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It was strange how not weird it was to have Suo in his apartment, less than five feet away and wrapped up in someone else’s donated futon. Suo had been over nearly as much as the others. No. The most surreal part of it all was how beaten Suo was. The entire side of his face that Haruka had been staring at was covered in bandages in bruises. He wasn’t entirely sure there was a part of Suo that wasn’t injured in some way. Nothing bad enough for the hospital, thankfully.
Suo hadn’t been conscious when they’d arrived and he had looked so small in Umemiya’s arms. The older boy seemed to be having the same thoughts when Haruka thought back on it. The way he’d cradled Suo close to his chest, readjusted his fingers so he wouldn’t accidentally crush Suo closer. He still did, even if unintentionally. Suo gave a little whine every time that queued Hiragi into fussing at Umemiya. His body reacting to something his mind wasn’t present for.
Neither had given him any details on the how or where. Just showed up like Suo, beaten to shit and unconscious, was some groceries to be dropped off with Haruka. It wasn’t a very fair comparison. The older boys had been more concerned with getting Suo somewhere safe and settled with someone who could watch him. He could do that, keep watch and protect Suo. Answers could come later.
Haruka had sometimes wished to see Suo with some kind of injury after a fight. Nothing serious, nothing worse than a bruised cheek or a busted nose. He’d wanted proof. Proof that Suo could bleed, proof that he was as human as the rest of him. Proof he wasn’t the perfect, pretty boy literally always.
He takes it all back now. Haruka would happily go back to never knowing what a bruised and bloody Suo looks like. To never know how Suo probably sounds when in pain. He regrets ever having those thoughts. He wants stupidly annoying, untouchably pretty perfect Suo Hayato back. He wants to hear Suo say something ridiculous and never know what Suo sounds like when something hurts him.
Haruka doesn’t regret volunteering his place when Hiragi had called.
At some point in his musings, he’d started watching the steady rise and fall of the blankets instead. The soothing rhythm of Suo breathing, the only undeniable proof that he was still alive. Haruka hated that he knew he wouldn’t sleep well, or at all, that night. He hated, but not really, that he was scared if he slept that he’d wake up to find Suo gone. He almost desperately wanted to be able to see Suo’s eye and hear him laugh.
At the same time Haruka didn’t want it. Suo needed to sleep, to heal. Suo could be annoying and stupid when he was better.
He’d drifted, not quite asleep but definitely not awake, for a while after that. Sleep heavy eyes trained with hazy focus on the figure across from him. It was comfortable, letting him get a version of rest while reassuring himself that Suo was still there. The quiet of the apartment let him hear the scratchy, wheezy breathing clearly.
Till Suo gave a soft, quiet moan that sounded like he was in pain. For a noise so small, it felt so loud in the still air of the room. Haruka sat up, careful and quiet, to stare. Hiragi and Umemiya had warned him that it was unlikely that Suo would wake up in the night. They also said it was entirely possible that the unconscious state Suo was in could shift into sleep. They said that was preferable.
Haruka didn’t really get the difference then. He still didn’t entirely get it now, if he was being honest. But he could kind of tell that something had changed. That Suo could wake up now.
It was almost fascinating to watch. The way Suo’s breathing changed from steady and even to a little hitched and uneven when he breathed too deeply. Haruka watched as Suo’s nose scrunched and his brow furrowed with discomfort. Moving from how they’d laid him on his back was probably not the best idea, especially considering it seemed like Suo was having a little trouble breathing deeply. Except he did nothing but watch as Suo moved in his sleep.
Part of Haruka was scared that if he touched Suo that the whole thing would shatter like glass and he’d wake up to find the whole thing was a dream. Other, slightly more sensible parts, were more concerned with not waking the other for any reason. Even if it took all of his willpower to not go check on Suo immediately when he’d whimpered as he’d rolled into a different position. Instead, he waited and he watched.
Soon enough he heard Suo sigh in what felt like relief and took the chance to creep closer. It was probably bad for whatever was causing the breathing issues for Suo to sleep the way he was, but Haruka wasn’t told to keep him that way and he really only cared that Suo seemed much more comfortable as he was now. The blankets had slid down a bit when he’d moved and soft light of the moon through the window made the white bandages luminous. Half curled around himself and with his face mostly buried in the pillow, Suo looked so young and small and hurt that Haruka’s chest ached.
Suo had always seemed so much bigger. Sure he was taller than Haruka but that was only a piece of it. Somewhere, in the fights and jokes and days of hanging around each other, Haruka had stopped seeing Suo for what he was. For what they both were. So what if Suo was smart, capable, and reliable with a presence that felt so much larger. He was still just fifteen.
Haruka pulled the blankets back up, gently tucked the edges under Suo’s chin so they wouldn’t accidentally cover his mouth. He’s careful, oh so very careful, to not let his fingers brush against Suo. He wants to. Touch Suo. Reassure himself that his skin is warm and soft with life, that Suo is real. He doesn’t.
Instead he just watches and waits. There will be time for all the reassurance he wants later.