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"So you hate me too."
It was only thanks to his training that Dick did not jump; he turned, and at the entrance of the cave he saw Damian, Titus and Ace at his side, a dull expression.
How long had he been there?
Damian's voice was firm, yet with a note of pain that shouldn't have been there, tugged at Dick's heart.
"What? Dami, no..." the confusion that made its way into him. He was angry, of course, but not with Damian. Never with him.
"Believe me, of all of us, Dickhead isn't the one who hates you," Jason interjected, unhelpfully, to be honest.
Dick glared at him, as if to say, "Do you think this is the time to joke?" when Damian said, "He has to. Hate me, I mean. He hates Father, after all. Ever since you got to the cave, you've done nothing but badmouth him."
Yeah, and for good reason: Bruce had meddled in Titans business, and Dick was pissed. He had to come to the Manor and yell at him - it was almost a family tradition now, wasn't it? - and he was even more irritated not to find him immediately. He had gone down to the cave, where he had already found Jason, also in a bad mood, for the same reason. When will Bruce learn to leave them alone? When will he learn that they didn't need him? They were not children. He couldn't control them.
It had been easy, complaining to Jason. Jason understood. He bet that, if he were at the Manor, Tim would join them, because yes, Bruce was so irritating.
He had been so caught up in his outburst, not realizing that someone was listening to them. Not exactly a good figure for his observation skills.
"Bruce is...sometimes he's infuriating..." Dick tried to say, “It's just normal that people get angry.”
"Me too," Damian replied, his voice cracking, "I'm too serious, too literal, too bossy. Everyone says I'm like Father. So, if you hate Father for those reasons, then you hate me too."
That was a big logical leap, and a big one. And if Dick was so mean as to hate Damian for a parent, it would be because of Talia, certainly not because of Bruce.
"Damian, no. You're a kid, only ten...”
Damian, however, was relentless, "So? It's a pass? Just because I’m a kid? And if I’m not? If I were a teen? Would you hate me?”
“Damian…”
“Father and I have the same problem. There's something about us that's not...neurotypical. We're different. And so is Cassandra. So, if you hate Father, you hate me and her too?"
He didn't like where that conversation was going. He began to break out in a cold sweat, his heart beating fast in his chest, "I don't hate Bruce..."
"It doesn't seem like it at all!" Damian snapped, his eyes now decidedly watery. "After he returned from the time streem, you avoid him, you almost never come to the Manor unless you need something from him, and you don't respect his boundaries and you get angry. You say so many nasty things to his face and behind his back, you question his integrity. How is that not hate? How can you not hate me too?! "
Dick found himself speechless. He hadn't...he'd never thought of hating Bruce. Even in his worst moments, he couldn't hate him.
But God, how irritating he was to deal with, how rigid, how uncommunicative...why couldn't he be like Uncle Clark? Why didn't he try harder? He was exhausting to deal with, all his antics, his paranoia, the way his brain worked and that Dick just couldn't understand, would it cost him so much to be at least a little more normal? God, Bruce, what a nightmare you are...
"Dick," Jason's voice jolted him. There was something harsh about his voice, a warning, which he usually used when he was Red Hood, almost never in his civilian identity.
Jason was looking at him strangely, and Damian was pale. Dick felt a heaviness in his chest. He'd said those things out loud, hadn't he?
“Normal? You want him to be normal?”
"Damian, look, I expressed myself badly..."
Damian didn't want any of Dick's shit, "And what would be the norm for you, Richard? Constantly expressing your anger? Ignoring your family because they made you angry? Refusing to see the other person's point of view because it is not comfortable? So, what would be the norm?"
Dick moaned, "Look, it's complicated... but Bruce is not normal, you know this..."
"Neither I am normal, Richard. But you said you love me. But at the same time, you cannot stand Father for the same things. So, you lied.”
“I don’t…”
“Do you love Father, Richard?”
The question took him totally by surprise. He blinked, unprepared, "Damian, of course I love you..."
"I didn't say that. I asked you if you love Father. It shouldn't be that difficult to answer. You were the first, weren't you? You always make him remember. You were here before all of us, even your dear Uncle Clark. So, do you love Father?"
It should be such a simple question. Really, Dick shouldn't even think about it. But the words did not come out of him. It was like when someone asked him if Bruce was his father, and Dick, for lack of anything better, said it was complicated.
But it wasn't, was it? John Grayson was his father, but Bruce had made him the man he was now. He owed Bruce everything. But still, Dick couldn't call him dad, or say three simple words. He can't.
“You say you don't hate Father," Damian's voice shook as he said it, "But you don't even love him. You wish he were easier to love. You wish I were easier to love. But Richard...father never had any trouble loving you. And you never made it easy for him.”
Damian didn't wait for Dick's reply. He walked away, the dogs following him, and Titus turned, growling at them, almost daring Dick and Jason to follow.
Dick was about to, but Jason grabbed his arm.
"This isn't the right time. The demon brat wouldn't like it."
Titus stared at them for a while longer, then decided to follow his master. Dick grimaced. "Damian's upset. I can't..."
"What, ignore him until he gets over it? You usually do it so well!"
Dick's gaze hardened. "You're in no position to speak."
"No, I'm not. But he has a point, you know? We can't treat him one way, and then take it out on the old man right afterward. Damian's not stupid. He sees the clear double standard."
"It's not a double standard, Bruce is..."
"An asshole, but guess what, Damian is too. And they both have good reasons for being the way they are. So, you can't tell him you love him, and then yell at Bruce. It's no surprise Damian thinks you hate them both."
Except that wasn't the case. Damian was his little brother. He was his family. Bruce was...well, he was Bruce.
But without Bruce, Dick wouldn't have a family now. He wouldn't have anything. He should love them both. He should be easy with them both.
"He didn't say anything to you," Dick found himself saying, perhaps to divert attention from himself. Jason shrugged. "I've tried to kill members of this family enough times that Damian doesn't doubt me. But you...to him, you are a liar."
"I love him," Dick persisted.
"But do you love Bruce?"
That damned question again. Such a simple question. But Dick couldn't answer. What kind of son of a partner of a person was he?
"Maybe we should go."
"I need to talk to Bruce, I..."
"What, you want to continue the work? The son first, then father? Wow, you're a family man!"
Except Bruce deserved a piece of Dick's mind. Damian had been unlucky, he'd misunderstood, and Dick would explain it to him, but first he had to…
You wish he were easier to love. You wish I were easier to love. But Richard...father never had any trouble loving you. And you never made it easy for him.
Suddenly, Dick didn't feel like arguing with anyone anymore.