Chapter Text
Most days Noelle believes that she knows herself very well. However, in this moment, she isn't sure she actually does.
She sits on a train that heads downtown. The orange line speeds ahead to a town 45 minutes away from the sanctity of the town she now considers home. Her black miniskirt, curled hair, and makeup is nothing like her, but it's who she is tonight.
Her Friday nights were commonly spent either at her desk or in the library with one of her many backbreaking textbooks and an assortment of color coordinated stationary. The stars and moon hang high over the girl as they watch her go through page after page, absorbing the material, then writing and highlighting until her wrist aches.
The break in routine came just a few days ago when she ran into Kris Dremurr, who she hadn't seen in years.
Their conversation was pleasant, quaint, and small in the way you'd expect from them. The pair meekly asked each other about school and surface-level life happenings, ignoring the history that lies between them. What Noelle didn't expect was an invitation to a party at their friends house (Kris' friend? Susie's friend? Do they have friends outside of each other? She wonders).
Noelle would be the first to say that she is not one for parties; she hardly drinks, dances, or socializes, all things you must be adept at to be a good partygoer. Seeing as hasn't quite mastered any of these "skills," she has no problem spending her nights in the library. This time, though, she agrees to give it a shot and try to be the kind of person who can do all of those things.
Kris offhandedly mentions that Susie will also be in attendance at said party.
The last time she saw Kris was before she left Hometown for a college two hours away. The last time she saw Susie was when she was breaking up with her, just a day before she was set to leave.
The two spent the whole summer creating plans on how they'll visit each other, what days will work best with Noelle's schedule that semester, where they can go on dates around her new town, and how excited they were to enter this new chapter beside one another.
Noelle plans this alongside Susie, knowing good and well she wasn't seeing any of it through.
It wasn't malicious, or with any intent to hurt Susie. It stems from Noelle's fears; fear of the distance she's placing between the two of them, fear that they wouldn't grow in the same directions, fear of becoming someone Susie resented.
Noelle chalks it all up to being a kid who didn't have a handle on her feelings. Still, she stands by her decision. It was all for the best.
Seeing your ex-girlfriend at a party is one of those awkward situations people avoid, but seeing as it had been years since the split, not to mention how young they were, Noelle feels as though it's all null and void. There would be no reason for uncomfortably as the serious feelings typically associated with this kind of thing dissipated with age.
Now, an adult who can purchase alcohol, gamble, and pay taxes, Noelle can say most days that she is fine with who she's become, but the anxiety that comes with seeing Susie and Kris makes her feel as if she's regressing back into the scared, people-pleasing doe she was in her younger years.
It wasn't like her to go to a party. It wasn't like her to dress up like this. It wasn't like her to put herself in a situation that may not lead to anything productive, yet she watches the trees and buildings rush past the window of the train. Her fingers twirl around the thin, white wire of her headphones, which aren't playing anything.
Noelle isn't herself tonight, although she's not exactly sure who she is now.
Noelle can tell exactly which house is hosting based on the amount of cars and people hanging around outside. A quick scan of the faces in the yard show no Susie or Kris, so she ventures inside.
Before she goes through the door, she can hear the music and chatter hardly confined within the brick walls. The amount of bodies inside makes it even more difficult to her to navigate through the house, which has now become a maze. Her aimless steps eventually lead to the open space of the living room, connected to the kitchen with a wide layout.
Her mission to find the pair is put on a temporary hold when she finds a large bowl, filled with a yellow juice, bearing no labels or clues as to what it is. She fills a red solo cup with the juice and takes a long sip.
The drink tastes like a dirty old house that's being pumped with a pineapple air freshener to try and fix the foul odor. The burn follows the trail of her esophagus in an unsatisfying way. Her face turns in disgust, she looks down at the drink and swirls it around, hoping it'll magically fix the flavor with nothing except sheer willpower. She brings the cup to her lips again before she feels a hand on her shoulder.
"Noelle, hey."
Noelle recognizes the gentle timbre of the voice without ever needing to look at her. She turns to face Susie.
"Hi, Susie." She returns the greeting in her most even and friendly voice.
Susie's face looks the exact same, not one feature moving or changing throughout the years. What is different is how fleshed out she seems to be, holding no uncertainty in her wake to instead be someone that is wholly themselves. She wonders if she seems as fully-realized as the woman standing in front of her, or if she even seems any different from how she was before. Noelle tries to make it look like she's not studying the other, but she's sure the other is more than aware.
"It's so crazy to see you here. I never would've expected it." Susie speaks over the music as best she can without yelling.
"I know! When I ran into Kris, I almost thought I was dreaming." Noelle says.
Susie says something else that sounds like a garbled mess. Noelle brings her eyebrows close together, yelling out a "huh?" Susie repeats herself to no avail. Making out the words is impossible with the four on the floor blaring through tall speakers. She grabs onto Noelle's wrist and leads them both through the house.
She successfully brings the two to the backyard of the large house. The main source of noise outside stems from the cacophony of cicadas quietly underscored by the music playing from inside. The backyard was large and fenced in, featuring a pool and several places to sit. The scene looks as if it was pulled from the home renovation shows she would watch while getting her nails done. Noelle follows as Susie leads them to some pool chairs beside the blue water.
"I dunno where Kris is, probably getting a drink, or a cig, or something." Susie looks around in an attempt to find her friend.
"Cigarettes? Kris smokes?" Taken aback by the idea, she has no choice but to question it.
"Barely. Really only when they're drunk. Finding a cigarette around here is probably easier than finding water." Susie laughs.
Noelle takes in the information, assuming Kris was probably drunk. She keeps it in mind for whenever they run into each other.
"So… how have you been?" Susie starts the conversation. The want to absolve the slight twinge of weirdness is glaring in the face of the two, but they just look at each other instead of paying it any attention.
"I'm good! I'm… I'm basically doing school stuff all the time. Uh… yeah. Busy, busy, busy. What about you?"
God, Noelle, you are doing terrible. This is not the cool, calm, and collected person you are. Breathe… and maybe drink. She takes another sip of the evil juice with the hopes that it'll set some of her nerves at ease.
"Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. School stuff." Susie leans back into the chair, placing her arms behind her to support her lean. Noelle swallows the drink with a harsh gulp, she prays Susie didn't hear it.
"I thought you didn't want to go to college?" Noelle questions.
"I didn't back then. You know I always though I was too stupid for it, but Toriel convinced me to go. She spent weeks convincing me, then another few weeks helping me plan, and then another few to help with my financial aid stuff. She kinda came in and kicked my ass about it. I'm really grateful, 'cuz I wouldn't have done it without her."
Noelle recounts all the times she tried to convince Susie to go to college, either with her or not, she hammered in the importance of it that was hammered into her by her parents. Although her attempts didn't work, maybe she just didn't have a mothers touch. She pockets the idea in the back of her mind, saving it for later consideration.
"That's really great, Susie." Noelle gives a small smile and looks down at her feet. "I… I'm really happy to hear that. What's your major?"
"Music education." She beams with pride. "At Elmenson College. I go to school with Kris. It's… uh, really cool."
Noelle had heard of the private art institution in the same way she heard about all the others in her area, through ads on Smoogle and endless emails suggesting a transfer from her current school. She didn't know anyone who was attending, up until now. She drinks again.
"You still in engineering?" Susie brings the question back to the reindeer. She nods in response.
"Biomedical engineering. Yup… sounds good until you're up to your neck in material you hardly understand. I'm losing so much hair, I think I'll be bald by the time I graduate." She laughs.
The alcohol starts to run its course through her bloodstream, becoming one with her cells and atoms, bonding together to make a new Noelle. This Noelle comes equipped with little to no filter before she speaks, and added clumsiness. The want to drink more increases tenfold the closer they stray away from the small talk. Noelle obeys the wants of her new self and finishes off her disgusting drink.
"I'm glad you're doing good. Your hair still looks nice, so I wouldn't worry too much about what's falling out." Susie smooths over Noelle's stresses with an expert hand. It must be second nature.
"Thanks." Noelle murmurs, wishing she had more liquid courage.
The two mess with their hair and jewelry while thinking of something else to talk about. The easiest topic (school) had passed by so quickly, Noelle didn't have enough time to think up something else. She is sure that Susie is in the same boat, trying to think of things to talk about that don't tie back to their past.
"Honey, I've been looking all over for you!" A new voice enters their space, one that Noelle knows she doesn't recognize.
Her eyes follow along the tiles of the ground until her eyes land on the figure walking towards them. The alligator girl approaches the two with a wide smile. When Noelle looks back at Susie, she's returning the grin.
Why am I feeling so weird about this?
"Sorry, I got caught up with an old friend." She stands up from the chair and meets the girl just a few inches away from where Noelle sits. Susie throws an arm around her waist and walks her to the chair Noelle's sitting at. The reindeer takes it as her sign to stand up and greet.
The pair seem more than well-acquainted, looking closer than close. The alligator places a kiss on Susie's cheek, providing confirmation that these two are together in some capacity.
"This is Noelle. Noelle, this is my girlfriend, Remy."
"It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you…" The comment is a slight, or at least Noelle takes it that way. Paired with the way Remy's eyes scan over her, the alarms in Noelle's brain sound off, alerting her to stay aware.
Noelle knows there's no way Remy doesn't know their history, hence the sizing up and obvious undertones of a sentence such as "I've heard so much about you." It now feels as though she's entered enemy territory without any proper armor or weapons, she was not at all well equipped enough to handle this.
"It's nice to meet you too." She attempts her most friendly facade as her only defense. "I'm, uh, gonna go get a drink. Do you guys want anything?" Noelle plans her escape while keeping up niceties in order to maintain the peace.
"Nah." Susie responds.
"Nope! Oh, you have to come meet my friend…" Without any consideration towards Noelle, Remy drags Susie away to a different part of the backyard. Her gut feeling tells her that Remy couldn't wait to get the two away from her, but that could be the alcohol talking. She shakes it off and heads back inside.
Once she's back in the kitchen, her eyes analyze every option in front of her. Yellow juice (bad.), green juice (questionable.), blue juice (safest option?), red juice (always gotta have that.), and something brown that looks like a mix of all of them (is this what they call jungle juice?). She ladles in an equal amount of blue and red juice into her cup, creating a mixture that turns purple.
The first sip is torture, which makes the second sip life-threatening.
"Don't drink it all so quickly… you'll chuck it all back up." A low voice whispers into her ear, unmistakably the voice of her old friend.
Noelle chokes on the drink from the surprise of Kris approaching her. They pat her on the back, trying to stop her coughing. Her face turns hot, and she wonders how red she is now.
"Thanks, Kris…" She leans into them, shyly expressing her gratitude. "Is all of this stuff gross?"
"Yup." They respond. "I'll get you something good, though."
She watches as Kris navigates through the kitchen with ease, picking out a bottle and pouring something brown into a shot glass that looks like it's already been used. They bring the small cup over to her. Once Noelle has the glass between her fingers she wastes no time throwing it back into her mouth.
The taste is god-awful, providing more of a burn than the drinks she'd had before. She audibly groans and shakes her head in response to the strong taste. Nothing about it was good in the way Kris promised. Noelle should've known better than to trust them, and the belief is only cemented by their shit-eating grin.
"What the hell? That was horrible! What did you give me?" She sets the glass down and chases the bad taste with her drink, tasting better than the shot by default. Kris holds their hand up to their mouth while snickering.
Her tipsiness makes it feel as though her bones are becoming softer, joints move a little further away from each other, all creating a looser feeling inside her body. A thin veil makes it way over her mind rendering her placid.
"Whisky. It's great, isn't it?" Their tone is notably sarcastic. Kris messing with her brings on a streak of familiarity she'd been yearning for, finding it in them makes her feel just a tad bit better.
"Follow me." They beckon her with their hand.
Kris dives into the sea of people without a second thought, Noelle rushes after them, careful to not spill her drink in her trek. They lead her up the stairs of the house to the second story, which had considerably less people around than the downstairs area. Kris opens the door to what looks like someone's bedroom which causes Noelle to mentally apologize to whosever space they were invading.
Before Noelle can set her drink down on the desk, they open the window and step out onto the roof. Kris turns and extends their hand in front of their body, offering it to Noelle.
"You coming?" They ask. Noelle sputters out a drunken response as she makes her way over.
Their hand holds onto hers, ensuring that she can crawl out without spilling her drink, which is only slightly successful. A few beads of drink ride down the slope of the roof before falling off. Noelle wonders if it'll hit anyone on the head.
The two get settled in their spots atop the house against the uncomfortable shingles. What the spot lacks in comfort is made up for by the serenity of the space. They could see hear the music and talking, but it was nothing like any other spot in this house.
"How did you know to come up here?" Noelle looks up at the starless sky, wishing she could see just one shining body.
"Just look around… you know. Walk outside, see where the good places are to sit. Come back upstairs and look around… Nobodies watching you at a party."
Kris shoves their hand into their jacket pocket, pulling out a box of cigarettes and a lighter.
"So, I heard about this. When did you start smoking?" Noelle quickly begins her interrogation.
"It's not a habit." They pull a stick out from the box. "Jus' sometimes when I'm drunk. Have you ever had a drunk cig?" They spark up the lighter, keeping a steady hand over the cigarette in case the wind takes out their flame. It catches onto the paper and sets the tobacco aflame. This is the closest Noelle will get to a star tonight.
"No, I've never, like, ever, smoked anything. I just never buy it, and the people around me never have it." Her nose twitches from the smell of the cigarette.
"Your friends never smoke?" Kris leans in enough to intrude on Noelle's space. She doesn't back up or push them away from the bubble.
"What friends?" Noelle says. "My gym-obsessed nurse roommate? She won't even use the microwave, much less smoke. The people in my major are pretty… straitlaced. It's not common you find people doing that stuff."
"You don't have any other friends? Not people in your major, or anything?" Kris looks to her with a nearly shocked expression, kept mostly hidden by their want to not upset her.
Now, Noelle knows she's more than dropped the ball on the shortcomings of her college experience. She sips from her drink before speaking.
"Not really, I guess. It's like, I have friends in class, you know, people you've had the same classes with for a few semesters now. We study together sometimes but, we don't… hang out, or whatever. My roommate is the complete opposite of me, so we don't have much to talk about. I haven't explored much in town because I don't really have anyone to go with. I'm pretty much by myself all the time."
She doesn't realize how long her ramble goes on, leading her to embarrassed heat blooming across her face. She didn't have to tell Kris that she's a loser; they already know, and have been well-aware since they were young. Still, she kicks herself and tells her brain to watch it from now on.
"I'm sorry. That sucks." Kris apologizes with no pity in their tone towards her situation. It's a genuine apology that they, for whatever reason, feel the need to give her.
"It's not your fault. I'm the one who decided to move far away." Her fingers wrap around the bottom of her tank top, twisting as hard as she can. "I'm the reason we don't all talk so… I guess it's what I deserve."
Kris looks at her through squinted eyes, face now painted with an expression she can't make out. It looks to be disbelief, paired with confusion, baked in with a smidge of humor. It's difficult to understand yet she gets it.
"You don't deserve anything other than what you work for. If you want friends, Noelle, go out and get them. Don't do this whole pity party thing. Yeah, yeah, you can feel bad about having no friends, but it's not some karmic retribution because you did what most kids do when they move off to college. It makes sense you grew out of us-" Kris' sentence is cut short.
"I didn't grow out of you guys." She corrects.
"Right, you broke up with Susie, then I had to pick one of you." They draw in smoke.
Ding, ding, ding, ding. Correct, Kris.
"It was years ago. If anything, we've grown out of who we were back then." Noelle watches the people, now small as dolls from her place on the roof.
"That's for the best, isn't it?" They breathe out ribbons of gray fumes through their nose. She watches it fly up into the air and become one with the sky.
Noelle takes another swig of her purple juice in hopes that she'll finish it as quickly as possible so that she can get it all over with. Through large mouthfuls of the stuff she still tastes the harsh liquor and feel it going through her. She brings the cup down for just a moment, when it's swiped by Kris.
"Hey!" She knows better than to try and take it back, instead, she watches Kris inhale the rest of her drink in two gulps. Her jaw drops. They throw the cup over the edge of the roof.
"Kris, why are you being a litterbug?"Noelle tries to look over the roof to find her cup.
"I tossed it into the backyard. They'll clean all this stuff up tomorrow." They respond carelessly before they take another drag.
"I've been meaning to ask," Noelle twists around and looks through the window. "Who's house is this, anyways?"
"Some dude in my program. He throws these big parties every once in a while."
Noelle nods slowly. From her spot on the roof, she can see Susie and Remy, sat side-by-side, shoulders and knees touching with conjoined hands. Helena charges through the conversation they're having with some random group of people, Susie laughs at nearly everything she says.
Kris notices where her eyes are. "Did you find Susie?"
"More like Susie found me." She snorts. "We talked for a bit, it was… yeah. Fine. I think." Her tongue feels as though it's gained ten pounds, making it difficult for her to speak.
"What does that mean?" Kris presses into her.
"Don't say that like that. It was a… uh… casual conversation. Then her girlfriend came over and swept her away. We probably didn't talk for more than like, eight minutes." Noelle recounts the conversation, wishing that she was more drunk during it.
"Oh. So you met Remy" It almost sounds as if Kris should be asking, yet it sounds more like a solid statement.
"Yeah. She's nice."
Kris laughs dryly at her response, evoking a confused look from Noelle. She can't pinpoint what part of her sentence was funny to them.
"Why are you laughing?" She questions.
Kris gives Noelle one of those knowing looks that you're meant to read without saying anything. She stares and tries to figure them out through the darkness. Her mind tries to fill in the blanks of the cryptic reaction to no sensible answer.
"She's nice, alright." They bring the stick to their lips. "I can't imagine that she's your biggest fan, though."
"What?" Confusion colors her features in with bold colors, raised brows, and wandering thoughts.
"Susie and Remy met their first semester, probably just a few months after you left. Susie was really messed up for a while… after the breakup. They got really close really fast, and Remy really, really liked her. She waited until Susie was ready, helping her through all the ups and downs of heartbreak, listening to all of her late night rants about you, and how she missed you, yada, yada, yada." Kris speaks as if it's of no importance, as if Susie being hung up over Noelle was something small that everyone could easily look over.
All words escape her, as does the air in her lungs. The feeling of guilt builds itself up within Noelle with such precision that it's pressing into her organs. If the sky came falling down this very moment, it wouldn't feel anything like the depression causing her chest to cave in.
"We were kids…" Noelle says it more to bring herself comfort. The mantra is one she's repeated to justify it all to herself, a mantra that is meant to absolve her of this guilt that pangs and aches worse than the heartache that came with leaving Susie.
"How long did it take for Susie to…" Her sentence leaves out the part she doesn't want to say.
"Maybe, like, a year and a half. But, they didn't start dating until six months ago. Susie said that being over you and being ready to date are two different things."
Two different timelines form in her head, taking on different tracks for their different meanings. She can see Susie heading down one track without ever letting the other train take off. There was no space for her to let anyone else in after a decision Noelle made that she thought was for the best. Worst of all, Noelle knows she wasn't nearly as impacted as Susie. What does that say about her?
All she can manage to say in the moment is "Oh."
Kris clicks their tongue and sighs deeply. Their cigarette, now nothing more than the nub of the filter, is discarded over the roof of the house, just the same as Noelle's cup. She wishes she had something to hold onto other than these feelings. She wishes that she had more alcohol in her system to numb this guilt.
"You shouldn't feel bad. It's been over for a while now, and Susie's fine. You're just drunk." The explanation does nothing to calm Noelle, but she appreciates how they try.
"Not drunk enough, apparently."
"You didn't feel bad when you did it?" Kris' stinging question is one she knows she deserves.
"Of course I did." She says without a second thought. "Of course I felt terrible. It wasn't something I was happy doing, or something I wanted because I didn't care for Susie. It just… wasn't fair to her if I went so far away for so long. That doesn't feel like the way a healthy relationship should go. If she knew she was going to Elmenson then, maybe it'd be different. But… it's not."
How can it hurt so much two years after the fact? What is Noelle holding onto now?
Figuring herself out is difficult, but going downstairs and getting something to drink isn't. She begins to move, crawling towards the open window. Kris places their hand on her ankle as a way to stop her. She stops and looks back at them.
"Noelle, are you happy?" They ask.
It's a simple yes or no question. She knows this question is easier than the ones she sees on her weekly quizzes, and she still can't answer. Left in the air, hanging, waiting, she decides to leave it blank. She continues crawling back inside the house.
Noelle makes her way out of the bedroom and flies past the bodies on the stairs. As far as she's concerned, they aren't even there. The familiar setup of the kitchen is her only comfort in this strange place. Her red solo cup is filled with the green juice (since it was the closest to her). She dives straight in, drinking as much as she can without gagging.
To her surprise, she's able to make it through most of the drink before it feels revolting. After a few deep breaths she's able to fill her cup back up, this time with the mysterious brown juice. She drinks in as much as she can, telling herself it's water with every swallow.
"Noelle, hey, maybe you shouldn't drink that." Susie seemingly appears out of nowhere, with no one besides her. Noelle can hardly register that she's there over the tide of nausea that crashes into her. Saliva builds up in her mouth as her innards twist and turn.
Her world turns in circles, her mind can't make out anything, and her thoughts are a jumbled mess. Nothing feels familiar anymore, not even Susie's face.
"I don't feel…" Her heavy tongue slurs the words, but Susie still understands what she's saying.
Noelle doesn't know how she ends up in the bathroom, but the second she sees the toilet, she tumbles in front of it and places her head within the opening.
The first wave of vomit is volatile, accompanied by the ever so beautiful sounds of gagging and choking. Her body feels as though it's being exercised of the evil demons (alcohol) within her. For just a few moments she's able to breathe when the second rush of spew escapes her.
However much time passed between her leaving Kris and winding up in the bathroom is lost on her. The minutes and hours had been the last thing on her mind since she got through the door.
Her senses come back, one by one. Her nose moves from side to side from the smell of vomit on her face. Her eyes adjust to the open seat and the way her fingers grip the sides. She can hear the music again, alongside the breathing of someone else.
Noelle turns around, facing Susie. She's holding Noelle's hair up with one hand, and rubbing her back with the other. Susie's features look stoic, focused on the task at hand (which is helping Noelle?)
"Are you okay?" Susie asks. Noelle wants to reply, but she throws up more instead.
It takes some time before she feels a settling within her stomach, signifying the end of the alcohols reign of terror on her body. Noelle flushes it all away.
When she stands up, her legs feel weaker than they ever have. She stumbles over to the counter, unaware of Susie's hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the other side of the room.
Noelle looks in the mirror to see her mascara running down her face, bits of her insides around her mouth, and her hair still held up by Susie's hand. Her eyes, now glassy and bloodshot, add to the overall look.
"Oh Angel… I look horrible." She turns her head to the left, then the right. Her cheeks had become so bloated without her ever realizing.
"Just wash your face…" Susie places the face wash and towel in front of her.
While Noelle cleans herself up she feels how gingerly Susie holds her hair up, probably fearful of ruining her curls, as if Noelle didn't ruin every other part of the look. She decides to swipe some mouthwash while she's at it.
Once she's pat herself dry, the world comes back into view. She can see Susie clearly now, as well as the mess she's gotten herself into. It somehow all feels worse than it did before.
"Susie, I… Oh I'm- goddamn, I'm so sorry. I just- It was, like, I couldn't-"
"Noelle, shut up." The other finally lets go of her locks and removes her hand from her back. "It's okay. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She responds quickly as a way to try and diffuse this.
Susie looks into her, assessing her face for something she can't figure out. Noelle was never good at lying, and she knew as much. It would be foolish to think Susie didn't.
"Why the hell were you drinking that much? And so fast? Don't you know to pace yourself?" Susie scolding takes her by surprise, but it's quickly diminished by how embarrassed she feels. She looks down at her feet in hopes she'll come up with some reasonable response, or at least one that doesn't feel so childish.
"I didn't mean to…" Is all she can muster up.
Her mind and body feel weak from the previous events. She slides down onto the floor, bringing her knees close to her chest. Noelle hopes this is all a bad dream, that she'll wake up in her dorm as her roommate does her morning pilates. She wants to hear how her knees crack, how her deep breaths enter her body and escape. She wants to roll over and hold the pillow she hugs closer to her chest. She craves anything that feels like home.
"Shit, I don't think you're okay." Susie crouches down to her level. "I'm gonna go get you a water bottle."
Susie leaves Noelle alone for a few moments, returning with two water bottles. She opens one up for the reindeer before handing it to her. Noelle is able to get a few sips down. When she sets the bottle back down, Susie puts the cap back on for her.
The next few minutes are occupied by no other sound than their breathing. Neither one is sure where to start, and Noelle knows she's still drunk.
"What time is it?" Noelle asks with her chin placed between her knees.
Susie checks her phone. "Close to midnight."
Anxiety shoots up within Noelle's body as if it were administered by a needle going straight into her veins. Her head perks up as her eyes go wide.
"Midnight? The trains close at midnight." She begins to scramble for belongings she never brought.
Noelle quickly stands up, before her knees give out and bring her down to the floor. Susie is able to catch her fall before she meets the cool tiles. She almost wishes she did slam her head against them.
"Is there a bus around here?" She questions desperately. "I mean, I guess I can walk, or Oober?"
Her hands reach around for her phone when Susie grabs her wrist, keeping them from doing anything other than being held.
"I don't think it's safe for you to take the bus, or walk." Susie says.
"I don't think so either, but how am I gonna get home? I can't stay here, I don't think."
"I'll take you home, Noelle."
Noelle's gut reaction is to say no, to avoid any and all scenarios where she'll be locked somewhere with Susie after everything that's happened tonight. She starts shaking her head, but it seems as though Susie's made up her mind.
"I have to go get Remy's keys, but you're only, like, 30 minutes away, right?" Susie stands up as she speaks. Noelle grabs onto her jeans.
"It's too far for you Susie, plus, it's just really not convenient. I'll work it out, I promise-"
"I told you I'm taking you home. I'm finding Kris so you can say bye, then we're going."
Before Noelle can reject the offer further, Susie is already out of the bathroom and working on her tasks. She knows now she has to stand up and look a tad bit decent, at the very least, once she walks out. She looks at herself in the mirror, seeing someone different than who she saw yesterday.
Noelle knows none of this is like her. Going to a party, drinking, and getting so drunk she projectile vomits into a strangers toilet is nothing like who she's been. The way Susie scolded her, and treated her like a child, makes her feel terrible in ways she didn't even know she could feel.
Kris enters the bathroom, looking over Noelle with concern, until they see that she's in somewhat decent shape.
"I should've stopped you. I didn't know you were going to start throwing shit down like that." They lean against the counter with their hands crossed.
"I don't think it would've done anything, anyways." She responds.
"I'm glad Susie's taking you home. Text me when you wake up tomorrow and tell me how killer your hangover is." The serious nature of their conversation quickly turns into something lighter, something Noelle can handle better. She gives them a small smile.
"I will. Bye, Kris."
Noelle leaves the bathroom, going straight for the front door of the house. Susie stands near the frame with the keys.
"You ready?" Susie asks. Noelle nods before they both make their way outside.
The two walk alongside each other down the sidewalk. Noelle takes in the architecture of the wealthy neighborhood, looking at the kinds of cars people have, and the lights they have attached to their homes. Although she wasn't far from this area, it looks nothing like the town she stays in now.
Susie opens the passenger door for Noelle, who gives her a quiet "thank you" in return. Susie wordlessly hands her her phone where she puts in her address. The drive begins.
"You really didn't have to take me home… you still don't have to, if you don't want to. Which, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't-"
"Noelle, shut up." Susie says again. Noelle listens, instead watching the streetlights as they fly by.
The music Susie puts on is a soft voice over a soft guitar. The words and melodies feel tender, almost like a lullaby. The reindeer can feel her eyelids getting heavier.
"I'm sorry." Noelle says.
Nothing follows as she's not sure what should. She's not exactly sure what thing she's apologizing for; is it the breakup or how she's had to take care of Noelle tonight? Is she apologizing for both? Is she apologizing for getting herself into a situation where Susie would have to save her despite the fact that they both know she doesn't deserve it? Maybe it was all of the above.
"You should sleep a little. We have some time before we make it to your dorm." Susie turns the music up, drowning out the noise that lives in the middle of their two bodies. Noelle follows her instructions, using her hand as a pillow.
Noelle wakes up right before they make it to her building. She yawns and gathers her bearings.
"This is it, right?" Susie confirms before driving up in front of her dorm.
"Yeah." Noelle responds.
Now in front of the doors, she knows their journey is coming to an end. Noelle sighs, looking over to Susie, who's looking straight ahead.
"Thank you for bringing me home. I… I really appreciate it." She speaks bashfully, as if Susie didn't see her upchuck just an hour ago.
"It's no problem. I'm glad you're home safely is all." Susie nods through her sentence with grace, still not facing Noelle.
Unsure of what to say, she decides there's nothing else she can say.
"Goodnight, Susie. Get home safe." Noelle opens the door, stepping out onto the concrete.
"Noelle," Susie stops her. The two look at each other for a brief moment, then Susie looks at the ceiling of the car. "I accept your apology. It's okay, uh, between us."
Noelle gives her a small, closed-mouth smile. She shuts the door of the car and makes her way inside the building.