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Buck blinks awake groggily, his eyelids heavy with the weight of an accidental, too-long nap. There’s a crick in his neck from the awkward way he’s sprawled across the couch, but at least the living room is quiet.
Too quiet.
Pushing himself up with a groan, Buck takes stock of his surroundings. He’s fairly certain Eddie, Chris, and Theo had all been in the room before he drifted off, but he’s alone now. There’s also a lot less Lego on the floor than there had been a few hours ago, which is a good sign, although the dim golden light coming through the windows tells him it’s past Theo’s bed time.
So, his first step at least is clear: find Theo and make sure he’s on his way to bed and not pulling apart whatever part of the house Buck hadn’t managed to Theo-proof yet.
The dining room seems like a natural starting point. He doesn’t find Theo, but he does find Chris bent over his homework at the table, his headphones firmly in place.
Buck drums his fingers across the textbook page and Chris looks up, nudging his headphones off one ear. “Oh, hey. You’re alive.”
“And you’re a comedian,” Buck says with a sleepy grin. “You don’t happen to know where Theo is, do you?”
“Dad said he was putting him to bed. I haven’t heard any screaming, so I guess it’s going all right.”
“So that must mean I have you to thank for the Lego cleanup.” Buck leans to peer into the kitchen, where the dishes he had left in the sink have all been put away. “And the clean kitchen.”
Chris shrugs, ducking his head like he’s locked in on his textbook again, but he doesn’t quite hide his pleased smile. “Seemed like a good way to put off my algebra homework.”
“Well, I really appreciate it, bud.” Buck reaches over, curbing the impulse to ruffle his hair and squeezing his shoulder instead. He knows Chris has gotten particular about his hair recently, which Buck definitely doesn’t have any sort of complicated feelings about. It’s just that he’s growing up so fast, and Buck is so proud of him, but it also kind of makes him want to cry.
“I’m gonna go find your dad,” Buck says. “Make sure Theo hasn’t tied him up in a closet or something.”
Chris snorts at that before pulling his headphones back into place. “Good luck.”
When he gets to the guest bedroom — now transformed into Theo’s room — the door is slightly ajar, and Buck tiptoes forward to peek inside. The night light on the wall glows bright enough for him to see the brand new race car bed in the corner, where Theo is sprawled out across Eddie’s chest. They both appear to be fast asleep, books strewn across the floor next to them, and one of Eddie’s fingers held tight in Theo’s tiny hand.
The sight make Buck’s heart ache with a tangled knot of longing. He wants… well, he wants too much. He should focus on being grateful for this: the way Theo has taken to Eddie right away, instinctively aware that he’s someone who can be trusted. He’s already built a habit of trailing after Eddie like a shadow with a look of awe on his little face that Buck finds highly relatable.
And the way Eddie is with Theo — steady and kind and endlessly patient — makes Buck feel like the luckiest person in the world, just getting to be there witnessing it.
After pulling out his phone to capture the moment, Buck quietly steps into the room, swallowing a groan as he bends over to pick up the books. He must have let some noise escape, because when he glances back at the bed, Eddie is blinking up at him.
“Hey,”Buck whispers, lowering himself down to the floor. “Sorry if I woke you up.”
“You’re fine.” Eddie shifts carefully, holding Theo still as he stretches his leg out over the edge of the bed. “Did you have a good nap? Looked like you needed it.”
Buck huffs out a quiet laugh. “I guess I did.” He brushes his hand across Theo’s wild hair. “Thanks for taking care of this guy. I don’t know how you get him to settle down so fast.”
Eddie grins, smoothing his hand down Theo’s back. He’s wearing his new elephant pajamas, a gift from Maddie and Chim. “Turns out some of my Buck skills are transferrable.”
Buck raises an eyebrow. “Your Buck skills, huh?”
“Mm-hmm,” Eddie hums, seeming entirely too pleased with himself. “Just read him a few books and then let him talk about the dinosaur farm he and Chris are going to run someday until he wore himself out. Worked like a charm.”
Buck shakes his head, but he’s smiling wide enough to make his cheeks hurt. “Him and that dinosaur farm.” He reaches out to free Eddie from the Theo-sized weight he’s trapped under, but Eddie only tightens his hold.
“You don’t have to move him yet,” he says quickly. “Don’t wanna wake him up.”
“You sure?” Buck asks skeptically. “That can’t be very comfortable.”
“I…” Eddie swallows, a little uncertainty creeping into his expression. “I’ve just been thinking. About Chris, and all the things I missed with him early on. It goes by so fast, and… I don’t know. I guess I want to try not to miss anything this time.”
Buck sucks in a breath as Eddie looks down, focusing his gaze on the top of Theo’s head. It’s not the first time Eddie’s said something like this, like he considers Theo a part of his family in the same way Buck, in his most honest moments, thinks of Chris and Eddie as his. But it is the first time Buck has been forced to sit with the way that makes him feel.
First, and most importantly, Buck is happy that Theo has so many people that love him. Everyone has pitched in over the last few weeks, helping him figure out childcare and paperwork, paint colors and childproofing. But it’s different with Eddie. When Eddie and Chris come over, it feels less like they’re just helping Buck out and more like the four of them are in this together, like they’re… something.
That second feeling is more dangerous, and it’s so wrapped up in the happiness that Buck forgets to be careful sometimes. He lets the lines blur, lets himself imagine a world where Eddie and Chris staying over for a night turns into more nights that turn into forever. He’s considered bringing it up — the idea of them staying — if only because Theo deserves more than what Buck is able to give him on his own, but he’s never been brave enough.
Which is where the doubt comes in. Theo isn’t here to stay, at least not yet, and Buck is already so attached to him that he’s not sure how he’d survive saying goodbye again. But he can’t shake the nagging feeling that he’s holding onto Theo for selfish reasons.
“Hey,” Eddie says softly. His voice presses the pause button on Buck’s spiral. “Where’d you go?”
Buck hesitates, gathering up the courage to voice out loud the thought he’s been worrying over for weeks. “Do you think being with me is really what’s best for him?”
“I do,” Eddie says without a breath of hesitation.
“You sound so sure.”
“I am sure.” Eddie’s jaw clicks. “Hey, look at me.”
Buck hadn’t even realized he’d looked away, but his eyes snap up automatically to meet Eddie’s steady gaze.
“I know this kid belongs with you.” Eddie’s eyes are wide and honest, and Buck is helpless to do anything but believe him. “And not because you share DNA or because fate brought him to you or anything like that, but because I know you. I know you’ll love him. You’ll fight for him. You’ll keep showing him that picture on his shelf and telling him about his parents so he’ll always remember them. You’ll take him to the zoo and the planetarium and spoil him rotten so he has more good memories than bad ones.
“And someday, when he’s old enough to understand, you’ll get to tell him about the day he was born and how you were the first one to hold him in your arms. He’ll roll his eyes at how mushy and sentimental his dad is, but deep down he’ll be so glad it was you.”
Eddie’s face has gone all blurry, and Buck has to duck his head to wipe his eyes on his sleeve. “And when I do what I always do and screw everything up?”
“You wake up the next day and try again.” Eddie carefully extracts his hand from Theo’s grip, bringing it to rest on Buck’s knee. His touch grounds Buck, like it always does. “You’re going to mess up. How many times have you been there to reassure me when I felt like I was failing Chris? Honestly, I’m kind of looking forward to having a chance to return the favor.”
“That’s because you’re way too hard on yourself.” Buck really wants to put his hand on top of Eddie’s, but he shouldn’t. He’s not allowed. “You’re a great dad. I don’t even know where I’m supposed to start.”
“I’d say you have more experience than most. Jee and Nash think you’re the best uncle ever — which they’re right about, by the way. And Chris…” Eddie stops, his jaw tensing and eyes flickering away for a moment. “Buck, I… Chris loves you. So much. And I know for a fact that we would be in a much worse place today if we’d never met you. You need to trust yourself. And whenever you need help, you know I’ve got your back.”
“I think we should move in together.”
The words are out before Buck can stop them, but he regrets them immediately. He buries his face in his hands so he doesn’t have to see Eddie’s reaction.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” he adds quickly. “That was stupid. I’m tired. Don’t listen to me.”
Eddie’s hand tightens on Buck’s leg. “Hey, hold on. Why do you think it’s stupid?”
Buck tries to take a deep breath and keep his voice quiet. He also tries very, very hard not to think about how large Eddie’s hand is. “Because it doesn’t make any sense. We’d need, like, a four-bedroom house, which neither of us have, and you didn’t sign up to be a live-in babysitter. Even if Theo would absolutely love to have both of you around all the time. And maybe I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed by the idea of doing this all by myself, but that’s selfish, and I’m sure I’ll get over it. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to—”
“Okay.” Eddie’s hand disappears. “Can you breathe for me, bud?”
Buck tries, he really does, but it’s hard to fill his lungs when he’s sitting hunched over on the floor like this.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Eddie murmurs, and Buck’s heart nearly ricochets out of his chest before he realizes Eddie was talking to Theo. God, he’s embarrassing. Why would he ever think Eddie would want to move in with him?
When he looks up, Eddie has successfully maneuvered Theo off his chest and into his bed without waking him up. He turns to Buck with a curious expression, nodding his head toward the door.
Buck follows Eddie out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaning back on it for support.
“I really didn’t mean to say that out loud,” Buck says with a wince.
Eddie searches his face, and Buck feels so, so exposed. “So you’ve been thinking about it for a while, huh?”
“Not… not really,” Buck stammers. “I mean, not as a real thing. Just… it’s nice to think about.” Eddie raises an eyebrow, and Buck feels his face heat up as he mutters, “I don’t know. Shut up.”
“Didn’t say anything.” Eddie moves closer, and Buck swallows hard. There’s a look in Eddie’s eyes he can’t interpret, which is a novel experience. Eddie’s emotions tend to be very easy for him to read. “Why did you say we’d need a four-bedroom house?”
“Um.” Buck blinks, caught off guard. “Because there’s four of us?”
“I’m just not sure we could afford anything that big,” Eddie says with a shrug. “Not in this neighborhood. We might have to settle for three.”
“Oh. Uh. Yeah, that… might be true.” He doesn’t know what Eddie’s doing, but he’s still looking at him, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth like there’s some joke Buck is missing. “But I’m not sure Chris would want to share a room with a four-year-old.”
“Who said anything about the two of them sharing?” Eddie’s tongue darts out to lick his bottom lip, a split-second motion that inexplicably leaves Buck dizzy and reeling. “We shared for a while after I moved back. And that wasn’t all bad, was it?”
Little does Eddie know that he’s referring to the most blissful period of torture Buck has ever experienced. Sharing a bed with Eddie, sharing dresser drawers with Eddie, sharing a home… it wasn’t the catalyst of his longing, but it certainly made it tangible in a way it never had been before.
“I don’t know what’s happening here,” Buck whispers. Eddie seems to have moved even closer, somehow, blocking off most of his escape routes.
“Why do you want us to live together?” Eddie asks. “You said it’s nice to think about. Why?”
“It would be easier,” Buck says, working to keep his eyes from dropping to Eddie’s lips again. “Logistically, I mean. We could split bills and groceries. Probably save on rent.”
Eddie hums. “Is that what has you all nervous — thinking about saving on rent?”
“No.” Buck only has a moment to bemoan his inability to keep anything a secret from Eddie before he’s talking again. “I really, really, liked living with you. Everything felt… lighter. I liked doing chores with you. I liked having people to cook for. And getting to have a sleepover with my best friend every night was just… a bonus.”
Eddie laughs out loud at that, swaying further into Buck’s space as he shakes his head. “You know, I’ve heard people describe marriage that way.”
Buck freezes, feeling caught. “Sorry. That’s not— I mean, I wasn’t—”
“You weren’t?” Eddie smiles up at him, and every last coherent thought flees Buck’s mind. Only incoherent thoughts remain, like oh God, I want to kiss him and wait, is Eddie about to kiss me?
But before he even has time to shut down that runaway train, the door behind him is giving way and he’s stumbling back into the bedroom. He narrowly avoids Theo, who’s clinging to the doorknob and blinking up at them.
“Hey, Spider-Man,” Eddie says, crouching down so he’s level with Theo. Buck sucks in a breath, trying to recover from the sudden interruption. His racing heart certainly has nothing to do with what he thinks might have just been interrupted.
“I’m not sleepy,” Theo says, the last word cut off by a yawn. “I need a story.”
“Okay. What story would you like?”
Theo frowns, crossing his arms. “Not you. A Buck story.”
Grinning, Eddie looks up at Buck. “Well, you heard the boss. Sounds like you’re up.”
Buck huffs out a laugh as he scoops Theo up. “All right. One story, but that’s it.”
“Look at you, laying down the law.” Eddie straightens up and ruffles Theo’s hair, planting a kiss on his cheek. He turns to Buck, his face going pink as he hesitates for a fraction of a second before pressing a kiss to Buck’s jaw. Sparks erupt across his skin, and it’s all he can do to hold onto Theo as he gapes at Eddie.
“Talk after?” Eddie says with a crooked grin. Buck manages to nod before Eddie slips out, leaving the two of them alone.
He feels giddy as he carries Theo over to his bed, countless possibilities opening up in his mind that he pushes to one side for the moment. Right now, he has a job to do.
“All right,” Buck says once they’re settled, Theo curled up at his side. “What do you want your story to be about tonight?”
“Eddie,” Theo replies happily.
Buck laughs. “Now that, I can do.”