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“Nagisa’s really started to change lately, huh?”
The comment came out of nowhere. Right in the middle of lunch with Nakamura to catch up. It was hard to find time to hang out with each other since they were attending different high-schools, but Karma was determined to make these friends stick.
Let’s face it, he’s never going to find any others. So it was worth it to put in a little effort to keep these.
“…What?” Karma had to ask through a mouthful of burger.
Nakamura looked amused, before shaking her head. “His jaw is getting sharper, shoulders a little broader; he even cut his hair.” She fiddled with the straw of her drink. “He’s losing his feminine edge.”
Karma supposed that was true, but he wasn’t really sure what her point was. “…So what?”
“That must be hard for you.” She explained. “I wanted to see how you were doing with that.”
What?
Karma couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d brushed it off with Nakamura, and changed the subject to something else, but her words played on repeat in his mind.
He’s losing his feminine edge.
That must be hard for you.
Was it? Did Karma give off that impression? Since when did his friends think he liked Nagisa femininity?
Sure, he ribbed on Nagisa like crazy during junior high, with the cosplays and the teasing, but that’s all it was: Teasing.
“You’re quiet tonight.” Nagisa noted while they played video games that evening. Nagisa spent most nights at Karma’s house, when he could slip away from his mother, that is.
Karma snapped out of his thoughts, realizing Nagisa was currently destroying him at the game they were playing. He scrambled to fight back, only for the big GAME OVER sign to appear. He groaned and let himself fall to the side, head finding itself in Nagisa’s lap. “You got me. Dead again.”
Nagisa looked down at him with slight amusement. “Did something happen with Nakamura? You said you were getting lunch with her today.”
“Don’t keep track of my life, you freak.” Karma teased.
Nagisa poked him on the forehead. “Seriously, are you okay?”
Karma sighed a little, eyes fluttering shut. “Nakamura just said something weird to me. It’s no big deal.”
“And I take it by that vague response, you’re not gonna tell me what it was?”
“See? This is why we work so well. You know me like the back of your hand.” Karma grinned up at him.
Nagisa smiled slightly down at him. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Yep, and the worst, I know.” Karma replied easily. “Are you coming to laser tag tomorrow?”
It might seem juvenile, but the old E-Class members actually found it therapeutic. E-Class left them with killing urges that couldn’t very easily be extinguished. Things like laser tag, paintball, even some sports, all helped them to get those emotions out.
Nagisa hummed. “Yeah, sure, why not? It’s been a while.”
“That’s because you skipped last month.” Karma noted, reaching up to grab Nagisa’s cheek between his fingers and pull.
Nagisa winced and lightly smacked his hand away. “My mom needed me to come to a work party; I had no choice. I wasn’t gonna leave my dad to brave it alone.”
Karma held back an eyeroll. “Whatever. I’m dragging you to laser tag tomorrow, so make sure you’re up and ready.” He smirked. “’Course, we both know that I know how to break in through your window.”
A small blush crossed Nagisa’s cheeks. He couldn’t explain it. There was just something romantic about a boyfriend climbing in through his window. And ever since his mother had started couples therapy with his dad, there hadn’t been much reason for Karma to sneak over.
The little first aid kits Karma had made and hidden outside Nagisa’s house hadn’t seen use in a long time either.
Nagisa spoke with a small sigh. “I get it, no getting out of it, I’ll come play laser tag, I promise.”
“Good boy.” Karma smirked, reaching up and poking his cheek.
Some of the others hate it when Nagisa plays laser tag.
All in jest, of course. They’re always not only happy, but also relieved, when Nagisa finds the time to join them for things like this.
It’s just that he always wins.
“Go right, I’ll head straight.” Karma murmured to Nakamura, who nodded and split off from him.
Karma carefully moved forward. Someone tried to get the jump on him, but he hit their target first. It turned out to be Okano, who groaned in annoyance.
Laser tag was easy, and thrilling, and Karma was definitely one of the best players.
But Nagisa never lost his ability to sneak-attack.
Karma heard the target on his chest blare before he even saw him. He looked down and scowled to see he was out.
Nagisa hopped down from one of the metal beams up on the ceiling, smiling sheepishly.
“Seriously?” Karma pouted. “We’re allowed to use the ceiling?”
“Nobody ever said we couldn’t.” Nagisa chuckled.
Karma smirked. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go take out the rest and earn your victory.”
“Already did,” Nagisa winked. “You were the last one.”
Karma glanced over at the TV screen and saw that sure enough, his whole team was out. Nagisa’s team had three remaining.
“You really piss me off sometimes.” Karma noted.
Nagisa just laughed, knowing Karma didn’t mean it whatsoever. Karma smiled slightly at the sound.
When the two made it out of the battle ground, the others were all waiting, either talking, getting snacks, or just relaxing. Nagisa’s teammates cheered for him since he got them yet another victory.
“Next time I want Nagisa on my team.” Nakamura smirked. “I’m trading you in, Karma.”
Karma rolled his eyes. “Yeah right. Like Nagisa would want to team up with somebody crafty like you.”
Nagisa just chuckled and went to grab sodas with Kayano and Sugino.
When they were out of earshot, Nakamura nudged Karma’s side. “This is what I’m talking about.”
Karma’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“He’s more self-assured. He holds his head up high. He’s…more manly.” Nakamura explained.
Were those manly qualities? Maybe.
But Karma’s not sure he’s ever thought of it like that.
“It’s weird seeing Nagisa with short hair.” Yada noted with a small smile. “I haven’t seen him since he cut it.”
“It looks good on him, though.” Fuwa grinned.
Kurahashi giggled. “Karma, you’re so lucky. You really snagged a cutie. Although I kinda miss his longer hair. Ah…but he’s still super cute now!”
“Be honest, Karma, how long did you spend mourning the loss of Nagisa’s feminine features?” Nakamura joked.
Feminine features?
Karma missed Nagisa’s long hair too, but only because it was funny to watch Nagisa get angry whenever he’d pull on it. He never really thought of it as anything else beyond that.
He was so much happier with his hair short, so Karma was happy for him.
“You know I don’t really care about that junk.” Karma waved off easily. Because he didn’t. Nagisa was aesthetically pleasing, sure, but his feminine features, as they call it, had nothing to do with his feelings towards the boy.
“Oh come on, you’re telling me you don’t miss him looking more girly even a little bit?” Nakamura smirked. “I mean, I get that it wasn’t his choice and stuff, but he was really pretty.”
It must’ve shown on Karma’s face how put off he was, because Nakamura sighed and held up her hands in defense. “Chill out, I’m just poking at you. I’m glad you care about him beyond looks. Nagisa’s…pretty great, isn’t he?”
There was a hint of longing in her voice that was hard to miss. Karma was no fool. He knew how many of their female friends felt about Nagisa. They’d never make a move on him, of course, but it was hard not to notice that blushes or the longing looks.
Karma wasn’t a jealous person. They could stare all they’d like. At the end of the day, Nagisa liked boys. Liked him.
He was not threatened.
“You’re still quiet.” Nagisa noted as the two walked home together. The sun had begun to set, giving everything a nice orange glow.
Karma hummed. “Just ticked off from how you outplayed me in laser tag. Again.”
“I couldn’t almost believe that, except that if that was the case, you’d be a lot more vocal about it.” Nagisa teased gently before looking at him with slight concern. “…Are you okay?”
Sigh.
Nagisa couldn’t help himself, could he? He had to be understanding and considerate and speak in that soft little tone that made Karma want to punch something.
“Our friends think you’re more manly now.”
Nagisa continued to stare at him as they walked, head tilting. “…Huh?”
Karma snorted a little, shoving his hands in his pockets. “The girls are practically swooning since you cut your hair. The guys look envious. Apparently, you’re too pretty to handle.”
The words came out with more bite than he’d intended, but he still wasn’t jealous.
Was he?
“And that makes you angry…because…?” Nagisa trailed off, hoping to encourage more from his boyfriend.
Karma grumbled. “Not angry, just…” Just what? What was he feeling if not jealous? “…nescient.”
Nagisa looked even more baffled than before. “What? Why?”
The redhead huffed, staring decidedly straight ahead so he didn’t have to see Nagisa’s big, concerned eyes. “Because they all notice that junk, and I don’t. You don’t look any different to me than you did when we met. You’ve always just been…Nagisa. Hair long, short, it never…made a difference.” He grumbled, realizing why he felt so bad. He reluctantly mumbled out the rest. “…I guess I think you deserve someone who will take notice of that crap.”
A heavy silence fell over the two for a few moments. The only sound was the soft steps of their feet.
Then, Nagisa spoke in a firm tone. “Do you think I like people noticing such a difference about me, Karma?”
Karma’s head snapped over in slight surprise and confusion.
Nagisa sighed, and looked down with a frustrated expression. “…Look, I guess I’m glad that everyone sees me as more manly now…but at the same time…that’s kind of insulting, isn’t it? Because it just means that they really didn’t before.” He bit his lip. “That…That hurts. It hurts that no matter how hard I tried to dress in more masculine clothes, or put my hair up so it appeared shorter…it didn’t really make a difference because of…you know, stuff at home.” The diets, the forced hair shaving, the use of cleansing products more designed for women to keep their skin clear and smooth. His mother had done so much to try and keep him appearing feminine.
Taking another soft breath to try and calm himself, Nagisa continued. “Part of why I always latched onto you, Karma, was because…you never saw any of that. When we first started hanging out, you said nothing about my hair or my clothes or anything else. You wanted to hang out with me…and it made me feel…well, like a man.”
Karma looked at him in slight awe as the shorter boy continued. “My point with all of this is that…I never needed or wanted you to notice that stuff. When you look at me, I know you just see…me, no matter what I look like.” Nagisa finished, smiling softly at him.
And suddenly, Karma felt stupid for ever thinking this could be an issue.
He let out a carefree laugh as his shoulders relaxed. “Oh man, I really let Nakamura and the others get in my head, didn’t I? That’s so unlike me.”
Nagisa’s smile widened. He walked closer so he could bump Karma’s side. “Next time just…talk to me, okay? You don’t need to stew on it or something.”
“I got it.” Karma replied easily. “And hey, if the comments are ever too much, just tell me. I’ll shut everyone up real quickly.”
“You’d sure love that, wouldn’t you?” Nagisa teased lightly.
Karma pouted. “Hey, I’ve been getting into way less fights lately, you gotta allow me one every once in a while.”
“Yeah…I don’t think so.”
“You’re such a killjoy sometimes.”
“And you’re still a sadist.”
Karma smirked and put his arm around Nagisa’s shoulders as they walked. He pressed a small kiss to Nagisa’s hair, an action he rarely did outside of the privacy of one of their houses. “And you wouldn’t have me any other way.”
Nagisa smiled faintly, leaning into him. “No, I wouldn’t.”