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Their take out is getting cold, and Aaron is getting annoyed.
The food was still warm when he got here almost half an hour ago, glad that he had managed to snatch the last couple of samosas from that little Indian place Robert has been enjoying lately. He even spent some extra quid on that fancy wine he likes, deeming that Robert deserved it after another hard week of work, his eyes tired and lines in his face deepened by exhaustion. Aaron planned to smooth them with a quiet night in, then tire Robert a bit in bed and turn his alarm off so he would finally sleep in.
“I just need to nip out for a moment.” Robert said, his eyes flickering as he kissed Aaron's scowl away, “I'll be back in twenty, yeah?”
It's been forty five minutes, and Aaron is truly annoyed now.
The number you're trying to reach is unavailable. Please try again later.
His gaze falls on an unplugged charger on the kitchen counter, and he shakes his head with a sigh. Of course.
Aaron puts the food back into the containers, places them and the bottle in the fridge. He contemplates going to take a shower and settling on the couch with a beer, a demonstration for Robert when he comes back. He's going to be apologetic, and Aaron will let him make it up to him, but not without working for it a bit.
His phone lights up with an unfamiliar number, and Aaron debates whether to pick it up. It might be Robert, borrowing a phone from some poor sod, about to explain that something came up, I'll be late, I'm so sorry. Aaron almost lets it ring out, but his finger taps the screen anyway.
“Yes?”
“Good evening, I'm calling from Hotten General-”
He's still in the surgery, they say. It might take a while.
It seems that he lost control over the car. We don't know why. It’s possible that he passed out or fell asleep. Has he been working a lot?
Is there anyone else who should be informed?
Vic doesn't pick up.
It doesn't feel real. It still doesn't when they let Aaron see him, and he stares at the familiar figure tucked under a white sheet, the respirator whispering gently by his side.
“Your dinner got cold.” Aaron whispers.
He grabs the hem of the sheet, makes sure it covers Robert's neck, careful not to touch any tube attached to his body. Robert hates being chilly in bed. He buries himself under the covers and in Aaron's body.
Aaron asks a nurse to bring him an extra blanket.
He wakes up curled in a plastic chair to a horribly loud sound of his ringtone.
“Hi, I'm sorry.” Jamie the farmhand says, “But I just got to the farm, you're not here and I can't reach Robert, is everything alright?”
Robert lies in the bed, his cheek cold under Aaron's fingertips, skin pale from the blood loss and bones broken from the impact. Brain swollen, the doctors said.
He can't work on the farm.
The farm. Robert's dream. Their home.
“I'll be there soon, you can start feeding.”
It doesn't feel real, but it is.
“It's going to be just fine.” Aaron whispers, placing a kiss on Robert's dry forehead, “You'll be just fine, and I'll make sure everything is in order when you wake up.”
He doesn't cry. He doesn't scream. He feels numb.
He knows that he's not going to lose Robert. That's simply not going to happen. He just has to focus.
He has to focus.
Vic calls him in the afternoon. She sobs and explains that she can't come back yet.
“Okay.”
She cries louder, and he disconnects the call.
Aaron puts his life into timeframes.
He wakes up at six to start the farm work, although he isn't sure he's sleeping at all. Jamie has brought his mate to help out, and he's gracious enough not to ask for details when Aaron says that Robert had to go away for a while.
He goes to the hospital for morning visiting hours, holds Robert's hand, and tells him about the farm. Goes to the scrapyard for a couple of hours, avoids Vinny and does his job, not feeling exhaustion even once.
Back to the hospital, where he strokes Robert's hair until they kick him out.
“Excuse me.” a kind-eyed nurse named Ellis stops him on the fifth day, “We offer counseling for families of our patients, free of charge. Would you maybe like to come with me now?”
Aaron doesn't. But Robert would tell him to go, so he does.
Compartmentalization is a defense mechanism in which people mentally separate conflicting thoughts, emotions, or experiences to avoid the discomfort of contradiction.
He hasn't shown up in the village in days.
No one calls. No one checks in.
Vic does call. Aaron wonders what he would have to say to make her come back.
“Scar-related arrhythmia.” doctor Firus tells him, “His past injury left scarring near his heart. It can disrupt the heart’s electrical system even years later. We believe it caused him to pass out and lose control over the car.”
“But it's treatable, right?”
“We will discuss treatment options when he wakes up. We can't start anything without having the full understanding of his current condition.”
It starts to feel real, and Aaron wants his mum.
He stumbles into the pub, his legs shaky and his vision blurry, and the thoughts he has been trying so desperately to block out trying to kick the walls of the boxes he has placed them in.
He wants to cry. He wants to curl on the floor and for someone to hold him, and tell him that it's going to be alright.
“Haven't seen you in a while.”
Aaron blinks the fog away from his eyes to see Sam standing in front of him, a pint in his hand and a betrayed frown on his lips.
“I-”
He needs-
“Haven't seen your thief husband either. Back in prison already, eh?”
Aaron punches him in the mouth.
There's pain in his knuckles and a trickle of blood running down his temple, and screams filling his ears.
His mum, Cain, Lydia, what are you doing, get out, get out, get out.
His mum. Hating the only person who makes him feel whole. Maybe hating him too, for the love he can't get out, nor wants to get rid of.
Then, there are familiar arms wrapping around him, dragging him out and away, until he's sat on a knitted sofa-cover, and there's a damp towel on his face and a hot cup pushed into his hands.
“What's gotten into you, Aaron?” Paddy asks, kneeling in front of him, Mandy tutting gently as she wipes the blood away, “What’s happened?”
Robert has been in a coma for a week. He has a heart condition, and it didn't feel real, but it is, and now Aaron can feel it all.
The cup slips from his hands, the scolding liquid seeping through the fabric of Aaron's jeans as he slides to his knees.
“You should tell your family.”
Aaron is sitting on the sofa again, wearing a dry pair of Paddy's pajama pants, his face hot and still wet.
“For what?” Aaron croaks, “For them to tell me that he got what he deserved? Or for them to tell me they are sorry when they wouldn't mean it? For them to say their truths to each other once I'm out of the door? I don't think I could handle that, I can't. Not again. Not after how everyone was when he was sent down, even you-”
“I'm sorry, Aaron.” Paddy cuts him off, his hand warm on Aaron's knee, “I truly am.”
Aaron looks into the eyes of his dad, and he knows he means it.
“It's me and him.” it's the only times it doesn't hurt, when he says this, "I love him."
Paddy's eyes are damp on the edges.
“And I know you always will. It's one of these unchangeable forces of the universe I learned to accept, and one of the things I love about you. This overwhelming loyalty of your heart.”
He's so gentle Aaron could cry again.
“Stay here tonight, love.” Mandy chimes in, “What would you like for tea?”
Aaron opens his mouth to protest.
He thinks about an empty bed, Robert's scent almost washed away from the sheets, and he nods.
“Mister Dingle!” doctor Firus catches him by the coffee machine when he's on his way for another morning visit, “We were just about to call you. Robert started to react earlier, we are pretty sure he’s waking up, his vitals are strong. We are currently running some tests, but please join us in a few. Excuse me.”
He rushes away and Aaron slumps against the machine, his legs reduced to a pathetic mass made of cotton.
It's okay it's okay it's-
“What did he just say?”
Sarah's eyes are huge when he turns around to look at her, Cain standing a few steps back, his jaw slack.
They're his family, still.
Not the one he chose, though.
Not the one that chose him.
“Sorry.” he isn't, “I have to go. My husband is waking up from a coma.”
He calls Paddy. He hears Mandy yelling in the background that they will bring some grapes later.
Robert's eyes are impossibly huge, and the most beautiful in the world.
“What happened?” he croaks, his voice raw and strained, his fingers weak but sure when they wrap around Aaron's wrist, “What-?”
He's stunning and he's here and Aaron wants to cry.
“It's okay.” Aaron whispers, running his hand through Robert's sweaty hair, the thrill of it unmatched, “Just you and your stupid, lovely heart.”