Chapter Text
Trinity Santos was tired, physically, emotionally, fuck it, spiritually. She didn’t want to be in the ER anymore, but she didn’t exactly have an option. She had charting to do. It had been somewhere around 4 hours after her shift had ended and Trinity’s hand was cramping. The charting, that Dr. Robby and Dana had kept forcing her to put off, was kicking her ass. Every once in a while she’d finish a chart and move to grab another, and she’d catch sight of the mountainous amount of charts she still had to do. She was supposed to be cuddling with Yolanda and watching the fireworks from the patio of Yolanda’s slightly larger apartment. Instead she was here, giving herself carpal tunnel.
‘It wasn’t even like you’d be doing that anyways. Both Yolanda and Huckleberry have ditched you.’ Her brain, oh so, helpfully supplied.
It had been a fucking shitty ass shift. The system was down, so Trinity had to hand write everything, which meant she didn’t have a spell check. So basically she was taking a long time on that because it was all hand written and also had so many spelling mistakes that Princess had asked her to clarify her writing like 10 different times in between the system going down and the end of her shift. Langdon was back from rehab and everyone was acting like he hadn’t committed a fucking crime except Langdon himself. His ‘apology’ had been so bullshit that Trinity had almost taken it all out on him.She’d kept it as mature as she could have. Told him to fuck off in the best way she could, telling him that she’d believe him when he told people. She didn’t think he’d actually do it, she still doesn’t, she just wants him to leave her alone. His mere presence was making her even more stressed if that was even possible. The added stress made her dyslexia even worse. Which in turn made her even more stressed, it had been a vicious cycle really.
Honestly, the day had felt like the universe was playing the worst version of ‘yes and’ that Trinity had ever seen. It was like the universe had decided to make sure she couldn’t catch a break. The day had cemented itself as the second worst day in the Pitt for Trinity. From Al-Hashimi threatening to make her repeat her R2 year over charting, to Yolanda spitting the status of their non relationship back in her face. Then of course, the cherry on top at the end of the night, Huckleberry had dropped the bomb that he’d be living in Dr. Robby’s place for the next three months. Essentially leaving Trinity alone on the anniversary of Tamika’s death. Which was totally great and had never caused Trinity any problems ever. Why would she already start the day off on a negative note when it was the anniversary of her best friend’s successful suicude. The death that had been the reason Trinity was here, as Tamika had plainly stated in one of her note books that she was going to choose a day where Trinity was away so she wouldn’t feel as guilty about it. It was also why Trinity practically demanded to work the holidays.
Well, Trinity wasn’t completely alone. She was actually sitting at a desk doing her charting while the ER moved on without her. Every once and a while Lena, the night charge nurse, would come check back in on her. It reminded Trinity a lot of Dana actually. Other than Lena though, most of the night shift was moving around her. They’d gotten used to her being in their space for at least a few hours at the beginning of their shifts. She’d been here longer than a few hours though, and seeing that it was now officially July the 5th, she’d been here for just under half of their shift.
Maybe that’s why Dr. Shen had just dropped a Mars Bar in front of her. She didn’t look up when she saw it enter her field of vision, simply decided to push it to the side and continue to attempt to remember all of the details of this patient and what tests she’d called for them.
“You should eat the chocolate.” He says before taking a sip of his coffee, which was practically empty. “It’ll hold you over until my coffee order gets here.”
Trinity looks up to the attending standing in front of her. “What?”
“Coffee, Dr. Santos, you’ve got at least 20 more charts to do.” He points helpfully to the pile of charts that she’s been trying to ignore since she sat down in this chair. “If you’re lucky you might be out before 3, but you’ve been here since 6:30 if I remember correctly…” He trails off, pushing the Mars bar back onto the page. “Also, your coffee order?” He asks, grabbing his phone.
Trinity opens the packaging to the Mars bar, “I’ll just grab coffee from the staff room.”
Dr. Shen laughs softly. “That shit is terrible, seriously Santos, you want me to what? Let you suffer more?”
Trinity blinks, “Iced mocha please. Nothing special.” It’s quiet and almost like she didn’t want to admit it, but Shen hears her well enough and hums like he’d won an award. He turns around to go do more checks on patients and Trinity smiles to herself before taking a bite of the Mars bar.
She felt the increase in energy quickly, just like Shen had said. She was moving through her charting quickly now. Finally making some progress. At some point, she briefly recognized Dr. Shen placed a Dunkins' cup filled with what looked to be her iced mocha to her right before he disappeared.
It was around 1:30 am, when Trinity's attention was stolen away again. Lena was on the speaker, talking about three patients who all needed trauma care. It peaked Trinity’s ears, and her brain helpfully supplied the fact that she’d heard Ellis complaining that they were down a few people.
Trinity turned around on the chair. “Lena?”
The charge nurse looked over quickly. “Yes, dear?”
“Need an extra pair of hands?”
It isn’t Lena who answers though. Abbot’s voice rushed past her and answered happily. “If you think you can help Santos, put some gloves on, we could use your expertise in surgery.”
Trinity grimaces at the last part but stands nevertheless. “Not an expert.”
Ellis appeared beside Trinity and they matched pace. “Doesn’t Garcia teach you a lot when you two work on a patient together.”
Trinity stuttered, falling out of pace before catching up. She watched the way Ellis glanced back but didn’t mention anything. “That’s different.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Abbot interrupted. “We could use the hands and I trust Santos to do a good job.” The words stuck in Trinity’s mind, repeating itself over and over while she worked on one of the patients, then when she was pulled into another of the two. Dr. Abbot, someone she’d only worked with once, maybe twice, trusted her enough to let her take care of a trauma patient. Trinity wasn’t sure why but it made her feel more competent than she’d felt all day.
Walsh was down within 10 minutes of them working on the trio of trauma patients. She made it to the one that Trinity was working on last. She looked over the patient and hummed softly. She turned to Ellis, who’d only gotten there 2 minutes before Walch. “Did you take a surgery prep class or something?” Walsh asked, checking for anything she may have missed during her first look over.
Ellis shook her head. “I just got here, this patient was under Dr. Santos’ care.” Ellis explained, checking the vitals and smiling to herself. “Good job by the way, Santos. This patient is good to go up to the OR.”
Walsh observed Trinity for a moment. “I wasn’t aware you were working a double tonight, Santos.”
Trinity sighed and shook her head. “I’m not, I was just working through some charting and it sounded like they’d need help with this group of patients so I helped out.”
“Nearly perfect work for almost 24 hours of no sleep?” Walsh asked, already planning her conversation with Abbot. “Impressive…” Walsh mumbled mostly to herself. “Alright, bring him up to the OR, me or the other surgeons can work on this guy first.” She instructed. Then she made her way towards the door and patted Trinity on the back. “Seriously, good job. Might just have to steal you from Garcia.” With that, Walsh walked out of the trauma bay.
It had been a while since Trinity had that many people complement her, much less someone outside of Garcia in the OR compliment her. It felt nice, knowing that her knowledge was appreciated.
Abbot finds Trinity about an hour later while she’s still working on those charts. She’s getting a lot closer to the end of her pile. Honestly standing up and helping with the trauma patient had done a lot, it had gotten her moving again, which was exactly what her brain had needed. Anyways, Abbot was leaning over the counter above the station that Trinity had taken over all those hours ago during the end of her shift. “Are you a night person?” He asked, flipping what looked to be his own charts.
“Not particularly. I’ve always been up with the sun. It’s calming.” Trinity responded, looking up to look at Abbot. “Why?”
“Just was wondering if I could poach you now that Robby’s gone.” He murmurs, like he didn’t just drop a bomb on Trinity’s psyche.
“What–” She asks, her focus being completely stolen away from the forms in front of her. Every one of her senses stripped of everything except what Abbot was saying. The noise in the ER quietened and suddenly Trinity couldn’t feel the aching in her right wrist. “What do you mean about that?” She rushed out.
Abbot looked up, his hazel eyes flickered around her face before a small smile fell onto his face. “You’re a good doctor, you take instruction well while also not dealing with bullshit. Parker already likes you. John seems to like you too, seeing as he bought you coffee.” He points to her half empty Dunkins’ cup. “We could use some extra help and honestly I’d like to teach you. I feel like you’d prosper during the night shift.” He slapped the counter with both of his hands and sighed. As he turned around, he slipped a few more sentences that stuck in Trinity’s head. “Think about it Dr. Santos. We could use you down here and I think you’d like it. Come join the dark side.” He walked away laughing at his own joke.
When Trinity gets home just over 2 hours later, she can’t stop thinking about what Dr. Abbot had said to her. At first she had been thinking about it in an ego boosting context. Then she got home and it was so terribly quiet and there were boxes scattered on the floor of her and Huckleberry’s living room. She walked into her apartment and suddenly it was like the universe was slapping her with a reminder that Huckleberry was leaving.
It enters Trinity’s brain like a whisper. It slithers in like it’s a snake, or a worm, or that parasite she once watched Mel take out of someone’s ear. Maybe a parasite was a good way to explain it. It whispered of the imminent departure of all those she’d grown to consider her friends. Even if they didn’t see her that way.
Sure, she and Huckleberry were close, but she could easily equate it to him living under her roof rent free. He’d seemed eager to get out of their two bedroom apartment when Dr. Robby had offered him a place to stay for 3 months while the aforementioned doctor was on sabbatical.
She wasn’t even sure if she could consider her and Javadi friends. Trinity had tried really, to push past her first impression of the girl. It wasn’t even inherently a bad impression but Trinity was in tune with others emotions enough to know that she and Javadi had gotten off on the wrong foot. That her prickly jokes hadn’t come off as she’d hoped, that maybe she was doing what she’d always done before. Scared them off before they got to close.
The rest of her co-workers, the doctors, student doctors and nurses tended to avoid her unless it was necessary. She’d had a feeling it was going to happen once Perlah and Princess had gotten on the fact that she’d been the one to report Langdon. The icing out, the silent discredit, the anger for upsetting the status quo. It doesn’t matter that it had been for the betterment of the patients. She’d taken a respected doctor and ‘ruined his life’. She’d almost laughed when she’d heard one of the older nurses that she hadn’t actually had a conversation with say that. Frank Langdon was back after his rehab and nobody seemed to care about what he'd done. Nevertheless, the point was that she spent her lunches alone. Typically back up on the 8th floor where she’d found Dennis all those months ago.
On top of the silent distance between Trinity and the rest of her co-workers, there was her thing with Yolanda, or Dr. Garcia if they were at work. The almost relationship that’d she’d ruined with her own hands. Really it shouldn’t have been surprising. That’s how she worked. When someone got close, she ran. The intimacy of it all scared her. It hadn’t even been intentional on Yolanda’s side, it was obvious to Trinity that all of the ‘soft’ moments Yolanda gave her, they scared her as well. The way Yolanda would caress her back after their nights together. How’d she pack Trinity’s snacks in her lunch and find her throughout the day to make sure that Trinity was at least eating something. The way she’d always check over the charting for basic spelling mistakes if Trinity was sending her way. It was this causal intimacy that Trinity had only ever had with Tamika, the best friend, the one she’d been unable to save. It scared her, truly, shook her so deeply in her core at nights when she was alone in bed. It all scared Yolanda as well, but Trinity was pretty sure that she wasn’t sure how to stop it.
They’d gotten too close, and it had scared the two of them. Somewhere along the line though, Trinity realized she wanted to try, so she pushed the line and Yolanda had reciprocated. Until it had clicked in Yolanda’s brain that what they were doing was dating. She’d started to distance which made Trinity add more distance. Now they were here, with cancelled plans and an unhealthy plan forming in Trinity’s head.
Maybe it was all why Trinity decided to talk to Dr. Al-Hashimi immediately returned to work 3 hours later. When she’d arrived Dr. Shen had handed her a coffee, iced mocha again, and walked off to talk to Al-Hashimi. Huckleberry had given her an odd look as the two of them put their bags away.
“What was that about?” He asked, stretching out his back and grimacing when it popped slightly.
“I was here late.” Trinity said softly. The exhaustion from the lack of sleep finally settled onto her bones. She hadn’t been able to sleep during the 2 hours she’d been home. She truly hadn’t really tried, Abbot’s words had been too loud in her head. He’d accidentally unlocked the door to the thing she’d been trying to ignore. She’d promised herself she’d keep trying this time. That if she fought against her own head that maybe they’d stay around. Dr. Abbot had given her an opportunity to leave without actually leaving. She’d be in the same apartment and see them every time shift change happened. She was leaving in the same way they were. In the same way Huckleberry and Yolanda were, making the distance bigger.
It was all different from what she’d done beforehand. It scratched the itch though, she can’t get hurt if she leaves them at an arms length. That’s why it had hurt so much yesterday, she’d let them get too close. She wanted to laugh at herself for her own stupidity, the last person she’d let get close was Tamika and she knew how that ended.
“Trin?” Huckleberry’s voice cut through. “How much sleep did you actually get?” His voice is riddled with concern and she can feel the heat radiating from his hand that’s hovered just slightly over her shoulder.
“Some.” She lies through her teeth, walking away before he can respond properly. As she enters the main part of the ER things are just as chaotic as she’d left them. She took a small sip of her mocha and sighed. Perlah and Princess were the only ones who waved to Trinity when they saw her. She waved back and started her way over to the TVs that finally had the board back on them. “Cyber security threat gone?”
Both Lena and Dana looked over. “Yeah, IT gave us the go ahead just after you left, kid.” Lena supplied, her face morphing into one of concern. “You shouldn’t be here.”
Trinity waved her off, “Dr. Shen supplied me with coffee and I was scheduled sooo…” She trailed off and Lena gave her another look but didn’t comment on it. “Where is Dr. Abbot or Dr. Al-Hashimi?” She asked the two charge nurses.
Dana scanned her slowly. “Doing their rounds together. Are you sure you’re okay, hon?”
Trinity nodded as she pushed a bit of hair out of her eyes. “Yeah, just tired.” Lena sighed softly muttering to herself about how she should have ‘forced you to stay at the hospital and sleep here’. Neither Trinity nor Dana commented on it. After a moment, Trinity spotted Dr. Abbot’s white hair and she stood up a bit straighter. “Thank you two for your work.” She said as she grabbed her coffee and walked off to where she saw Dr. Abbot.
Dr. Abbot and Dr. Al-Hashimi was standing outside of a room where a patient was lying unconscious and intubated. When Trinity approached she wasn’t able to hear what they were saying but both of their faces were serious. It told Trinity everything she needed to know.
Dr. Abbot must have heard her shoes on the floor because he looked over. “It was actually Dr. Santos here did a lot for him last night.” Abbot mentioned, motioning toward Trinity, who’d practically stopped in her tracks at the mention of her name.
Dr. Al-Hashimi’s eyes lit up and she gave Trinity a small smile. One of understanding and acknowledgement. Then something else passed through her brown eyes. “Wait, Dr. Abbot, what time did you say this patient was brought in?” She asked.
“Around 1:30 am yesterday. Right?” He asks Trinity who’s joined them in front of the door to the room. “And Jack is fine, please there’s no need for any of that title thing.”
Dr. Al-Hashimi didn’t respond to the last bit. “Why were you still here at 1:30 am, Santos?”
Trinity suddenly wanted the ground to swallow her whole. “I was finishing up my charting.” Her voice sounded smaller than she wanted too and it just reminded Trinity about how much she acted like she was 13 again when she was exhausted. “I only really left at 3 am.”
Abbot nodded in understanding, he’d seen her sluggishly leaving the ER but had been too busy to try and get her to come back. Al-Hashimi however, her jaw clenched tightly. “You shouldn’t be here. I’m sending you home. You’re sleep deprived.”
Trinity shook her head. “I’ll be okay.”
“She’s right. Go home. Get a few hours and come back for a half shift if you half too.” Abbot suggested, placing his hand on her shoulder.
“Fine.” She ran a hand over her face. “I’ll go home but I need to first talk to the two of you. I wanted to take you up on your offer Dr. Abbot.” Al-Hashimi’s face turned into one of confusion while Abbot’s face turned into a smirk.
“What offer?” Al-Hashimi asked softly.
Abbot started to lead the two of them back towards the nurses central. “She’s switching to the night shift. She’s going to be joining the dark side.” He practically giggled to himself. Trinity wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him this happy about anything.
Both Trinity and Al-Hashimi stopped outside of the nurses station and waited for him to get back. Al-Hashimi broke the silence. “Is there a reason that you chose to do this?” She asks softly, probably attempting to keep it as under the wraps as possible.
“I just think that I’ll have less issues with the night shift.” Trinity supplied.
“Is Dr. Langdon that big of a distractor?” Her voice isn’t cruel and Trinity for once doesn’t feel the need to defend her dislike of him. The way she’d said it makes Trinity feel like Al-Hashimi wants to understand the inner workings of this ER more than Dr. Robinavitch ever wanted to.
“Him and some other personal things. A change of pace is all I probably need.” Trinity said and she hadn’t exactly lied to Al-Hashimi’s face but it wasn’t the full truth either.
Al-Hashimi hummed before smiling at her. “I wish you luck with your endeavor then. I know you’ll do well. I can tell that much already.”
Abbot returns with a smile on his face and a piece of paper. “Feel free to read it, both of you, when you’re done just sign the portion that applies to you.”
Al-Hashimi goes first, her eyes scanning the page , before signing on her spot. She hands it over to Trinity next. “I have to go, but Dr. Santos, please feel free to reach out to me for anything.” Al-Hashimi’s hand finds the small of her back and Trinity can’t help but shudder.
Slowly, Trinity’s eyes left Al-Hashimi’s leaving silhouette and moved back to the page in front of her. She read the page a lot more carefully than Al-Hashimi did, and honestly it was just a basic shift transfer. She signed it without much hassle and handed it back to Dr. Abbot, whose smile only got bigger when she handed it over.
“Go tell Dana that you’ve been sent home.” He paused and looked down at the page he was holding. “Can you actually give this to her as well? I have to get to a SWAT shift.”
‘Of course you do.’ Trinity thought but she grabbed the page anyways. “Of course. See you soon Dr. Abbot.”
He paused. “It’s Jack now. You’re on my team and I like to promote inter personal platonic relationships in my team. Unless we are talking to a patient and referring to each other, it’s typically the first name. You’ll get used to it.” With that he walked away.
It was surprisingly only Dana when Trinity walked over. She waited to the side as Dana finished up a call to whoever had been holding up the lines. After a minute or two, Dana put the phone down and put her gum in her mouth. “What can I do for you, Santos?” She asked, as she turned around to look at Trinity.
“Dr. Al-Hashimi is sending me home because I haven’t slept in more than 24 hours.” Dana ran a hand through her hair, no doubt already calculating how much work everyone else would have to do. Trinity also caught the way she seemed to agree with Al-Hashimi’s call, as her eyes softened slowly and she nodded in agreement. “Also, Dr. Abbot wanted me to give this to you, to send up to scheduling.” Trinity offered the page.
Dana grabbed it slowly. She put her glasses on and read the page. She read it once, then twice over. “You’re switching to the night shift?” She asked.
“Yeah, I think it’ll be good for me.”
Dana smiles softly and places it in a folder, “I’ll have one of the nurses run it up if they need a break. I’m proud of you kid. Seriously. Now get out of here and go get some sleep. You’ll probably be back tonight if scheduling can get their shit together.”
Trinity nodded and made her way to her lockers. She paused to stop by Huckleberry and offer her coffee to him. Citing the truth, that Al-Hashimi was sending her home because of her lack of sleep. He was grateful and told her to get lots of sleep.
Trinity doesn’t remember the bus ride home, but she does remember collapsing into her bed and passing out.