Archive of Our Own

Cliff Marleau (Boston)

We still good to go with what we talked about?

Absolutely
I don’t care what we have to do
But I can't go on like this any longer
Can you send me a few of the numbers of the guys?
I already asked some of the WAG’s but they don’t have all of them

I’ll ask around
I think I have a few still laying around from when they played here
Awesome!
I’ll make a group chat

Operation: Abort Rivalry

You added Cliff Marleau (Boston) to the conversation
You added Scottie to the conversation
You added Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay) to the conversation
You added Wyatt Hayes (Toronto) to the conversation
You added Mason Mayer (Vancouver) to the conversation
You added Oliver James (Minnesota) to the conversation
Welcome everyone
I have gathered you all here today for a very important mission
As we all know the All-Star game is coming up
And we have all been invited!!
There is only one problem….
Rozanov and Hollander will also be there
And the rivalry is getting a bit crazy lately
So obviously they need to fuck
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Exactly
Scottie
I’m sorry… How the hell did you come to that conclusion?
And what do we have to do with it?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Always Hunter with the great questions
There are no other Raiders in this chat, but I can speak for all of them when I say our captain has been having a rough go of it lately
Which unfortunately means I haven’t had any rest in MONTHS
And it only gets worse when he sees anything that has to do with Hollander
Which is ridiculous
The rivalry was relevant years ago, now it’s getting a bit childish
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Which means they have to fuck it out
Knew I could count on you matti
Scottie
I’m sorry, am I the only one thinking this is a weird conclusion to come to?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Yeah
It makes sense, all that tension, and they have to get rid of it somehow
Rozanov always gave me the vibe that he would go for it
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Aren’t you on the most homophobic team ever? Like was this meant to be a homophobic comment?
Nah he’s cool
And I’ve gathered all the allies
Scottie
I didn’t know you knew so many allies?
Tbh I wasn’t so sure about you, but thought you’d notice us sneaking around so decided to add you
Scottie
I’m not homophobic?!
Great!
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Carter has allydar
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
What the fuck is that?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Like gaydar but for allies?
Thanks Cliff 💓
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Makes sense
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Coming back to what you said Hayes, what do you mean Rozanov gave you a vibe?
Isn’t he the straightest man who ever lived
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Or is that what he wants you to think… 👀
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Yeah I see what you’re getting at
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I’m in. What’s the plan?
We didn’t really make a plan yet, we just made a list of people who’d be down to make a plan
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Which were all of you
If you know anyone else that you are sure of that would be an ally, feel free to add them
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Great!
Mason Mayer (Vancouver) added Zane Boodram (Ottawa) to the conversation
Mason Mayer (Vancouver) added Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg) to the conversation
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto) added Mike Brophy (New Jersey) to the conversation
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto) added Kyle Thompson (Columbus) to the conversation
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Are we finally getting rid of the rivalry? Great, it was getting old.
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Oh! Are we going to get them to fuck?
Scottie
Seriously how did you come to that conclusion?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
We all know competitive tension = sexual tension
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Hunter is old, he doesn’t know that
Scottie
Jesus you’re starting this shit too?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
What can I say, I take after my captain
Okay! The plan explained for the newbies here!
Brophy is right, we are going to get them to fuck it out, cause I don’t know how much longer I can deal with that toxic thing they have going on
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’m pretty sure Roz will go for it
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Second this, and I know him better than everyone
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I don’t know, I had a special bond with him the one year I was with the Raiders
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
You said and I quote ‘Isn’t he the straightest man who ever lived’
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
My bad
Anyway, we need to get them in the same room
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Won't be that hard, considering they’re going to be on the same fucking team
I take it you’re not so stoked about that?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
What do you fucking think?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yeah I wouldn’t want to be you man
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Just prepare yourself for a minimum of five goals against you
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I hope I’m a better goalie than that?
Against those two?
No fucking chance
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I think we need to get Hollander into Roz’s space and he’ll definitely fold
I’ve seen him look at a few man’s asses and even if he’s straight, I think he’d want to do Hollander
Of course he does
Everyone wants to do Hollander
Scottie
No they don’t
And some people are liars
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
How exactly are we going to do it though?
I don’t know
I think we’ll see when we get there
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m gonna fly in a little earlier, get a scan of the place
Hiding spots and all
Great idea!
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’ll help you, since I’m already there anyway
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
How are we going to get Hollander to go out though? Roz is a bit of a party beast right?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Wouldn’t be so sure about that
He’s been mopey lately
Which gets worse when he sees Hollander
Which he was complaining about when I was trying to have a fun night out
That’s why we’re doing this
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Because you want to have a night out with Marly without him complaining?
Something like that 😏
So, everyone is in?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I’m in
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Me too
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Same here
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Already brainstorming
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’m definitely in
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
I’m in
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Me too
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Count me in
Scott?
Scottie
Fine
Even though I think this idea is ridiculous

Operation: Abort Rivalry

See you all tomorrow!
Hopefully you brought all your critical thinking skills
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I gotta say this place is fucking great man
There’s like trees and fake plants everywhere
Big enough for you to hide behind?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh definitely
Must be real fucking big then 😉
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
What time is everyone coming in?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Did you have to break up the flirting?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
What flirting?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Jesus
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
No seriously, what?
It’s fine
We’ll be there around 2pm I think?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
We?
Me and Scott
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Forgot to tell you, but my niece has this clown shop? Anyway, I brought glasses for everyone
Awesome!
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Should be a great disguise
Scottie
We’re going to be in a bar full of the most famous hockey players in the league
It’s definitely not going to be suspicious if half of them are wearing big clown glasses
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Great?
Isn’t that the whole point lmao
Scottie
Sigh
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
I think you’re not supposed to type that out
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He’s old, he gets a pass
Definitely too old for me
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Good to know 😉
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I’ll be there around 2:30 pm
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Again? Seriously?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I literally never understand a word you’re saying

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
SOS Rozanov spotted sitting at the bar
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Do you think it’s obvious we’re staring?
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Nah I think we’re fine
We’re pretty spread out
Hopefully Hollander is going to be spread out by the end of the night
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He’s not going to be the only one
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Rozanov too? One of them has to do the work, right?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
🤦🏽‍♂️
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’m betting on Hollander being the dominant one in that pairing
Agreed
He’s crazy about hockey AND the rivalry
He’s for sure gonna take it out on Roz
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
By the end of the night there’s going to be nothing left of him
As long as he’s fine enough to captain us back to another cup
What ever state he comes back in can't be worse than the last couple of weeks
Scottie
It was that bad?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
You don’t want to know
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
He’s ordering beer, is that good?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I don’t know, I can't see his face from here
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Hold up, I’m gonna change positions
He looks tense
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Yeah no fucking surprise, Hollander just walked in
Oh god it’s happening
I’ve been dreaming about this day
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I could think of something else for you to dream about
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Anyone thinking Roz is looking nervous?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Thank you for saying it
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Hollander’s looking fine as hell
Just a little side note
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Yeah, did he do something different?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I don’t know what he did, but it’s definitely working
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
It’s working on Roz, look at his eyes
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
These glasses are annoying me, I can't see anything
Taking them off right now
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
This fucking plant is tickling me, I need to get out of here
I think you can hold out a little longer, can't you?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
It’s torture
Thought you would like that
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I do…
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Less flirting, more of what we came here to do
Which is getting rid of the rivalry
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Roz is definitely checking him out
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I don’t blame him, I’m looking too
Scottie
I’m sorry, what is going on?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
We’re appreciative of beauty
Don’t mind Scott, he needs a little more time to come out of his shell
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Is it just me or is Roz literally ogling Hollander
Not just you
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m seeing a lack of reciprocation from Hollander’s side
I’m moving in
Scottie
What are you even going to do?
Throw my arms around them and force them to get close to each other
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Great fucking idea
Going now
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Who has the best view here?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Moving over to the next plant, can someone check if Hollander or Rozanov is looking my way?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Wait a second
Go now!
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
You should be glad no one was watching, cause that wasn’t subtle
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
It’s only because you knew where to look
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
If that is what you want to tell yourself to feel better
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
The way Vaughn is throwing his arms around their shoulders is almost making them kiss
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I don’t see an issue
It’s literally our plan
Think it worked?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Definitely, Roz looks about ready to jump him
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I need to get a better view
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Okay wait Oliver I’m helping you
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Great, tell me where to go?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Duck your head behind the booth you’re standing near right now
I’m going to create a distraction so you can move
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Wait, leave it to me, you have a better spot
Where I’m at I can’t see anything anyway
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I am wondering why Roz isn’t looking angry
He gets angry about everything to do with Hollander
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I think that went away when Hollander decided to show up looking like that 🥵
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Okay, Oliver, ready?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
You should hide behind that fake palm tree like 12 feet in front of you
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Awesome, I’m ready. What are you going to do?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Fuck, Kyle you okay?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Ouch, that looked like it hurt
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Is he bleeding?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
He didn’t fall that hard 😂
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m not joking, I can see the blood from here
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
I think he broke his nose
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Jesus that’s a lot of fucking blood
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Made it!!!
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Worth it
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Is anyone still watching our two boys??
Never took my eyes off them
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Hollander is standing up
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
HOT DAMN
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Tell me I saw fucking correctly
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I knew Hollander had game
Oh I’m remembering that move
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I don’t think I’ve seen anything more gay than Hollander invading Rozanov’s space like that
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
He would not have been able to look anywhere else if he wanted too
I can't wait to tell my wife about all this
Okay I think it worked?
Maybe?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I see something blooming
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I see something blooming in Roz’s shorts, but that’s a whole different convo
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Wait, what are you seeing, I can't see from here
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Holy damn, yeah let’s say Roz is sporting something 😂
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Wow. I really didn’t expect this.
Scottie
What’s that supposed to mean?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Never thought Roz would be turned on by the whole rivalry thing
Scottie
Have you met him?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Yes? Have you?
I’m with Scott, I think if anything Roz might actually be rivalrysexual
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Nah, gotta disagree with you there
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Dude, Hollander is married to hockey
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Exactly, if anything he’s the hockeysexual one
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
And there’s only one person coming even close to his level
And hopefully will be coming even closer tonight
Scottie
What’s it with everyone and those fucking innuendo’s
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Why is Hunter even here?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
You say you’re not homophobic, but you only have commentary on everything we do
Scottie
I’m not homophobic!
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
So you said…
I will vouch for Scott again
But he’s not making it easy 🙄
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
If Carter vouches for him, so will I!
Thank you 😊
Scottie
What the fuck?
Like I said, he’s not making it easy

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OVER HERE RIGHT NOW
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
What’s going on?
Where are you?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
THE POOL
THEY’RE EYEFUCKING
GET OVER HERE
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Running now!
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
I’m walking, don’t wanna break my nose again
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Roz is in the pool, but definitely looking at him
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I’ve been over here for ages
See that lounge chair Hollander is sitting on?
It was once mine…
What do you mean?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I was already here, and saw Roz around
Then Hollander came walking in, but there were no chairs available
Wanted to give him a chance to relax… Fortunately my chair was right in Roz’s line of sight
Where are you now?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Had to act like I was leaving or Hollander wouldn’t take it
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
He’s behind the palm tree
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
What? How do you know?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I can literally see you
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Dude he’s not lying, I think everyone is able to see you
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I’m completely behind it!
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Oh but your shoulders definitely aren’t
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Wait, I’m twisting around
Better?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Oh, for sure
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Great! I’m hidden?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Oh no, you’re not, it’s mostly just a better view
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I can see your entire ass
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Should I move?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Wouldn’t dream of it
Do we think Roz is showing off for Hollander right now?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Is grass green?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Yes?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
He’s fucking great with kids
Can’t take my eyes off him
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Neither can Hollander
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Who am I:
‘I’m wearing glasses so nobody can see what I’m looking at’
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Oh we can definitely see what he’s looking at
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Fuck it, I’m running, I’m missing all the good shit
He’s ripped
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Who?
Roz
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Hmm
Just saying
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Mayer where are you when we actually need you to break up a conversation
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
What do I have to do with this?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
My ovaries are going crazy right now
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Thought of the day: I want to make babies with Ilya Rozanov
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
He would never go for a goalie though
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
We all know Hollander has the only chance here
Oliver James (Minnesota)
With an ass like yours I think Roz would probably go for you
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Wait, why is Hollander looking away
He’s supposed to want to make babies with Rozanov too
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I’m jumping in
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
What?? NO
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
That was the worst cannonball I have ever seen
That was just embarrassing
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Wait what’s going on, I’m almost here!!!
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Mayer tried to get Hollanders attention, but it didn’t work
Most he did was splash a little more water on the tiles here
Scottie
Where the fuck is everyone?
Scott, what are you doing????
HIDE
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
The fuck???
You’re gonna give us away??
Scottie
I don’t see anyone of you here?
Yeah, no shit?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
It’s called hiding
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Which you’re not doing right now
Scott, I swear to god if you ruin this for us
Scottie
Jesus I’ll find a tree or something
Oliver James (Minnesota)
No not over there, Boodram is there
Scottie
How do you know?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Didn’t you read anything in the chat?
And you’d be able to see his ass from space
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Gotta stop it with the compliments here Oliver
Scottie
Are all of you gay or something?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Are you on one?
Can't we just compliment each other?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m really trying to trust you Carter, but what is Hunter’s deal
I swear he’s normally not like this
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
ROZ IS ABOUT TO GET OUT OF THE POOL
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Shit Hollander is still not looking
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Someone please do something!!
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
I’m here!!!!
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Shit
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Ouchhh
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Fuck that was brutal
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
His nose AGAIN?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Kyle, you okay?
WAIT HOLLANDER IS LOOKING
Oh… He is 👀
Those sunglasses are really not hiding anything
Oliver James (Minnesota)
KYLE YOU DID IT
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
I can’t believe it’s working
Scottie
I don’t think Hollander was looking at Kyle at all?
And I seriously doubt he’s actually looking at Rozanov.
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Carter.
Yes?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Permission to remove Hunter from the chat?
Yeah…
I’m disappointed in you Scott, I really thought you’d be cool about this
Oliver James (Minnesota)
It’s always the bigger names that think they can be blatantly homophobic without consequences
Scottie
????
What???
Cliff Marleau (Boston) removed Scottie from the conversation
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Wow, that is better
Honestly I was kind of starting to get a bit uncomfortable with him in here
I’m really surprised
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I don’t remember Hunter saying stuff like this?
He usually doesn’t
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Good riddance
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Did it work??

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Good luck everyone!
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck you
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Please tell me they’re not actually putting them on one line
We don’t know yet
I guess you’ll see
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
We should make sure they play on the same line though
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’m betting the chemistry is crazy
That is if Roz isn’t too distracted by Hollander
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Roz wouldn’t let ass get in the way of playing hockey, trust me
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Can you guys shut up?
They’re talking about being on the same line
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Fuck
What if they don’t want to
We have to convince them it’s a good idea
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
No you fucking don’t need to do that
It’s a charity game, I’m supposed to have fun
It’s a charity game, it shouldn’t matter how many goals you let through
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
But it will be a lot
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Not if my defense does their job
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Let’s hope I’m not on the ice at the same time
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Yeah no you’ve lost me too
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
See what I have to deal with?
Sure Logan
It’s just that we have a bit more important matters right now
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’m going to say something to convince them to play on the same line
You do that
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Hayes you’ve got to be fucking kidding me
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
‘I’ve always wondered what it would be like if you two played on the same team’
Could you be any more of a fan boy?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I panicked!
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Hold up, I’ve got this
That was the fucking stupidest thing I’ve ever heard
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Clearly you weren’t there for the crash out of the century when Roz found out Hollander was going to be captain of this team
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
And you guys laughed at me
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
‘Roz if you play on the same line as Hollander you can act as if that C is on both your jerseys’
I don’t know how that was supposed to convince them
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I was trying to kill the rivalry by acting like they were both captain!
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Do you think about what you say before you say it?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
If you think you can do better, go ahead
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Fine
Watch and learn
Cliff
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
What?
You are telling Roz that this way he can try to outskate Hollander on the same line
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yeah?
You are feeding the rivalry
The OPPOSITE of what we’re supposed to do
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Roz looked stoked though
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
NO KIDDING
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Wait they just told them they’d be good on the same line
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
See?
It worked
But at what cost…
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’ll make it up to you later 😉
You better
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
You don’t have to rub it in our faces
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Uhm Mayer?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
We know we’ll be playing against them, I don’t need to be reminded
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Oohh
Jesus you really know how to say the wrong thing at the wrong time

Operation: Abort Rivalry

SUCK IT YOU FUCKERS
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
REVENGE IS SWEET
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Feels good to win
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Great day to have a shutout
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
You really don’t have to remind me
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I have to admit that goal was glorious
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Are we going to talk about their chemistry?
I barely saw them looking at each other and the passes still connected?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
It’s the pre-fuck chemistry
I thought they would be hate fucking but suddenly I’m not so sure anymore
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’ve been telling you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
That kiss though 😩
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Yes the kiss very cute
But did you see Hollander’s face after that?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Mans was SMITTEN
I think we can safely say they’ve noticed each other
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
But how are we going to make sure they actually get together though
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Good point, it’s a long way from smiling at each other to landing in bed together
Smiling usually does it for me
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yes it does 😏
Tell me more
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
We going out tonight then?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Are you fucking kidding me
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Hollander doesn’t really go out right?
Nah he stays in usually
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Even at All-Stars?
ESPECIALLY at All-Stars
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I can get Roz to the bar easily
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
We going to make sure he makes the first move then?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He would probably need to be
Okay everyone
Come up with all your favorite things about Hollander
We’ll tell Roz about them and he’ll fall in love immediately
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
When did this plan go from trying to get them to fuck it out to getting them to fall in love?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I don’t know about you guys, but that has always been the plan for me

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m at the bar, where is everyone?
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
On my way
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Be careful
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
I can walk
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Sure you can
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Carter and me are in the booth in the back
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Where?
On your left
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Other left
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Ah I see you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Is Roz coming?
He will be if everything goes to plan
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Just saw him come out the elevator
We sure he’s going to the bar?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yeah I invited him, he said he’d come
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I don’t know, it seems like he’s looking for something
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Get him to come over here!!
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Wait hold up
Okay he didn’t look enthusiastic, but he’s coming with me
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
And you’re texting us?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
What else am I supposed to do?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Yeah I don’t know maybe…
Talk to HIM
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
We all going to sit at the same table?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Won’t that be obvious?
It would be if we were wearing those glasses Mikey brought
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Seriously though, a lot of us already knew each other right?
So it won’t be that obvious
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Except literally all of us are from different teams
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Roz and I play for the same team
Yeah you do 😉
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Oh I see them, should I go get them
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Nah baby you stay seated we’ll just call them over
We should put our phones away
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
We should but I kinda don’t wanna
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Roz lowkey looks mad as hell to be here
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He was excited when I invited him, I don’t know why he’s looking like this
Ah we’ll fix it soon enough
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
He’ll be feeling good after tonight
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m getting flashbacks to the last few weeks of practice…
It will be okay 💓
Oliver James (Minnesota)
The fuck is Hunter doing coming over here
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I swear to god if he ruins this for us
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Vaughny what’s wrong with your face
I’m trying to send him a look that says not to come over here
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Well, it’s not working he’s beelining right for our table
I’m trying!!
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Wow, I’m surprised Roz fit in your side of the booth
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Somehow he’s even more intimidating now then when he’s in front of me on the ice
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
That walk over here was the most awkward shit I’ve ever experienced
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
What’d you talk about
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
The only thing we have in common
Hockey
He offered his condolences to me for being stuck in Ottawa
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Very valid
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Yeah, I’m so sorry you’re on a team like that
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I could be saying the same thing to you
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Touche
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck am I glad we have Marleau here, I wouldn’t have a clue what to talk about
I’m always glad to have Cliff around
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Hold up
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay) added Scottie to the conversation
Hunter, if you ruin this for us we will ruin you
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Count your days
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Keep your nose out of shit where it doesn’t belong
Scott, seriously please keep out of it
Scottie
What am I doing in here again?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
We want to make sure you don’t ruin our plans again
Scottie
Which are what?
Trying to convince Roz that Hollander is a good person
Scottie
That will be easy cause he is
See?
You’re getting it
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Okay, now sit down, shut up and let us do the work
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
See his face when we mentioned Hollander?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
He lit up
Couldn’t get a smile out of him the whole way over here
Turns out I should have just mentioned Hollander
Gotta be honest, this might turn out to be easier than we thought
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Maybe we should have talked to Hollander about Roz
He might be harder to bend
Pretty sure he does yoga
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
So do I
Good to know…
Scottie
Seriously?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
No Hunter
Seriously?
You manage to be homophobic again within three minutes of being in this chat
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
It’s getting annoying
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Didn’t expect this from you
Scottie
I’m not homophobic!
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Look at Rozanov
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
He looks murderous
I'm scared
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned his man’s ass
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
I thought it would convince him
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
It’s a good ass
Oliver James (Minnesota)
He’s not the only one with a good ass 😉
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I don’t know how I didn’t think about this before
But those two will be insane together
Cake for days
What do you mean?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
You didn’t see Roz’s ass in the shower?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Oh I saw
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Gonna love them walking away even more then seeing them come
I would want to see them come
Scottie
Oh my god
Scott can you fuck off?
Scottie
I don’t think your plan is working
He doesn’t look like he would want to jump Hollander’s bones
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
???
Are we looking at the same person?
That man is obsessed
Scottie
With the rivalry
Those two hate each other
Hollander hates him the most
I’m not so sure about that
And the whole plan here is trying to get them to NOT hate each other anymore
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Why don’t you try helping with that instead of leaving unnecessary commentary, Hunter?
Scottie
You have all gone insane
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
We are just sick of the league controlling everything
The rivalry shouldn’t be real
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I would argue it has never been real
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Same
I haven’t seen Roz badmouth Hollander EVER
It was only the last few months that I started to think the rivalry was real
What could have happened in that time?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
No fucking clue
Scottie
Didn’t Hollander start dating Rose Landry?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
What does that have to do with it?
He’s single now right?
Pretty sure yes
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck we should have checked that
Too late now
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Roz looks like he doesn’t want to be here
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Think he has someone waiting for him?
Fuck we can't let that happen
Everyone please tell him all the things you like about Hollander
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Mike, you like how Hollander looks at you during face-offs?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
I panicked!
Yeah I don’t think that will convince him
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Hollander reached out to me and my family once when my dad had cancer
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Did he really?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Yeah he’s a good person
Great! Tell Roz that now please
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I didn’t know his eyes could become even softer
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Oh but they did
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Wait I’ve got this
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Hollander helped you fix your edges?
I thought we were trying to keep hockey out of this
Shit he called Hollander boring
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
This is not going well at all
Scottie
I told you they hated each other
Scott, don’t you have any stories about Hollander
You’ve probably talked to him the most
Scottie
He doesn’t really talk to me
And he deserves better than Rozanov
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Take that back
He’s my captain and the best person I know
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I thought Roz calling Hollander boring sounded more like a compliment than an insult
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I was thinking the same thing
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Wait he’s trying to leave
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Someone stop him!!!
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’ll make up an excuse to go to the bathroom
Go faster, he’s walking away
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’m fucking trying
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Fuck
I really thought this would work
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Matti is catching up to him!!
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Go Matti!!!!
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
They’re talking
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Roz just nodded
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Matti is smiling
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Fuck Matti, ROZ is smiling
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
No no no why is Roz still walking away???
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck it didn’t work
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
WE DID IT
What???
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
HE ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHERE HOLLANDER WAS
HE DID?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
IT WORKED??
Oliver James (Minnesota)
We are too fucking good at this
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Holy shit I didn’t think it would actually work?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
But how will we know it actually did
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck this, I’m following him
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m right behind you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Isn’t it a little creepy to do that?
You know what: no
Forget I said that
I’m coming with
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m staying here with Carter
Yeah, they would definitely recognize us
Oliver James (Minnesota)
You’re saying they wouldn’t recognize us?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
You are simply not that famous
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Fuck you
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
It’s not a bad thing, now you can report back to us
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
He’s heading for the beach
Are you guys at least being subtle?
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
They’re running from tree to tree, I don’t think subtle is in their vocabulary
Oliver James (Minnesota)
At least we’re doing something to try and hide?!
You are 5 feet behind him, I don’t know how he hasn’t noticed you already!
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
He only has eyes for one thing
And I think big hockey players hiding behind small trees would be even more noticeable than a random guy walking
Be careful, we don’t want to scare them off!
Scottie
All of you are insane
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Why is the beach so empty
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
We’re the only people here
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Apart from Roz
And he is walking towards someone….
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Is it Hollander?????
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I can't fucking see
Oliver James (Minnesota)
SOS
He’s sitting down
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
It must be then
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Fuck why isn’t he turning his head
Oliver James (Minnesota)
This sunset is very pretty
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Romantic some might say
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Great for propositioning someone for sex
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Now I want to be at the beach…
I would come with you
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yeah you would 😘
Oliver James (Minnesota)
There is literally nowhere I could move to that they wouldn’t see me
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I think you’re safe
They only have eyes for each other
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Matti what are you doing
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’m not leaving this beach without knowing who Roz is talking to
Oliver James (Minnesota)
They’re going to see you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Nah
Like Sweeney said: They only have eyes for each other
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
You seeing anything
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Holy shit
What????
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
What is going on?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
He froze
Matti is not moving
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Matti what the fuck is going on
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Oh my god
TELL US
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
MATTI COME BACK RIGHT FUCKING NOW
Oliver James (Minnesota)
He’s still not moving
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Matti if you don’t say what’s going on right now I will come to you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
THEY’RE HOLDING FINGERS
WHO ARE
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Is it Hollander??????
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Must be, right??
MATTI
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m going over there
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Be fucking careful
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Trust me I will
And they wouldn’t recognize me anyway 😔
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Sweeney is making his way over there
Where are you Ollie
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I am burying myself in sand
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Yeah no that certainly won’t bring any attention to you
Oliver James (Minnesota)
What else am I supposed to do?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
IT’S HOLLANDER
OH MY GOD
THEY’RE HOLDING FINGERS 😭
FUCK YES
Scottie
Are you kidding me??
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I used to dream of days like these
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Roz is probably using his best moves on Hollander right about now
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
If his best moves are brushing his thumb over Hollander’s thumb, then yes
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m getting choked up
This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen
I can't believe we made this happen 😭
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m so proud of us 🥰
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
They’re gonna be in fucking love I’m telling you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
WHAT
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
HOLY SHIT
WHAT??
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
If you’re going to fucking edge me AGAIN I’ll kill you
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I heard this right, RIGHT?!
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
You heard it
I heard it
The whole beach might have heard it
Matti I swear to god
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
ROZ GAVE HOLLANDER HIS ROOM NUMBER
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Fuck yes, Roz!!
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Get it, cap!
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Vaughny, we did it 😭
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He’ll come back to the phone later
He’s hyperventilating
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
As are all of us
Hayes is crying
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
No I’m not
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Should we be this happy about rival captains hooking up?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
SHOULD WE BE THIS HAPPY?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Matti why does it look like Sweeney is crying
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Cause he is
He’s trying to hold back from screaming
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
AND IT’S REALLY FUCKING HARD
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I’m watching Hollander and I feel like he’s having a ‘hard’ time too
If you know what I mean
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
OF COURSE WE KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING MEAN
OHAIFHAFJL
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Oh he’s coming back
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Not fully functioning but he’ll be okay
hE aogave jaro muhbna
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Vaughny is mumbling
Hegavehisroomnumber
RozgavehisroomnumbertoHollander 🙏🏼
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I am beyond stoked to have this rivalry over with once and for all
Matti
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Yes?
Did you catch the number?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I fucking didn’t that’s for sure
I heard Hollander ask for it and that’s all I know
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
HOLLANDER ASKED FOR IT??
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Oh yeah, did we forget to mention that?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
YES YOU FUCKING FORGOT
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Thank you. Carter is hyperventilating AGAIN
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Didn’t know he had it in him
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Carter?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Hollander
I always saw him as pretty reserved
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
He looks like a man who knows what he wants
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Which apparently is Roz’s dick
Oh my god I’m okay again I swear
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
His room number is 1217 btw
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
SOS Vaughny is down again
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Matti you have to stop dropping information like this
Scottie
You have got to be kidding me
Seriously Scott?
What could you possibly have to say?
Scottie
I’m in room fucking 1215
Oh not anymore
I’m taking that room, thank you very much
You can have mine
Scottie
You won’t get any protest from me in that
Fuck I won’t be able to get any sleep will I?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
You wouldn’t have gotten any anyway
True 😏
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
They’re moving we need to get the fuck out of here
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Ollie??
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I CAN’T GET THE FUCKING SAND OFF

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Reporting from room 1215
They’re fucking it out alright
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
How do you know?
Let’s just say
Someone is not being particularly quiet
Scottie
I’m glad I don’t have to deal with Rozanov’s grunting
Oh, it’s not Roz who’s being loud
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Damn Roz
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Always knew he was a fucking beast
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Didn’t peg Hollander for being loud in bed though
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
That man is a power bottom if I’ve ever seen one
Of course he’s fucking loud
HE JUST MOANED HIS NAME
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Fuck that’s hot
I’m coming over
You didn’t need an excuse 😉
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Do they use last names in the bedroom?
Scottie
I feel like you’re all too invested
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Journalism
NOPE
He said: ILYA
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
FIRST NAME?
Damn I’m not even on a first name basis with Roz
Scottie
You still call each other by your last names?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yeah, it’s Roz’s thing
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Not with Hollander apparently
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
He must be a miracle worker on that dick if Roz allows Hollander to call him by his first name
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’ve always suspected Hollander to be a master with his mouth
More like he masters everything he tries
Of course he would be great at sex too
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Sigh
‘One chance, please Hollander’, I say as I retreat to my room on my own
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Who says you have to go to your room alone?
Scottie
Seriously, what the fuck is going on here?

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I’m sitting next to Roz on the plane and I don’t think I have ever seen him this relaxed and fucked out
I knew they needed this
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
It’s the end of an era
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Rivalry has officially been aborted
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
With how happy he is right now, I think he should fuck Hollander more often
We could make that happen right?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
I’m on top of the world, I think we could do anything
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
With Roz like this I’m convinced the team could do anything too
RAIDERS FOR THE FUCKING CUP
Never going to happen
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh is your dinosaur leader leading you to the cup this year?
Hell yes he is, he has more goals this year
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Roz already has more points
And he will catch up to that
Hunter isn’t fast enough to run away
You are going to eat your words
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Did you two forget that the rivalry literally JUST GOT ABORTED?!

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I’ve heard through the grapevine that we are not the only ones who noticed the tension between Hollander and Rozanov during All-Star Weekend
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who HEARD them either
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Really??
Someone had the unfortunate situation of getting room 1219
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Of course that player HAD to blab it to everyone
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
That annoys the fuck out of me
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Like mind your own fucking business
Right?
It has nothing to do with you
Like just leave them alone
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Just let them deal with things in private
You don’t have to get all up in it
Oliver James (Minnesota)
God forbid two rival hockey players get a bit of privacy
Scottie
You guys see the irony here, right?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Exactly like this
Mind your own business Hunter, this has nothing to do with you

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Oliver James (Minnesota)
OOOOOOHHHHH
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Aaaah that makes sense
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
How didn’t we see it earlier???
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Oh
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Knew he was a good person
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
We should definitely have seen it sooner
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
I guess that’s the best way to prove you’re not homophobic
Oliver James (Minnesota)
We kicked him out of the chat for being homophobic
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Because it sounded like he was!!!
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh, he’s really going at it
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Huh, that’s kind of hot
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Not kind of
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Definitely hot
FUCK YES SCOTTIEEEEE
Scottie
No I was obviously not homophobic
You underestimate how confusing it is for a closeted gay man in a homophobic league if his colleagues start flirting in front of him like there’s nothing wrong with it
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Because there is nothing wrong with it?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Did you read your own text?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
It’s that I know now you are gay, otherwise…

Operation: Abort Rivalry

I’m sorry I need to revive this group chat because these two are insane
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
‘He approached me and we started talking became friends and now we have this foundation’
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Approached him by sticking his dick inside, that’s for sure
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Launching a charity as friends as if it’s not a league wide known fact that they fucked at All-Stars 2017
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
You think they’re really friends or…
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
They’re still going at it for sure
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Can confirm
That post-fuck bliss lasted for ages and never really stopped
Got even better when we played Montreal
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Damn
We really did it huh?
I didn’t imagine they would start a relationship after
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
I think it was inevitable
Oliver James (Minnesota)
If you think about it it was
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
They’re the only ones that could keep up with each other
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Maybe they’re soulmates
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
What do you know about soulmates?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh I KNOW about soulmates
Yeah you do 😘
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Is it because we know about it or are they being really obvious?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
They’re being obvious
Look at Roz’s eyes
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
He’s about ready to jump him
He thinks he’s subtle and able to keep his feelings in check
But I’ve never seen a man’s eyes be that expressive
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Oh yeah I know that look
That’s what he looked like before running off in Montreal
Do they think everyone is stupid?
Scottie
All of you thought I was homophobic instead of gay
So yeah I think they think everyone is stupid
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Glad to see that even though you’re not homophobic, your unnecessary commentary hasn’t changed
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
They’re so romantic
Oliver James (Minnesota)
He’s crying watching them talk btw
How do you know?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Oh, we’re together
Scottie
Of course you are
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
What’s that supposed to mean?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
If I wasn’t in this group chat I don’t think I would have known about them
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Oh no shit
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
??

Operation: Abort Rivalry

Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Everyone: Act surprised!
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Wow outed by shoving their tongues down each other’s throat, I could have never expected something like this
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Of course they couldn’t do it the normal way
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
Well, it clearly wasn’t on purpose
Fucking Pike, seriously
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
We have been on our best behavior
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Protecting this secret for years…
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
‘Secret’
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Is it really a secret if everyone knows anyway?
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Hollander is pretty stressed about it
Everyone okay for me to add them here?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
We can show them our support and hopefully they’ll feel a little better
For sure!
Scottie
I’ll contact them myself
Of course you will
Scottie
Please be normal to them
Oliver James (Minnesota)
We always are?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
We’ll be on our best behavior once again, I swear
Scottie
I’m not counting on it
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Here they come
Zane Boodram (Ottawa) added Roz to the conversation
Zane Boodram (Ottawa) added Hollander to the conversation
Roz
Hello?
What is this group chat name?
Welcome to our circle of ally hockey players!
Scottie
‘Ally’ my ass
Roz
What is Hunter doing here?
He is not ally he is gayest person in the world
After Shane
Hollander
Seriously?
Also, Vaughn, please explain yourselves?
Well, we have a little story to tell
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
It all started when your mom (me) met your dad (Carter)
Who decided they couldn’t deal with the rivalry anymore
Hollander
When was this?
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
At the end of 2016
Roz was UNBEARABLE
Roz
No I wasn’t
Hollander
2016, huh?
Roz
Marly is exaggerating
We’re getting off topic
Clearly we saw the tension between you two, so obviously we decided that you had to fuck it out
Hollander
Obviously.
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Yes
So we made a plan
Got you two together at the All-Star Game
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
And happily ever after apparently
We will accept your greatest gratitude now.
Roz
Of course Vaughny
Thank you for dragging me to go out at All-Stars so I could immediately reunite with the love of my life at the beach
Or should I say
Fuck buddy of seven years?
Hollander
ILYA
Roz
What?
It’s true
Hollander
Doesn’t mean you have to say it like that
And they were nice that weekend
Thanks, Vaughny
I’m sorry what?
What do you mean?
Fuck buddy of seven years?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Excuse me, I’m just going to butt in here
I couldn’t help but notice that you said fuck buddy of seven years
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Which would imply you two were together before All-Stars
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Which is a ridiculous notion, of course
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Agreed
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Clearly you guys don’t know Roz is the biggest joker alive
This is clearly him fucking with us
Roz
No I was fucking with Shane for many many years before All-Stars
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
HA
Funny
Kyle Thompson (Columbus)
Why are the two other centaurs in this chat not saying anything?
It’s ridiculous, right?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
RIGHT?
Hollander
….
Not that ridiculous
I’M SORRY WHAT?
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I don’t think I’m hearing this right
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
You two were involved before we even got involved?!
Roz
Correct
Thank you for being such great allies
But you were a bit too late
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
You’re kidding right, Roz?
Roz
Nope
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Then why were you so mopey every time Hollander was brought up?
Hollander
Eh, that might have been my fault
Roz
Was not mopey
Hollander
I was dating Rose around that time…
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
YOU WERE JEALOUS?
Roz
No
Hollander
Ilya…
Roz
Might have been a tiny bit jealous
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Oh my god
Oliver James (Minnesota)
You were already together
We tried everything we could to get you two in the same hotel room
But that was already your plan anyway??
Hollander
It was my plan for sure
Ilya didn’t really know what was going to happen on that weekend
Roz
I thought maybe he still had a pretty girlfriend
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
And we kept talking to you about Hollander???
Way to rub it in
Roz
No no no
I already knew they were not compatible by then
Zane Boodram (Ottawa)
Wait when I dragged you to that table Roz, were you already looking for Hollander?
Roz
Yes
WE KEPT YOU FROM HIM??
Oliver James (Minnesota)
I’m sorry, we tried to get you two together, but instead we dragged it out even longer???
Hollander
Correct
I had to wait a long time at the beach
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
It was worth it though, right?
His thumb brushing yours
Sigh
Hollander
How do you know about that?
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Uhm lucky guess?
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Can we maybe circle back to the seven years part?
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Mayer for once coming in with the important questions
Seven years
That would have meant
YOUR ROOKIE YEARS?
Hollander
Summer before 😊
I’m fine
Totally fine
I can't breathe
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
I'm coming over
Hollander
Why would you go over to Vaughn’s place?
Scottie
You don’t want to know
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
I really thought we were the creators of your relationship
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Yeah, don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked you two are really together
Roz
Wow thank you player I don’t know the name of
Oliver James (Minnesota)
Ouch?
Anyway, it felt good to know we had something to do with it
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
Only to find out we didn’t…
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
We’re focusing on the wrong thing
The league’s favorite couple has been together for ELEVEN YEARS
Roz
And counting 🥰
Hollander
HA
I don’t think we’re the league’s favorite couple
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
Except you are
Hollander
I think the league would have preferred for us to stay a secret
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
HAHAHAHA
Logan Sweeney (Winnipeg)
IOAHF;OIFE
Sorry dropped my phone I was laughing too hard
Oliver James (Minnesota)
STOP 😂
Hollander
Okay? I thought all of you were supportive?
Oh we are
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Carter is okay again
Yes, thank you 💓
Oliver James (Minnesota)
No Hollander it’s funny that you thought It was a secret 😂
Roz
What do you mean?
That you guys know how to be loud
Roz
I am not the one who is loud
Trust me, I know
Hollander
This is really embarrassing
And I still don’t know what is going on
Mike Brophy (New Jersey)
Basically the whole league already knows you two fucked at All-Stars
Matti Jalo (Tampa Bay)
The best kept open secret in history
Hollander
EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW??
Roz
Oh yes wow thank you everyone this chat is so supportive now I have to go calm down my fiancé because he is having a panic attack
FIANCE??????
Cliff Marleau (Boston)
Complaining about your fiancé’s panic attack, but causing Carter to hyperventilate AGAIN
Thank you very much, Roz
Roz
You and Carter, hmm?
We are talking about this, Marly
Mason Mayer (Vancouver)
Wait, Marleau and Vaughn are together?
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto)
🤦🏽‍♂️