Actions

Work Header

There goes my hero

Summary:

Wyatt Hayes @therealwyatthayes

did montreal really think this basic bitch from detroit could replace goatlander

[Attached image shows a smirking Brent Nordak holding up his Montreal Voyageurs Jersey.]

Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov_81

no score no points and roots showing from bad box dye
all this for 3.3 million 😩😩 so sad

Hayden Pike @haydenpikeofficial
guys stfu you're both on MAIN 

42k likes 1.2k retweets 13k replies 

or:

Shane Hollanders replacement is finally here. No one is particularly pleased.

Chapter 1: dissing detroit

Chapter Text

Wyatt Hayes @therealwyatthayes

did montreal really think this basic bitch from detroit could replace goatlander

attached 5 images

[Attached images are shot from the back, each showing Brent Nordacks increasingly upset face as the award ceremony proceeds] 

Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov_81

no score no award and roots showing from bad box dye. all this for 3.3 million 😩😩 so sad 

 

Hayden Pike @haydenpikeofficial

guys stfu you're both on MAIN 

42k likes 1.2k retweets 13k replies 

 

 

 

   Petra @ipuckedyourmom 

   rightt so centaurs just confirmed metros are tryna rebrand after hollander 

 

   ↳↳Daniel Johnson @fishconnosieur 

         this doesn't mean anything you freaks are just trying to tarnish the good name of good men 

 

Centaurs Hack @livelaughcentaurs

    ok sure but all i'm saying is shane hollander aint got nothing to worry about. 

      

    whats he got on my boy huh you name it                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 

GET WRECKED PIKE @centaursstanley

   1. he's not hollander

   2. can't shoot for shit 

   3. broke the record for on ice fight wins in juniors 😛😛

 

↳ averyisright @allaboutthatcup

    thats what we call a hat trick boys whoopieeee

 

Pikeitup @montrealapologist

    i'm genuinely so unwell rn i can't believe this little boy is who we got in stead for hollander 

 

    ↳↳ Haaswife @lucamygoat

           "so unwell" as if yall didn't chase him out 

 

    ↳↳ Sunshine @hollanovstan

           its clear none of you were here for #tripgate you larpers 

 

    ↳↳JoshZZ @CentsFaithful

          everyone boo at the Montreal apologist boooo

 

Pikeitup @montrealapologist

 





 



CENTAURS GO FAR (this year is our year) | 10:34 pm 

 

Troy: dudeee montreal is cooked 

 

                                                  Shane: the new season just started?

Troy: Have you not been on twitter today

 

Shane: why would i be on twitter 

Troy: Right I forget who I'm talking to 

 

Hayes: i mean they’re not wrong hollzy

 

Hayes: montreal got 6th pick for draft this year

 

Haas: seriously? thats way too low for a legacy team

 

Ilya: me and shane were first and second draft pick you know

 

Zaney: Exactly

 

Ilya: I was first 😙

 

Chouinard: Yeah we know asshole 

 

Ilya: I am just saying because you might have forgotten 

 

Shane: ilya stop

 

Ilya: ok i am sorry valued ottawa centaur players

       Haas, Troy, Zaney and 4 others responded with 👏👏 

 

Troy: the rumours are true hollzy domesticated our boy roz

 

Wyatt: TROY

 

Troy: Shit wrong chat

 

Ilya: shane i am sorry for not using my private acc svetlana made me 

Ilya: ya tebya lyubyu Прости

 

Haas: shane pls accept don't let me be a child of divorce 

 

Shane: i love you too. it'll be okay once we talk to my mom.

Shane: But bag skates for all of us

 

Haas: wait dad no

Haas: i'm not doing this right after my rookie year i'm leaving this family 

 

Dykstra: you're not retiring 

 

Haas: maybe i'll go play for toronto how bout THAT 

 

Harris: Do you genuinely mean to tell me you'd rather play against the Centaurs 

 

Zaney: Hollanov power play vs Bag Skates

 

Wyatt: Genuine hydrogen bomb vs hydrogen bomb situation here

 

Shane: there are no bombs in the rink Wyatt we went over this

 

Chouinard: 😭😭 hollzy no

 

 

 

VOYAGUERS 

 

Comeau: Welcome back boys. Lets kick some ass this season. We've only played two games, so skies the limit. 

Comeau: Also wanna shoutout our newest voyageur. @BrentNordak REPLY NOW

 

Brent: Thanks man

Brent: happy to fill in where hollander fell off 

 

Comeau: As captain, i think first thing we have to do is review what we did wrong last season, and what our opponents did right. Its crucial that we have a level headed understanding of our strengths, but also be humble enough to acknowledge our weaknesses. Working through these in practices is important guys, because it means we have a better shot at getting to the playoffs, and hopefully another hit at the cup. 

 

Stedlund: That was fucking beautiful dude 

 

Hayden: did you copy and paste this from shanes 2017 motivational speech 

 

Comeau: no of course not 

 

Hayden:  Hayden pike shared one screenshot

 

Comeau: pike you're a narc and you suck.

Comeau: please be at practice tomorrow.

Comeau: 2pm sharp. 

 

Comeau kicked Hayden out of "VOYAGEURS"

 

Miitka: Hate to say it but Hollander had a great fucking season last year 

Miitka: Art Ross AND the hart trophy 

 

Drapeau: they didn't win the stanley cup though 

Drapeau: Even with fucking rozanov and hollander on their roster they couldn't win 

 

Andropov: you fucking idiot thats cause rozanov got decked out by sandiego at the playoffs and their rookie broke his shoulder

 

Miitka: mind you thats the kid who won the calder 

 

Wilson: Luca Haas?

 

Miitka: just fucking google it matty

 

Gagnon: So you're telling me if these fuckers bone muscles stay unharmed and they engage in a balanced nutrients filled diet then we're toast?

 

Olsson:

 

Stedlund: dude wtf is that 

Wilson: stop bitching about hollander assholes its getting annoying 

Olsson: maybe i wouldn't be bitching if my PAYCHECK WASN'T HALF THE SIZE IT WAS LAST YEAR 

Olsson: you told me i'd be moving like torque Drapeau. fucking liquid with how much we were gonna be getting 

JJ: do you mean inertia olsson 

Olsson: ah shit yeah thats it 

JJ: Yeahh Hollander took all the good shit with him. 

JJ: We don't have that 2018 money anymore 

Schneider: look hollander can fuck off and go work at voogee for all i care

Andropov: Do you mean vogue

Schneider: Stfu Petro you’re gay for knowing what that is

 

 

CENTAURS GO FAR (this year is our year) | 1:16 am 

 

Troy: look at this guy i can't he's a hockey hoe 

Chouinard: Hoe??

Zaney: my wife says you shouldn't say that word cause of its misogynistic origins 

Harris: Where did you get hoe from troy

Troy: cause he's swinging everywhere but he can't hit the puck one goddamn time. 

Hayes: ah okay fits the bill

Haas: i mean he's saying all this shit about us and breaking all his gear and he hasn’t scored all season

 

Shane: they’ve played 2 games luca 

 

Ilya: 2 games and 1 shot 😛😛

Ilya: he’s fraudmaxxing

 

Shane: who is teaching you these words???

Ilya: malysh i have many friends and team baby has very weak tiktok password 

Haas: what

Ilya: did you know he is not a natural blonde like me :)

Haas: you didn't see anything else on there right 

 

Shane: What does that have to do with anything

 

Dykstra: CAUSE commisioner and the voyaguers  socials team had all been advocating for this all american boy

Chouinard: oh are we talking about detroit guy again 

CoachWiebe: yeah i have a friend over at the metros social team and apparently they're pushing him like crazy 

Hayes: He's a transfer from Florida though why would they do that 

Haas: Is he really that bad 

Harris: I mean no he's okay, but he's no Shane Hollander centre if yk what i'm saying. cause they want the second coming of hollzy. 

Dykstra: And this is just a bitch with a bad box dye

 

Shane: I'm..flattered. I think.

but why would they dress him up like that and dye his hair. 

People don’t care about looks in hockey

 

Hayes: I mean i beg to differ mr calvin klein

Hayes: but obviously yk they’re doing it because of you

Zaney: they're really doing all this just to spite hollzy?

Ilya: 😂😂 

Hayes: Bretts their all american guy. tall, strong, great point total. 

Ilya: so what so is my shane

 

Hayes: White

 

Troy: terrible point in the sentence to pause there hayes 

Hayes: yeah i know i'm sorry :( 

Hayes: but yeah i mean shanes like the only asian player in the league, and now that montreal doesn't have him, they have no reason to push for diversity.

Zaney: oh damn 

Troy: you alright hollzy? 

 

Shane: There was a time in my life where i couldn't imagine myself anywhere except in red and blue.

Shane: I told my mom the night I got drafted all I wanted was to be inaugurated into their hall of fame. 

Shane: and 2 years ago, i thought i lost everything that mattered to me. 

Shane: But now I'm with you guys, and I'm really proud of everything we've done together. 

Shane: I love my husband, and I love playing with you guys.

Shane: Thank you for making hockey fun again.

 

...

 

Shane: guys

Shane: guys where'd you go 

 

 

Ilya: Shane Hollander I love you so much to the moon and back and we will win this cup and a million more and when off season comes we will make joint trophy room 

Dykstra: Luca is at lunch with me right now and he's crying 

 

Shane: Luca

 

 

Haas:  we're taking montreal down next game all agree say I 

 

Dykstra: I

Ilya: I

Hayes: I

Troy: I

Harris: I

CoachWiebe: I

Zaney: I

Chouinard: I

 

 

 

 

 

Series this work belongs to: