regains consciousness, the first thing he wonders about is his unfamiliar body position. It doesn’t feel like sitting on a chair at all, more like falling. But sideways.
“Hey Connor,” a calm voice says next to him and Connor’s eyeballs move under his closed and heavy feeling eyelids.
Oh, he thinks, I know that voice.
“Don’t be scared,” it says, though Connor can hear a worried undertone. “You just had a seizure. But it’s over now.”
Connor needs a few moments to process this piece of information.
That explains the body position, he thinks as he realizes that he’s lying on the floor, apparently in the recovery position. He opens his eyes and turns his head to look at the speaker.
Kevin.
He is kneeling next to his torso with his hands resting on the floor beside him.
“Hi Connor,” he says again, lowers his face and smiles at him.
Oh, this is almost nice. When he slowly begins to shift his weight onto his elbows, Kevin puts a hand on his back and helps him up to a sitting position.
“Did you hurt yourself?”
“I don’t think so,” Connor says drowsily and wipes over his lips with the backside of his hand. Urgh, drool. He carefully touches his tongue in his mouth and makes a painful grimace.
“I bit my tongue.”
He rubs it against the inside of his mouth to check how bad it is. He can taste some blood. It will probably take a few days to heal.
When he feels something damp between his legs, he looks down and flushes with embarrassment.
Oh no. Kevin follows his gaze to his crotch.
“That happens sometimes,” he says. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yeah,” Connor replies quietly. “I know.” He had seizures before and knows that the increased pressure on the bladder during the tonic phase of the seizure was to blame but still-
It’s not exactly the highlight of Connor’s life to wet himself in front of the guy he considers his boyfriend for a few months now. Well, it is a secret and yet undefined relationship based on hasty and stolen kisses and not so random touches, but he likes the thought that it could mean something more.
“How’d-“
He takes a deep breath and concentrates on his words which don’t come easy.
“How did it happen?”
“You were writing letters at the desk and then you toppled over backwards and started convulsing. A classic grand mal, if I may say.”
Connor’s look has to give away his astonishment about Kevin’s use of this term because he immediately adds: “My brother Jack suffers from epilepsy since he was a child. I’ve seen him having grand seizures a lot of times.”
It actually makes Connor feel a tiny bit safer. He only had a handful of seizures since his diagnosis and sometimes it’s still hard to cope with all of it.
“You should get some rest,” Kevin says but Connor shakes his head. Although he feels weak and confused, he needs to get rid of the awful feelings. Mostly the feelings of failure and shame.
“I want to shower first,” he says. “It’s okay, I can do that.”
I always wash away the memory if I’m able to, he thinks.
Kevin frowns but helps him up. “Alright, but I stay with you. No arguments.”
It is not easy to enjoy anything right after your brain has been the showplace of electrical storms but a few minutes in the shower make Connor feel better. At least that’s what he tells himself. He barely feels the hot water on his skin.
Absentmindedly washing everything away.
A fresh start.
Starting the clock again - until the next seizure.
“Where are the others?” he asks behind the shower curtain, more to prove to Kevin that he’s okay by breaking the silence than due to actual interest.
His memory from before the seizure slowly comes back and he is sure that he hasn’t been alone with Kevin in the common room before the fit started. If they had been alone, so Connor is sure, they would’ve been busy doing other things than writing letters.
Connor can only imagine how the others might have reacted to his, well, performance, especially the initial cry he usually emits when the seizure begins.
At least I’m already out before I know what happens, he thinks and shakes his head to get rid of the mental picture.
Crawling into a dark hole and staying there until the Latter-Days would be a desirable option right now if he didn’t feel too tired to even think about crawling.
“I sent the other Elders away as soon as Poptarts had told me you were probably having a seizure. I thought you might not want to have an audience.”
“Thank you,” he says surprised. Thoughtfulness regarding other people hasn’t been a badge Connor would have thrown after Kevin so far.
“I didn’t know you had epilepsy.”
He hums some undefined answer. He isn’t in the mood to discuss why he keeps it to himself and fortunately Kevin let the topic go. When Connor gets out of the shower, Kevin is waiting for him with a huge soft towel to wrap around him.
“This is nice,” Connor says when Kevin hugs him through the towel. Nice and warm and I think I love you and I wish you were my proper boyfriend but right now I just want to sleep.
“That was my intention,” Kevin replies and kisses Connor’s forehead.
---
When Connor regains consciousness, the first thing he wonders about is his unfamiliar body position. His head lies on something firm, yet soft and warm. It smells good, like the scent was connected with pleasant memories but not nearly enough. Even sleepy as he still is, he already craves for more.
“Good morning, Connor,” a voice says and he can feel the sound vibrating in his ear. Surprised, he tries to get up but fails for his legs are entangled with someone else’s. Then a gentle touch on his shoulder gets his attention.
Connor turns around, finally acknowledging his surroundings.
“I wouldn’t have assumed you’re the type of guy that sneaks out after spending a night together,” Kevin grins and sticks his tongue between his teeth. Though his heart skips a beat by seeing a shirtless Kevin Price smirking as if he made the joke of the year, Connor can’t resist the urge to check the room for someone else.
“I kicked Arnold out,” Kevin explains, “we were alone this night. How do you feel?”
With a sigh Connor relaxes and leans back into Kevin’s embrace.
This is very nice, he thinks and snuggles into Kevin’s chest, maybe my favorite place on earth.
“A little sore, but okay. Tongue still hurts though.”
He can feel the stiffness of his muscles caused by the seizure the day before. But Kevin lying next to him makes everything better. They’ve never spent an entire night before. One hour alone together has been luxury so far.
He frowns. “What if the others suspect something? You shouldn’t have let me sleep here.”
“I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you’re okay. I care about you,” Kevin says and turns his head to press a kiss on the redhead’s lips. “I do that sometimes.”
“You do that?” Connor breathes.
“Yeah.” Kevin answers with his eyes fixed on Connor’s blue ones.
“But obviously,” he continues and leans back, “I shouldn’t do that if I’m just a quick one-night stand for you.” With a mocking expression on his face he shakes his head. “Connor McKinley sneaking out on me, I’m devastated.”
“Ah, shut up,” Connor sighs tiredly and moves up to lay his head next to Kevin’s. “I wasn’t sneaking out, I was just-“
Instead of an answer he nudges his nose against Kevin’s cheek.
“Just what?”
“Confused.”
“Oh,” Kevin says meaningfully towards the ceiling, “confused. And I thought I was the confused one.”
“I thought so as well,” Connor admits. “What happened?”
“I tell you.” Kevin shifts closer to him and smiles a secret smile.
“I felt rebellious,” he whispers into his ear. The appearing goosebumps on Connor’s arms don’t go without notice. “You like that? Rebellious,” he whispers again and even closer, his hot breath on Connor's ear, “I felt rebellious, rebellious.”
“Stop it, it tickles,” Connor starts to giggle but puts his hand on Kevin’s cheek to keep him near.
“Rebellious, rebellll-“ he continues and licks Connor’s ear.
“Urgh, gross,” he yelps and pushes Kevin’s face away but in his mind he makes a mental note that he liked that a lot.
They spend a few minutes in blissful silence just to watch the first sunbeams making their way through the cracks of the small window. Connor’s head rests again on Kevin’s chest and he listens to his heartbeat like it was music. Meanwhile the other softly strokes Connor’s back. Once in a while his fingers rest on a palpable freckle and encircle it a few times.
“Kevin,” Connor says, “I care about you, too, very much.”
He can hear Kevin’s heartbeat quicken and he isn’t sure if it makes him braver or more panicky.
“I want to be rebellious, too. But only with you.” He hopes Kevin takes the hint but doesn’t dare to look up. The silence during the following seconds are almost unbearable but then he feels Kevin’s hands on his chin, gently pushing his head up to him.
“Are you asking-“
“I think so.”
Kevin eyes widen and he turns somewhat clumsily around to lay with half his body over Connor.
Gosh, Connor thinks with panic, anticipation and arousal, but then Kevin kisses him passionately that he forgets his own existence for a second until his tongue hurts again but he decides not to care.
“Yes, Han Solo,” Kevin says after their lips parted, “I’d love to be your Leia.”
“I haven’t seen Star Trek.”
“It’s Star Wars,” Kevin states in a know-it-all-manner and slightly offended.
“Arnold’s a bad influence on you,” Connor laughs.
“Hush,” Kevin says and puts a finger on his lips to stop him laughing. “Connor McKinley, may I be your boyfriend?”
You’re nervous, Connor notices with delight.
Connor bites his lips and waits a second to savor this moment. If he ever tells this story someone else, maybe Poptarts one day, he will definitely include Kevin’s nervousness. Maybe he’ll even tell of the seizure he had the night before.
Because that’s part of me, I guess, he thinks. Then he grins. And so is Kevin.
“Yes,” Connor finally says, maybe a little bit squeaky and too excited, but then again, he thinks, when Kevin Price asks you politely if he may be your boyfriend, it’s okay to lose your cool for a second or two.