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Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs
WATCH: The Cens pair up to play teammate Guess Who! Full video up now on our YouTube channel, video transcript up now on our blog!
🔗https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mtk…
Ottawa Centaurs @OttawaCentaurs
Full transcript up now on our blog! Link below 👇
[Video opens with a graphic of the team’s logo and a title card.]
THE OTTAWA CENTAURS PLAY “GUESS WHO”!
[Title replaced by a shot of a table and two chairs in front of a plain gray wall.]
[Enter ZANE BOODRAM and ILYA ROZANOV]
HARRIS DROVER [off-camera]: We’re playing Guess Who today, boys! You’ll each be assigned one player from the team, and your opponent has to try and figure out who that player is by asking you questions. Choose one of these cards to see who your Person Of Interest is!
[Enter GABI, a Centaurs social media intern, with a stack of yellow notecards for each of them]
[CUT to the second pair playing the game: SHANE HOLLANDER and LUCA HAAS]
HARRIS [off-camera, continued]: Yes-or-no questions only. The original game was based on appearance alone, but obviously you don’t have to stick to that. Actually, you shouldn’t stick to that—it’ll be more fun if you don’t.
[Enter GABI with two game boards the social media team had pre-prepared, with twenty-four squares aligned in four rows of six, each with a little headshot of one of the Cens, their name printed in bold font below it]
HARRIS [off-camera, continued]: So, for example, if you ask ‘does this person have a dog?’, and the answer is ‘yes’, flip down everyone on your board who doesn’t have a dog to remove them from consideration.
HOLLANDER: [raises a hand]
HARRIS [off-camera, continued]: This is active roster only, no players on IR or LTIR, so you both have the same set of twenty-four guys. Your boards are scrambled, though.
HOLLANDER: [puts his hand back down, nodding]
HAAS: Scrambled? What do you mean?
HOLLANDER [to Luca]: So, like, Bood is in a different spot on my board than yours. And Young is in a different spot on your board than mine.
HARRIS [off-camera]: Exactly! That way you can’t get any hints from each other’s boards.
HAAS [visibly confused]: How would that even help? Won’t we have different people?
HARRIS: Probably, yeah. It’s more of a precaution, or in case you want to switch boards if you play again. Don’t worry too much about it!
[CUT to the third pair playing the game: WYATT HAYES and NICK CHOUINARD choosing their Person Of Interest cards]
HAYES [laughing]: Oh, this is perfect!
CHOUINARD: You’re so going down, Hazy.
HARRIS [off-camera]: First one to correctly guess their opponent’s Person Of Interest is the winner! Any questions?
HAYES and CHOUINARD [together]: No, sir!
[CUT to ZANE BOODRAM and ILYA ROZANOV]
ROZANOV: You go first, Bood.
BOODRAM: Man, [BLEEP] you, you just want more time to think!
ROZANOV [grinning]: Maybe I am just being nice!
BOODRAM: You don’t even know what that word means!
[CUT to SHANE HOLLANDER and LUCA HAAS]
HAAS: Okay. Does this person… Um.
HOLLANDER: That’s okay, take your time.
HAAS: [glares, then looks around on the floor around him]
HOLLANDER: …What are you looking for?
HAAS: Something to throw at you.
[CUT to WYATT HAYES and NICK CHOUINARD]
CHOUINARD: Is this person offensively defensive?
HARRIS [off-camera]: What?
[The video freeze-frames and a title card appears with a ding!]
OFFENSIVELY DEFENSIVE: A D-MAN WHO ALSO DRIVES OFFENSIVE PLAY (we think?)
[The title disappears and the video unfreezes]
HAYES [immediately]: Nope.
CHOUINARD: [flips down six of the players on his board, thinks for a few seconds, then flips down two more]
HAYES: Hmmm. Does your person take off their shoes on the plane?
CHOUINARD [laughing]: Yes.
HAYES: [flips down sixteen of the twenty-four players on his board]
HAYES [to the camera]: High risk, high reward, baby!
CHOUINARD: You’re literally the worst. Okay, fine, uh. Is your person defensively offensive?
[The video freeze-frames again and another title card appears with a ding!]
DEFENSIVELY OFFENSIVE: AN OFFENSIVE PLAYER WHO IS ALSO GOOD AT DEFENSE (again—we think)
[The title disappears and the video unfreezes]
HAYES: Yes.
CHOUINARD [nodding]: [flips down two tabs]
HAYES: Does your person have kids? One or more.
CHOUINARD: No.
HAYES: [flips down three tabs]
CHOUINARD: Does your person participate in Fantasy Football?
HAYES: Yes…
CHOUINARD: Excellent. [flips down thirteen players on his board]
CHOUINARD [mockingly, to camera]: High risk, high reward, baby!
HAYES: Whatever. Does your person… Oh, is your person married?
CHOUINARD: No.
HAYES: [flips down another three players, leaving just two remaining, then sits back in his chair, smiling smugly]
CHOUINARD: [rolls his eyes] Anyway! Does your person get a little too invested in Fantasy Football?
HAYES: [narrows his eyes] Yes.
CHOUINARD: [flips down all but three players on his board]
CHOUINARD [to HARRIS]: Am I allowed to guess right now, or do I have to wait until my next turn?
HARRIS [off-camera]: You have to wait, unfortunately.
CHOUINARD: [bleep]! Okay, fine.
HAYES: Ha! Right, okay, well now I have to guess.
CHOUINARD: Don’t blow it!
HAYES: Shoes off on the plane, not married. Um. [exhales loudly] Is it…Young?
CHOUINARD: No! Wrong! Ha!
HAYES: [angrily flips down Young’s tab on his board] Ugh, whatever. Just guess now.
CHOUINARD: Is it Bood?
HAYES: [sniffs] Is that your final answer?
CHOUINARD [confidently]: Yes. Bood.
HAYES [quietly]: Yeah.
CHOUINARD: Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.
HAYES [yelling]: Yes! God, fine, it was Bood!
CHOUINARD: [cackling]
[Video freeze frames on WYATT HAYES looking angry and NICK CHOUINARD laughing. A title appears superimposed over their faces]
IT WAS BOOD! CHEWY WINS!
[CUT to SHANE HOLLANDER and LUCA HAAS]
HAAS: Is your person…from North America?
HOLLANDER: Nope.
HAAS: [flips down twelve player tabs on his board]
HOLLANDER: Is your person a forward?
HAAS: Yes.
HOLLANDER: [flips down ten player tabs]
HAAS: Is your person a lefty?
HOLLANDER [laughing]: Yes.
HAAS: [flips down five more tabs] What’s so funny?
HOLLANDER: Nothing! Is your person a good two-way forward?
[The video freeze-frames and a title card appears with a ding!]
TWO-WAY FORWARD: A FORWARD WHO IS ALSO INCREDIBLY SKILLED AT DEFENSIVE PLAY (we know this one!)
[The title disappears and the video unfreezes]
HAAS: Yes…
HOLLANDER: [flips down six tabs]
HARRIS [off-camera]: You guys are very invested in this! You’re so quiet.
HOLLANDER: I’m going to win.
HAAS [at the same time]: I’m going to beat Shane!
HOLLANDER and HAAS [together]: No you won’t!
HOLLANDER and HAAS: [narrow their eyes at each other]
HARRIS and GABI [off-camera]: [audibly laughing]
HAAS: Is your person from Russia?
HOLLANDER: Nope!
HAAS: [flips down two player tabs]
HOLLANDER: Was your person drafted by Ottawa?
HAAS: No.
HOLLANDER: [flips down two tabs] This is going to be interesting…
HAAS: Does your person speak two or more languages?
HOLLANDER: Yes.
HAAS: [flips down one tab, leaving four players remaining]
HOLLANDER: Is your person a lefty?
HAAS [nervously]: Um. No.
HOLLANDER [nodding]: [flips down one tab, leaving five remaining]
[There is a full minute of silence as they both think. The Jeopardy! theme plays over the video]
HAAS: Has your person played for more than two teams in the League?
HOLLANDER: No.
HAAS: [flips down two tabs]
HOLLANDER: Uh oh. Okay, um. Is your person a center?
HAAS: [hesitates, looking at the back of HOLLANDER’s remaining tabs as if trying to see through them]
[HOLLANDER and HAAS stare at each other. A cricket chirp sound effect plays in the ensuing silence]
HAAS: …Yes.
HOLLANDER: [flips down only one tab]
HAAS: [sighs loudly, relieved] Oh thank god. Right. Okay. Um… You’re probably going to guess next turn, right?
HOLLANDER: I’m not going to answer that question.
HAAS: [groaning] That means I need to guess and get it right! Right now!
HARRIS [off-camera]: I mean, Shane only has a 25% chance of being right if he does guess next turn. You have a 50% chance here!
HOLLANDER: [pointing at HARRIS] Interference! Refs! Gabi, do something!
HARRIS [laughing]: Alright, alright! I’m just stating facts!
HAAS: Äuä… Okay, um. Is your person…me?
HOLLANDER: Dang it! Harris, this is your fault!
HAAS: [throws his arms in the air and does a goofy dance] I win! Ha!
[Video freeze frames on SHANE HOLLANDER grumpily crossing his arms and LUCA HAAS celebrating. A title appears superimposed over their faces]
IT WAS LUCA! HAASY WINS!
[The video un-freezes]
HOLLANDER: Wait, can I still guess? For fun?
HAAS [still grinning]: If you want!
HOLLANDER: It’s Ilya.
HAAS: What! How? There were three options!
HOLLANDER [shrugging]: Just a feeling…
[A title appears over the sped-up footage of their entire match]
THE ‘FEELING’ IN QUESTION:
[The sped-up video pauses each time Luca glances down at the wedding ring on Shane’s finger. A counter in the corner ticks up by one with a ding! for each pause. The final tally is seven.]
[CUT to ZANE BOODRAM and ILYA ROZANOV]
BOODRAM: Are we the last ones?
HARRIS [off-camera]: Yep!
BOODRAM: Best for last, baby!
ROZANOV [grinning]: I bet Shane only asked hockey questions, yes?
HARRIS [off-camera, also laughing]: And Luca.
ROZANOV: Ha! Of course.
BOODRAM [nodding]: They’re basically twins. I bet it was scary to watch. Like seeing someone argue with their own reflection.
HARRIS [off-camera]: It was intense for sure! We’re set whenever you guys are ready.
BOODRAM: Does your person like the white Gatorade better than blue?
ROZANOV [notably disgusted]: Yes.
BOODRAM [shaking his head]: [flips down seven player tabs] Freaks, the whole lot of you!
ROZANOV: Would your person sing Celine Dion songs with me at karaoke?
BOODRAM: Yes!
ROZANOV: [flips down six tabs huffily] Good! Some people just have no taste…
BOODRAM: Have we ever had to babysit this person when they got too drunk?
ROZANOV: Yes.
BOODRAM [grinning]: That’s still a lot of these guys, actually! [flips down four player tabs]
ROZANOV: Would I let this person babysit Anya?
BOODRAM: I’d say so, yeah.
ROZANOV: Hmm. Interesting. [flips down five player tabs]
BOODRAM: Would I let this person babysit me when I get too drunk?
ROZANOV: Hm. Eh, probably yes.
BOODRAM: [flips down three player tabs] Your hesitation is telling me a lot that your words aren’t, Roz.
ROZANOV: Would this person eat a cockroach for less than $500?
BOODRAM [laughing]: Less than $500? Oh boy. Yeah, for sure.
ROZANOV [consideringly]: [flips down four tabs slowly, pausing to consider each one]
BOODRAM [still laughing]: Jesus, alright. Uh, does your person… Hm. Oh, does your person speak Russian?
ROZANOV: No. At least, I hope not. Would not want them to hear some of the things I have to say.
BOODRAM: [flips down two tabs] Dude, we don’t want to hear some of the things you say in English!
ROZANOV: Bah! You’re all lucky I let you hear these things.
HARRIS [off-camera]: I can’t tell if that’s sweet or concerning.
ROZANOV [shrugging]: Both.
BOODRAM: Yeah, probably both. He’s a big softie who isn’t afraid to talk about his feelings now!
ROZANOV: You say that like it’s a bad thing. I trust all of you! [waves a hand dismissively]
ROZANOV: Okay. Would your person eat a cockroach for less than $100?
BOODRAM [laughing]: Oh, are we doing this again? Yeah, still would.
ROZANOV [nodding slowly]: [flips down another five tabs, leaving just four remaining]
BOODRAM: Dang, I’m falling behind! Uh, is your person married?
ROZANOV: Nope!
BOODRAM: [flips down three player tabs] Okay! I can work with this…
ROZANOV [very seriously]: Would your person eat the cockroach for less than twenty dollars?
BOODRAM: [bleep] it! God, you’re the worst! Yes, they would. Ugh.
ROZANOV: [flips down all but one player tab]
ROZANOV: Okay, thank you. No further questions.
HARRIS [off-camera]: You can’t be serious. Are you serious? There’s no way you have that right based on cockroach questions!
BOODRAM: No, he’s probably right. [bleep]! God, okay, wild guess now! [taps his chin and thinks]
BOODRAM: God, I don’t know! Is it… Pointy?
ROZANOV: Too bad, so sad, try again next time! No, not Pointy!
ROZANOV [smiling evilly]: Yours is Dykstra. I am 100% confident. Please confirm to Harris that I am a genius.
BOODRAM [stares into the camera]: He’s right.
[Video freeze frames on ZANE BOODRAM staring dead-eyed at the camera and ILYA ROZANOV leaning backward precariously far in his chair. A title appears superimposed over their faces]
IT WAS DYKSTRA! ROZ WINS!
CENSMIN IS CONCERNED!
NO COCKROACHES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS VIDEO!