Chapter Text
Wyatt Hayes @therealwyatthayes
did montreal really think this basic bitch from detroit could replace goatlander
attached 5 images
[Attached images are shot from the back, each showing Brent Nordacks increasingly upset face as the award ceremony proceeds]
Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov_81
no score no award and roots showing from bad box dye. all this for 3.3 million 😩😩 so sad

Hayden Pike @haydenpikeofficial
guys stfu you're both on MAIN
42k likes 1.2k retweets 13k replies
Petra @ipuckedyourmom
rightt so centaurs just confirmed metros are tryna rebrand after hollander
↳↳Daniel Johnson @fishconnosieur
this doesn't mean anything you freaks are just trying to tarnish the good name of good men
↳ Centaurs Hack @livelaughcentaurs
ok sure but all i'm saying is shane hollander aint got nothing to worry about.
whats he got on my boy huh you name it
↳GET WRECKED PIKE @centaursstanley
1. he's not hollander
2. can't shoot for shit
3. broke the record for on ice fight wins in juniors 😛😛
↳ averyisright @allaboutthatcup
thats what we call a hat trick boys whoopieeee
↳ Pikeitup @montrealapologist
i'm genuinely so unwell rn i can't believe this little boy is who we got in stead for hollander
↳↳ Haaswife @lucamygoat
"so unwell" as if yall didn't chase him out
↳↳ Sunshine @hollanovstan
its clear none of you were here for #tripgate you larpers
↳↳JoshZZ @CentsFaithful
everyone boo at the Montreal apologist boooo
↳ Pikeitup @montrealapologist

CENTAURS GO FAR (this year is our year) | 10:34 pm
Troy: dudeee montreal is cooked
Shane: the new season just started?
Troy: Have you not been on twitter today
Shane: why would i be on twitter
Troy: Right I forget who I'm talking to
Hayes: i mean they’re not wrong hollzy
Hayes: montreal got 6th pick for draft this year
Haas: seriously? thats way too low for a legacy team
Ilya: me and shane were first and second draft pick you know
Zaney: Exactly
Ilya: I was first 😙
Chouinard: Yeah we know asshole
Ilya: I am just saying because you might have forgotten
Shane: ilya stop
Ilya: ok i am sorry valued ottawa centaur players
Haas, Troy, Zaney and 4 others responded with 👏👏
Troy: the rumours are true hollzy domesticated our boy roz
Wyatt: TROY
Troy: Shit wrong chat
Ilya: shane i am sorry for not using my private acc svetlana made me
Ilya: ya tebya lyubyu Прости
Haas: shane pls accept don't let me be a child of divorce
Shane: i love you too. it'll be okay once we talk to my mom.
Shane: But bag skates for all of us
Haas: wait dad no
Haas: i'm not doing this right after my rookie year i'm leaving this family
Dykstra: you're not retiring
Haas: maybe i'll go play for toronto how bout THAT
Harris: Do you genuinely mean to tell me you'd rather play against the Centaurs
Zaney: Hollanov power play vs Bag Skates
Wyatt: Genuine hydrogen bomb vs hydrogen bomb situation here
Shane: there are no bombs in the rink Wyatt we went over this
Chouinard: 😭😭 hollzy no
VOYAGUERS
Comeau: Welcome back boys. Lets kick some ass this season. We've only played two games, so skies the limit.
Comeau: Also wanna shoutout our newest voyageur. @BrentNordak REPLY NOW
Brent: Thanks man
Brent: happy to fill in where hollander fell off
Comeau: As captain, i think first thing we have to do is review what we did wrong last season, and what our opponents did right. Its crucial that we have a level headed understanding of our strengths, but also be humble enough to acknowledge our weaknesses. Working through these in practices is important guys, because it means we have a better shot at getting to the playoffs, and hopefully another hit at the cup.
Stedlund: That was fucking beautiful dude
Hayden: did you copy and paste this from shanes 2017 motivational speech
Comeau: no of course not
Hayden: Hayden pike shared one screenshot

Comeau: pike you're a narc and you suck.
Comeau: please be at practice tomorrow.
Comeau: 2pm sharp.
Comeau kicked Hayden out of "VOYAGEURS"
Miitka: Hate to say it but Hollander had a great fucking season last year
Miitka: Art Ross AND the hart trophy
Drapeau: they didn't win the stanley cup though
Drapeau: Even with fucking rozanov and hollander on their roster they couldn't win
Andropov: you fucking idiot thats cause rozanov got decked out by sandiego at the playoffs and their rookie broke his shoulder
Miitka: mind you thats the kid who won the calder
Wilson: Luca Haas?
Miitka: just fucking google it matty
Gagnon: So you're telling me if these fuckers bone muscles stay unharmed and they engage in a balanced nutrients filled diet then we're toast?
Olsson:

Stedlund: dude wtf is that
Wilson: stop bitching about hollander assholes its getting annoying
Olsson: maybe i wouldn't be bitching if my PAYCHECK WASN'T HALF THE SIZE IT WAS LAST YEAR
Olsson: you told me i'd be moving like torque Drapeau. fucking liquid with how much we were gonna be getting
JJ: do you mean inertia olsson
Olsson: ah shit yeah thats it
JJ: Yeahh Hollander took all the good shit with him.
JJ: We don't have that 2018 money anymore
Schneider: look hollander can fuck off and go work at voogee for all i care
Andropov: Do you mean vogue
Schneider: Stfu Petro you’re gay for knowing what that is
CENTAURS GO FAR (this year is our year) | 1:16 am
Troy: look at this guy i can't he's a hockey hoe
Chouinard: Hoe??
Zaney: my wife says you shouldn't say that word cause of its misogynistic origins
Harris: Where did you get hoe from troy
Troy: cause he's swinging everywhere but he can't hit the puck one goddamn time.
Hayes: ah okay fits the bill
Haas: i mean he's saying all this shit about us and breaking all his gear and he hasn’t scored all season
Shane: they’ve played 2 games luca
Ilya: 2 games and 1 shot 😛😛
Ilya: he’s fraudmaxxing
Shane: who is teaching you these words???
Ilya: malysh i have many friends and team baby has very weak tiktok password
Haas: what
Ilya: did you know he is not a natural blonde like me :)
Haas: you didn't see anything else on there right
Shane: What does that have to do with anything
Dykstra: CAUSE commisioner and the voyaguers socials team had all been advocating for this all american boy
Chouinard: oh are we talking about detroit guy again
CoachWiebe: yeah i have a friend over at the metros social team and apparently they're pushing him like crazy
Hayes: He's a transfer from Florida though why would they do that
Haas: Is he really that bad
Harris: I mean no he's okay, but he's no Shane Hollander centre if yk what i'm saying. cause they want the second coming of hollzy.
Dykstra: And this is just a bitch with a bad box dye
Shane: I'm..flattered. I think.
but why would they dress him up like that and dye his hair.
People don’t care about looks in hockey
Hayes: I mean i beg to differ mr calvin klein
Hayes: but obviously yk they’re doing it because of you
Zaney: they're really doing all this just to spite hollzy?
Ilya: 😂😂
Hayes: Bretts their all american guy. tall, strong, great point total.
Ilya: so what so is my shane
Hayes: White
Troy: terrible point in the sentence to pause there hayes
Hayes: yeah i know i'm sorry :(
Hayes: but yeah i mean shanes like the only asian player in the league, and now that montreal doesn't have him, they have no reason to push for diversity.
Zaney: oh damn
Troy: you alright hollzy?
Shane: There was a time in my life where i couldn't imagine myself anywhere except in red and blue.
Shane: I told my mom the night I got drafted all I wanted was to be inaugurated into their hall of fame.
Shane: and 2 years ago, i thought i lost everything that mattered to me.
Shane: But now I'm with you guys, and I'm really proud of everything we've done together.
Shane: I love my husband, and I love playing with you guys.
Shane: Thank you for making hockey fun again.
...
Shane: guys
Shane: guys where'd you go
Ilya: Shane Hollander I love you so much to the moon and back and we will win this cup and a million more and when off season comes we will make joint trophy room
Dykstra: Luca is at lunch with me right now and he's crying
Shane: Luca
Haas: we're taking montreal down next game all agree say I
Dykstra: I
Ilya: I
Hayes: I
Troy: I
Harris: I
CoachWiebe: I
Zaney: I
Chouinard: I
