Work Text:
Simon was alone in the Hail Mary. Grace had gone off to do something with the Taumoeba, and Rocky was working on something somewhere else in the ship. They were 2 1/2 years into their journey to Erid, and Simon had just found a horrifying realization. Over the course of the trip, from his rescue to them falling asleep together in the Anti-Insanity Globe, even when they were just talking about whatever topic entered their minds, Simon realized it. He was in love with Grace.
Why was this so upsetting? Because back on Eden, liking someone of the same sex could get you imprisoned or worse. He'd seen one of his friends get exiled from the colony after he'd been seen with another boy. The high priestess believed in purity above all else, and she expected the same thing from the residents of Eden.
So, Simon hid that part of himself away, only admiring the other boys from afar and only admitting this horrible truth to himself after he was welded into the Iron Lung. He remembered silently crying in his hands after saying it out loud, believing that he would die with this stain of sin on his soul, never being allowed into Heaven because of it.
But then he met Grace, and it was like the stars shone again. This geeky and kind of weird but amazingly kind individual had taken him in, comforted him through nightmares even though he knew next to nothing about what Simon went through, and told him about everything he missed while the universe was gone. Grace showed him old movies and shows, his favorite songs, and even told him about why he was here in the first place. How he’d been forced to go, drugged against his will while kicking and screaming. Simon nearly put a hole in the wall when he said that.
Sometimes, he’d tell Grace about Eden. The sermons, the beliefs about love and the restrictions around it,and the sacrifices. But he also told Grace about what they did for fun, what his mother was like, the old Martian lullabies she would sing to him as a child. He’d sung one to Grace after a particularly rough nightmare, something to calm him down and bring him back to reality. At least, that’s what he’d told himself.
But now, he knew he did all of those things out of love for Grace. And that thought scared him almost as much as nearly dying in that cursed blood ocean. What if he was rejected? What if Grace already knew of his sin and despised him for it? Simon knows he could be jettisoned out of the ship at any time, so maybe today would be the day. He would see the Blood God once more and be assimilated with many others, joined in the cursed choir of suffering. All because he couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself.
“Simon?” A voice propelled him from his thoughts. He looked up at the taller man standing beside him. “Yeah?” He responded, standing up to meet Grace’s eyes. “I was wondering where you went,” he said with a smile. Simon felt himself get warm looking at it. “What’re you doing?” “Just thinking,” he said. Not exactly a lie, but it was better than saying “I was contemplating confessing my love to you”.
“Whatcha thinking ‘bout?” Grace asked. Simon turned his head away, not wanting to accidentally spill the secret. “Nothing important,” he said. “You can tell me anything, you know,” Grace said, placing a hand on Simon’s shoulder. “I can’t though,” Simon responded, jerking away from Grace’s hand. “Why not?” “Because it’s nothing,” Simon said, voice rising.
“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” Grace retorted, voice sharp. “I just can’t tell you, okay?” Simon said, jabbing a finger at Grace’s chest. "But why? Why are you acting like this is the end of the world?!" "Because I love you!" Grace took a step forward towards Simon, a soft gasp leaving his lips. “I love you so much, Grace. And I’m so fucking scared of that love.” Simon sank to his knees, blindly grabbing Grace’s hand, longing for the feel and warmth before they said goodbye forever. “Part of me is terrified that loving you is the worst thing that’ll ever happen to me, and I don’t think I can let that part go.” Simon’s voice broke at those last words, and tears slowly made their way down his face and he gripped Grace’s hand with his, convinced this is how it would end.
Grace listened, his eyes becoming misty as he went to Simon’s level, wiping the tears away as if he was made of glass. “That’s okay,” he whispered, a quiet understanding falling on him. Simon looked up at the blond, unsure of what to say. “But it’s not. I’m supposed to love women, it’s a sin to be like this,” he said. Grace let out a shuddered gasp as tears flowed down his cheeks as well. Is this what Simon had been taught? That loving who you wanted was a crime? When Grace gets his hands on those priests on Eden, he was going to give them a piece of his mind along with a few choice words. But, that’s for later. He had to focus on the task at hand.
“Hey, look at me?” He asked, Simon looking up into Grace's eyes. “There's nothing wrong with not being straight, okay? It's not a sin, not a crime, not anything. That must've been so hard keeping that to yourself.” He'd used the same type of words for when his students told him stuff like this, making them feel heard and kept it to himself until they told their parents. “It was,” Simon said, voice barely above a whisper. Grace brushed a lock of hair out of Simon's face, still smiling softly at him.
They sat together for a while, the silence only being taken by the humming of machines and Rocky’s distant tinkering. Grace took Simon in his arms, keeping his hold steady but loose so he could pull away. “Why are you so calm about this?” Simon asked, burying his face in Grace's shoulder. “Because I'm not an asshole bigot who doesn't treat anything not from the 50's like a war crime?” Grace joked.
Simon pulled away from Grace's shoulder to look at him, eyes still wet with tears. “You're really okay with this?” “Of course I am,” Grace said before leaning in to kiss him. He then immediately regretted it and started pacing around. “Oh god oh god oh god why did I do that? I'm so sorry, I didn't know if you wanted it or not I was just tryin’ to make you feel better and I'm definitely gonna die tonight and I don't even blame you for the murder-”
He was then shut up when Simon took his face in his hands and kissed Grace back. It wasn't the best kiss in the world, but to them it was everything. Grace could taste the tears that had dripped down towards his shirt, but he didn't mind at all. It was short, but to them it lasted forever.
They broke apart, a soft happy sigh coming from Simon as they sat back down towards the screens. “Wanna watch something?” Grace asked. “Okay,” Simon replied as Grace cued up Hamilton, saying that it would change Simon's life for the better.