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On a Tuesday afternoon, Eddie finds himself on a boat. He's not alone; with him on the deck are six couples, a family with two young kids, and of course, Eddie's best friend. Buck is right there by his side, holding on to the boat railing and peering out at the water. The waves are gentle and sparkling in the September sun, and the promised dolphins are gliding in and out of the water, jumping up in pairs and trios and giving everyone a show.
Eddie slides his hand over to bump his pinkie against Buck's. "You okay?" he asks, glancing to his side. Buck is squinting against the sun, but Eddie secretly doesn't mind that he forgot his sunglasses. They hide the crow's feet at the corners of Buck's eyes, and the striking blue in his irises.
"Yeah." Buck responds without taking his eyes off the dolphins, so Eddie lets himself watch a little longer. There are sun spots on Buck's forehead, framed by his sun-bleached curls. His lips are shiny from the SPF lip balm he insists they both wear religiously. "This view is just incredible."
"Yeah, it is." Feeling that treacherous pull in his chest, Eddie forces himself to look away from the side of Buck's face, and follows Buck's gaze to where the dolphins are dancing in the water instead.
"Thanks for taking me," Buck says after a beat, and Eddie feels his pinkie twitch against Eddie's.
"Of course. No one else I'd rather go with."
Eddie is grateful that Buck doesn't argue with that, like he would have a year ago, when he was just as set on finding Eddie a girlfriend as Tía Pepa still is. Pepa is the one who sent Eddie the dolphin watching tour ticket for two, sent it to him via e-mail telling him to get back out there and go on a nice date with someone. Even a year ago, Eddie had known he'd rather get shot a fifth time than try dating again. Turns out that break from dating was needed, and he's finally figured out that what he needs in his life isn't a wife, a mother for Christopher, or any sort of pretty brown-haired girl. What Eddie needs is the man currently by his side, crinkle-eyed and rough around the edges. It hadn't caught him by surprise, or even hit him out of nowhere. The realization had just crept up to him slowly, gently; until now, when he's settled and secure in the thought that Buck will always be part of him in some way, part of his family.
"Lots of couples here." Buck's voice pulls Eddie out of his thoughts, but when he turns his head, Buck's gaze is still steadfastly focused on the blue horizon.
"Uh. Yeah," Eddie says dumbly. It was a deal for two, and he supposes dolphin watching is one of those activities you either do as a tourist or as a romantic activity. And anyway, Tía Pepa had intended it to be for a couple. Eddie just hadn't told Buck that.
Buck hums, and lets himself sway into Eddie, bumping their shoulders together. With their pinkies still touching, they end up connecting in a long line from their shoulder down to their fingertips, and Eddie fights to calm the nerves when he feels the warm, fuzzy skin of Buck's forearm press against his own.
The nerves Eddie's feeling are not new. They'd been there before he even realized the cause, but now, knowing that it's Buck's simple touch that sends his heart rattling against his ribcage, it feels even more embarrassing. Not only does Eddie sound like a school girl with a crush when he tries to rationalize with himself in his head; the worst of it is that Buck is completely oblivious, a lethal combination with the fact that Buck has no concept of personal space. Eddie is consistently put in these situations, with Buck all over him, and he is supposed to act normal when he's unable to go back to that blissfully unaware state where all Buck was was a brother, a buddy. The only thing holding him together in those moments is the knowledge that Buck can't find out — not yet. Eddie's not ready for the fallout.
"Eddie." Buck isn't looking at the ocean anymore. His head is bowed and Eddie can see a little wrinkle between his eyebrows. Self conscious that Buck is staring at their arms next to each other, Eddie flexes his hand, but doesn't let himself take it away. Can't let himself be weird about this. "Is this— Um. Is this a date?"
Well. There goes the idea of things not being weird, or Buck not finding out. Eddie wants to jump the railing, run inside to cabin, call air support to lift him out of here. The thing is, he can't move. He's pinned down by Buck's searching eyes, now looking right at him, and Eddie's ears are ringing so loudly he can't piece together what Buck's expression is even saying right now. When he realizes he's simply staring right back at Buck, Eddie forces himself to respond.
"It was meant to be," he says, because it was — Pepa meant for this boat tour to be a date, but now it isn't, obviously, since he's taken his friend instead. His friend who he's in love with, increasingly undeniably so, and who is currently cracking a smile so wide his eyes are barely visible, and Eddie's head is swimming because he may have made it sound like this is meant to be a date, a date with Buck. And Buck — he doesn't seem bothered.
"Okay," Buck says, his voice suspiciously level like he's trying to contain his emotions, and then he lets out a little puff of breath that tells Eddie he forgot to breathe for a second. Buck seems… happy. Surprised and happy.
"Okay," Eddie responds dumbly, and then they both turn back to the dolphins. The boat's motor whirrs back to life, and they start moving again, gliding through the sun-sparkled water to their next viewing spot.
As they pick up speed, Buck sways into him more, and suddenly, he moves his hand to the other side of Eddie's, so their thumbs are touching instead. Wordlessly, Buck wiggles and wiggles until he's worked his thumb into the spot between Eddie's thumb and index finger, and then he supposes they're sort of holding hands. Eddie's heart is beating so fast he feels dizzy with it. It feels like the first time he held hands with Shannon, sixteen and so, so nervous. Except back then, he'd been a teenager with the world at his feet, and his only worry had been that he'd be a bad kisser.
There is so much to worry about now. Buck is his best friend, miles ahead of any other friendship he's ever had in his life, and Eddie still hadn't decided if blowing it all up for the chance of something more was even really worth it. They are partners in every sense of the word already. Christopher has viewed Buck as his bonus dad for almost as many years as Eddie's known Buck, and Buck gave Eddie pretty much the same position in his son's life, too, when he adopted Theo. It means in practice, they have two kids, and messing this up would mean messing up their kids' lives, not to mention losing Buck's secure, steady presence by his side, and Eddie can't —
"Hey." Buck's hand moves up, sliding across the top of Eddie's and wrapping loosely around his wrist. Because he knows Eddie in ways Eddie hasn't even quite figured out, he starts rubbing gentle circles into Eddie's skin with his thumb. "Are you— Are you okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Eddie retorts too quickly, and immediately feels like a dick for it. Buck's eyes are on him now while Eddie is refusing to meet them, and he can feel the anxiety radiating off of Buck.
Buck swallows down the way Eddie knows he wants to scoff and lash out, and Eddie is grateful for it.
It takes three deep breaths of ocean air until Eddie can properly feel Buck's warm hand on him. His thumb is pressing gently into Eddie's skin, still rubbing the inside of his wrist, back and forth now.
"This is just all very new," Eddie tries, and it's somewhat the truth.
"It's okay."
"I don't want to fuck this up."
"You won't," Buck says, and Eddie can hear the grin through his words.
"This funny to you?" There's no venom in Eddie's words, but he still can't quite look at Buck.
"No! Well— A little," he admits. "It's just— I've been waiting for so long. I don't care how slow we have to take it."
That's finally enough to make Eddie turn his head. Buck's face is wide open for him, which means at least most of his panic has subsided. Like he can't stop himself, there is still a little smile pulling at Buck's mouth, and his cheeks are pink. From the — was that a confession?
"How long?" The teasing tone dissipates the last of the tension, and Eddie watches Buck flounder at the direct question.
"Since—" he starts, turning impossibly more red. "Years, Eddie. Like, before the truck, before— Before my leg."
Before the day Buck dragged Christopher out of a tsunami for him. Before the lawsuit that prevented them from seeing each other and made Eddie embarrassingly lash out in a grocery store. Before Eddie granted guardianship of his son to Buck in his will. If Eddie had to pin-point where his affection changed from platonic to more, he'd probably say some time during the year following that. Somewhere between getting buried alive and shot in the chest, Eddie decided Buck was his person. That too, is years ago.
He can't tell Buck all of that now, here, in front of all these strangers. "I didn't know. That's why I— I guess I freaked out a little. I didn't know if a date was what you wanted, too. But… I wasn't asking to take things slow," Eddie says instead, surprising himself with the way he holds Buck's gaze.
"Oh— Okay. That's— Okay."
There isn't enough time to enjoy the way Buck flushes head to toe, eyes flickering all over the place for something to focus on, because the boat glides into a cave. The light dims, and Eddie takes the moment to finally un-claw his hand from the railing and turn it upwards, linking his fingers with Buck's before he can panic about it any more. Buck's hand fits into Eddie's perfectly, and it's a little unfair they've both sat on their feelings for so long when they could have been holding onto each other like this for years.
Buck doesn't ask anything else, and Eddie doesn't panic when Buck squeezes his hand and lets go in favor of wrapping his arm around Eddie's shoulders instead, pulling him into a half-hug. It's only natural for Eddie to slide his arm underneath Buck's, rest it around his waist, his hand on Buck's hip. He hooks his thumb into the waist of Buck's jeans, and then realizes he's tucked it into his underwear too, and his thumb is just casually nestled against Buck's bare skin.
Even this development doesn't make Eddie panic, and Buck has changed topics and is gently rumbling facts about different types of stone and cave formations into Eddie's ear. By the time they're coasting out of the cave again, Eddie has started to feel like this is the type of date he'd like to go on for the rest of his life, and he's fighting the urge to tell Buck he wants to take this anything but slow, actually.
They're on the way back to the coast, and when the thought of taking this hand-holding, arms-around-each-other business back to shore still doesn't make Eddie panic, he breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe this is the right decision. Maybe it won't make everything implode, because it feels like this is where he belongs. Tucked in underneath Buck's arm, breathing in his cologne and sweat, and the salty air sticking to his hair.
Later that night, with Buck's head resting in his lap and a search for 4-bedroom houses open on the laptop on the coffee table (because neither of them ended up wanting to take this slow), Eddie opens his texts with his tía.
Eddie
I went on that Dolphin Tour with someone. It was a really nice date. Thank you so much.
I took Buck, actually. For the date. And it went well.
Is that OK?
Pepa
Mijo, of course that is okay. I was hoping you would take him. I am so happy for you boys.