Work Text:
It started suddenly.
There Smokescreen was, confined to the base while his leg healed, deftly avoiding Ratchet and Bulkhead, when it started.
He had been sitting off to the side observing everyone when he felt it; energon running down his helm from the, he had thought healed, cut.
Realizing what was happening, Smokescreen quickly cupped his servo around the cut and stood up. He knew he absolutely did not want to see Ratchet right now but he also knew staying there would get him noticed. So, before taking a moment to think it through, Smokescreen turned for the hanger doors and quickly walked out and around the building before anyone could even notice him.
As Smokescreen headed for the back of the hanger, he felt energon flow through his fingers, continuing to rush down his face. The river of it was certainly at his chin by now.
Feeling his anxiety pick up, Smokescreen pressed his servo harder against the cut, sending a slight stab of pain through his helm.
Reaching the back of the hangar, Smokescreen was relieved to see it empty, not that anyone really came out there anyway, and stopped to lean against the wall while he opened his subspace to grab a small rag he kept in there.
Pressing the rag to his helm, Smokescreen could feel himself beginning to panic, a mantra of
‘Why wont the bleeding stop?!’ running circles in his thoughts.
He knew it was stupid to panic over something so small. He knew the bleeding would stop eventually. He knew if he didn't get himself under control someone, probably Ratchet, would find him. He knew that.
But that didn't stop the panic.
Thankfully, he was not so lost in his stupid emotions that he missed the footsteps approaching his location.
‘Scrap! Someone saw me? They aren't running so maybe it isn't Ratchet..’
‘It'll be fine just stop the bleeding. Stop the bleeding. Stop the bleeding.
STOP.
THE.
BLEEDING!’
Hearing the footsteps reach the corner and turn towards where he was, Smokescreen quickly lighted himself from his slightly hunched position and pulled the rag away, looking in the opposite direction of the newcomer.
“Kid? Oh there you are,”
Wheeljack. Not the worst person who could have found him but not great either.
“Are you ok? I saw you leave kinda abruptly back there”
Of course he would ask.
“I'm uh- I'm fine Wheeljack. Just needed to move is all”
Wheeljack studied the rookie for a moment. He may not have been a team player like the others but that didn't mean he couldn't tell when someone wasn't telling the truth. Paired with the fact the kid wouldn't even look at him, something was definitely up.
Wheeljack was about to speak up again when he spotted it. A couple drops of energon on the kids chassis. Nothing big, something Wheeljack would have missed had he not been studying the kid, but definitely the fresh signs of an injury.
‘Is he hiding an injury? Ratchet put him on base rest after that cave in but he had cleared him. How could he have gotten hurt?’
Never one for subtlety, Wheeljack asked,
“Do you want me to go get Ratchet?”
“No!” The kid snapped harshly. “This isn't any of his concern.”
“If you're hiding an injury kid-”
“I'm not! I told you I was fine so back off!”
There was a lot of bite to Smokescreen's words. And Smokescreen still wouldn't look at him. It was starting to piss Wheeljack off.
“I happen to know hiding injuries never ends well, especially with Ratchet around, so it would be in your best interest to go see him.”
The wrecker growled out. He half expected the kid to stand down, given his over-eagerness to please. He didn't.
“Why would I listen to someone who can't even be bothered to stick around and actually be a part of the team?”
Wheeljack had tried to be nice, he really did, but the kid was on his last nerve.
“You know what? You're right. I don't stick around but at least when I show up, I actually help the team unlike you! All you do is screw up and get in the way!”
With that Wheeljack turned around and headed back towards the front of the hanger, leaving Smokescreen alone.
Unknowingly, Wheeljack had just hit every insecurity Smokescreen had. He had it coming really but it still stung. Now all Smokescreen wanted to do was to transform and run away but memories of being taken, and tortured, and having his memories invaded, and the phantom feeling of an arm stabbing in his chassis- his spark and-
*SLAP*
Smokescreen looked down at his servo, dried energon still clinging to its edges. He doesn't know what compelled him to slap himself across the face. Rather harshly too. But it worked. He wasn't panicking anymore so he considered it a win, even if his cheek stung.
Smokescreen stood there for a moment before reaching up to feel if the cut was still bleeding. It wasn't so he decided to head back inside, hoping to slip away and clean up the energon before he was caught again. But Smokescreen was never that lucky.
<-><-><-><-><-><-><->
Cautiously rounding the doors of the hanger, Smokescreen looked around quickly to see if the coast was clear before ducking inside.
Ratchet was nowhere to be seen so Smokescreen quickly walked towards the makeshift medbay and grabbed a cleaning cloth. Turning towards the windows near the roof of the hangar, Smokescreen stopped for a moment to take in his reflection.
There he stood. Energon had painted half of his face a bright blue that stood out starkly against his royal blue coloring. But it wasn't so much the energon that caught Smokescreen off guard, but rather the hollow, haunted eyes that stared back at him. When did he get so tired?
Smokescreen didn't feel like himself. And now he could see he didn't even look like himself. Had he still had his old coloring he would have almost looked like-
No.
Don't think about it.
Don't think about him.
Turning back to the window, Smokescreen began wiping away the energon, making sure no trace of it was left.
When his face was clean, Smokescreen moved on to his chassis, wiping away the small amount of energon that had dropped there.
Deeming himself normal presentable, Smokescreen put the rag back and was about to go find Bumblebee when someone cleared their throat behind him.
Smokescreen would have jumped but he almost hadn't registered the sound. He felt almost detached from himself.
Turning around, Smokescreen was met with Ultra Magnus staring at him critically.
“Sir?” Smokescreen questioned. Smokescreen couldn't discern what Ultra Magnus's look was about but he really couldn't handle a lecture right now.
Ultra Magnus studied Smokescreen for another moment. He noted how Smokescreen's eyes were duller, a slight lost look to them, and his posture was sagged with his door wings lowered.
Ultra Magnus was going to lecture the young soldier on why his behavior with Wheeljack was inappropriate but he couldn't bring himself to. Looking at the kid, he just seemed so tired, having a similar look about himself Ultra Magnus had seen many times on soldiers who were tired of the endless war.
Something in him hurt at the idea that someone just barely older than a youngling had such a bleak look to them. But he reminded himself that Smokescreen was a capable soldier and they were still at war.
Refusing to dwell on it more, Ultra Magnus said,
“Wheeljack told me what happened. I do not condone what either of you said, but it was brought to my attention you may be injured. Is this true, soldier?”
Ultra Magnus saw Smokescreen looked away for a moment in hesitation before answering,
“No sir. I was simply stretching my leg when Wheeljack found me.”
“Are you saying he is lying then?”
“I think Wheeljack just simply saw something that wasn't there. Sir.”
Ultra Magnus chose not to bring up the fact he saw Smokescreen wiping Energon off of himself.
“Very well then, soldier. I will leave you then.”
Smokescreen nodded before walking past Ultra Magnus, towards the back part of the hanger. It was interesting how similar his demeanor was to-
“Smokescreen,”
Ultra Magnus called out when the rookie passed by him. He turned to look at Smokescreen but he didn't do the same, simply standing there, though Ultra Magnus knew he was listening.
“He hasn't been forgotten Smokescreen. It may seem that way but I assure you he hasn't.”
Ultra Magnus watched Smokescreen tense for a moment before his shoulders dropped again and he saw the rookie nod.
“That is all, soldier.”
As Ultra Magnus watched the kid walk away, he couldn't help but wonder if Smokescreen had ever grieved for him.