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Vaggi raised an eyebrow at the curious pink-colored paper that entered her limited field of vision. It slid over the hotel’s guestbook, the paper scratched over with frantic scribbles, and maybe bits of blood and hair. She didn’t even have to raise her head to know this was from Niffty.
“Another new drawing of yours?”
The maid was shaking violently, still pushing the paper to her across the desk like a not-so-subtle bribe. Vaggi got the hint. She took the paper carefully, as if it had been doused in bleach. Honestly, the probability was high.
Yet before Vaggi could even open the note, Niffty spread her arms wide, shouting happily, “I quit!”
From across the lobby, one could hear a certain demon princess do a spit-take of her morning apple juice. “You what?!” Charlie shouted.
She failed to notice a certain sopping wet bartender standing behind the bar counter, who was now doused in lukewarm apple juice. “Come the fuck on.”
“I quit!” Niffty said again, shouting louder for all the guests to hear—at least the ones who were interested enough to listen. Most were still busy watching TV or were passed out on the floor. “Alastor and Husk both got to quit their jobs, so now I will! I don’t want to be left out! So here is my two weeks’ notice!”
“Is that seriously why?” Vaggi looked back to the note with its pinkish hue. “Also, Niffty, this…isn’t a two weeks notice. This is a pink slip. That’s only for when you’re fired.”
“Oh.” Niffty blinked owlishly before laughing ecstatically. “So I’m fired! I get to leave right now!”
“What? That’s not what I—?”
“Did you hear that, sir? I’m fired!”
Niffty could have turned in any direction, and her favorite boss would have appeared wherever her gaze landed. This time, it happened to be straight at Husk who was busy wiping his damp face with a bar rag. Alastor appeared from the shadows, making Husk jolt with fright.
“Can all of you people stop?!”
“That’s wonderful, Niffty!” Alastor made extra sure to ignore Husk’s complaints, moving through shadows again to appear right next to the girl. He then gave her a gentle pat on the head, which she leaned into like a happy kitten. “I always knew you could do it. Good job!”
Charlie was still staring from her seat at the bar, slack-jawed. Vaggi quickly took action, leaping over the front desk in fury.
“Alastor! You can’t just let this happen. The hotel won’t have a maid!”
“Hm, I recall you doing much of the housework just fine,” Alastor answered with barely a care. “Besides, I have reason to believe Niffty has been overworked during my brief absence from the hotel. Worker’s rights are vitally important!”
“Yesss, I’ve been soooo overworked. Hehehehe.” Niffty held up both hands in a limp position, looking ready to pounce on anyone who got too close. “Worked straight to the bone. Worked until I was blinded by bleach! Worked while the guests kept touching me!”
“Ah, and now add harassment to the list of Niffty’s grievances!” Alastor sighed. “I expected better from you, esteemed hotel manager. She is now traumatized. I hope you’re happy.”
Niffty drooled at the memory, her eye glazed over, her little fingers curling and uncurling. “Touch me all over…”
“I—I told them to stop touching her!” Charlie got up from her seat, now also yelling and rushing over, which was the complete opposite of making a scene where all customers could see. “Can we work this out? Maybe with another trust exercise!”
Alastor hmmm’d disapprovingly. “You mean the trust exercises created for the purpose of your guests? Why should the hotel staff be part of such a frivolous task? It only gets in the way of their duties.”
“Um…well, you see, last time we only had Angel and Pentious so it’s not like they had a lot to do—”
“Why, I heard that you even put dear Husker under duress!” Alastor pointed his mic at Husk, who blinked slowly with one eye, followed by the other. “Making him juggle different hats, and not even literally! A bartender working in a therapist’s position despite it not being part of his day-to-day responsibilities. That’s just a civil class lawsuit waiting to happen.”
Vaggi, who had been fired up a moment ago, now wilted at the accusation. “I–I mean…”
“And now look at him. So pathetic and low-energy! You’ve broken the poor man’s spirit.”
Husk wobbled. He laid his palms against the bar counter, sliding down dangerously. “I was already like this, asshole.”
“See? A testimonial straight from the hurt party.”
“W-Wait! I can explain that!” Charlie waved at Alastor frantically to erase her catastrophic management decisions. “I just thought since Husk was a really good listener as a bartender, he’d be a good fit for therapy. You know, like… transferable skills!”
At that moment, Husk face-planted his head against the counter with a loud thump.
“Ov-er-worked! Ov-er-worked!” Niffty chanted as she pranced around the lobby. She was grabbing onto random sinners’ hands excitedly. “The hotel staff is completely overworked! Tell your friends! Leave a review!”
Vaggi found her opening thanks to Niffty’s determination to ruin the hotel’s already questionable reputation. “Okay, I can understand with Husk and Niffty, but what about you?” She glared at Alastor.
In response, the grinning demon placed a hand over his heart—or where his heart presumably was. He suddenly looked so solemn, perhaps even bereft. “Ah, well you see… it was the most egregious insult of all that you did to me.”
“Oh, you fuck off with that bullshit. You refused to do anything since the hotel was rebuilt!” Vaggi pointed an accusing finger at Alastor. “You didn’t work at all!”
“And do you know why that is? Hm?” Alastor nodded solemnly. “The workplace became such a hostile environment that I could hardly focus on my hosting duties anymore. It negatively affected my performance, of which I am not at fault.”
“Hostile how?”
A pause. For a moment, Alastor truly looked peeved, narrowing his eyes at the hotel’s manager. “You took down my wall.” He turned away with a frustrated static screech. “And I really liked that wall!”
“...That green wall where Husk’s old bar was? That was because of the angels! And it didn’t even match with the hotel at all!”
“And there you go, insulting poor Husker yet again.” Alastor shook his head in disbelief. “He was always by that wall, you know! It was his favorite! Haven’t you made him suffer enough?’
No one was entirely sure if Husk would have agreed with such a statement since he was still very much passed out. And also his body had slumped off the bar counter to lay on the floor.
“This hotel is tearing us apart!” Niffty screeched, laughing maniacally. “Hurry up and shred me to bits! Do it!”
“No one is shredding you, Niffty!” Charlie was wide-eyed and panicking. She again turned to Alastor in supplication. “I am so sorry, I really had no idea how much pressure you three were under. Is there anything I can do to make up for it?”
“Hmm, anything?” Alastor’s antlers grew, curling up into the air in wicked patterns. The filter over his voice brimmed with corruption. “Perhaps a deal can be made…”
Shadows lengthened across the floor. A few sinners started to rush out of the lobby, save for the drunk or perhaps the deeply uncaring. Both Charlie and Vaggi’s hair shifted from the power that radiated from Alastor.
Niffty then appeared from the top of Alastor’s head. Her grinning face was framed within his antlers, curling around her hair like a crown of thorns.
“Give us 5 million roach wings!” She grabbed onto Alastor’s antlers with terrific force.
Charlie paused, then placed her hands together. “Um. I’m sorry, what?”
Alastor, still with his echoing voice, and green threads appearing over his fangs, spoke to Charlie then. “You heard the lady.”
Vaggi went to Charlie’s side, who remained befuddled. “Yeah, we don’t have those. Like, at all?”
Niffty, her hair swirling along with the green wisps of power, pouted. “Boo!! No deal!”
And with that, Alastor’s power was snuffed out. His antlers shrunk and his shadows vanished like they had never existed. The lobby was bright and red once again.
“Well, that settles that then!” He plucked the pouty Niffty from his head to set her back down on the floor. “Another failed negotiation, Princess Morningstar.”
Niffty was already packing her bags, which had suddenly appeared beside her like a ravaging invasion. “That’s it! I’m outta here!”
In fact, there was quite a lot of luggage, with several hotel carts full of them and being pushed by a bunch of excitable shadow minions. Even more suitcases appeared from dark corners, tendrils clutching them before softly laying them on the ground. Niffty would accept each luggage with a loud, “Thank you!” then go around the lobby and pluck a few things like a vase and a guest’s hat to stuff into her suitcase.
“Are you seriously helping her quit?!” Vaggi fumed.
Alastor wagged a finger at her, as if scolding a very angry and murderous child. “Ah ah ah! Remember, you fired Niffty, so I am just helping her pack. Besides, you won’t catch me crossing the picket line!”
“What does that even mean—”
“Unfire her, unfire her!” Charlie hopped up and down like the floor was suddenly made of lava and brimstone. Of course, everyone knew that the lava and brimstone was located within the hotel’s foundation instead.
“No take backsies!” Niffty grabbed a bunch of the hotel keys from the front desk and threw them into a rolling suitcase. They jingled and jangled with loving tones as she carried around her newly acquired belongings.
It didn’t take her long to get all of her luggage in order—filled with all of her own belongings and others! Charlie patted her pants pocket, realizing her wallet was missing.
“I’m ready to go!” Niffty said proudly. A mountain of overstuffed suitcases in multiple hotel carts were behind her, threatening to fall over and bury a few not-so-innocent souls.
The tinny applause from Alastor’s cane echoed within the lobby. “Splendid! Let me get the door for you.”
Vaggi was about to rip her other eye out in frustration. “Of course you start acting like the hotel’s host now.”
Even so, it looked like Alastor was taking back his role as the host with gusto. He waved his mic to guide his giggling shadow puppets to carry ten times their weight of each suitcase. One accidentally dropped theirs, which opened and let free hundreds of roach captives that tried to escape back to the kitchen.
“And don’t forget your hat, my dear!” He snapped his fingers, a familiar looking top hat, with a familiar gold token, plopped right onto Niffty’s head.
“Ooo, so much fur on this! Thank you!" She pulled the hat further down, ripping it slightly. “Now I can be an independent woman!”
Alastor then tapped his cane against the floor, clearing his throat. “As the host, I must ensure you receive a warm farewell! Gather round, everyone!”
It wasn’t like the hotel guests had a choice in the matter. Anyone who happened to be in the vicinity were pushed forward by the darkness that creeped along the walls and the floor. All such extremely lucky sinners were dodging sharp teeth and pointy ends from unnamed creatures from their nightmares that could barely be seen, until they were circling just before the front entrance. The doors then snapped open with a gust of smoggy air.
Vaggi and Charlie also joined in with the crowd, for they also adored Niffty! But the shadows did help with that.
“Ow!” Charlie swatted away a tendril. “Did it just bite me?”
“You always do so much for me, sir!” Niffty clasped her hands together, her eye shining with a dazed, far-off look. There was also the chance she might have been experiencing a bit of psychosis. “I’ll miss everyone! Especially all the stains! And the tall hat man that lives in my room and likes biting my fingers!”
“You have truly been the light of pure entertainment in this run-down establishment.” As Alastor spoke, he plucked up a comatose Husk—who was mysteriously missing his hat—from the floor with a black tendril. Another slithery tendril appeared, lifting up the bartender’s arm to wave to Niffty. Poor Husk always needed help with the most basic of tasks.
“So long, Niffty, my darling girl! I see great things coming your way! Husker thinks so as well!”
Husk then interrupted his own snores with a snort. He opened his eyes with barely a conscious thought. “What’s…huh?”
“Goodbye! I won’t ever forget you!” With the backdrop of Pentagram City behind her, Niffty waved happily. Then she turned away, with all of her luggage full of other people’s valuables.
Alastor snapped his fingers. The hotel doors closed shut with a finality. Suddenly, the atmosphere seemed a little quieter, even a little dimmer. Someone sneezed in the background. A voice asked timidly, “Can we go now?”
Vaggi stomped over to Alastor, so tempted to take out her spear and slice open the demon’s neck. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! I don’t get what stupid game you’re playing but you better bring her back right now!”
“Did you not hear Niffty earlier?” Alastor said in a disappointed tone. “She wanted to quit and be in charge of her own destiny! Once again, you fail to listen to your employees or show any interest in their well-being.”
“Niffty’s what now?” Husk was now fully awake, still clutched within Alastor’s shadows. One tendril continually wrapped around his torso with increasing closeness. “The fuck are these things doing on me?! Alastor!”
“And now poor Husker is upset with the absence of his colleague. Please, leave us to heal from this oh so preventable workplace incident.”
Vaggi was unsure even how to answer. Her time at the Exorcist army never talked about worker’s rights. Everyone just followed orders and did what they were told! Was that not how things were? Oh no, what if Alastor had a point?
Eventually, most of the sinners were able to sneak away (which did not include Husk, who was still very much trapped). Charlie looked at the closed doors with wobbly eyes, then gave a tired sigh. “I guess we’ll just have to find another maid—”
SLAM!
The hotel doors then opened up immediately. Heads turned. Vaggi was about to skewer whoever was also going to ruin her day now before she finally saw. “Niffty?”
“Yep!” said Niffty, hands on her hips. She was still wearing the top hat. “Hi, guys!”
“Welcome back, Niffty!” Alastor greeted the ex-maid with a bow. “I hope you will enjoy your stay here! May I take your hat?”
“I sure will, sir!” She handed over the top hat with flair, curtsying to Alastor delicately.
Husk stopped straining against his tentacle-y binds to glare with suspicion. “Is that my hat?”
“Niffty! Are you–! I mean, you’re back!” In an attempt to process the scene, Charlie reached down to grab Niffty, lifting her up to the sky, checking her against the light of Heaven like one would check for counterfeit bills. “I thought you were leaving! Wait…are you checking in as a guest?”
Niffty nodded—or attempted to. Charlie held up Niffty rather loosely. She didn’t support her back or neck, which was bent at an odd angle. “Yes! I need a vacation! And there’s no better place than here!”
“All done at my suggestion, of course!” Alastor proclaimed, determined to take credit where he could.
“And when I relax, I like to clean!” Niffty wiggled her legs in the air. “This is my cleancation!”
“Also at my suggestion!”
“You just told her to quit!” Vaggi shouted.
Alastor had already stopped listening to her. He twirled his cane, ordering the bouncing shadow puppets to bring back the two tons of suitcases they had just brought outside less than five minutes ago. A few of the puppets struggled, some of them expiring beneath the weight of their baggage, never to be seen again. But shadow minions don’t get overworked, so it was fine!
Niffty slipped out of Charlie’s grip like a limp noodle, landing right on her face before springing back up again. “I really love this hotel! I can’t leave it! Also, I’m kinda homeless now that I was fired.”
Despite desperately wanting to correct Niffty that they did not fire her, Charlie was all too emotional at Niffty’s honesty. “Aw! Do you really mean that?”
“Uh huh! Because out of all of Hell, this hotel is the most disgusting place ever!”
“That’s so swee—” Charlie paused, her mouth open. She was processing again.
“Why is this place disgusting? I’m glad you asked!” No one asked Niffty anything, but that was okay! “It’s so icky and gross! Even with all the new decorations, they can’t cover up the shoddy walls and the stains that are everywhere! The pest problem never, ever goes away! Guests complain about the bedbugs all the time! All of the rats live in the walls and eat the expired food! Also, there’s a weird smell coming from the basement, the elevator is out of order again, and, and—”
Vaggi ran a hand down her face, already feeling exhausted despite it being only ten in the morning.
“Is this place even dirtier than the seedy porn district?” shouted Rooster from the den area. He didn’t even notice the hotel’s roaches that were crawling up his legs.
“Absolutely!” Then, to prove her case, Niffty pointed to a pair of sinners that were having a fight over at Husk’s bar, one smashing a glass bottle and aiming it at their enemy.
Husk rolled his eyes. “Of course. Why not. Whatever.”
But that wasn’t all. Niffty also pointed at a shadowy corner in the lobby, where another pair of sinners decided to make love, not war. This was literal. They were literally fucking, moaning with no care in the world.
“Look at all that blood and jizz! Look at how they all mix together! There’s just already so much to clean!” Niffty grabbed a mop from behind her, its end very suspiciously wet. She blinked away bright tears. “It’s…It’s so beautiful.”
Charlie might have spiritually died at that moment. She had not moved for over three minutes now.
“That’s the spirit, Niffty!” Alastor spoke like he anticipated every little thing that happened today. “Now, let’s get your things in your room. With all your luggage, this might take all day!” He gestured vaguely to Vaggi. “Be a dear and take over my duties. I’ll also need to borrow Husker, so you’ll have to make the drinks as well!”
Vaggi was beginning to wonder if all of this was just some elaborate, stupid prank.
Husk slouched around the tentacles that carried him around. He had long given up trying to escape his fate, resigned to being Alastor’s personal squeeze toy. “If Niff’s not quitting, can I quit instead?”
As an answer, another tendril slithered up his back to rub the top of his head. It was enough to distract the bartender, who found himself purring unwillingly. “God…damn it…Not again…”
“It’s good to be home!” Niffty shouted, prancing along with Alastor back into the depths of the hotel. Behind them, the familiar sound of a chandelier falling could be heard, along with Vaggi’s cursing and Charlie giving a frightened squeak.
“It sure is, my dear!” Alastor replied as screams of pain and fright echoed behind the retreating hotel staff. “It sure is!”