Work Text:
December 14, 2016 2:16p
Marleau: Whose turn is it to room with Roz
Connors: Not mine, I did two nights ago
St-Simon: Not it
Carmichael: its me
Connors: Godspeed soldier
Connors: Last time he kicked the sidetable so hard the lamp fell off and broke
Connors: He looked like he felt really bad about it when the housekeeping lady came lol
St-Simon: Last time I had him, he spent the whole time catatonic in bed
Marleau: When I had him last he just paced the room like a sick dog
Marleau: Made me really sad
St-Simon: We gotta do something about this
St-Simon: I dont know whats wrong with him but I’m getting scared
Carmichael: Your telling me
Carmichael: Im the one rooming with him tomorrow night
Connors: *you’re
Marleau: I think something happened
Connors: Gee you think?
Marleau: I’ve been his friend for like six years now and I’ve never seen him this way
Carmichael: the moping is getting scary
St-Simon: But like what even happened?
St-Simon: It’s like a switch flipped
St-Simon: This isn’t the Roz I know
Carmichael: You think it was that girl?
Carmichael: the one he’s obsessed with?
Connors: Jane?
St-Simon: Maybe she dumped him
St-Simon: I mean they text all the time but he doesnt get to see her often
St-Simon: Maybe she got tired of it
Connors: That could be it
Marleau: Nah that can’t be
Marleau: Roz is a catch
Marleau: And crazy hot
Marleau: That girl would have to be stupid to let him go
Connors: You sure you don’t want him Marley?
Marleau: Haha I wish man
Marleau: I can’t handle all of that on my own 🔥
Carmichael: ok heres the plan
Carmichael: marley takes one for the team and seduces roz
Carmichael: that would cheer him up
St-Simon: Idk, sleeping with Marley would make me more depressed
Marleau: Ok I like where your head is at but it wouldn’t work
Marleau: Roz doesn’t want to sleep with me
Marleau: But you’re thinking in the right direction, maybe we just need to find him a girl to take his mind off of whatever is wrong with him
Connors: ??
St-Simon: ??
Carmichael: ???
Marleau: What
Connors: “Roz doesn’t want to sleep with me”? Are you speaking from experience???
Marleau: Let’s focus on the matter at hand
St-Simon: ????????
Carmichael: I don’t want to know
St-Simon: I DO
Marleau: Focus boys
Marleau: Whos going to seduce Big Roz
Connors: Maybe we should figure out what’s wrong before we jump to trying to fix it
Connors: Maybe it’s not something we can fix, like family shit or something?
Carmichael: I hear him talking in angry russian to his dad sometimes
Carmichael: And he mentioned a brother once like two years ago
St-Simon: Thats not a lot to go off of
Carmichael: Its all Ive got
Connors: I really think it’s about Jane
Marleau: He hasn’t been looking at his phone much
Marleau: And he’s not blushing or giggling like a schoolgirl anymore
Marleau: Brother definitely got dumped
Carmichael: RIP jane
Carmichael: I liked her
St-Simon: you met her?
Carmichael: No
Carmichael: I just felt her vibe
Carmichael: She had a good vibe
Marleau: Anyone who makes Big Roz smile like that is good in my book 🔥
Marleau: Unless she dumped him
Connors: Maybe we need to get them back together
St-Simon: How would we do that
Carmichael: Marley steal her number from his phone
Marleau: No you do it
Marleau: You’re the one sharing a hotel room with him tomorrow
St-Simon: Ok so carmie will breach his privacy tomorrow night, in the meantime what do we do about practice
St-Simon: Its like walking on eggshells
Connors: I’m about to put him on suicide watch fr
Marleau: Just try not to do anything to piss him off
Carmichael: Brother EVERYTHING pisses him off right now
St-Simon: Yesterday he told me my hair was stupid
St-Simon: Like he doesnt even have it in him to give a good chirp
St-Simon: He lost his sparkle
Carmichael: And we’re playing fucking Montreal in like six days
Carmichael: Idk if its just bc he’s in such a shitty mood already, but anytime anyone even mentions montreal or Hollander Roz freaks the fuck out
Carmichael: Mom come pick me up im scared
Connors: Yeah what the hell is that about
St-Simon: I mean I know theres the whole rivalry thing and Hollander gets under Rozs skin but never like this
Marleau: Actually I didn’t even think that Roz disliked Hollzy that much until now
Marleau: He doesn't really talk shit about him a ton considering
Marleau: I mean I know Roz respects him at least, until now I guess
Carmichael: Oh my god wait
Carmichael: Roz just lost a girl
Carmichael: And hollzy is being seen with a girl for the first time
St-Simon: You think hes jealous?
Carmichael: No i think it’s the same girl
Connors: Bullshit
Connors: Jane was in montreal
Marleau: Well
Marleau: Sometimes during home games Roz sneaks off and gets with someone who I dont know who it is
Marleau: I kind of assumed it was that friend of his, but maybe it’s not just her
Marleau: And he disappears at the all star games sometimes too
Carmichael: She travels a lot I would guess
Carmichael: And we dont always actually SEE Roz pick up, he just disappears and we assume hes with some new girl
St-Simon: It could be possible that hes going off to see her when they're in the same place
Connors: I don't buy it
Marleau: No I do
Marleau: Big Roz could bag her if he tried
St-Simon: And then apparently he could fumble her too lol
Carmichael: if this is true, then its really shitty for Hollander to immediately get with her
Carmichael: I thought he was a better guy than that
St-Simon: Yeah it doesnt seem like something he would do, but I dont know the guy all that well
Marleau: I’ve played a few all stars with him
Marleau: It would be out of left field if he did start dating Roz’s ex but he is an attractive man I cant even blame her
Connors: Dude do you need to tell us something
Marleau: Like what
Carmichael: Nah that one wasn’t even gay
Carmichael: I think we would all fuck Hollzy
Carmichael: Or at least hand stuff
St-Simon: Yea lol
Connors: I wouldn’t??
Marleau: Oh come on man
Marleau: Its not gay if you’re homies
Connors: Hollander is not my homie
Marleau: Yeah, I guess not if he’s taking Roz’s girl
St-Simon: Fuck hollander
Carmichael: Yeah fuck hollander
Marleau: That’s what I’m saying
Connors: No idiot it’s not a command they’re saying fuck him for taking Roz’s girl
St-Simon: But also if Rose Landry is homie hopping like that then fuck her too
Carmichael: fuck rose landry
Connors: Ok whoa lets not get hasty
St-Simon: Boo
Carmichael: Yea what happened to bros before hoes connie
Marleau: I dont think we’re supposed to call them hoes anymore
St-Simon: Oh who is you
Carmichael: Im not going to watch her movies anymore
Carmichael: Out of solidarity with big roz
St-Simon: Oh cause we were wondering
Marleau: I agree
Marleau: Rose Landry boycott
Connors: That’s not going to do anything
Carmichael: I dont want to look at her
Carmichael: She broke our captains heart!
St-Simon: She broke him just in general
St-Simon: He didnt make a single dick joke this whole week
Marleau: No mention of little roz all week?
Marleau: Things are getting bad
Connors: That’s how you gauge things? How many dick jokes he makes?
Carmichael: Well yeah. It’s Roz
St-Simon: Hes just broken
St-Simon: Rose Landry will rue the day she messed with big roz
Marleau: 💪💪💪
Connors: What the fuck are we going to do about it?
Carmichael: Lets put a hit out on her
St-Simon: Lets not
Connors: Why don't we start with trying to talk to him
Carmichael: Yes because Roz is really notorious for talking about his feelings
Carmichael: That wont work
Carmichael: we gotta swing big
Marleau: So its agreed
St-Simon: Yes
Connors: What’s agreed
Marleau: We ride at dawn
Carmichael: 🫡
St-Simon: 🫡
Connors: To do what exactly?
4:27p
Connors: HELLO?
Connors: TO DO WHAT EXACTLY?