Chapter Text
The studio is tiny.
Black soundproofing. White overhead lights. Three microphones pointed at us, making me feel like we’re about to confess to something.
To my right sits the “newest sensation” in the Miraculous cosplay scene.
Ladybug.
I’ve never met anyone more insufferable in my life.
I can’t believe she has any fans at all.
Across the table, the host smiles.
“Let’s talk about cosplay.”
Ladybug straightens.
“So, Ladybug, your costume has gotten a lot of attention online. How long did it take you to make it?”
“Well—”
She launches into an explanation about construction techniques and the importance of fidelity to the source material.
I just watch her talk.
I’ll admit it—she actually knows her shit.
It would almost be impressive if she weren’t so smug about it.
The host turns toward me.
“How about you, Chat Noir? What’s your favorite part about your costume?”
“Definitely these.”
I grin and tap the goggles on my eyes.
I lift my head slightly, showing off the custom fit.
“I made them myself—green-tinted plastic shaped into the mask to fit perfectly over my eyes. Gives me that whole catlike look.”
I tilt my head from side to side, letting the green lenses catch the light.
“Ladybug’s got the standard mask, right?” I add. “So, yeah. I think mine’s a little harder to beat.”
“No, yeah. It's cute.” She says.
I turn my head toward her.
She gives my mask an appraising look.
“I’ve seen it on Pinterest.”
I stare at her.
“What?”
“Your mask.”
“You think I got this from Pinterest?”
She taps her cheek thoughtfully.
“I think you got most of your personality from Pinterest.”
I narrow my eyes.
The host shuffles his notes.
“Okay. So, uh… moving on.”
He asks another question about the Miraculous manga and how much of it influences our costumes.
Ladybug answers confidently, talking about how important it is to stay faithful to the source material.
Then she makes some claim about the original Ladybug design.
I turn toward her.
“That’s not actually in the manga.”
She pauses.
“Yes, it is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
She gives me a look.
“I’ve read it.”
“So have I.”
“Apparently not very carefully.”
Her eyes narrow.
The host glances between us.
“Okay, well…”
I lean forward.
“Which issue?”
She answers immediately.
“Forty-two.”
I lean forward another inch.
“What’s the page number where that’s revealed?”
Ladybug gives me an incredulous look.
“Seriously?”
Another inch.
“What page?”
She pauses for half a second.
“Seventeen.”
I blink.
She folds her arms and gives me a smug little tilt of her head.
“Don’t you have anything hard?”
I look at her.
“Not for you.”
Her eyebrow lifts.
Then she smiles.
“Oh, thanks for the offer,” she says sweetly. “But your mom already wore me out.”
Silence.
The host’s eyes widen.
I stare at her.
She stares back.
Before I can recover, the host throws both hands into the air.
“Whoa. Okay.” He laughs nervously. “Let’s keep this friendly.”
Ladybug sits back in her chair, looking entirely too pleased with herself.
I narrow my eyes.
She smiles wider.
I glance at the clock.
I’ve known this woman for twenty minutes.
Twenty.
And somehow, I already understand why villains monologue before trying to kill people.
The host clears his throat and shuffles his notes.
“Actually, before we continue, there’s a question that’s been coming up a lot.”
He gestures toward me.
“Most people know you online as Chat.”
“That’s me.”
“But what’s your real name?”
I blink.
“What real name?”
He stares at me.
“Your actual name.”
“Oh.”
I nod solemnly.
“I don’t have one.”
Ladybug sighs beside me.
“Like the real Chat Noir,” I explain, “I don’t have a secret identity.”
A loud scoff comes from my right.
I turn.
Ladybug is staring at me with the kind of expression usually reserved for people who eat porcelain.
“Oh, saaame,” she says.
Dry as sandpaper.
“No secret identity here either.”
I grin.
“See?”
She rolls her eyes.
“I don’t share my name with the public for safety reasons.”
Then she gestures toward me.
“I don’t know what his damage is.”
“So,” the host says carefully, “neither of you is willing to share your real names?”
“Nope,” we say at exactly the same time.
We look at each other.
She frowns.
I frown.
For half a second, neither of us says anything.
Then she looks away.
I do the same.