Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Prism was sure they had never run this fast in their entire life.

It was moving day, it was moving day!

The whirlwind of stress that had been the past three months was finally officially over because today, they would be moving in with Mom Grace. No more talking to one adult after the other about their Mom Vanta and about Mom Grace and about their grades and their hearing issues and the bajillion other things they wanted to know. No more moving between the med bay and the school nest and the cramped temporary room attached to the dome. No more waiting for The Hearing or The Evaluation or any other big event where they had to talk to a tense Mom Vanta in front of way too many other people. No more matching up five different schedules between all the other adults that for some reason had to be involved with them and Mom Grace.

Starting today, they were going to have a home again, and everyone would leave them alone – except Social Worker Tony, but their visits were always nice – and they could finally just live with their new mom.

Clutching their school bag close to their body with one free hand and their moms’ bracelet with the other, Prism dashed past a group of kids coming out of their class with Mom, narrowly escaping a collision. They knew they should be more careful but they physically couldn’t slow down. In record time, they arrived at the main airlock, Rocky already waiting for them.

“Hey, kid,” they chirped with a wave. “Excited to see your new home?”

“Yes yes yes yes yes!” they raved, skittering in a circle around Rocky because Prism needed to continue running to the house but Mom Grace still had to make their way over. Rocky chuckled.

“Well, I can already show you your very own front door,” they said, pointing over to the side. Prism slowed down and followed the outstretched arm to the dome wall, and an oddly regular front door came into focus a few paces away from the airlock. It had the same type of family plaque most houses in their old neighbourhood had, this one saying:

Prism raised a hand, running a finger over the engravings. Both their new and old family. Rocky and Adrian’s family – because Grace legally belonged to their family, so Prism had legally joined it too – and Mom Vanta and Mom Moon’s family.

If this was just the front door, Prism was sure they would die of too many emotions by the time they’ll have gone through the entirely renovated house.

“The tunnel behind the door leads directly to the house,” Rocky said, coming up next to them.

“It’s beautiful, thank thank thank,” they voiced, tapping Rocky’s arm.

“I know you’re going to keep thanking me the entire time even though you don’t need to, so I’m only going to say this once: ‘You’re very welcome’.”

Prism resisted the urge to thank Rocky again.

“Wow, you got here quick!” came Mom’s faint voice from within the dome. Soon the tap-step-step of them walking reached Prism’s receptors and they could see them waving.

“I might have run,” Prism admitted, not able to keep the giddy trill out of their voice. “Very fast.”

Mom hummed suspiciously, but they were smiling.

“Alright, because today is a special day, I won’t lecture you about running in the hallways.”

Prism let out a chirp of satisfied laughter, stepping from one arm to the other because let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

“Should I even ask how your classes were today?”

“No, let’s go!” Prism exclaimed, grabbing the handle and pushing the door open into the tunnel. Chuckling, Mom and Rocky followed – Rocky inside the tunnel and Mom walking alongside in the dome. Prism had to keep stopping to wait for the two of them to catch up, but eventually they all made it to the base of the small hill the house was built on. Mom then took their usual path to their own front door, while Prism and Rocky continued to go up the tunnel which connected to the small entrance area of the house, split down half to hold both atmospheres.

“Alrighty,” Mom said as soon as they closed the door behind them. “You got all your own sections in the house. There’s some shelves here for your bags and other outdoorsy stuff, and a messenger in the wall in case of emergency and you need to call the dome team or Rocky, or you can casually use it to call or message anyone else really.”

Carapace bobbing up and down, Prism went to run their hands over every surface in their entrance room, but something made them stop before they had even made it to the shelf.

The wall was…squishy.

“Most walls are lined with a shock absorbing layer,” Rocky explained, pressing their hand to the wall next to Prism’s and removing it a second after, revealing an imprint that quickly faded. “Many of the furniture edges as well. It’s just the separator walls that aren’t padded because we couldn’t find any material that Grace could still light-see through well enough. So you’ll still need to be careful there, but otherwise, you can run wild.”

Prism pushed their hand against the wall, pulling it away to see their handprint, pushing against the same spot again and repeating. A shrill whistle escaped them.

“Thank thank thank thank-”

Rocky expectedly did not say “you’re welcome”, instead just patting them on the top of the carapace before gesturing to continue on to the living room.

“You don’t have to thank us for making your home liveable,” Mom said as they walked through the door on their side, Prism and Rocky going through a newly installed one where their section went through the wall.

But how could they not thank them? It was so much, it-

“It’s so big!” they exclaimed once they got a full read on the living room.

It was completely remodelled. Mom still had their low table, a few chairs, the couch and some cupboards, but their nest was also out here now. That was only on their side. Prism had a huge area with a few regular and a few larger softer seats, a table, a small cupboard as well as their old nest. The barrier split the movie wall into the large light panel on Mom’s side and a now equally large texture panel on Prism’s side. Mom’s side also still had Armando hanging from the rails on the ceiling, able to roll out from the emergency med bay attached to the house for Mom. On the far wall of the living room were two doors, one on either side of the barrier, leading to what Prism assumed were their respective bathrooms. Between the two doors was a small airlock with a stand for one of their xenonite suits.

The house had been extended a bit, but even so, Prism’s side seemed to be almost half of the total space.

“As it should be,” Mom said decisively, before pointing to the bags lining the wall on Prism’s side. “All your things are right there, when we’re done you can start decorating your side however you like. And if you want anything else, I’m sure Adrian would love to take you shopping.”

“Thank thank thank thank!” Prism squealed, dancing around the open space that was all for them.

Grace and Rocky shook their head and carapace in sync, sighing and chiming fondly. Even if they thought they shouldn’t be thanked, Prism was still going to. They needed to know Prism appreciated everything very very very much.

“Up ahead is your room with an attached bathroom,” Mom said, pointing at the door. “It’s soundproof, as is mine next to it.”

Prism dashed to the door.

They had some chests and shelves and a desk with a seat. To the side was another door leading to a small private bathroom plus a shelf stocked with food. It was so spacious and they could decide how to decorate it and it was all for them and it was perfect.

Failing not to let out another string of thanks, they hurried back into the living room to don their suit. With a few helping hands from Rocky, they got it on and impatiently waited for the airlock to cycle.

“I love it, love it, love it,” they said, “It’s so much room just for me! Do you still have room, Mom?”

“Of course I do,” they said with a dismissive wave, sitting down in front of the airlock. “Don’t you worry about my space. You live here too now, you know? Did you think you’d only get a little corner to the side?”

“No, but-”

The awaited chime rang out, and Prism burst out of the airlock and into Mom’s arms.

“It’s amazing!” they gushed. “Thank thank thank, I love everything!”

Laughing, Mom pulled them close.

“I’m glad you do,” they said. “Since you’re in your suit now, I suppose unpacking will have to wait. You want to explore a bit?”

“Yes!”

Rocky settled down into one of the seats in the ammonia side of the living room as Prism investigated every nook and cranny of the oxygen side, Mom trailing behind at first and then also sitting down. They memorised every single detail of the interior, because while the house wasn’t so big that Prism could quickly lose sight of the layout, the padded walls did make echolocation a bit more difficult. Besides, you should know your own home by heart.

The next days were indeed spent unpacking and decorating and shopping for a few more items – Mom insisted on that last one. They established rules for sleeping and eating times, for privacy, for general cleanliness around the house and so on. Prism did their very best to always stick to all of them.

Two weeks later, they were completely settled in, Mom was happy with their dynamic and everything was perfect.

It wasn’t enough.

Mom had changed so much about their home just for Prism, they had to do more than just follow the basic rules they set up together.

They noticed that Mom cleaned the floor with a brush about once a week.

When they went to sleep the day before they would’ve done their fourth sweeping since living together, Prism took it upon themself to clean the entirety of Mom’s section – of course always listening out for Mom’s heartbeat and periodically checking in throughout their sleep. Mom had been so impressed and proud when they woke that Prism had finally managed to calm down a bit, feeling like they were starting to return the favour.

Then they noticed how Mom was always a little grumpy before they ate their breakfast shake. So Prism started to bring it to their nest just before they woke. Mom loved it, giving them hugs and saying that they didn’t deserve a pebble as good as Prism.

Prism disagreed. Mom Grace deserved the best pebble ever. They weren’t going to ruin this by messing up one too many times and Mom getting stressed because of them.

So Prism made sure to stay on top of everything. Always keeping their side especially tidy because they were the only one in there, always cleaning up after Mom on the other side so that they didn’t have to constantly bend down to pick things up, regularly sweeping, always perfectly on time for Mom’s meals and sleep, bringing them their food and recently Prism also found out where Mom kept the fluffy stick they used to remove dust from surfaces.

Since Mom was away at the anthropology thrum meeting this afternoon, Prism had decided to surprise them by dusting the house. Their side didn’t get dusty the same way because they didn’t have a skin to lose tiny cells from, it was just the occasional flake from their carapace. The problem was that Mom’s side had some higher cupboards that Prism couldn’t all reach, so they had to climb onto one of the chairs to get to the top. It maybe wasn’t the smartest idea, as a slight imbalance could send them tumbling to the ground and potentially break open their carapace again, which they preferred not to do more than once a year.

The sound of the front door opening almost made Prism topple over. Almost.

“I’m home!” Mom called from the entrance room, “The meeting was wild. You’re not gonna believe what-”

Mom walked into the living room and faltered.

“I was being careful!” Prism defended, “I was just dusting.”

Instead of the amazement and pride that Prism had been expecting, they could just about make out Mom’s expression twisting into a frown.

Oh no, oh no, had they not been supposed to dust? Was it the chair, were they being too reckless with their own safety?

“Pris,” Mom said quietly as they came over, reaching out to take the dust stick from their hand. “You- we need to talk.”

Oh no no no no no.

Mom pulled up a chair to sit down next to them, Prism anxiously lowering themself into the chair they were standing on. Mom sighed deeply, their useful-hands wringing together, and Prism couldn’t take it anymore.

“Apology, I won’t stand on the chair next time, I’ll be more careful, I promise!”

“Hey, hey,” Mom said before Prism could keep rambling, “that’s not what this is about. You- You’re doing too much, kiddo.”

“What do you mean?” Prism asked, confused.

“Everything,” Mom said, gesturing around. “The excessive cleaning, the bringing me breakfast. You’ve never even asked for ∀ℓℓ more seconds when we stop playing, you- you always completely obey. At first I thought you were just a bit overwhelmed with your new place that you felt like you needed to show your gratitude somehow – which, like I said, you don’t need to, but I was going to let you do it if it made you feel better – but you’ve been at this for weeks now.”

Mom held out their useful-hands, Prism instinctively reaching to grab onto their fingers.

They still didn’t understand what they did wrong. How could they be doing too much good?

“I need you to listen to me very carefully,” Mom said, holding onto their hands. Prism chirped in confirmation, paying close attention. “You don’t need to do anything to earn your right to live here. You don’t need to do anything to earn my attention or my affection or my love. You could be the rudest and meanest and most obnoxious pebble on all of Erid and I would still love you. I would be sad about your behaviour and try to help you change it, but I would still love you. Do you understand?”

Prism wasn’t sure that they did. It was hard to love a bad kid, wasn’t it? Mom Grace would absolutely try try try because they were the kindest Mom ever, but they shouldn’t have to try. They should have the best version of Prism as a child.

But Mom made it sound like it didn’t even matter what Prism did. But it had to matter, right? Mom Vanta only played with Prism if they were being very very good, and they ignored them if they were being bad. It had not been right of Mom Vanta to push them away at all, Prism knew that now, and Mom Grace would never do that because they were a good mom, but the point still stood, didn’t it? Being good meant play time and getting to tell or be told stories and getting praised. How could being bad mean the same?

“When I said to keep your side tidy, I meant don’t let your things pile up to the point you can’t walk around anyone,” Mom continued. “Not this. You’re not my assistant anymore, Pris, you’re my child. You don’t have to work to get to spend time with me.”

“But I want to be good,” Prism said, frustrated edge to their voice because of course they knew that, they obviously weren’t getting school credits for this, but why did Mom make it sound wrong that they wanted to be good?

“Sweetie, you are,” Mom said holding their hands more tightly, “you are being so good, but I think you might not know what that really means.” They took a deep breath. “For one, being good or bad just means you’re behaving good or bad. It doesn’t mean that you are a good or a bad kid, and that a bad kid doesn’t deserve love. You always deserve love. Always.”

“But-”

“No ‘but’,” Mom cut in. “You always deserve to be loved. Repeat it, please.”

“I-” Something still didn’t fit together, but Mom Grace had to know what they were talking about, so, “I always deserve to be loved.”

“There you go,” Mom said, smiling. It had felt strange to just say it directly like that, and also a bit too much too much too much, but Mom was happy and way too kind so Prism let out a gleeful chirp.

“For another,” Mom continued, “Being good doesn’t mean going above and beyond. Being good means…actually, if you interpret ‘being good’ as the default, as what you should always be, then it’s faster to say what it doesn’t mean. Being bad means for example breaking things on purpose or being intentionally mean to others. If you’re not doing any of those kinds of things, then you’re being good. It’s enough for you to just exist, you don’t have to do anything extra to be good.”

Oh. But- oh. So Mom Vanta hadn’t just been too mean when Prism was being bad, Prism…hadn’t actually been bad?

“I’ll still play with you even if you don’t sweep the house before,” Mom kept going, and Prism was trying not to let out a long whine because this is too much and maybe they were never even bad and Mom is so wonderful. “I’ll still be happy to see you in the morning even if you don’t bring me breakfast. I’ll- I- God, Prism, please, I need you to really understand that no matter what you do, I’ll always love you.”

“Understand!” they cried, jumping onto Mom’s lap and immediately being pulled into a hug. “I understand, love love love you! I’ll be good, normal good, I promise!”

They still didn’t fully understand, not deep in their hearts because it honestly felt surreal, but what Mom described sounded so nice, and it was clearly what Mom wanted so Prism was going to do their best to try to understand.

Mom sniffled as they held them close.

“Yes, normal good,” they said. “You can still be the very very very good you’ve been these past weeks, but only sometimes. On special occasions. It’s not supposed to be the default. Normal good, just existing and not being bad, that’s the default. Understand?”

“Understand!” Prism repeated.

Mom let out a shuddered sigh. “I love you very much.”

“I love you too,” Prism said, burrowing against them. They could still hear the slight hitch in Mom’s breaths and didn’t miss the little shakes in their useful-hands, and even though Social Worker Tony and Mom Grace and Rocky and Adrian all kept telling them that things like these weren’t their fault, they still hated it because they were still the reason Mom wasn’t feeling great right now.

“What happened at the thrum meeting?” they decided to ask, and felt a wave of relief washing over them when Mom laughed against their suit.

“Up to now we’ve been covering human physiology, language, cultures, history and so on, but only dating back to the point we consider humans to have begun as a species,” they said, grinning. “Today I told them we evolved from ocean life.”

At first Prism laughed. Then they realised what Mom meant.

“You were not making a joke?”

“No,” Mom said, beginning to giggle. “All life on Earth started in the ocean, I swear.”

“But how?!” Prism yelped. “Ocean life on Erid is strange strange strange, it always dies on land! How did ocean life leave the ocean? It makes no sense!”

“There’s oxygen in the air on Earth,” Mom said with a shrug, “They breathed the oxygen in the water first, then adapted to air. It took a few million years, but ocean life eventually crawled on land.”

Prism processed for a few seconds.

“Earth sounds so fake.”

Mom released a bark of laughter.

“Oh yeah?” they said, drumming against their suit with all their fingers, grinning widely, “Is this fake, huh?”

“No!” Prism squealed, wiggling out of their hold and dashing across the floor. Mom pushed themself up, chasing them around the room.

“Are you calling my evolution grown legs fake?” they taunted, useful-arms stretched out as they ran after them.

“Yes, fake fake fake!” they chittered as they tried to get into the airlock, but Mom caught them first. With a shriek, the two ended up on the floor, Mom’s useful-arms keeping them trapped. Laughing, they wrestled around until eventually Prism tired themself out and dropped onto Mom’s chest. They had one useful-arm slung over them, the other spread out on the floor like their walking-arms. Mom’s lungs expanded with every breath – slower than usual because Prism was quite heavy, but not too heavy for them yet – lifting them up and down every time.

“Please don’t ever think that there’s anything you could do to not deserve this,” Mom mumbled after a long while of just lying together. “I know it might not be easy to believe it yet, but please keep trying. You always deserve to be loved.”

“I- I always deserve to be loved,” they said, steadier than the last time.

“That’s right,” Mom said, second useful-arm coming around them too. “I’ll keep reminding you of that until you believe it.”

With a short whine, Prism wrapped their arms around Mom’s. “I’ll try, promise.”

“I know you will.”