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“You want me to come with you?”
“Could you?”
“Of course.”
And before he knew it, Shane found himself sitting with Ilya in the driveway to his parents’ cottage, trying to find the nerve to open the car door and head inside.
Ilya took Shane’s hand in his and stroked his thumb over Shane’s knuckles. His heart wouldn’t stop racing, but with Ilya here by his side comforting him, it all felt a bit more possible. He could survive this.
Finally Ilya broke the silence. “I have seen the way they look at you, Shane. Always cheering for you and supporting you. These are parents who will love you anyway.”
Shane closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before letting it go in a slow exhale, trying to slow his racing heart as if he were preparing for overtime. He had hoped to ease his parents in: first tell them he was gay and let them adjust to that before revealing the Ilya Rozanov of it all. Instead it was time to rip off the bandaid and hope his parents would handle it well.
They tipped their foreheads together for a moment, exchanged a small kiss, and then got out of the car and headed toward the house.
Shane rapped on the door a couple of times before opening it and stepping inside, just like he’d done countless times over the years.
“Hey guys? It’s me? Shane?” He stepped out of the enclosed entryway and into the den where he found his parents standing together, one of his mother’s hands drifting soothingly over his father’s nape. They looked up at Shane abruptly, wide eyed and startled. Did they not think he would head straight here to talk to them about what his dad had seen? Shane soaked up their uncomfortable stance and studied the coffee table full half empty cups and partially nibbled snacks before adding, “And this is Ilya? Rozanov? I just wanted to explain.”
“Explain what, exactly?” Yuna asked. Shane watched her slip her fingers through her husband’s as she steadied herself.
Shane took a breath to steady himself and then let it all out at once. “That I’m gay. And that I’m with Ilya. That he’s been spending the week with me at the cottage. That we’re together. We kinda have been for a long time, but we’re really together now.”
He studied his parents as they processed his words. No one spoke right away, and he found himself filling empty air. “I’m sorry if this is disappointing, either the being gay or who I’m with. I never wanted to let you down…”
“Oh, Shane, no!” Yuna interjected. Apparently his apology had shaken her loose. She slipped her hand from David’s and came across the room to hug Shane tightly against herself. He wasn’t one to cry often, but he felt tears well up in his eyes as he sunk into her arms. He was several inches taller, so he let his head rest down against hers as she patted his back.
When they stepped apart, David finally spoke, “Well, it’s good to meet you, Rozanov.”
“Ilya,” Shane and Ilya said in unison.
“Ilya.” David corrected himself and then continued, “I’m the one who is sorry here. You asked for an uninterrupted week, Shane, but our cottage wine key apparently got packed up and taken back to town. I thought I would just pop in and borrow yours instead of buying a new one that we didn’t need. I did call first, but I guess you were… Yep. You were occupied.”
Ilya shuffled his feet as Shane replied, “It’s okay, Dad. You didn’t mean anything by it. If I hadn’t lied…”
“I don’t really think it’s lying if it’s part of being in the closet,” Yuna said. “You were doing what you thought you needed to do to keep yourself and your… your Ilya safe. Maybe we should sit down and talk?”
They made their way to the two couches that sat cattycornered around a still mysteriously full coffee table.
“I appreciate this,” Ilya said, “That you let me in and you let Shane in.”
“Of course we would,” David replied. But Shane knew there was no ‘of course,’ especially for Ilya. David continued, “You could have told us any time, Shane, and we would be here for you. But we also understand why you perhaps wanted to wait.”
Shane watched his parents have one of those mysterious silent eye contact conversations that only made sense to people who had been together for years, followed by a nod first from his mother and then from his father.
They locked their fingers together, hands resting on Yuna’s leg. Shane had never seen his parents look so nervous before.
“So,” Yuna began, then paused to take another steadying breath. “We might understand better than you would think because we also have things we don’t talk about with others.”
Shane cringed and said, “Please don’t tell me about your sex life. It’s really okay.”
“Well, it’s more than that,” David said.
He braced himself. His parents had shared the pertinent information about sex and sexuality when he was a tween and teen, but it had been very matter of fact and educational. They certainly never shared anything about their own sexuality.
David glanced at his phone and stood up. “I’ll be right back.”
Yuna nodded at him as he walked away and headed toward the back of the house where the bedrooms were. She had never been short on words and quickly found some to fill the tense air. “We were young once too and went through our own, um, explorations as we figured ourselves out. And we are not so old that we don’t still want the things in life that make us happy.”
“Of course, Mrs. Hollander,” Ilya said. Shane settled a bit as Ilya wrapped an arm around him and stroked his shoulder.
“Please, call me Yuna.”
Ilya smiled. Shane loved when the sun broke through on his face. He was so distracted by this moment that it took him a minute to notice the sound of his father walking back in the room. Actually, the sound of… several people walking into the room?!
Shane jumped up abruptly. His parents had company and they were letting this company find out about him and Ilya? This was too much. Too risky. Unsafe. What if they told someone? What if they told reporters? What if…
He felt Ilya’s arms pull him against his strong chest and tucked his head against Ilya’s shoulder. “It is okay, Shane. It will be okay. We are safe. Your parents are here. Your boyfriend is here. Your parents’, hmm, boyfriend and girlfriend are here?”
David let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “That’s one way to put it, I guess.”
“Lovers?” Ilya asked.
Shane shuddered. “No, Ilya. That’s gross.”
“Shane, they accept you. They accept me. You can accept them too, yes?”
“God, of course,” Shane said. He lifted his head and frowned at Ilya. “It’s just that word.”
“What is wrong with lovers?”
“Boys,” David interjected. “Perhaps we can talk vocabulary and semantics over dinner. Right now we would like to introduce you too…”
“Coach Wiebe?” Shane gasped. Standing beside his parents with an arm around his dad’s back was the coach that had come to the Ottawa Centaurs the previous season, along with a woman of a similar age who Shane didn’t recognize. Shane didn’t know much about Wiebe except that his team loved him and that he had skated at McGill with… “Have you? Is this?”
“Deep breath, my Shanya,” Ilya said softly.
Shane studied them and then asked, “Since college?”
“Oh, no no no no no,” they all seemed to say in unison, laughing at each other.
“It’s good to see you off the ice, Hollander, Rozanov,” Coach Wiebe said. “Your father and I, well. We spent a lot of time together at McGill and then didn’t see each other for twenty something years. I knew David had eventually settled in Ottawa, so when I joined the Centaurs I looked him up.”
“It was like no time had passed,” David added. “Except now we’re both married and a bit less afraid of ourselves than we were at age 20. This is Brandon’s wife, Jennifer.”
She smiled and nodded at the two of them, her copper curls bobbing with the movement. “Good to meet you, boys. I’ve heard a lot about you from your parents, Shane. And about you from the media, Ilya.”
“All lies, Mrs. Wiebe. I promise,” Ilya said softly.
“Even volunteering at the children’s hospital and taking rookies under your wing with the Raiders?” she asked, cocking her head and looking at him fondly. Shane liked her immediately. He liked anyone who would grant that kindness to Ilya, especially in spite of the partyihng reputation he had built in his early years with the leagu.
“Mostly lies, then. But both children’s hospital and rookies are good for finding people to play video games with. It’s all selfish, I swear,” Ilya said with a wink. “Mrs… I mean, Yuna. You could point me to kitchen, I get everyone water? Maybe some vodka?”
“Come with me, Ilya,” Yuna said, smiling. “You can help me with it.” Jennifer picked up a few of the cups from the table and then followed the two of them into the kitchen.
That left Shane, his dad, and Brandon freaking Wiebe standing awkwardly in the middle of the den. Shane cleared his throat and then reached forward to shake Wiebe’s hand. “I, uh, like what I’ve seen so far of what you’re doing with the Cents.”
“Thanks, Hollzy. We’ve got a ways to go, but I’m happy with the move. I’m happy for a lot of reasons.”
Shane watched as Coach Wiebe and his father smiled at each other, and realized the overwhelming panic he had been feeling just a few minutes earlier had dissipated. His parents were accepting him and Ilya, and they all looked truly happy, if a bit nervous still.
His eyes wandered toward the kitchen and he said, “Maybe you’ll happen to pick up a new star skater along the way to help with that rebuild.”
Wiebe covered his ears and laughed. “I absolutely did not hear anything that I’m not allowed to talk about outside of contract negotiations.”
Shane found himself smiling. Apparently it was hard not to when he was around the Wiebes.
-
By the time the night was over, they had worked together to scrounge up a dinner for six and then enjoyed it at a crowded table full of laughter and chatter. After the sun set, Shane stood outside by the fire pit with his mother and Jennifer Wiebe, watching Ilya, his father, and Coach Wiebe collect kindling and bicker about the best way to build a fire. Shane felt more relaxed and at home than he had ever felt around people he had just met. Ilya apparently said something that got the other two laughing, and then he looked up and winked when he caught Shane watching him.
Maybe everything could be all right. They had gone from zero people knowing about them to four, and nothing had gone terribly wrong, and his parents had felt comfortable sharing more of their own lives with him as well.
Everyone seemed loose and happy as they settled around the fire that David and Ilya had eventually managed to build. Good food, a bit of vodka, and the unburdening of secrets had lulled them into a peaceful silence as they watched the flames. Shane settled in against Ilya and watched the half smiles on their faces. Yuna and the Wiebes sat together on a patio sofa with David on the stone floor below them, leaning back on the knees of a couple of his partners while one of them ran fingers through his hair. Every single one of them had let go of a huge weight on their souls that day, and the relief was written all over their bodies.