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One of Ilya’s least favorite things in the world is seeing Shane in a hospital bed. Ilya doesn’t know if this feeling would be better or worse if Shane didn’t so rarely frequent the hospital, but sitting solemnly by his bedside simply waiting for him to wake up reminds him too much of how Shane is so much of Ilya’s own soul, so much so that Ilya thinks he’d die from heartbreak if something took Shane away from him.
Shane has a myriad of injuries this time. A broken wrist, two broken ribs, and a dislocated shoulder. The hit he took was a dirty one, and the other player’s lucky that Ilya had been closer to Shane after it happened, too distracted by his husband’s injury to try and retaliate.
He’s woken up once already, their doctor able to conclude that Shane definitely has a moderate concussion, but with proper rest, he should be fine. All the tension that had been building in Ilya’s body dissipated at that, but he’s still restless, wanting nothing but to see Shane’s eyes open and blink blearily at him already. He’s been sleeping soundly for almost four hours already, Ilya never once leaving his side.
Yuna and David are currently with Anya, sending pictures to the family group chat along with requests for updates on Shane. Ilya replies quickly each time, sending heart emojis alongside his final messages before going back to playing his puzzle block game with music that’s “way too fucking loud” according to Shane. Ilya makes sure his phone is on mute as he plays, although he considers turning the volume up to the highest setting several times just to see if it’d annoy Shane awake.
Finally, finally, after another hour passes and another final round of morphine, with Yuna and David are already back in the room, whispering quietly to Ilya about Shane’s rehabilitation plans, Shane’s pretty dark brown eyes open.
“Shane, sweetheart,” Ilya breathes, standing up to get closer, and he’s able to feel just how relieved his smile is. Shane blinks slowly at him, just like Ilya knew he would, and his chest feels tight with emotion. “You’re okay, моя любовь.”
“‘lya?” Shane mumbles, eyebrows furrowing as he squints at Ilya while Ilya takes his hands in his own. The lights must be too bright.
Ilya turns to Yuna to ask her to turn them off, but she’s already on it, and soon enough, the room is filled only with the natural light streaming in through the window.
Yuna’s also already leaving to go get their doctor, and Ilya’s so grateful she can take care of this right now. All Ilya wants to do is be by—
Shane’s suddenly crying.
Ilya’s stomach drops. “Shane? What’s wrong, are you in pain?”
Shane squeezes Ilya’s hand as he manages to look down at his own stomach, eyes welling up with so many tears Ilya doubts he can even see properly.
“Ilya, I—”
“Shane, your mother is getting the doctor, okay? You don’t need to talk right now if you don’t want to.”
At this, Shane seems to only get more upset. Ilya doesn’t know what the fuck is happening.
“What about…” Shane sniffles, his gaze once again caught on his own stomach. Ilya watches as he pulls his hands from Ilya’s and places it under his blanket, seeming to realize about his broken ribs. Ilya winces, knowing full well what the pain feels like.
“I know it hurts, Shane, it’ll be okay, yes?”
Shane shakes his head, crying even louder now. “N-no, Ilya, what about the baby? What about our baby?”
Ilya stares at him. Ilya watches as Shane slowly starts to move his hand up and down his stomach, as if he’s consoling something. As if there’s a baby inside his stomach instead of his two very broken ribs.
And, really, Ilya tries not to, but when Shane sniffles again, looking up at him with wide, sad puppy dog eyes, the kind that their actual puppy likes to give when Ilya’s done with their nightly walk for the day, he truly can’t help it.
Ilya bursts out laughing.
Shane’s entire demeanor shifts, his body going rigid as he gapes at Ilya, seemingly absolutely aghast at this.
“T-this isn’t funny, how can you… how can you laugh right now…” Shane starts crying even harder now, continuing to rub his babyless stomach.
Ilya throws a helpless glance at David, but David’s turned to face the wall, apparently doing his best not to laugh either by the looks of his shaking shoulders. Ilya frowns at him. What a traitor.
He turns back around, Shane still crying like a wet dog. “Ah, Shane, it’s okay, yes? Our baby is fine. She is healthy.”
As if Ilya pressed some magical button, Shane immediately stops crying, his hands stilling on his stomach. He looks back up at Ilya, eyes bright with wonder.
“Our baby is a girl?”
Ilya decides then and there that he will invent all the technology necessary to help Shane get pregnant. He supposes it’ll cost his fortune and even more, but he can make the connections. He can get to know the right people. He’ll have to sell his cars, and he’ll need to convince Shane on downgrading on their properties, but it’ll be worth it, Shane will realize this, too. Perhaps Ilya can request a grant of some kind. Surely, the government would look into this for them? Shane is practically the nation’s sweetheart with all the advertisements he does. Surely, all Canadian citizens would want to help?
Before Ilya can respond and make this new dream of his known, Yuna returns with their doctor.
“Ah, Mr. Hollander, glad to see you’re awake! You took a pretty nasty hit against the center glass from what I’ve been told.”
Ilya scowls when he remembers, but Shane’s already talking.
“But our baby is okay, right? Ilya just told me… she’s a girl?”
Dr. Memula blinks at them. Yuna’s mouth has dropped open. David’s shoulders begin to shake again.
Ilya sighs.
“Oh, well… Mr. Rozanov didn’t inform me you two had a child together? Was this meant to be a secret?”
Before Shane can burst into tears again, Ilya cuts in.
“Yes! Yes, we have child!” Yuna and the doctor are both looking at him like he’s crazy. Ilya starts laughing again. “And she’s a perfect girl. Probably beautiful, considering our looks. Talented, too.” He laughs again. “But, ah, yes, Shane was worried that he lost the baby… from his fall, you see… you understand, right…?”
Yuna’s mouth shuts, eyes twinkling with mirth. Good. She’s caught on. David is still refusing to face them, forehead pressed entirely against the wall now. Shane doesn’t pay either one of them any mind.
“Oh, I see,” Dr. Memula finally comments. “Yes, Mr. Hollander, your baby is perfectly okay. May I ask you a few questions so I can get a better understanding of your concussion?”
Shane sniffs, but nods, doing his best to stand up straight, as if he’s having to prep himself for an impossibly difficult exam. Ilya’s grinning now, sure his fondness is obvious to anybody with eyes.
Dr. Memula does a quick routine exam, concluding his concussion is on a normal route of progressive healing. She also confirms that Shane is incredibly high off the morphine right now, which is also doing its job to counteract his pain, and that when it wears off, they’ll measure his pain and see where he’s at.
Eventually, it’s just Ilya and Shane again, Yuna and David having left to give them some privacy regarding the wonderful baby news, as Yuna so innocently put it.
Shane, in the meantime, is glowing so much that Ilya wonders if he actually is pregnant.
“What should we name her?”
Ilya pretends to think about it. “Hmm. Perhaps Iliana? After best hockey player in world?”
Shane rolls his eyes, but he bites his lips. Ilya raises an eyebrow. “Oh, you actually like that, hmm?”
“Shut up.”
“Wow, I will tell everyone this. Everyone must know you like me so much you want our daughter to be named after me.”
“I said, shut up. I’m not… she’s so…” Shane blinks rapidly, frowning as he looks back down at his stomach, where he had been rubbing it lovingly. Ilya had joined in just for the bit, making sure to collect and remember every hilarious moment possible from this.
Shane looks back up at him. “Ilya.”
Ilya grins at him. “Yes, Shane?”
“How… how am I pregnant? This is weird, right?”
Ilya shakes his head. “No, it makes sense to me. I have a magical cock. Your body recognizes that. We will have wonderful daughter from it.”
Shane’s frown becomes even more prominent and Ilya resists kissing it. “You’re… you’re fucking with me.”
“I am not. You’ve said my cock is magical before, too. We both know this.”
“Ilya.”
“Yes, Shane?”
“I’m not actually pregnant, am I?”
Ilya smiles softly, reaching out and patting Shane’s stomach lightly. “No, sweetheart, you aren’t. Very sad for us, but unfortunately, it’s biology.”
Shane stares at him, tears forming, and Ilya’s about to comfort him, but Shane huffs, pushing his head against his pillow and looking everywhere else except for Ilya. He still hasn’t removed his hand from his own stomach, but Ilya’s kind enough not to point that out.
“I fucking hate you,” Shane mutters, obviously in love with him. “Why the f—I’m going to sleep.”
Laughing, Ilya stands back up, brushing out Shane’s hair, but Shane lets out a small hmpf and turns his head away, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Yes, rest is good. Doctor’s orders.”
Shane doesn’t reply, already drifting off to sleep. Maybe in his dream, he’ll come up with a way to make himself pregnant.
Ilya wouldn’t put it past him.
One of Ilya’s least favorite things in the world is Shane refusing to talk to him. Especially when Shane looks all beautiful and annoyed in his hospital bed, eyes alert as he begs his parents with his eyes to not mention the whole pregnancy mishap.
David, of course, is the first one to break.
“Well, I, for one, can’t wait to meet your baby girl one day.”
Shane’s entire expression darkens and he lets out a small groan. “Dad. Stop. Please.”
All three of them laugh. Shane looks up at the ceiling as if he’s willing for it to collapse and kill them all.
“I’m removing you all from my emergency contact list. Ilya, I’m divorcing you. Get the papers ready.”
“As long as I get to keep Anya.”
“No.” Shane glares at him. “Fuck you.”
Ilya scoffs, crossing his arms. “She is my dog.”
“I don’t care. You aren’t getting anything. Live on the street for all I care.”
“You think I’d leave you to raise our two girls alone? How sad for them. Forced to eat boring, gross, healthy food for all eternity. I’m sure they’ll run away to find me.”
“My food is good for you and when we do have a kid, I’m not letting you feed them fast food every single day!”
And, really, it isn’t fair to Ilya, getting to be married to someone as beautiful and boring as Shane Hollander. It isn’t right just how lodged into Ilya’s soul Shane is, and Ilya knows—and often cannot even believe—that Ilya is lodged into Shane’s soul as well.
“‘When’ we have a kid?”
Shane freezes, his glare slipping, and Yuna laughs at them both.
“As long as your baby isn’t as stubborn as you two, I think we’ll all be okay.”
Ilya grins. “Impossible. I’m Russian and Shane is routine freak. Our baby will be the strongest, most talented, and stubborn person to exist. We will love them.”
Leaning down, Ilya presses a soft kiss to Shane’s forehead, who huffs softly, but leans into it anyway.
“Yeah, well, I’m not letting you get me pregnant. So, don’t even think about it.”
Ilya hums, pulling back and pretending to contemplate it while holding his chin. “I’m sure we will find a way. We are very good at everything, yes?”
Shane rolls his eyes, but he’s blushing. “As long as they don’t have your ego, I suppose….”
“You love my ego.”
And—
One of Ilya’s absolute favorite things in the world is Shane’s smile—the one reserved just for him, all fond and sweet as if he’ll never get tired of Ilya.
Just like the one he has now.