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Simon
Had someone told me a week ago that I would be snuggling with my number 1 enemy in the world, I would have called them insane. Also I probably should have called the Humdrum my worst enemy, but no. It is Baz. I couldn’t even begin to try to fall asleep. Baz’s arms were around my waist and his head on my chest. It wasn’t that the position was uncomfortable. It was actually cozy. That is beside the point! It is Baz! I am in my own bed with Baz. We are cuddling. With nowhere else to put my hand, I had to put it around him.
What have I done to be forced into this situation?
It began 3 days ago. Baz was hit with a strong love spell. The target of his attraction was me as I was the one to have found him on the ground. It is a very complex spell so I was thinking that the Humdrum may have been involved. I found him out cold, when he didn’t show up to a class. I thought he could have been plotting, Baz never misses classes. I ran over to shake him and when he looked at me, I could have sworn his eyes dilated. He had immediately grabbed me by my shirt and kissed me. I didn’t hesitate to think it must have been a spell.
Penny analyzed the situation and told me more about love spells. It came to both Penny and me as a shock that Agatha actually knew most about them. She said that the world of magic disappoints when the Normals have created such wonderful ideas that were about how they saw magic. One of the exceptions are love spells and potions. We still don’t know which one Baz was hit with. Agatha explained “love spells” aren’t ACTUALLY love spells. Long ago people have created lust spells, obsession spells, protectiveness spells, and so on. Using these spells as a foundation, the “love spells” were created. They were far from perfect. Agatha mentioned some sort of Triangular theory of love. It is a mixture of 3 components: intimacy, a passion, and decision/commitment.
Based on this theory, there are 7 types of love spells. Liking/friendship, infatuated love, empty love, romantic love, companionate love, fatuous love, and consummate love. The first and third rule out. Penny explained that the spell/potion must have been very strong, since he passed out. When driven to an extreme, it is impossible to tell between the 5 remaining types. Agatha says they usually start to wear off after a week or so and then you are able to tell what sort of spell it is. When you know which kind it is, you can reverse it.
People under love spells become very dangerous and irrational. Baz was never safe and his rationality is the only thing that held him together.
The conclusion that was reached was that I should do my best to react positively to Baz’s advances. Penny explains I don’t have to “bend over backwards” (I can’t believe that she actually said that). I just have to not push him away to harshly. Agatha straight up left when Penny started giving suggestions to where I should draw the line. She will be avoiding both of us for her own safety and she seems more than happy to do so.
Back to the present. Baz is asleep in my bed while we are ‘cuddling’. One of the very first tips Penny gave was to keep him out of my bed because it would likely go badly if the love spell is intimacy dominated. Yet I already let him into my bed on the first night. I sigh a little. Tomorrow is bound to be exhausting yet I can’t fall asleep. “Are you alright, love?” I was sure he was asleep. I catch my breath as he calls me ‘love’. “Are you uncomfortable like this?” I’ve never cuddled before. Agatha would lean against me and I’d put my hand around her but that was it. She says I’m too hot (temperature wise) to cuddle with. “No, I’m fine.” I lie. I’m not fine and neither are you. You are going to kill me when you get control of your mind back.
He looks at the clock on the wall that he had cast silent to stop from ticking back in the first year, pausing. “Roll on over on your left side.” He tells me. I do so, this doesn’t count as ‘bending over backwards’. He wraps his arm around me, leaning in. I realized what happened. “Why in the world am I the little spoon?” I demand. This is not about my height complex. “Is this about your height complex?” I turn red. “I don’t have a height complex!” I protest. “Sure, you don’t.” Even when madly and uncontrollably in love with me, he still picks on me a little. “If I matter so much to you, you can be the big spoon.” Shit. How do I say no without openly saying that I actually really like this? I was glad that I didn’t have to. He just adjusts himself in bed and relaxes.
He leans over and kisses my cheek and I jolt a little because I have never been kissed anywhere except my lips. It felt very… odd. I didn’t think too hard about it and just try to relax in bed. I was in the ‘clutches’ of a vampire and I go right to sleep.
Baz had somehow managed to wake up before the alarm and turned it off. He washed up in the bathroom quietly and got dressed. He then leans over me and starts waking me up by kissing my neck, jawline, and cheeks. I thought I was having some very weird and vivid dream before I realized what was happening. “Good morning, love.” I stare at him stupidly and tell myself again to stay calm. “M-morning…” The light was odd this morning in the room. Sunlight was rare but now it filled the entire room. His eyes looked greener than usual. “Do you remember what is today?” I rattled my brain for every little possible thing, drawing up a blank. I gave up and shook my head. “Start of Easter break.”
I jumped off the bed and ran over to the window. He woke up early because of his normal schedule. I didn’t wake up because I feel asleep late. Agatha was gone for the whole break. Penny would be away for half of it. She said she will be back early to observe Baz after the strength of the spell begins to fade. I became very conscious of his eyes on me. It was just the two of us here.
I march of quickly to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower.” I quickly locked the door behind me. Baz literally once unlocked the bathroom door with a spell and let in an angry beavercat. I don’t know why I bother to lock it anymore. I got really nervous. Agatha mentioned how he could have waves in his mood. I have no idea what she means. Could it mean that he could try to take advantage of me? I showered very quickly and walked back out. I was relieved as hell to find the room empty. It gave me a chance to get dressed properly. He was soon back with breakfast.
This may be impossible. There is just 1 ‘but’ and ‘what if’. I could walk out of this with Baz as my friend. He doesn’t really love me but he could at least like me. Maybe just a little. Enough not to hate me. We had breakfast by the window. “I was wondering, why did you just run away that day during the magic career day presentations?” He asked out of nowhere. I felt myself turn a little red. “It was just… too… unreal.” I shrugged. “What do you mean?” I started trying to bite off the little bits of skin on my lips. “I don’t know. The Mage…. He kind of put me on this path that I couldn’t really not accept. He wants me to take over after him. I don’t know if I can. Or should.
Baz
“But what do you want to do?” The question seemed to have confused him. He blinks at me stupidly. “What do you mean?” I rub my forehead. “Snow, that was a pretty straightforward question.” He stuffs his mouth with a scone. “How would you answer that question?” He asks. I pause and sigh. “I’m considering the University of York. Getting a degree in History/Economics. Then study Business for a Master’s degree. Then I am still torn between getting a Ph.D. or starting up a business of my own or take over my father’s company. I don’t plan that much.” Simon stares at me like I’m speaking a foreign language. I mean if I honestly just added: ‘But I am sure I’d be dead before then’, it would be gloomy. I take his hand, rubbing it gently. “Would taking over for the Mage really make you happy?” He keeps looking down, avoiding eye contact. “I mean it is a very important job. I don’t have a plan. The Mage thinks that I will be fine. He was right when he said that I probably won’t be good at anything else.”
My jaw dropped and I got a little carried away with my own strength and literally crush the mug in my hand. It was empty but it sure left an impression. I shake my head. “Sorry, it was an accident and I… No. Fuck it. Simon what kind of shit person says something like that?” He scowls at me. “What is your problem with the Mage? I get that his ideas may contradict what you family has built, but don’t you think that some of what he says is right?” I return the scowl. “Behind absolutely every little thing there is a second meaning. Everything also is suddenly justified when he does it. He smells cynical each time someone from the Older Families gets together, claiming that they are forming an army. He then sends his very subtly named group “The Mage’s Men” to spy, interrogate, and even raid.” I see Simon’s stance weaken a little. “His inability to trust the Old Families is backed up by years of selfish clinging to power which no one wants to give up. It isn’t like all his searchers had been pointless.” Simon and I never spoke about this but this had hung over us every single moment since we met. I just hope he doesn’t realize I am not under a love spell but a hyper honesty spell.
Simon
I could feel the anger in me boil up. Talking about the Mage always leads to this. It isn’t just because it was said by Baz. (Even though it really doesn’t help that it is Baz.) I feel my magic burning up in my throat. It was very bitter, feeling similar to the way you feel when you are about to cry. I didn’t forget about the love spell but I was still shocked when Baz’s expression softened. “Snow.” He touched my hands gently. I could feel myself losing my control of my magic like always when I can’t keep my emotions in check. “Deep breaths now. Let it go. Some of it. Before you start another fire. I know you’re upset, but this won’t help.” I felt very stupid as he talked me down. It never happened before. Something about it made me feel like a child, being calmed down after a tantrum. I calm down as Baz rubbed my hands. The bitterness in my mouth remained. I am not going to cry.
“The biggest reason that I hate the Mage, more than anything, is how he treats you.” I open my mouth to respond but with the bitterness in my throat, my voice would give away that I feel like crying. “Did he really tell you that you won’t be good at anything else?” I breathe through my nose a little faster, nodding. “Yeah, but he’s right. I bet you agree.” I won’t cry. I won’t cry. “I certainly don’t agree. I’ve said quite a lot about you. I never said that you are good for nothing. I don’t believe that about anyone.” For a moment, I just let myself forget about our past and the fact that Baz is under a spell. He kisses my cheek. I catches me so off guard that I feel my eyes fill to the brim with tears. I already lost it all but I am still desperately holding on and not letting myself blink, which would make the tears pour. “It’s okay. You’ve got nothing to fear.”
Every little thing that I didn’t allow myself to feel and every little thing the Mage had done and said that hurt me had built up in my chest. I was hurt. I was really hurt. I usually would push these thoughts deep down. Baz pulled me into a hug the very second that I was about to hug him. It was very tight. One time, Penny hugged me longer than the normal casual hug. A little bit tighter than a normal hug. I found myself not able to let go and just clung to her. This was much worse. I was trembling. My face was in Baz’s shoulder and I was sobbing. Everything I kept deep inside came out in the form of tears. Baz kissed the top of my head and rubs my back slowly. Those soft gentle actions were met with frantically loud sobs. I tried not to be so loud but even my breathing was loud as I was practically gasping for air as if I’ve been under water. I dug my nails into his back but that didn’t stop them from shacking. I was shaking all over and Baz just held onto me tightly.
I feel like an extra special idiot when I’m done. I let go and wipe away my cheeks. I noticed that the corner on his shirt was visibly wet from my crying. He would have killed me for just ruining his shirt. “Feeling better?” He runs his hand through my hair. “I got a headache.” I said lamely. He kisses my forehead which got me to flinch a little again. “I’m sorry.” I said shaking my head. “We can let this drop.” I wanted to wipe my nose with my sleeve but Baz stops me as that is one of his biggest pet peeves, giving me a tissue. “We are not done here. After that, you can’t tell me that these things don’t bother you. Let’s talk about this. Please. It can only make things better.” I shake my head. “I doubt that.”
“We don’t have to, but I want to talk this through.” I shrug my shoulders, giving up. “If you could do absolutely anything in the world, anything, regardless of money or time, what would you do?” I pulled my legs closer to myself and thought about it. “I don’t know exactly but I want to help people. But not to the extent that the Mage wants me to because I don’t think it is safe for anyone to fully depend on me.”
“What sort of things do you find most interesting when studying? What sort of thing makes you want to find out more about?”
“Anatomy.” I said it without thinking really. “Anatomy?”
“Well yeah. The bodies of human beings are so interesting. There is so much about our own bodies that we know nothing about. Countless studies only just have theories about the brain. Our bodies are capable of so much and it all fits in so little space. Our brains are better than any computer. We are constantly changing, replacing old cells. It is just… Why are you laughing?!” Baz was suppressing his laughter but then just openly started to laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m actually really impressed.”
“What? Why?”
“You really shocked me with this one. I think I was less shocked when you fell off the ceiling crashing landing onto me last year.”
“It was an accident.” I insisted.
“It would have been very weird if it wasn’t.”
“I can’t do anything with it. I can’t study things like medicine. There is so much to memorize and learn.”
“Don’t give up on your interest though. You never know when it can come in handy. So do you want to get out of here? To town. There’s nothing to do here. Go wash your face and put on literally anything that isn’t uniform.” He went to the bathroom and I changed again into something that I usually wear when I’m away from school. As I listen to Baz in the bathroom, a horrible thought dawned on me. I don’t know how but this spell must be very special. It took me a moment but I realized that this was not the simple blind wild love spell he is under. It must be a new type created by the Humdrum or something like that. He wasn’t blindly muffled by obsession, that lasted only a few hours. If this was real… If Baz really did love me (which I know that he doesn’t) … this is what it would be like to be dating him. I always assumed he would be a shitty boyfriend to some poor girl but now I realize that she would be lucky as hell. He was always careful of those who he decided to keep close to himself. He is treating me like how he would actually treat a lover. He’s still kind of a jerk, bossy, arrogant but he is good to the person that he swears his love to. I feel really ashamed. I selfishly let myself take advantage of the situation and enjoyed his company. There is another feeling inside of me. Jealousy. Jealousy of whoever this girl will turn out to be, his future girlfriend. I am first hand experiencing what it would be like to actually be Baz’s boyfriend.
Merlin, I’m living a charming life.
Baz
“No. Just no. Take it off.” Simon put on the ratty shirt he wore when he arrived. He had it for 3 years. He finally grew into it but it still looks horrible on him. Khaki is not his color and vertical lines are not for anyone. “Come on, who cares?”
“I do.” I open my own closet. I have never really been ‘in the closet’ but I know it like the back of my hand. I dig through the back, and by dig I mean neatly move the piles around. I finally find it. I call it the sweater of shame. My shame. It was an impulsive buy, I only bought it because I was sure it would look amazing on Simon. It was a moment of savage of love sickness. I seriously just bought a skin tight sweater thinking how hot it would look on Simon. It is a blue and gray slim sweater. I throw it to him casually. “Put this on. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” I walk down stairs right away. I do not have the strength to look, even though I know he changes in the bathroom when I am around.
This truth spell is very tricky business. I cannot bring it up unless literally asked if I am under a truth spell. I cannot get rid of it by myself. At least I can hold back on answering somethings. The unexpected part was that I was unable hold back the deeper truths. When Simon woke me up, I was so weak to hold myself back and just kissed him. Then I heard him discuss with his women that I am under a love spell. I just went with it. I wouldn’t be physically to say that I am not under a love spell if he had asked me directly, but Simon didn’t. I don’t really need to mention that I am not under a truth spell and that the truth of the matter is that I just really love him.
Simon
The next few hours of my day were the best I’ve had in a while. Sure I have fun with my friends but this was something else. We went everywhere. We ate the best ice cream. Played a bit of one on one football in the park. Went to a book shop, got some books and made out in the back of the store. I felt invincible and like a traitor. I was getting a little too much fun with Baz. I am still Agatha’s boyfriend even though we are having another rough patch.
I was liking Baz a little too much. It is like I am setting myself up for failure for when he returns to normal. It is hard to explain but he kind of balances me out. When we are on the same side, it is like nothing is left out and together we can do absolutely anything. What we choose to do is spend more time with each other. Baz has a romantic side and I keep getting drawn to it with my impulsive side. I’ve found myself being the one to lean in to kiss him.
The whole week had turned into nothing but that. Kisses, cuddling, talking, messing around. He has a foul mouth, he’s harsh, sometimes cruel. But I like all of it. Penny wasn’t able to have made it to school and I just got more time with Baz. On the second week, I’ve had finally landed in trouble. It hung over me but I pushed it away. Agatha showed up to deliver a few decorative bits to her room. She keeps getting things like potted plants and throw pillows. She already has many and kills every plant she gets.
She caught me kissing Baz. She was already expecting to see Baz kissing me and all but this was different. I was kissing him. I couldn’t deny it properly. It was my fault. I was the unfaithful one. When she started screaming at me, I felt regret and remorse it lead to something that I haven’t expected. I wasn’t that upset about this. I was just hoping that Baz didn’t see how she broke up with me. I felt a little down but also much better. When she started going into everything that was wrong, I felt like she was right. In every way. Everything was wrong. She left and our last words before she left were not so horrible. They were difficult but came with some sort of relief.
I headed back to my room, my head was hurting. I just wanted to find Baz and just talk to him. It was steadily increasingly impossible to believe that Baz was under a spell because it was just so perfect. I didn’t even really think that I was gay but I do know for sure, he is extremely attractive. But I’ve been selfish. Baz will hate me after this is all over. He will. I am selfishly taking advantage of him. I need to find away to make things right. Maybe. Just maybe something good could actually happen even though I probably don’t deserve it.
I opened the door and found it empty on my bed lay a letter. I was in an envelop and sealed. Such drama can only be expected from Baz. As I reached for it, my whole body felt dread, as if I already knew what it said.
Simon.
I have not been completely honest with you. I have selfishly taken advantage of you. One week ago, someone wanted to interrogate me. I had gotten away but did not manage to avoid a very powerful truth spell. I took advantage of your kindness and gentle heart. You believed that I was under a love spell and I let you believe it. I used your fear of seeing me turn violent and got what I wanted from you. I wanted you. All of you. I have been in love with you since our 5th year and it hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I planned to continue this for a while then show up as if cured of the love spell by the end of the break. Now I know that I cannot. I love you, Simon. I saw you fighting with Wellbelove. Go apologize. I have done you wrong but I promise you that you no longer need to bother with me anymore.
My heart was racing, could hear my blood pulsing in my ears. I do not like the word “anymore” one bit. I started running. I didn’t know where at first but when my legs carried me to the Catacombs, I felt like I was on the right trail. I needed to talk him. A very small part of me was happy. He loved me. It was no all magic induced infatuation. Yet the rest of me was shrill with panic. I ran and ran until I found myself silently walking up to Le Tombeau des Enfants.
I didn’t know why I tried to be quiet. Baz usually hears me. I was confused to why he didn’t if he was here but I realized why when I found him. I was right all along. I wanted the lips that I’ve kissed stretched against sharp fangs, which were sunken inside of a rat’s gut. Why did I remain so calm? So unafraid?
Even like this, he looked like himself. Like the person I’ve grown to love.
“Baz, why did you run away?” He had already frozen when he saw me coming. He threw the rat aside.
“Do you seriously need to ask me that? Simon, I’ve been lying to you. How are you not trying to kill me?!”
“Because I’m not mad at you.”
“Why did I fall in love with an idiot?” He rubs his head, his arms were shaking.
“I’m not mad because I also was kind of taking advantage of you. I started enjoying myself around you a little too much. I wanted to kiss you and I don’t really want to fix anything with Agatha. Not anymore. But I need to fix things with you.”
It was the first time ever that I caught him at a loss of words. I didn’t have anything that I wanted to add. He is horrible. I am horrible. Yet we are good together. I walk over and kiss him as I had already quite a few times.
This was my favorite kiss.