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Theon looked around his apartment, feeling bitter resentment for what could have been.
Really, bitter resentment in letting himself be foolish and optimistic and, dare he admit it, hopeful. He should have known better, and for that, he was an idiot and only had himself to blame. He just thought things could be… different.
It was the week before Christmas and Theon found himself alone. Again. That wasn’t why he was resentful. In a way, being alone for the holidays felt disturbingly normal. He was used to it.
Theon had never been one for holiday cheer and joy- his father ruined all of that before Theon knew it could be a thing. But as Theon looked around the apartment that was decorated with delicate lights and hues of reds and greens, he knew that he had thought things would be different and let himself fall into that trap.
It’s really all Robb Stark’s fault, like most things involving Theon’s heart.
Theon would have never given the holidays another chance if Robb Stark hadn’t dragged him into it. Theon would have never gotten a fucking Christmas tree if Robb hadn’t insisted, “It wouldn’t be Christmas without one!” Theon would have never gotten Christmas lights and strung them around his tiny apartment if it wasn’t for Robb showing up on December 1st with a box of lights, clear tape, and that damn smile. Theon would have never bothered with holiday music if Robb hadn’t spent a whole weekend making Theon mixtapes and playlists with stupid puns for each. Theon would have never hung mistletoe under the doorway of his bedroom if Robb hadn’t hung it there so he could exploit it whenever he chose (which had been quite often- so often that Jon had gifted both him and Robb chapstick and the advice to “tone it the fuck down, you have people over for fuck sake.”).
Theon would have never thought they would have been spending Christmas together if Robb Stark hadn’t suggested it with every decoration hung, every song played, and every kiss shared. Theon only had himself to blame when Jon casually mentioned that he and Robb would be going back home for the holidays like they always do and have been for the past three years Theon had known them.
Because Theon was an idiot. A stupid, hopeful idiot.
So Theon got up that morning, a week before Christmas, counting the minutes until Robb and Jon would load themselves into their car and begin the eight-hour drive up north to Winterfell, effectively leaving Theon behind. Robb had told him they were planning to leave as soon as they could that morning, and thus they said their goodbyes the day before. They exchanged gifts- it was the only present to be under Theon’s stupid, stupid tree -, they exchanged kisses underneath that damnable mistletoe, and they exchanged promises to see each other for New Years which felt impossibly far away. (It was bad enough Theon thought they would be spending the holidays together, it was even worse Theon felt so utterly abandoned by not.)
Theon stared at the tree; the one Robb had woken him up at six in the morning to get and had dragged him around the tree lot for hours looking for the perfect one. He remembered being covered in sap and needles and Robb smiling so bright when he realized it was Theon’s first Christmas tree ever.
Theon glared at the twinkling lights all around his apartment and the struggle Robb and he shared in untangling the damn things. He remembered Robb making hot chocolate and the two of them wrapping the strand of lights around every single surface they could. He remembered cuddling afterward, content in just being close and watching the lights glow in his dim apartment.
Theon glowered at the stack of CDs that Robb had made and lugged over to his apartment. He remembered Robb scattering them about; a CD in the car, a CD in the stereo, a CD downloaded onto Theon’s phone, a CD put in any place Theon would have a chance to listen to it. Theon specifically remembered a special CD Robb had made and insisted they dance, setting the soft, slow music on low as they drew each other close and swayed with under the soft twinkling lights…
Theon ripped the mistletoe from its place above his doorway and chucked it across the room. He remembered Robb carrying it around for a week, holding it up over Theon’s head at every chance he got. He remembered the sweet little kisses. He remembered the deeper, more passionate ones. He remembered the ones that didn’t require a mistletoe at all, just because they were something akin to being in love. He remembered their last kiss, underneath the stupid mistletoe, paired with a whisper of “see you soon.”
No matter where he looked, little pieces of Christmas stained his apartment and remained a constant reminder of Theon’s stupidity in thinking Christmas would be with Robb this year. That Christmas would finally mean something to him.
Looking away from the Christmas vomit in his apartment, Theon looked at the wall clock (ignoring the garland wrapped around it) and sighed. It was nearly noon. Theon imaged Robb and Jon piled into Robb’s shitty little sedan as they hit the highway. They were probably listening to one of Robb’s Christmas CDs and Theon let himself think that Robb wasn’t giving him a second’s thought. Theon who? Doesn’t matter, Christmas at the Starks!
And no, Theon wasn’t bitter at all.
Theon resigned himself to making something to eat as a form of distracting himself from his Christmas themed apartment and loneliness that he hadn’t quite reacquainted himself with yet. He was only halfway through digging in his refrigerator when there was a knock on the door. He figured it was his landlord asking about the recent repair to Theon’s leaky sink. He was not expecting Robb to be standing at his doorway, backpack slung over one shoulder and a suitcase resting on his right side.
“Shouldn’t you be on the road by now?” Theon asked, looking around to seeing if Jon was lurching in the hallways like a shadow.
“Yeah, but I’m not going,” Robb grinned sheepishly. “At least, not yet.”
“Yet?” Theon frowned.
Robb gave an abort half shrug. “Jon and I agreed to make the trip up the day before Christmas eve and spend time here for a bit.”
“Ygritte,” Theon surmised.
“Ygritte,” Robb agreed. “And I decided to stick around here too.”
“Why?” Theon asked, still not smiling and still so confused. He didn’t even move to let Robb in.
Robb blushed a bit and shrugged. “Jon and I were about to turn onto the highway and we both just kind of decided…no.”
“No,” Theon repeated stunned.
“We both kind of felt like we were missing something…”
“…something?”
Robb cocked his head. “If you don’t want me to stay, I can still make it home in time for dinner-”
Theon yanked Robb to him and kissed him, not letting go as he backed them up into the apartment and kicked the door shut.
When Theon released his blushing Stark, Robb looked over the doorway and frowned. “Wait, where is my mistletoe?”
Theon silenced him with another kiss. “Long, boring story.”