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‘Little bitch cheated on my Yevgeny,’ Svetlana hissed. ‘You go and you take her eyeballs out!’
‘Jesus, Svet,’ Mickey whispered, dragging her into the living room and away from where they had been listening in at Yev’s door. ‘I’m not maiming a teenage girl.’
‘Orange Boy is less of pussy than you, he will do it,’ Svetlana announced.
Ian then came strolling in the door, obviously hearing the end of the conversation. ‘Nope. Whatever it is, I’m not doing it.’
‘She wants to tear Yev’s ex-girlfriend’s eyes out,’ Mickey explained as he dropped lazily onto the couch.
Ian frowned, joining him as Svetlana stood before them like the angry mama bear she was, arms crossed and chest heaving. ‘Chelsea and Yev broke up? Why?’
‘She cheated on him,’ Svetlana hissed, eyes narrowed. ‘You beat her, yes?’
‘Look, you want to kill this girl, you do it your goddamn self,’ Mickey said, popping open a beer.
That’s when Yev emerged from his room, eyes red from crying and looking like any miserable teenager who’d just been through a break up. ‘No one’s killing her. She’s awful, but she doesn’t need killing…I also don’t need any parents in prison.’
He immediately returned to his room, shutting and locking the door, leaving his parents behind to stare at his door in concern.
Since Svetlana had the order not to kill anyone, she figured the next best thing she could do was let her baby Yevgeny get through his heartbreak in peace. If only she could find a way to get him away from the ridiculously constant love between his other parents. She figured he really didn’t need to see that right now.
After she found them making out in the kitchen, she considered hiring out a hotel room for them, but they couldn’t really afford that. After she found them cuddling on the couch, she considered getting Yev out of the house somehow, but change would only upset him more. And after she found them having sex in the shared bathroom, she considered killing them in their sleep, but then she figured Yev didn’t want her killing his ex, so he wouldn’t be too happy about the slaughter of his dads. Finally, the only thing she could come up with was to tell the men to cut it the fuck out.
‘You need to stop,’ she said one morning after Yev had left for school. When both men looked up at her in confusion, she explained, ‘Yevgeny is going through heartbreak; he does not need to see your…affectionate displays everywhere. No more, until Yevgeny is better.’
While Mickey only shrugged, not seeming to care too much, Ian complained, ‘Aw, c’mon, Lana! It’s only a childhood relationship; he’ll get over it. He’s fifteen! It’s not as if he’s found the love of his life.’
Svetlana just eyed him before looking at Mickey pointedly.
Ian seemed to get what she was insinuating and just mumbled into his cereal, ‘That was different.’
‘No more!’ Svetlana announced before she stood up, making her way out of the room.
That should do it.
‘Gallagher, you’re on my fucking foot.’
‘Well, if you could hold on tighter, we wouldn’t have this fucking problem, would we?’
‘Don’t blame this shit on me, dickhead. If you were as strong as you used to be, it wouldn’t even be an issue.’
‘Fuck you, Mick. I’m not holding you up and that’s that. You’ll just have to deal with this.’
Ian went back in to continue kissing Mickey, but tripped up over some of Yev’s shoes and fell into Mickey. Mickey stumbled back and dropped to the floor, one of Svet’s heels digging into his back. Ian went to help him up, but slid and knocked his head against the wall of the closet, landing on top of Mickey.
‘Shit,’ Mickey grumbled. ‘Maybe if we clear out some of these shoes, we can just do it on the floor?’
‘I don’t know why we’re even sneaking around like this. Sure, we have to stay away from Yev, but we have a whole bedroom.’
‘He always comes in unannounced,’ Mickey reminded him, before grinning up wickedly. ‘Plus, this is a lot hotter.’
‘Mick, you’ve got Svetlana’s heel halfway up your ass.’
‘Well, then hurry up and get up there yourself.’
Ian only scoffed in response to that and began to undo his jeans. Before he could even get down to business, the door opened to reveal Yev, in all his teenage sullenness, staring down at them.
‘You would think you guys would hate being in the closet, given your past,’ Yev snarked. ‘Why are you even doing it in here? That’s really fucking weird.’
Ian and Mickey shared a look, unsure about whether to tell Yev the truth or not. Finally, Ian gave in and said, ‘Well, you’ve just been through a break up and…we wanted to, you know, not flaunt our PDA in front of you.’
Yev scoffed, averting his eyes with a scowl. ‘Yeah, because I’m going to be jealous of two guys gettin’ all cuddly, like I give a shit.’
Ian and Mickey shared another look, nodding in agreement and thinking that Yev had a point.
‘Now, can you, like, not?’ Yev scowled. ‘I’m trying to study, and Riley’s coming over later and he really doesn’t need to be traumatised by you guys bumping uglies in the next room.’
‘Trust me, kid, with Fiona as his mother, kid’s fuckin’ traumatised enough already.’
Ian smacked Mickey’s arm lightly for that comment. ‘What do you mean by that?’
Yev could only roll his eyes as Mickey stuck out his tongue in response. His dad was so childish. ‘Whatever.’ And with that, he stormed back into his room, shut his door, and deleted all pictures of Chelsea and him.
Time to move on.