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Tokai Teio, Mejiro McQueen, Gold Ship and Daiwa Scarlet in the Team Spica clubroom.
Team Spica Clubroom
Present: Tokai Teio, Mejiro McQueen, Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka, Special Week, Silence Suzuka, Gold Ship
Tokai Teio
Summer camp! Didja hear that, McQueen?
Mejiro McQueen
We are in the same room, Teio. So, yes.
Tokai Teio
I can’t wait! Just you and me—
Daiwa Scarlet
It’s a team retreat. The rest of us will—
Tokai Teio
And the team! Just me, McQueen, and the team.
Vodka
Then why are ya sayin’ it like that?
Mejiro McQueen
I am looking forward to it as well, Teio. Just you and me. And the team, of course.
Vodka
Ugh... I think I’m gonna be sick.
Special Week
Trainer’s away on business, so we’re going on a team retreat! Suzuka-san, do you think they’ll have good food?
Silence Suzuka
I’m sure they will, Spe-chan.
Gold Ship
Ho ho ho... Unsupervised. ☆ Hey, Mac, whaddya—
McQueen is already halfway out the door with Teio.
Mejiro McQueen
Shall we go pack, Teio?
Tokai Teio
Bouncing along
M’kay!
The rest of the team watches the door click shut behind them.
Daiwa Scarlet
...Is it just me or...
Vodka
Teio and McQueen are actin’ kinda...
Special Week
I dunno, but they’ve seemed different lately.
Silence Suzuka
...They’re not focused on racing anymore.
Special Week
Gasp! Not focused on racing?!
Gold Ship
If they’re not focused, Team Spica’s down two runners! Two planks gone and the good ship Spica sinks!
Special Week
We gotta do something!
Student Council Office
Present: Symboli Rudolf, Special Week, Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka, Silence Suzuka, Gold Ship
Rudolf listens to Team Spica’s report, her chin resting on her hands.
Symboli Rudolf
I see. This is troubling.
Rudolf stands and looks at the plaque on the wall. It reads: Eglips Fuerst, da Lest Nowhere.
Symboli Rudolf
The Umamusume at this academy often find rivals. Best friends. Roommates, even. But if a pair were ever to become all three...
Special Week
What happens?
Symboli Rudolf
No one can say. No two Umamusume have ever crossed that line. The consequences would surely be catastrophic.
Special Week
Then we gotta save them!
Scarlet, Vodka, and Suzuka nod.
Gold Ship
Yeah, McQueen’s reactions are like ninety-five percent of the fun on this team.
Vodka
Are we sure they’re not just, y’know...
Symboli Rudolf
What, precisely?
Vodka
Tapping her fingertips together
You know...
Symboli Rudolf
I’m afraid I don’t.
Daiwa Scarlet
Stop messing around, Vodka. This is serious.
Vodka stares at Scarlet in disbelief.
Vodka
Right... my bad.
Special Week
So what do we do?
Symboli Rudolf
Competition is the remedy. Whatever has taken root between them, rivalry will restore the balance.
Daiwa Scarlet
You really think competition works?
Symboli Rudolf
Indeed, competition will curdle it. Competition curdles everything. Competition curdled my last three— Ahem. It curdles.
Retreat Cabin
Present: Special Week, Tokai Teio, Vodka, Mejiro McQueen, Silence Suzuka, Daiwa Scarlet
Special Week
All righty, room assignments! Teio, you’re with—
Tokai Teio
McQueen! I wanna sleep with McQueen! ♪
Vodka
I bet...
Mejiro McQueen
Naturally.
Special Week
Um, actually, we randomized the...
Teio and McQueen are already gone.
Special Week
...assignments.
Suzuka steps over and looks at the list.
Silence Suzuka
We’re together, Spe-chan.
Special Week
But the list says—
Silence Suzuka
We’re together, Spe-chan.
Vodka
I guess that just leaves me ’n Scarlet.
Daiwa Scarlet
Who cares about room assignments! We need to fix whatever’s going on with Teio and McQueen. This is serious!
Special Week
Right. The President said if we don’t fix this, they might quit racing entirely!
Scarlet pulls out a notebook.
Daiwa Scarlet
We’ve got a team relay race scheduled for tomorrow morning. Random pairs. The winners get a cafeteria breakfast and the losers get loaf.
Special Week
A loaf of what?
Daiwa Scarlet
I don’t know. It just says “loaf.”
Special Week
Well, food’s a great motivator for ANY competition! That’ll get Teio and McQueen back to being proper rivals for sure.
Daiwa Scarlet
And to make tomorrow even more competitive, I invited El Condor Pasa and Grass Wonder to join us.
Vodka
Are ya sure that’s a good idea?
Daiwa Scarlet
Why wouldn’t it be?
Vodka
...Just wonderin’.
Daiwa Scarlet
Then we have a plan!
Scarlet smacks one fist into her palm.
Daiwa Scarlet
Everyone, time to bathe and rest up. Tomorrow morning, we’re going to have a proper race!
Bath Hallway
Present: Silence Suzuka, Special Week, Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka, Tokai Teio, Mejiro McQueen
Silence Suzuka
Why is there only one bath?
The cabin’s bath is residential-sized, with room for approximately one and a half Umamusume. The hot-water tank is similarly small.
Special Week
Wow! That’s a small tub.
Daiwa Scarlet
There’s clearly not enough hot water for all of us.
Vodka
Man, that’s lame! I don’t wanna take a cold bath.
The group closes the door and steps into the hallway.
Tokai Teio
Oh, I know an easy solution. We share! McQueen and I will go together!
Special Week
Will you both fit? You’d be right on top of—
Mejiro McQueen
It is an excellent idea. Ahem. That is to say, to aid the team we can— we should, as our duty, conserve—
Daiwa Scarlet
No.
Tokai Teio
But—
Vodka
No.
Mejiro McQueen
It’s only—
Daiwa Scarlet & Vodka
No.
Tokai Teio
Why not?!
Vodka
’Cause you two are gonna get in there and—
Grass and El arrive.
Grass Wonder
Hello, everyone. I hope we’re not interrupting.
El Condor Pasa
Hola! We made it! ♪
Special Week
Hi, guys! You’re just in time—
Daiwa Scarlet
No, they’re not. The race is tomorrow.
Special Week
—We’re discussing bathing partners!
Daiwa Scarlet
No, we’re not. Nobody is doing bathing partners.
El Condor Pasa
Bathing... partners?
Vodka
Rivals, even.
Daiwa Scarlet
Vodka. Stop. Helping.
El Condor Pasa
Bathing rivals...
Daiwa Scarlet
Nobody is bathing with ANYONE.
Silence Suzuka
If we’re partnering... I’m bathing with Spe-chan.
Grass Wonder
...Is that so? I think I should bathe with Spe-chan.
Silence Suzuka
She’s my roommate.
Grass Wonder
She’s my rival.
Special Week
We can all go together!
Vodka
What about you, El? Guessin’ you wanna bathe with Grass?
El Condor Pasa
Nope!
Vodka
Yeah, I figured— wait, what?
El Condor Pasa
I don’t need hot water! I’ll happily go last.
Daiwa Scarlet
That’s... very considerate of you, El. Thank you.
El Condor Pasa
You don’t even need to drain the tub! Just leave Grass’s bathwater and I’ll—
Daiwa Scarlet
El Condor Pasa, if you finish that sentence, I will flush your mask down the drain.
Tokai Teio
So why do Spe, Grass, and Suzuka get to bathe together but we can’t?
Daiwa Scarlet
They are not—
Silence Suzuka & Grass Wonder
She is not bathing with Spe-chan.
Mejiro McQueen
I see no logical reason why Teio and I should not bathe together to conserve water, Scarlet.
Daiwa Scarlet
It’s improper!
Mejiro McQueen
Are you accusing a Mejiro of impropriety?
Vodka
Yeah, Scarlet.
Daiwa Scarlet
Shut up, Vodka.
Mejiro McQueen
I fail to see your reasoning. Communal bathing is both proper and traditional.
Daiwa Scarlet
NOT IN A RESIDENTIAL TUB!
Mejiro McQueen
The principle is the same.
Daiwa Scarlet
The principle is very much NOT the same.
Special Week
I think it makes sense. The tank should have enough for four baths and there are eight of us here, so—
Daiwa Scarlet
Wait, eight? Where’s Gold Ship?
Vodka
Oh yeah, McQueen, you should bathe with her.
Mejiro McQueen
I shall not.
Vodka
Why? You said it’s traditional.
Daiwa Scarlet
Seriously, where is Gold Ship?
Mejiro McQueen
The tub will fit Teio and me. It will not fit me and Gold Ship.
Vodka
Right, I guess you and Golshi are both on the larger—
Mejiro McQueen
Vodka. If you finish that sentence, I will flush your flask down the drain.
Vodka
How would you even flush a flask?
Tokai Teio
I’m, like, SUPER flexible! I can fold up small so me and McQueen could fit one more.
Daiwa Scarlet
You would NOT fit one more.
Vodka
Seriously, my flask is solid metal.
Mejiro McQueen
A Mejiro finds a way.
Vodka
Ya can’t just say that for everything.
Tokai Teio
We would TOTALLY fit three. I hold the forward bend record at Tracen!
Daiwa Scarlet
This isn’t a competition!
Tokai Teio
Everything’s a competition! I’m gonna make a miracle!
Daiwa Scarlet
You are NOT making a miracle by fitting three Umamusume in a bathtub.
Tokai Teio
Watch us!
Daiwa Scarlet
I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH YOU!
Mejiro McQueen
How about Special Week? She’s the next smallest. She could fit with Teio and me.
Silence Suzuka & Grass Wonder
No.
Special Week
Then what about me, Suzuka, and Grass?
Silence Suzuka
...Fine.
Grass Wonder
Only if Spe-chan is in the middle.
Special Week
Like a chestnut Oreo! And I’m their filling. ♪
Vodka
Spe. Please never say that again.
Grass Wonder
It is an... apt description. Hehe.
Silence Suzuka
...Yes.
El Condor Pasa
Speakin’ of chestnut cookie—
Daiwa Scarlet
El.
El Condor Pasa
—Grass and I should share instead!
Daiwa Scarlet
NO. New rule: no rival pairs and no roommate pairs.
Everyone exchanges glances.
Vodka
So that’d be, what, El and Suzuka, Spe and Teio, McQueen and Grass?
Daiwa Scarlet
Exactly. So everyone’s equally unhappy.
Tokai Teio
Wait, then what about you two? You’re rivals AND roommates. Why do you get to share?
Vodka
’Cause you guys won’t behave.
Mejiro McQueen
We’re discussing this perfectly rationally—
Vodka
In the tub.
Mejiro McQueen
...You have no grounds for that accusation.
Vodka
Don’t I?
Tokai Teio
That’s unfair! You don’t get to break your own rules!
Daiwa Scarlet
You think I want to bathe with Vodka? She got soap in my eye last time!
Tokai Teio
That doesn’t mean— wait, last time?
Everyone turns to them.
Daiwa Scarlet
I meant—
Vodka
The thing is—
The door clicks open. A wave of steam rolls out into the hallway.
Gold Ship
Ahh, what a great bath. ’Sup, guys.
Daiwa Scarlet
Gold Ship? Why were you in there?
Vodka
How were you in there? We’ve been standin’ by the door the whole time.
Gold Ship
Crawled in through the air vent.
Mejiro McQueen
Why?!
Gold Ship shrugs, tosses a towel over her shoulder, and walks off.
Gold Ship
By the way, I used all the hot water. Ya snooze, ya lose!
Mejiro McQueen
That... was very inconsiderate.
Tokai Teio
I guess there’s no reason for partner baths anymore...
Silence Suzuka
...Just lonely ones. Without Spe-chan.
El Condor Pasa
Looks like we’re in the same corner, Suzuka.
Silence Suzuka
Why do you want to bathe with Spe-chan?
Special Week
You want to bathe with me, El?
El Condor Pasa
No, I meant I want to bathe with GRASS!
Grass Wonder
Oh? Why is that, El?
El Condor Pasa
Because I— Because you—
Vodka
C’mon, El. Backin’ out now would be lame.
El Condor Pasa
BECAUSE I LIKE YOUR BODY!
Special Week
...
Silence Suzuka
...
Vodka
...
Daiwa Scarlet
...Nice one, Vodka.
Vodka
Shut up, Scarlet.
Grass Wonder
Thank you, El. You have an admirable physique yourself. I’m glad we’re best friends.
El Condor Pasa
I don’t mean as friends! I mean as in— as in— AHH!
El runs away.
Grass Wonder
Oh my. I hope she’s okay. Her face was quite red... perhaps she’s feeling ill?
Vodka
You gotta be doin’ this on purpose, Grass.
Grass Wonder
Doing what on purpose?
Mejiro McQueen
I suppose we have no choice but to take cold baths.
Tokai Teio
Wait! We can still go together, McQueen! Our shared body heat will warm the water right up!
Mejiro McQueen
That is a most excellent idea, Teio.
Daiwa Scarlet
That is a TERRIBLE idea.
Tokai Teio
Why?
Daiwa Scarlet
Because you’re still sharing a TINY BATHTUB!
Tokai Teio
M’kay... and?
Scarlet’s eye twitches.
Special Week
I think Scarlet’s worried sharing a bath will distract you from tomorrow’s race.
Tokai Teio
Ohh, yeah. I get that!
Vodka
Do you.
Tokai Teio
Yup! ’Cause when I race, I always think of McQueen—
Vodka
Oh my goddesses.
Daiwa Scarlet
Language.
Tokai Teio
—so if I don’t spend all night with her, I’ll be McQueen-deprived and think of her, like, TWICE as hard tomorrow!
Vodka
That’s not what I—
Mejiro McQueen
And I think of you, Teio. Very well, we shall retire to our room. Together. And save our bath for tomorrow, after the race. After I have bested you.
Tokai Teio
Beat me? Hah! I’m gonna win, McQueen!
Mejiro McQueen
Only in your dreams, Teio.
Tokai Teio
I’m gonna dream about you! And beat you there AND tomorrow! ♪
Mejiro McQueen
Then I shall dream of you.
The two walk off together. Everyone else watches in silence.
Daiwa Scarlet
Nice one, Spe—
Silence Suzuka & Grass Wonder
Careful.
Daiwa Scarlet
Sigh... You know what? I’m done. We’ll figure this out tomorrow. Come on, Vodka. We’re going to bed.
Vodka
D-Don’t say it like that!
Special Week
Let’s rest up too, Suzuka-san!
Silence Suzuka
Yes.
Grass Wonder
Very well. I will find El. But tomorrow, Suzuka...
Silence Suzuka
Hm?
Grass Wonder
I will win the race. And earn the prize of bathing with Spe-chan.
Special Week
I don’t think that’s the prize.
Silence Suzuka
Her tail going still
Spe-chan is mine to bathe with.
Grass Wonder
Hehe. The mist will clear at tomorrow’s finish line. ♪
Silence Suzuka, Special Week and Grass Wonder, watching them go.
Daiwa Scarlet & Vodka’s Room — Night
Present: Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka
Scarlet and Vodka settle into their beds.
Muffled giggling and a thump come through the adjoining wall.
Tokai Teio (through the wall)
MCQUEEN, your hands are FREEZING!
Mejiro McQueen (through the wall)
Shhh. The others are trying to sleep.
Daiwa Scarlet
Burying her face in her pillow
Oh my goddesses.
Vodka
Language.
Daiwa Scarlet
Shut UP, Vodka!
Scarlet bangs on the adjoining wall.
Daiwa Scarlet
WHAT are you two doing?
The room next door falls silent.
Tokai Teio (through the wall)
...It’s cold.
Daiwa Scarlet
It’s summer.
Mejiro McQueen (through the wall)
There is a draft, so Teio and I are sharing... warmth.
Daiwa Scarlet
You cannot be serious.
Mejiro McQueen (through the wall)
Am I ever not?
Vodka
Every time Teio’s involved. You two are actin’ like a couple of—
A heavy whump comes through the opposite wall.
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
...Spe-chan, are you okay?
Special Week (through the wall)
I had a nightmare! You were a carrot.
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
...I see.
Special Week (through the wall)
And I tried eating you!
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
Um... that sounds...
Daiwa Scarlet
DO. NOT.
The other room falls silent too.
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
...Do you want to sleep in my bed, Spe-chan? I hear it can... help prevent nightmares.
Special Week (through the wall)
Sure, Suzuka! Let me just— oops, sorry. It’s dark. Let me grab your shoulder—
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
...That is not my shoulder.
Special Week (through the wall)
Ahh!
Another thump comes through the wall.
Special Week (through the wall)
Sorry, Suzuka-san!
Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
...It’s okay. I didn’t mind.
Daiwa Scarlet & Vodka
Oh my goddesses.
Daiwa Scarlet
This is awful. Rudolf should strike our team from the registry.
Vodka
I don’t wanna listen to this all night. Why’d you pick the middle room?
Daiwa Scarlet
I didn’t pick anything, Vodka! It was the list!
Vodka
Yeah, your list.
Daiwa Scarlet
A RANDOMIZED list. It’s called FAIRNESS.
Vodka
I can respect judgin’ things fairly.
Daiwa Scarlet
Thank you.
Vodka
Heh. Like callin’ two centimeters in the autumn Tenno—
Daiwa Scarlet
Do not START THAT AGAIN, VODKA!
Vodka
Why not? It was a fair result.
Daiwa Scarlet
It was a BIASED result!
Tokai Teio, Mejiro McQueen, Special Week & Silence Suzuka (through the wall)
They’re at it again.