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Illuga could not stop thinking about Lohen. 

To an ignorant outsider, this notion would sound rather sweet. Of course someone who had just met their soulmate would be elated over the meeting and think nonstop about them. But Illuga was not thinking about Lohen in a romanticized sense. Sure, he had to admit that the knight was fairly good-looking, and the fact that he clearly had good battle prowess was a plus in his book, but his admiration of the other stopped there. 

My soulmate is crazy. Sadomasochistic, even. 

It was these two facts that Illuga was struggling to grapple with now. 

Getting used to the idea of him being real is easy enough. But him liking our shared pain? Using our link the way he does? I don’t understand what he finds so fun in all of that. Illuga tossed and turned in his bed, but his eyes continued to refuse to stay shut, and the scar on his neck continued to itch with phantom pain. I thought I would be able to get all of my questions answered after meeting you, but instead I have gained a million more…

But unlike back then, Illuga now had the means to hunt down and retrieve the answers to all his questions. So after spending an entire week being haunted by the ghost of his soulmate touching the scar on his neck, Illuga took a detour on his way to Cliffwatch Camp to visit Favonius Keep.

To his surprise, Lohen wasn’t there. In fact, according to the knights that were in the camp, Lohen rarely, if ever, came back to base. 

“He was last here a week ago,” a blonde knight—Ekbert, if Illuga’s memory was correct—said. “Got treatment for some injuries, did a night watch under the Grand Master’s orders, then vanished.”

Treatment for some injuries…

Illuga felt his cheek and neck tingle. He scratched his scar to will the itch away. 

“Is he normally like that?”

Ekbert laughed. “He wouldn’t be Vice Captain Lohen if he wasn’t! We've got plenty of quirky knights in our ranks, but he’s a whole other story. We’re all used to it though.”

Vice captain..? So he’s a ranked officer. 

“Do you know where he went?”

“Uh, fighting monsters somewhere? Maybe?” Ekbert scratched his head. “I mean, he sometimes leaves notes for the Grand Master saying he’s leaving, but he never really says where he’s going.”

A vice captain who goes off on his own without telling his superiors where he’s headed?! Illuga could feel a phantom headache forming in his temples. Stay calm…it’s not like you haven’t done the same with pops…but still!

“Anyways, Captain Lohen is a good guy. Sure, he’s as frigid as an icy wind with us, but he’s very strong and capable. I’m sure he’s fine. He’ll be back once he runs out of supplies.”

Well, he’s at least bodily fine. The only pain I’ve felt today is some bumps on my elbows and shins. But the idea of Lohen fighting abyssal abominations alone in the wilderness did not sit well with Illuga’s nerves. If he ends up near the cliff with nobody around to help…

“Thank you for the information.” Illuga bowed his head slightly. “If he does come back to camp, please don’t tell him that I came looking for him.”

“Oh, uh, sure!” Ekbert beamed. “Take care, Mr. Lightkeeper. You and your brethren are always welcome here.”

“Thank you, you’re very kind.”

The cool night air tickled Illuga’s nose as he left the camp. He inhaled deeply once he was far enough away for the laughter of the knights to have faded into a distant memory. 

I shouldn’t pry this much. His fingers grazed the surface of his cheek. But I want to know more about you, try to understand you. I want to know why you are my soulmate. 

Out of habit, he reached into his coat and pinched the underside of his arm. After a few minutes, he received a sharp sting on the opposite side. 

“Ow.”

As squad leader of the Lightkeepers’ investigation team, Illuga was plenty experienced in gathering intelligence. So even though his subsequent visits to Favonius Keep were equally as fruitless as his first when it came to meeting with Lohen, he was quite prosperous in gathering stories about the man. The knights gladly recalled how Lohen once convinced his troops to perform a high-risk, full-frontal ambush on an abyssal encampment and succeeded; how he had single-handedly wiped out an entire fleet of ruin graders to give much-needed cover to his squadron’s marksman; how there was a time he hunted down and rounded up a group of trouble-making treasure hoarders and, against his superiors’ advisement, hung them upside down by their toes until they coughed up the intel he wanted; and how he infamously knowingly consumed an experimental toxin for the sake of “building tolerance” and, despite causing a huge panic, turned out to be completely fine. Gradually, Illuga was able to combine these stories with his recollections of his previous pain spots and his first impressions of the man to lay down a formal foundational understanding of his character.

It’s official: even his fellow knights think he’s crazy.

But as for the type of crazy Lohen was, well, that was shaping up to be a rather complicated subject. 

Well, he’s battle-hungry for sure. But also…a fairly skilled fighter and tactician? Unprecedentedly charismatic through battle prowess? Actually well-respected amongst his peers despite his eccentricities? Illuga frowned. I feel there is a specific term that describes that conflicting mix, but what is it again…

“Young master.”

Sweet-talking warrior? Improvisational strategist in the making? No, neither of those properly convey the paradox. What was that phrase Jahoda used to say again..?

“Young master Illuga.”

“Ah, I got it.” Illuga gently slammed his fist against his palm. “Chaos lord.”

Silence. Illuga blinked once, twice.

“Oh.” Illuga winced. “Sorry, Mr. Flins.”

“It’s quite alright.” The elder Ratnik’s eyes were flickering with a hint of amusement. 

“I completely spaced out. What were we talking about again?”

“Nothing important, I assure you.” Flins waved his hand. “I’d dare say it pales in significance to the wandering thoughts that seem to be plaguing your mind at present.”

Illuga looked up at the other. Golden eyes stared back at him, accompanied by an all-too familiar polite smile. 

That’s Mr. Flins for you. He’s shrouded in nothing but mystery, yet has a penchant for diffusing the mist around your own. 

Illuga let out a long sigh. 

“I met my soulmate.”

Flins seemed to freeze for a split moment. 

“A most momentous occasion,” he finally said. “I trust the young master is excited about this milestone?”

“I guess I normally would be, but he’s, uh…” Illuga’s eyebrows furrowed. “He’s not at all what I thought he’d be like.”

“How so?”

“Well, he seems to like the pain I send him. He even tries to reciprocate in kind. Compared it to a game.”

Flins was silent for a moment once more. 

“How unconventional,” he finally said. “But not unfathomable.”

“I couldn’t have said it better, Mr. Flins. He went as far as to cut himself to match the scar on my neck during our first meeting. Called it payback.” Illuga unconsciously accepted and downed the cup of water Flins handed to him. “I don’t understand his motivations one bit, nevertheless why the world thinks that we’re a perfect match for each other.” Illuga set his empty cup down and stared at the table. “Mr. Flins?”

“Yes?”

“Would you rather your soulmate be nothing like what you imagined them to be, or everything you hoped they could be?”

Flins stared down at him, unblinking. 

“Young master, have you ever considered that a soulmate is meant to fill in the gaps in your soul that you yourself cannot see?”

“Gaps in my…soul? Is it really possible for a soul to have missing parts..?”

“Have you not heard this tale from the old man?” Flins hummed at Illuga’s blank expression. “There is an old story that claims humans were originally ferocious two-headed creatures with four arms and four legs. To curb their power, the gods ripped apart both their bodies and minds. And thus, the poor creatures were doomed to a lifetime of searching for their other half, guided only by the painful cries and aches of the missing pieces of their souls embedded in the other.” Flins chuckled into his fist at Illuga’s bewildered look. “Charming story, yes? It is little more than an old folk tale, of course. But the philosophy behind it is still shared today: soulmates come in equal but opposite pairs, drawn to one another by the mutual pain of separation, like the poles of a magnet gravitating towards their counterparts.”

“Equal but opposite…” Illuga frowned. “But even that comes with its own risks. People are not magnets, after all. It doesn’t matter if they are the same or opposites—sometimes, they will violently repel one another.”

“Of course—human emotions cannot be fully equated to such rigid things, after all.” Flins poured more water into Illuga’s cup. “But a soulmate relationship is still meant to be complementary; balanced with a unified purpose. I imagine it to be like the sides of a coin.” Flins nudged the cup forward. “You may not always be able to see the other side, never mind comprehend it, but you will always know that it is there. And that is perfectly alright. Not all mysteries are meant to be solved in a single instant, after all.”

…I see.

Illuga stared up at the elder Ratnik. 

“Do you have a soulmate, Mr. Flins?”

To his surprise, Flins let out a somber chuckle. “I’m afraid I have never received a sign from the universe to indicate that I have a fated pair. But if I did, I would think them to be an unfortunate soul indeed. After all, the way I perceive pain is…unorthodox, to say the least.”

“You don’t enjoy it, do you?”

Flins shook his head. “Far from that, young master.”

Illuga reached for the cup of water. He stared down at his reflection for a moment.

“Then you are one bit more sane than my soulmate, I suppose.”

Days passed with Illuga silently keeping tabs on his soulmate to the best of his ability. He would pass by Favonius Keep whenever he could pick up a patrol that allowed him to do so. He would skim mail from Ratniki outposts for any reports about a solo knight eradicating the hunt. He would listen for any rumors in town about any abnormal ice-related phenomenon in the wild. He would make note of any new major stings and aches in his limbs.

He knew he shouldn’t worry so much, especially since he had seen Lohen’s battle prowess in person and knew well enough that he could handle himself. 

Still, he remained concerned about Lohen’s safety.

Perhaps it was the years of doubt and regret taking over. Or the burden of the pain he had borne during that time. Or the itch in his brain reminding him that his destined other half was somewhere out there, suffering alone. No matter which path his excuses took, they led to the same result: concern. Concern about the future, about himself, about his fated other half…the list went on and on. 

It’s always been a terrible habit of mine, Illuga admitted to himself one night at Cliffwatch Camp whilst filing through a stack of reports, subconsciously looking for any breadth or hair of Lohen. First with the old man’s subordinates, then my squadmates, then with Mr. Flins… He rested his chin against his palm. Guess it’s only natural that my soulmate would be next. 

Soulmate. 

Soulmate. 

What a heavy word indeed. 

You are nothing like what I expected you to be. Illuga absentmindedly flipped through his papers. Rash, impulsive, battle-hungry…this is the kind of person the world thinks is my second half? The one who is best-suited to help shoulder my burdens? The most compatible partner I can find in this world? The only one who can fill in the gaps in my soul? A knight from the land of freedom?

If he thought hard about it, they were so opposite to one another that perhaps there was merit to the pairing. Illuga had spent his entire life watching the Abyss encroach on his homeland, devouring all that stood in its path. He himself had taken up the mantle of fending off the darkness with what meager light he and his lantern could provide. If anything, he had shackled himself to his home: to his duty, to his ultimate desire.

Lohen, however, was a member of the Favonius expeditionary force—a detachment that, as he understood it, set off from their homeland and journeyed across Teyvat so they could continue to defend its borders. They moved like leaves in the breeze, reaching far and wide, ushering in the winds of change with a wave of their hands, then vanishing just as quickly as they had arrived—unbound, unfettered, and free.

That’s right. He’s part of an expedition. 

Illuga unconsciously set down his papers. 

He’s going to leave. 

He felt his mouth growing dry.

One day he’ll be gone, just like pops’s predecessor, Captain Olsson, the banquet hall workers…

The papers in his hand fell in a heap around him. Illuga slumped in his chair, hands pressed against his head as he fought to control his breathing.

I’m sorry, Lohen. I bet you don’t want a soulmate like me. 

A soft, bitter laugh left his mouth. 

Someone rigid, stubborn, and defensive…yeah. You were probably hoping for someone more fun than that, right? Someone who doesn’t worry about your every cut and bruise, someone who actually finds your pain-matching games funny…someone who is a little more like you. Not someone who fights only because he has to, who doesn’t want to cause you any more pain than he needs to, who values order and peace more than anything else…

Without thinking, Illuga reached into his coat and pinched the flesh of his arm. 

Sharing our burdens…that is what our shared pain is meant to symbolize. He sucked in a deep breath. At least, that’s what everyone keeps saying, so I have no choice but to believe it’s true…

He flinched when he felt a familiar throb of pain in his opposite arm. 

Lohen.

“Can you feel it too?” Illuga murmured, fingers running across the shared ache. “My doubts and worries?”

He winced as the spot flared once more with pain. 

If you can, it doesn’t seem like you like them much. Illuga let out a huff. Yeah, I wouldn’t like my concerns and burdens very much either. 

His arm still throbbed with pain. Illuga’s eyebrows furrowed together. 

Is he still pinching me back?

His answer came in the form of a searing flash of pain down the entire length of his arm. 

Ow! Illuga hissed. What are you doing?!

But just as quickly as the burn had started, it faded away, replaced once more by a dull throb. 

You… Illuga gently touched the skin of his arm, wincing when it protested with a sharp sting. I didn’t even hurt you that bad. What was that in retaliation for..?

He sat there for a long moment, waiting to see if Lohen would respond. But all he felt was the gradually fading ache.

“You’re trying to say something, aren’t you?” Illuga murmured, finger now tracing the outline of the area that had burned minutes ago. “If only the world didn’t force us to be violent with one another to get our messages across…”

But you’re right. This is no time to feel sorry for myself. Illuga lifted his head. I’ve survived far worse than this. He gazed out upon the abyss-infested mountains in the distance. I’m going to get through this too. 

Favonius Keep was rather lively tonight. The knights were all gathered around the campfire, raising their mugs and singing to one another, as if they were partying in the Flagship.

Or in their tavern back home, Illuga mused.

A quick scan of the faces in the crowd told Illuga that he would not be meeting with Lohen tonight either. There was, however, a very familiar figure standing in the distance, away from the cheers of the knights, gazing up at the moon.

“Good evening, Mr. Varka.”

Varka’s head whipped around in an instant. His shoulders relaxed when he saw Illuga.

“Hey there,” he greeted, lips quickly curling upward to disguise the startled look that had flashed through his eyes. “Didn’t know you’d be stopping by the camp tonight! What can the knights do for the Ratniki this fine evening?”

“Delivery.” Illuga reached into his coat and pulled out a letter. “This is from pops.”

“Oh, got it.” Varka accepted the envelope for a nod. “Thanks, Illuga. Hope you didn’t have to take too much of a detour for this."

“It’s fine, you’re on the way back from one of our outposts.”

“Still, thanks for making the trip anyways.” Varka tucked the envelope in his coat. “Got time for a drink before you head back?”

“I’ll have to pass.” Illuga shook his head. “Though it seems quite lively here.”

“Well, indulging ourselves with a little fun is just another way for us to combat homesickness and keep morale up,” Varka agreed with a laugh. 

Illuga glanced over at the knights singing several meters away. “Do you not plan to join them?”

Varka shook his head. “I’m on sober duty tonight. It’s a rule we have here: need at least one responsible person to look out for everyone, especially when we’re in unfamiliar territory.”

“Ah, very wise.”

“Hopefully we can nip this Wild Hunt nastiness in the bud sometime soon.” Varka tilted his head, flashing Illuga a crooked smile. “Hey, maybe we can have a joint celebration with you Lightkeepers after everything settles down. Flins told me the Ratniki hold banquets after big victories. I think it would be interesting to see how you all celebrate.”

Banquets…

Illuga felt his fingers curl into fists as he thought about vanishing smiles, quiet halls, and broken porcelain. 

“That would be interesting. Hopefully that celebration will come someday soon,” he finally said.

Blue eyes stared down at him for a good long moment.

“You just missed him.”

Illuga blinked. “What?”

“Lohen.” Varka nodded towards the trees dotting the distant horizon. “He was here this morning. Did some weapon maintenance, grabbed some rations, then disappeared into the wild once more.”

“Oh.” Illuga swallowed. “Wait…” How do you know that..? Did one of the knights I spoke to tell you? Or did Mr. Flins..?

“A while back, he came here for treatment on a self-inflicted injury, and shortly after, I heard you were going around camp asking about him.” Varka huffed. “It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”

“Oh…”

I should have known.

“You know, I wouldn’t be too worried about him, if I were you. He’s…” Varka’s face scrunched up. “Well, he’s certainly a handful. And I never know what’s going on in that head of his. But he’s a good guy. You can trust him to take good care of things.”

Illuga frowned. “I was under the impression that he frequently goes rogue and does things his own way.”

“Oh, he does! I’m not going to deny that.” Varka let out a hoot of a laugh. “I don’t envy what he must put you through one bit.” His laughter softened into a sigh. “But truth be told, I had always hoped that his soulmate would be someone who could finally ground him a bit. So I’m relieved it’s you.”

Illuga pursed his lips. “Do you really think I suit someone like him? We are…very different.”

“Well, wouldn’t it be pretty boring if you were the same person?” Varka laughed. “Besides, soulmates are meant to, you know.” He brought his hands together, lacing his fingers between one another. “Mesh together and fill in each other's gaps. The same philosophy as a good battle strategy: making sure all your bases are covered and adding support to the weaknesses in your plan.” He paused. “Well, with a healthy dose of winging it along the way.”

For a second, Illuga swore he could feel the scar on his neck tingle. 

Fill in each other’s gaps…

“Though in this case, I think Lohen’s the one who’s in desperate need of some gap filling. It’s great that he wants to get stronger and take on new challenges, but what he really needs is a tether to keep him from going off the deep end. Something that he can always fall back on when things don’t go well—a reminder that he’ll never be alone.”

Never be alone?

“Is that really a good thing if being alone is what he seems to want to be? I mean, he keeps going off on his own…”

“Well, that’s the funny thing about fate, isn’t it?” Varka’s smile now was different from the ones he had previously made—gentle, paternal, even, similar to how Nikita’s had been all those years ago as he explained what a soulmate was. “There’s lots of things we may want to be, want to see, want to accomplish, but whether that’s the path that our lives will actually take, nevertheless whether it’s the one that we feel we should take…that’s the part where it’ll get you. Just take a look at the Anemo Archon: he’s the god of freedom, able to fly to whatever distant shore the wind will take him, but even he occasionally returns to a home filled with people he loves.” Varka reached out and patted Illuga’s shoulder. “So just…trust in your instincts, listen to your gut, and I’m sure everything will turn out alright.” He paused. “Ah, but if that rascal really does end up being more than you can handle though, don’t hesitate to let me know. I’ll make sure he gets a good wake up call.”

“I appreciate it, Mr. Varka.” Illuga gazed down at his arm. “I will keep that in mind.”

As Illuga left the camp, he gazed up at the cloudy night sky. 

“Someone to ground you and fill in your gaps, huh?” 

Illuga’s hand rested on his belt, where his vision resided.

Am I really an anchor meant to ground you? Or am I one that is causing you to sink in the ocean of fate?

The road back to Piramida from Favonius Keep was relatively straightforward. He would take the path to the edge of Dreadshade Mire, then follow the Ratniki path southward until he reached the station to enter the city. It was a route that every Lightkeeper had patrolled at least once during their careers.

But it doesn’t make it any safer, he thought to himself as he slammed his polearm against a hilichurl’s back, sending it flying back into its hut. Just another occupational hazard of living in Nod-Krai, as the old man says.

As he turned to continue on his journey, he felt a stabbing sensation in his left arm, followed by a sting in his right leg. The pain forced him to take a knee in the middle of the grass, clutching his limbs and gasping for air.

An enemy I missed?

A quick turn of his head confirmed no assailants in the area.

Then that means… He gritted his teeth. You must have gotten into some real trouble this time. But I have no idea where you are, nevertheless what you’ve gotten yourself into. He examined his surroundings. As for where I am…

Before he knew it, his feet had led him into the foggy gloom of Dreadshade Mire.

“Aedon.”

The nightingale emerged from his lantern with a chirp. 

“Anything nearby?”

The nightingale let out a low chirp. 

“Stay vigilant.”

The two prowled through the fog in silence, carefully listening for a sigh, a hint, a whisper of anything unusual. They walked around for seemingly ages, guided only by the glow of Aedon’s kuuvahki, Illuga’s lantern, and pure instinct.

Then Illuga felt it—a noticeable temperature drop too unusual to be natural. 

Cryo. 

A crystalline blue gem flashed through his mind.

Lohen.

Ignoring the new flash of pain that was spreading across his forearm, he summoned his spear and sprinted. Aedon trailed after him like a lingering spirit, chirping shrilly. 

He found Lohen standing in the middle of a stone platform. A thin layer of frost coated the ground around him in an imperfect spiral. Beyond the circle was an entire ring of Wild Hunt abominations that were dissolving into abyssal gunk. 

He’s done it again. Illuga’s lantern swept over the corpses. Gone off picking fights with the Hunt whenever he so pleases.

“Hm?”

Illuga barely managed to move in time to block the strike. Lohen’s eyes narrowed in annoyance at the deflection. His spear swung back to spin in a near perfect vertical circle by his side. Illuga quickly shifted his footing to block that strike as well, this time pushing back enough to send Lohen reeling a few steps. As he watched the other stagger back, terrifying images of the disaster of Kipumaki Cliff flashed through Illuga’s vision—of friends turning against friends, comrades having to put down their own in order to…

No, it’s not like that. He shook his head. I can feel all his injuries, how much his body is hurting from fighting so much. He’s just trapped in survival mode. I need to bring him back.

Without giving it a second thought, Illuga grabbed the underside of his forearm and gave it a firm pinch. Lohen’s eyes widened and he looked down at his own arm. 

“…Illuga?”

“Lohen,” Illuga greeted. 

“It really is you, huh.” Lohen lowered his spear. “Nobody else can do what you just did.”

“I’m the real deal.” Illuge whistled. Aedon swooped down and landed on his shoulder. “I’m guessing you got too carried away slaying monsters?”

Lohen let out a huff. “It’s good target practice.”

“Are all knights as battle-hungry as you?”

Lohen snickered. “I’m sure you’ve met more than enough at camp to give you a proper answer, squad leader Illuga.”

Ah. So he also went digging for information about me.

“Well, for a Vice Captain, you sure don’t like to show your face to your own subordinates at camp.”

Lohen’s eyebrows shot upward. 

“Why would I go hassle the idiots there when I could have all the fun I want alone out here?”

Illuga crossed his arms. “Perhaps that is why you are merely a vice captain as opposed to captain.”

“Wouldn’t eagerness to enter the fray only help bolster an argument for my candidacy for captain?”

“Your utter lack of regard for protocol negates that.”

“Of course my soulmate would have a sharp tongue.” Lohen tilted his head back as he laughed. “Well then, Captain Illuga, where is your own squad?”

“I’m not on patrol. Simply…going on a walk.”

“Out here? In the dead of night?”

Illuga pursed his lips. “I noticed a commotion.”

“And felt my wounds?”

Silence. Lohen snickered. 

“So you did come here with the intention of being my savior. How noble of you.”

Illuga lowered his head. “Aedon.”

The nightingale launched off his shoulder and circled around Lohen. The knight watched, expression laced with intrigue, as the kuuvahki lifeform examined him. Finally, the bird let out a soft chirp and flew back into Illuga’s lantern. 

“No corruption,” Illuga translated. “But you’re still wounded.”

Lohen snickered. “Your concern is touching, but not needed. I know when to call it quits.”

“You say that, but I have a hunch you’re just waiting for me to go away so you can resume your slaughter spree.”

“I’m quite sturdy, you know. Knight training is no walk in the park. You’ve certainly felt all of my bumps and bruises from those days.”

“But how many of those were from training, and how many were from you just being battle-hungry?”

Lohen’s smile said everything. Illuga sighed. 

“Come on.” He turned. “Piramida is not far. Let me at least patch you up before you go out on another slaughter campaign.”

To his surprise, Lohen followed without any protest. 

Illuga’s home was the same as it had been when he left it early that morning. His mailbox was still filled with letters he had yet to open. His unread books were still stacked neatly on the outside table. His day-old laundry was still swaying in the breeze. 

He ignored all of that to unlock the door, step inside, and flip the light switch. Various lamps lit up in an instant, save for one. 

Still broken. Illuga slipped out of his shoes, then crossed the room to gently tap on the side of the lampshade. He let out a sigh when it remained dim. I’ll get it fixed another time. 

It took him a moment to realize Lohen was just standing in the doorway. 

“Come in,” he said. “Close and lock the door, please.”

Lohen finally stepped inside. The door shut with a clang behind him. 

“Shoes can go on the…” Illuga frowned at Lohen’s thigh highs. “Actually, just keep those by the door.”

He heard Lohen let out an amused exhale as he peeled off his boots.

“Sit here.” Illuga pulled a chair out from his dining table—which looked more like a desk than anything, with the sheer volume of papers stacked on it. “I’ll get the med kit.”

He turned away immediately after to rummage through his cabinets. In the background, he faintly heard the chair skid and fabric shift as Lohen took a seat. 

Don’t think too hard about it. I’m just doing what any good person would do, he told himself as he pulled the kit from its shelf. Just fixing him up so he doesn’t get in any more trouble…

The kit landed on the table with a solid thunk. Illuga’s hands moved like clockwork, popping off the lid and filing through the compartments, pulling out everything he figured he’d need—cotton puffs, gauze, salve, disinfectant…

“Bandages.”

Yes, that too. Illuga gave Lohen a quick once-over. His injuries should be…ah, his clothes are in the way.

Illuga tugged on Lohen’s sleeve. “Take this off.”

“You’re asking that without buying me dinner first?”

Illuga let out a long, exasperated sigh. Lohen exhaled sharply, then reached up to undo his cape and shrug off his coat. 

“I trust you’ve memorized the locations of my injuries?”

Illuga applied some disinfectant to a cotton puff. “More or less. I don’t know the severity of any of them, of course. And I don’t trust you to tell me either.”

Lohen chuckled as he unbuttoned his shirt. “You know me well. As expected of the one the world has paired me with.”

Illuga remained silent as he watched and waited for the other to shrug off his shirt. His eyes paused at the scar—rough, jagged, uneven—stretching across Lohen’s clavicle and shoulder.

That’s the spot where he…

Illuga averted his eyes from it in an instant. 

“Feeling guilty again?”

Illuga took a hold of Lohen’s now-bare left arm and began cleaning the cuts and scrapes there with the cotton puffs, wincing as he felt the sting of the disinfectant through the soulmate bond. 

“I already told you: it’s a revenge gift. You’re the one who struck first, you know.”

“Not willingly,” Illuga murmured. 

“So I remedied that.”

“I understand if you want to get back at me whenever I get hurt.” Illuga gritted his teeth as he felt another sting tingle beneath his skin. “What I don’t understand is why you insist on matching my wounds, especially when it goes as far as this one has.”

“I think it’s pretty easy to understand.” Lohen paused as Illuga’s puff touched a particularly tender spot. “It’s not much different than when you pinch yourself when I’m injured.”

Illuga finally looked up at Lohen. Red eyes merrily twinkled back at him. 

“So you’re trying to comfort me.”

“You, me, us…” Lohen shrugged. “If you don’t like it, you can hit me back, you know. I can take it.”

“I have no desire to make it a habit to inflict myself with pain for something as petty as revenge.”

“Even if it would bring me happiness knowing you’re still kicking?”

“I don’t need to stab myself for you to know that.”

“You’re right.” Lohen sighed. “It wouldn’t feel right if you weren’t pinching your arm anyways. I’d have to assume I got a new soulmate if that ever stopped.”

Illuga gently bit his tongue to prevent himself from quipping back.

“It doesn’t look like you’ve bled as much as I thought you would have,” he finally decided to say after moving to Lohen’s other arm. 

Lohen hummed. “Probably because I froze it to stop the bleeding.”

Illuga’s head jerked upward so fast he almost head-butted the knight. 

“That’s dangerous.”

“Better than bleeding out.”

“I…I can’t fault you there.” Illuga sighed. “But if you told any of our medics that, they would likely have a heart attack.”

“Is it really that surprising?” Lohen’s eyes shifted downward. “I’m simply using the resources at my disposal to prolong my survival.”

“I thought you said you knew your limits.”

“I do. Which means I know when I can push them.”

Another protest crawled up the back of Illuga’s throat, but he swallowed it down just as quickly.

“I trust you’re the same?”

Illuga frowned. “Same in regards to what?”

“Pushing your limits.” Lohen leaned forward. “Your fellow Ratniki all sing praises about you, you know. Call you the brightest light amongst all the lanterns. Some even want you to be the next Starshnya.”

Ordinarily, the praise would bounce off his skin or wash over him like the waves against Starsand Shoal. But hearing the same praises coming from the mouth of his soulmate…

Illuga felt his skin crawl. 

Am I really as great as you say I am? Do I live up to your expectations for your soulmate? Do you think I truly am your best fit in life? The one most worthy to be your tether?

“What a hard worker you are,” Lohen chuckled. “I bet you just can’t help yourself, just like me.”

“Well, it’s not as if the Wild Hunt ever stops for mercy.” Illuga grabbed Lohen’s right leg and hoisted it into his lap, causing the knight to grab his chair for stability. “Would your blade ever stop cutting down threats if they were always springing up in your path? Would you stop your own crusade against peril knowing that there will be a better tomorrow once you cut out the rot at its core?”

Lohen huffed—a gentle, lighthearted sound, almost as if in amusement. “Touché.”

Illuga frowned at the cut on Lohen’s upper thigh. This one looks deeper than I thought. He gently peeled back the torn layers of fabric to examine the wound. But it’s still cool to the touch. He really wasn’t joking about freezing his injuries. I wonder: does it also help numb the pain on his end? He adjusted his grip. Because for me, it felt…

“Need me to strip more? You know, in Mondstadt, we tend to do a whole song and dance before this kind of thing.”

“It’s fine,” Illuga huffed. “It’s just…” His hand settled on his own thigh. “I can still feel it.”

“Really? I can’t.”

“You must. Or else I wouldn’t.”

Lohen shrugged. “I guess I just pushed it out of my mind. Can’t afford to think too hard about such things in the heat of battle.”

Illuga once again suppressed the feeling welling in his throat. 

Liar.

“Sorry,” he whispered—whether to himself or to Lohen, was unclear—as he dipped the cotton puff in more disinfectant, then pressed it against the cut. He tensed as he felt the burn in his own leg, then jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. 

“More.”

Illuga blinked. “Huh?”

“Come on.” Lohen leaned forward. “Press harder, Illuga.” 

“W-what?”

“I was just being nice with my arms, but now I’m tired of watching you skirt around it.” Lohen’s hand slid down Illuga’s arm to wrap around his wrist. “If you’re going to clean my wounds, then clean them.”

Illuga’s voice died in his throat as Lohen guided his hand back to the cut and pressed down hard. Disinfectant seeped from the cotton puff and into Lohen’s wound, causing Illuga’s leg to burn. He felt a grunt of pain wallow in his throat as Lohen’s hand moved, forcing him to drag the puff across the face of the gash, spreading the burning sensation across the surface of his thigh.

Hurts, stings, hurts, stings. Illuga’s mind kept going back and forth between the two. 

“Stop it!” Illuga finally broke out of Lohen’s grip. The cotton puff fell onto the ground in a bloody heap. Illuga bent forward and let out a sigh of relief.

“Hm. It was about time to change it anyways.”

Illuga glared at Lohen through his bangs.

“Don’t give me that look. You wanted to treat my injuries, didn’t you?” Lohen picked up another puff and doused it in disinfectant. “It was going to happen one way or another.”

Illuga yelped as Lohen grabbed his chair and pulled it forward, dragging him along with it. He could feel something cold pressing against his leg, opposite of the spot that had radiated with pain seconds before. 

“I can treat you too, you know,” Lohen murmured. “Give you the same cut and everything.” The tip of the knife dug into Illuga’s leg—not harsh enough to draw blood, but enough to leave a tear in his pants. “Wouldn’t that be a nice way to get revenge on me for putting you through this?”

Illuga grabbed Lohen’s wrist, stopping the knife in place. “Don’t,” he hissed. “I told you, I have no interest in that sort of thing.”

“Because you’re scared?”

“Because it’s unnecessary.”

“Is it?”

“An unnecessary injury on me and an unnecessary burden to you. We see enough casualties in our lines of work, we don’t need to be causing new ones between us.” Illuga dug his nails into Lohen’s hand. “Now drop it and let me finish.”

Lohen’s eyes flickered with…something. Disappointment, resignation, acceptance—Illuga hadn’t the faintest idea. But the knight sheathed his knife and sat back in his chair.

“Go on.”

Illuga brushed his bangs from his face and let out a long sigh. He picked up the puff Lohen had prepared and proceeded with his work, slowly making his way down Lohen’s leg, cleaning and bandaging his wounds as he saw fit, gritting his teeth through the pain that swelled between them through the bond. 

“There,” he said after what felt like forever. “This is the best I can do.”

Lohen carefully moved—lifting his legs, rolling his shoulders.

“A bit overzealous,” he concluded. “But alright.” He flashed Illuga a crooked smile. “Could’ve been more fun though.”

“Your definition of fun does not align with mine.”

“A pity. We’re in such a good position for a variety of entertaining activities.”

Illuga stared at Lohen for a good long minute. 

Oh. My soulmate is sitting shirtless in my kitchen. He felt his ears begin to warm with embarrassment. I went behind his back to gather information about him, spent weeks thinking about him, and now he is half-naked in my house. 

“These circumstances are completely innocuous and you know it.”

“Of course. You haven’t bought me the dinner needed to turn it into anything else.” Lohen reached for his shirt and slipped it on. “I am always open to livening things up with a spar though.”

A what?

“At this hour?” Illuga’s head bobbed as he looked over Lohen. “With you in this state?”

“If you’re scared it wouldn’t be a fair fight, then I’ll just have to work harder to prove you wrong.”

“That is not…”

“Not—what? Oh, would you prefer no weapons? I get it, hand-on-hand combat has its own form of intrigue.” He snickered. “Imagine the bruises we could put on each other, the phantom aches you’ll be sending to me from the ones I give to you…actually, I’m okay with this. We can go out now and—”

“Shut up!” The second the words left Illuga’s mouth, he felt the bubble of torment in his throat burst with relief. “Just shut up!”

Lohen froze, eyes widening. Illuga tilted his head back and sucked in a deep breath.

“You are so insufferable, you know? Fight this, hurt that…it’s insane to me. Cutting yourself as an act of revenge? Trying to give me a gash to match yours? I told you, I refuse to engage in needless violence, and ‘getting even’ with you is of no concern to me. The only thing I care about is whether you’re okay.” Illuga let out a long, heavy sigh. “To think I’ve spent these past few weeks feeling sorry for myself, all worried over whether I was a good enough soulmate for you…no more. If anything, I’m glad I’m the only one in the world who is required to put up with your antics. Anybody else and I’m sure you’d have driven them insane.”

The room fell silent for a long, long minute.

“Ah.” Lohen finally let out a strangled laugh. “It looks like I was wrong about you after all.”

Illuga frowned. “What do you mean?”

“To be honest, I was a little afraid you were going to be too good for me.” Lohen pulled on his jacket. “I mean, I already knew you were a fighter thanks to our bond and our first meeting. But when I started asking around about you, everyone had nothing but the utmost respect for you, saying you were the most earnest and hardworking Lightkeeper of them all. Add on you basically admitting to feeling guilty about the pain you share with me and you pinching your arm whenever I get fairly injured…you really felt too good to be true. Like some flawless, faultless fairytale prince. And I’m…well, to be honest, I don’t deserve a prince.” He let out a breathy laugh. “But you’re not. You’ve got faults and flaws as well, morals you abide by, lines you won’t cross, buttons that get pushed, worries that weigh you down. You’re as real and human as I am. My perfect, imperfect match. My soulmate on the other side of the world.” He tilted his head back and sighed. “Ah, I really do want to trade blows with you now, see just how fierce you can really get, witness you at the pinnacle of your current strength. But I guess I’ve pushed you enough for one night.” He draped his cape across his arm and rose to a stand. “Thank you for the treatment, Illuga.”

What?

“You’re leaving?”

You’re just going to drop all of that on me and then leave? Do you even know what you’ve just said?!

Lohen hummed. “Your work here is done, isn’t it? Time for me to head back then.”

Illuga stood up so fast his chair toppled over.

“Stay here for the night,” he blurted.

Lohen raised an eyebrow. “Why should I?”

“Well…” I didn’t know you felt the same way. “Your injuries are still healing. You shouldn’t disrupt them during that process.” I want you to stay, even if just a bit longer. “And I don’t feel comfortable sending you back out there this late in this state anyways.” We can share our burdens together just a little while more.

A moment of silence passed between the two. Finally, Lohen smiled.

“I’ll take the floor over here.”

Illuga frowned. “You don’t have to.”

“Oh? Where else would I sleep then: your bed?”

“Well,” Illuga tilted his head. “Aren’t you my soulmate?”

Lohen’s laugh was different this time—softer, gentler, a bit bashful, even. “Apologies, but at the end of the day, your soulmate is still a knight. Don’t worry, I’ve slept on worse. I’ll be alright here.”

Illuga would be lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit disappointed. 

“Then I’ll get you a pillow and blanket.”

He filed through his bedroom cabinets, finally producing a blanket gifted to him by Rollon and Ivar and a pillow he usually used to prop up his limbs whenever he sprained them. He bundled the two together in a roll, then returned to where Lohen was waiting in the living room. The knight had taken off his jacket once more and draped it and his cape over the back of his chair. His hand was wrapped around the Cryo vision affixed to his coat collar. His eyes were fixed on the object, accompanied by a slight frown.

He seems…different, Illuga observed. Calm, forlorn, somber, even. Not crazy nor mad. Just…there. He swallowed as he felt a phantom ache—soft, meaning it likely stemmed from general soreness—spread through his arms and legs. You put up such a tough front, but I know just how much pain you're really in, what you’re hiding behind that expression of yours. His fingers curled into the blanket. Is this what Mr. Varka meant by us meshing together? What Mr. Flins meant by us being two sides of the same coin?

“Here.”

Lohen turned, his expression instantly shifting to flash Illuga a smile. He held out his arms to accept the bundle Illuga handed him. 

“I recommend using the rug,” Illuga said. “It should be decently cushy. One of the aunties here weaved it. Don’t worry about staining it, it’s been through worse.”

“A rug and a pillow and blanket? How luxurious.” Lohen chuckled. “You’re spoiling me, Illuga.”

“Well, you’re currently a guest in my home, not some adventurer in the wild. If you weren’t comfortable during your stay, I’d be nothing more than a bad host.”

Mint eyebrows shot upward. “Do you normally house reckless knights in your personal home?”

“No. You’re the first.”

“Ah.” Lohen pursed his lips. Illuga stared at the other, examining his expression, frowning when he was unable to discern anything from it.

But your pain…no. Your burdens. Your worries. I can feel them.

“I meant it,” Illuga finally said. “When I called you insufferable.”

Lohen huffed. “You wouldn’t be the first.”

“But that’s fine. It’s what makes you who you are. I have no intention of changing that.” Illuga crossed his arms. “You know, just like how you thought I’d be too good for you, I was worried you’d be too insane for me, that there was no way I could possibly be a perfect match for you, that you deserved someone much better than me—someone more fun, less rigid. But maybe that’s exactly why the world paired us together. Maybe our doubts are what make us exactly what we each need.”

Red eyes bore into blue. For a long moment, the two stood in silence, staring at each other, waiting for the stalemate to be broken.

“You still plan to be worried about my injuries, don’t you?” Lohen finally asked.

“I’d be heartless to not be.”

“And you’ll still pinch me when you can’t soothe my wounds in person?”

“I never planned to stop.”

“You’re such a fascinating person: despite enduring all that you have, you are still so generous to everyone.” Lohen’s voice softened to a light whisper. “Even to those who don’t deserve it.”

“Well, I may not be a prince, but I’m not a monster either.” Illuga’s gaze flickered between the Cryo vision on the chair and the man standing in front of him. “And despite your behavior saying otherwise, I don’t think you are either. You’re just…a chaos lord.”

Lohen spluttered into laughter. “Chaos lord? Well, that’s a new one.”

“Yes. One who needs rest. A proper one.” Illuga gestured to the rug on the floor. “You’re making us both sore, standing around so much.”

“Alright, alright, hint received.”

Illuga watched as Lohen set down the pillow and draped the blanket over the rug before crawling under.

“All okay?”

Lohen beamed. “Never better.”

“Good.” Illuga reached for the light switch and flipped it off. The room was instantly plunged into darkness. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Naturally.”

Illuga guided himself with ease to his bedroom, but paused in the doorway.

“Lohen.”

Lohen hummed. Illuga reached up and pinched his upper arm. 

“Good night.”

For a moment, there was silence. Then Illuga felt it—a gentle throb in his opposite arm. 

“Good night, Illuga.”

Illuga woke up with the sun. 

That’s rare, he thought. Sunny days were hard to come by in Nod-Krai, after all. 

Is he awake yet?

Illuga crawled out of bed and tip-toed into the living room. He felt his heart sink a little when he spotted a folded blanket resting atop a pillow on the floor. 

He left without saying goodbye. He rubbed his eyes and walked towards the kitchen. That’s fine. I’m sure he has things to do.

He reached for the still-open med kit on the table to close it, pausing when his hand met with paper instead of bandages. When he picked it up, he found himself holding a letter.

Illuga,

I’m sure you can guess where I’ve gone. 

Don’t worry, I know my limits. And I know you’ll be keeping track of my injuries either way. 

Next time you want to meet, don’t sneak around behind my back. Just pinch your left ankle. I’ll come meet you for a spar within the hour.

—Lohen

Illuga stared at the paper for a long while. 

Really? After all of that, you’re still demanding a spar?

He let out a laugh. 

My soulmate really is crazy. He held the letter against his chest and smiled. But…that’s okay with me.