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The dance practice room is a dimly lit room at night. There’s a switch to turn off the large overhead lights, and Seungmin uses it religiously when they’re not all there. Seungmin lost track of time a long time ago, but Changbin is sitting off to the side of the room. Changbin is Seungmin’s own personal alarm clock.
Whenever Chan decides Seungmin has been in there long enough, he’ll text Changbin and tell him that it’s time for the three of them to make their way home. You know, it’s hard to struggle.
It’s hard to struggle and be difficult at expressing your feelings. It’s hard to know that there’s a problem, and not understand how you’re supposed to tell the people you love that you’re hurt. The reason why they have this system with Changbin keeping an eye on him, is because he’s so accustomed to Seungmin and his emotions.
Well, all of them are. It’s just that Changbin happens to be the best at it. “Seungmin-ah.” There it is. Seungmin turns his head to look at the older, and in return, Changbin gives him a smile that could rival hell in how warm it is. There is nothing better in life Changbin waves his phone in the air. “It’s time to go, okay? Let’s go.”
Changbin is gentle with Seungmin. He’s gentle with all of them, but he has a way to be gentle when it truly matters. “I bet your limbs are all sore.” Changbin pokes at the muscle on Seungmin’s bicep.
“If it is, are you going to kiss it and make it feel all better?” Seungmin teases Changbin back in return. That phrase was something Changbin had said to Hyunjin back when they were still trainees, and Seungmin loves to see the look on Changbin’s face every time he says it.
Changbin is quick to open the practice room door and guide Seungmin out of it, closing it carefully behind them. “Would you like it if I kissed it better?” Their footsteps echoed in the hallway now that there was no one around. Seungmin had to guess it was around midnight, and most of the idols anyway weren’t allowed by their own members to come to the company so late.
A lot of the trainees put their foot down to prevent fellow trainees from overworking themselves and getting hurt. It reminded Seungmin a lot like the relationship he and Changbin had when it came to practicing after usual hours. “Maybe I would.” Seungmin shoots back.
Changbin pinches Seungmin’s waist as the two of them head down the stairs. “I knew it.”
Seungmin rolls his eyes in annoyance, but you couldn’t hide the fond look on his face every time he glanced in Changbin’s direction. Their fans loved to say Seungmin ragebaited Changbin, and maybe he did. But even if Seungmin did, Changbin always responded to it.
To them, there was nothing better than the relationship they had with each other. “You can’t fool me, Seungmin-ah. I know all of your secrets, and you aren’t very slick.”
Slick was an interesting word. It reminded Seungmin of the Seungbin omegaverse fanfiction Hyunjin made him read once. He made Changbin read it too, and when the two of them looked at each other again, it was kind of difficult to not burst out laughing.
“Why is that where your mind goes instantly?” Changbin asks out loud, like it hadn’t been where his mind went too.
Seungmin shrugs. “Can we talk about how that was where your mind went too instantly as well?” Changbin shut up after that question. Not soon after, they made it to the lobby where Chan had been waiting for them.
Chan looks tired under the fluorescent lights, and it makes Seungmin feel bad for his Hyung having to wait as long as he did for them. “Are you okay?”
Of course, Chan could only nod. “I’m fine, Seungmin-ah.” And he even makes sure to pat Seungmin on the head. Seungmin is not a real dog! Whatever. He rolls his eyes but Chan looks so fond of him, that Seungmin can’t bring himself to say anything to his Hyung.
They’re quiet on the walk back to the dorms, and they split off when they reach the door to Chan and Jeongin’s. “I’ll see you later, Chan Hyung.” Changbin smiles, and Seungmin tells him goodnight.
It’s when they’re at Hyunjin and Changbin’s door that Changbin pauses and turns around to look at Seungmin. “Do you want to spend the night here?”
How is Seungmin ever supposed to say no to that? He loves Changbin, he loves Hyunjin, and Felix hasn’t even been in their dorm in like three days. He’s doing Felix and Jisung things with Jisung. Don’t ask, Seungmin doesn’t question him anymore.
So, Seungmin shrugs. “Yeah. I would really like that, Hyung.” Seungmin would really like that. It’s nice to not spend another night alone. Hyunjin is nowhere to be found when Changbin unlocks the door and pushes it open, but it is late. There’s two bottles of apple juice on the table, and a container of brownies that look like they came from Felix. Honestly, they probably did come from Felix.
A lot of things in the Hyunibini dorm come from Felix. And Minho. More things come from the two of them than Hyunjin and Changbin themselves. It’s cute. Kind of. Seungmin thinks it is.
“It’s a bit of a mess.” Changbin excuses the juice and cookies on the table, like Seungmin isn’t the type of person to chug an entire galloon of juice if he was left alone with it for long enough. “I’m going to assume we had a cookie delivery. I’m gonna go see what Hyunjin is doing, and you’re welcome to do whatever it is a puppy desires.”
It’s hard for Seungmin to not roll his eyes at that remark, but Changbin walks down the hallway to Hyunjin’s room to check on him. Seungmin grabs one of the apple juice bottles and a cup out of the cabinet. Seungmin has always been more of an apple fan over an orange fan, and he needs sugar in his system before he passes out.
As he’s filling the cup, Changbin comes back from checking on Hyunjin. “He’s sleeping. Out cold at his desk with his sketchbook open and a pen in his hand.”
“Did you put him in bed and cover him up? You know how whiny he gets when he’s in pain.” Both of them know Seungmin isn’t really trying to be mean about Hyunjin and his dramatics. It’s care disguised as a joke. Changbin only nods.
Somewhere between that and when Seungmin went to take a sip of his juice, Changbin put a sweater over his shoulders. It was warm, soft but a little prickly at the edges of the sleeves from where it had probably been pushed up several times in it’s life time. It smelt like home.
To be fair, anything that smelt like his members smelt like home, but most importantly, it smelt like Changbin. Seungmin’s not actually a dog, but if he was, he could see himself smelling the sweater and trying to become one with it.
Maybe there’s a reason why their fans say Seungmin is a puppy other than just the way he looks if he wants to smell the sweaters of his friends. “I did put him in bed so he wouldn’t have a sore neck. You can’t dance when your body is stiff.”
Seungmin puts the glass down and turns around with a smile on his face. “I’m happy that the universe put you into my life.” It’s sappy, and Seungmin would rather be found dead than ever saying this to one of them on camera, but they’re not on camera and it’s the middle of the night.
He’s not wrong, either. He is happy that the universe put Changbin in his life. “You flatter me too much, Seungmin-ah. I’m really not as great as you think I am.”
“You’re greater.” Seungmin replies, because Changbin is the greatness that Seungmin has looked for his entire life. Changbin means everything that he will never be able to put into words, and so much more. “You don’t even realize how great you are.”
You make me not want to die. All of you do, but especially you. With you, I will always have someone who notices things about me that I wouldn’t even notice about myself. In another world, I would ask you if we would always be together, but in this world, there is no room for me if it isn’t with you.
We will be together for as long as the world allows us, and for that I hope that it will be forever. “You’re too good for this world.” Changbin shakes his head. Changbin takes a step back, almost like he’s going to turn around and go to his room for the night, but first, he looks at Seungmin intently.
Seungmin has a feeling he knows the question before Changbin even asks it. “Do you want to sleep with me, or on the couch?”
Seungmin doesn’t answer. He just walks down the hallway and past Changbin into his room. Changbin rolls his eyes, grabs the glass of juice that Seungmin forgot about, and follows after him.
Seungmin had meant it when he said Changbin was greater than he even knew. There’s a lot of words Seungmin would like to say when it comes to Changbin, but he bites his tongue in order to not scare Changbin away. They take their relationship through little pieces at a time.
The next time they decide it’s time to sit down and talk about things, maybe Seungmin will bring up how much he loves the way that Changbin laughs. How Changbin always has a small grin on his face when they’re coming home from a late night practice session.
It might be a little obsessive to admit Seungmin would like to put Changbin in a box with styrofoam and keep everything that could ever possibly hurt him far away from him, but Seungmin would admit to Changbin that he just wants to take his pain away.
“Goodnight, Changbin Hyung.” Seungmin looks up at one of the many Polaroids in Changbin’s wall. The one he’s looking at is one of him and Changbin when they were younger. Seungmin hopes Changbin never decides that it’s time to get rid of the Polaroids.
The photo is pretty on Changbin’s wall. It’s as pretty as the love in Changbin’s voice when he tells Seungmin goodnight back.