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English
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MCYT Battleship - Team Silence
Stats:
Published:
2026-03-26
Words:
1,078
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
23
Kudos:
26
Bookmarks:
4
Hits:
120

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Summary:

14How about this: we can competently fake a wedding then competently fake a divorce. That work for you, Mapicc?
15fine if the divorce is involved im in
16im not going to say no to twenty million bucks
17i fucking guess
18Great. Now get back to the balance tab, I need to know how much you can invest in a DJ

excerpt from a spreadsheet

Notes:

Tags Hit:

Confessions, Cryptography, Enemies To Lovers, Fakeout Makeout, Genderbending, Getting Together, Spreadsheets, Tax Fraud, Wedding Fraud

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

A B C D E
1 ok fuck this im making a new tab
2 are we seriously doing this??
3 I mean. Just look at the net profit. It’s definitely worth it
4 yeah but like
5 come tf on theres no way anyones going to believe we would get married
6 weve been trying to screw each other over for what
7 several years now?
8 Yes, and now things have changed. If there’s a better opportunity, we take it
9 idk i kinda prefer being your enemy!
10 ????
11 youre one of the less terrible people i hate at least youre competent
12 I’m touched.
13 shut up
14 How about this: we can competently fake a wedding then competently fake a divorce. That work for you, Mapicc?
15 fine if the divorce is involved im in
16 im not going to say no to twenty million bucks
17 i fucking guess
18 Great. Now get back to the balance tab, I need to know how much you can invest in a DJ
19 this is so dumb
20
21 how tf are people believing this lmao
22 We’re just that good at acting. I mean, you were pretty convincing
23 for an emergency fake kiss i feel like we did well yeah
24 somehow more nervewracking than smuggling half a dozen untaxed gems into the country
25 Which you should definitely be confessing to in our false wedding spreadsheet, sure
26 ohhh ooooh yeah im sooo worried about people being able to see this
27 Okay.
28 theyre going to break through our encryption and see alllll our plans oh noooo
29 Well, excuse me for being careful.
30 How is it that you haven’t been arrested yet?
31 when youre as skilled as me its easy
32 I refuse to honour that with agreement.
33 youll come around to it
34
35 We’re on track so far, it seems
36 sick
37
38 yo minute do you want me to get like a really nice dress or just one that best fits the budget
39 How expensive are dresses?
40 yikes. where have you been
41 Go with the more expensive one, we need to be convincing
42 YESSSSSS THANK YOUUUU flowery mermaid dress here i come As long as it’s within budget
43 Okay
44 it will be
45 I believe that
46 i feel like youre lying
47 Really? Why’s that?
48 stfu youre coming with me anyway you need to be happy with it too
49 you can wear a suit too if you want, idk if wearing a dress would feel dysphoric
50 It has so far. I’ll probably go with a suit
51 im going to make you look so snazzy
52 Reassuring, thanks
53
54 tomorrow!
55 Tomorrow
56
57 Do we need to delete this sheet now?
58 i kinda like keeping it
59 for posterity
60 I reiterate: how have you never been arrested?
61 :p stuck with me now asshole
62 Until the divorce
63 sure yea
64
65 We forgot to budget for the divorce
66
67 This is actually pretty convenient for a few upcoming meetings. You don’t mind posing as my wife for that, do you?
68 i thought youd never ask <3
69
70 tables turned. are you good with me doing the same thing
71 You can just text me. But sure
72 ok well you did it first
73 spreadsheet for marriage fraud related issues ok
74 We’re have marital issues now?
75 not what i said
76 but we have to eventually!
77 Because every couple is doomed to, right
78 no bc of the divorce remember
79 Right. Of course.
80
81 You’re sure this sheet is encrypted?
82 yes dude we have like quantum level cryptography
83 That’s surely not right
84 something like that. or close to it? im not the one who set it up but its meant to be impossible
85 why do you ask
86 I wanted to talk to you about something
87 again, you can text
88 or like. talk to me. we half live together now
89 minute? I don’t actually think it’d be beneficial to get divorced. I believe we’ve been working fairly well together, and getting to share problems with you has been useful. On top of that, I think we make good partners, both in our business and in life. If you’d be fine with it, I would like to stay married.
90 you’ve been in that cell for like ten minutes now are you g
91 oh
92 What do you think?
93 Please stop hovering in cell A91.
94 im not hovering im just processing
95 So that’s a no
96 no
97 look if we’re clearing the air
98 yeah ok same. i would like to stay married. but i wouldnt feel right doing that without telling you im kind of like in love with you
99 now youre the one hovering in b97
100 Sorry. I’m not sure how to answer
101 so THATS a no
102 That’s me feeling the same way
103 OH I just didn’t expect it to come up
104 oh my god Yeah
105 oh my god
106 I definitely didn’t expect it to come up here
107 what, in the sheets?
108 Okay.
109 sorry
110 can i drive over? i want to speak to you in person
111 Please do
112 ok
113 see you soon
114
115 Huh. I forgot we had this
116 no fucking way
117 the legendary spreadsheet
118 literally nobody believes me when i tell them this is how you confessed
119 It’s how you confessed first
120 still!
121 dude we were such idiots
122 imagine we divorce now
123 Absolutely not.
124 okayyyyy
125 i cant say i dont enjoy how fast you said that
126 someones got a crush Okay. Are you really making fun of me for
127 We have been married for five years.
128 a crush, im telling you
129 Maybe we should get divorced actually
130 aw :(
131 but seriously can i send this to a friend
132 We confessed to crimes in here you absolutely can not.
133 not even z I see you typing no not even Zam
134 oh come on
135 either way. im goddamn glad we didnt budget for the divorce
136 I am too
137 <3

Notes:

Thank you for reading <3