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Shane takes a moment to bask in this moment of time, him and Ilya on the couch. It’s pretty close to perfect, even with the secrecy. Having graduated from stolen moments in hotel rooms to stolen days in each other’s homes.
Gone are the rushed moments solely dedicated to ripping each other’s clothes off, now they revel in slow sex as the sun peaks over the horizon. Filling the extra time with cooking, films, and whatever caper bursts to life in Ilya’s mind.
Everything still feels a little illicit, like they’re living in a house of cards, that a light breeze could topple. He’s trying not to catastrophize but he’s still Shane Hollander, only he has a fiance now.
Shane feels so comfortable, he’s relaxed in a way that only comes from being close to Ilya. He feels completely boneless, like jelly. Any time with Ilya he allows his control to slip away. It feels so peaceful.
Today they’re holled up in his Montreal apartment, snuggling under a blanket as some obnoxiously loud film fills the room. Honestly, he lost the plot thirty minutes ago, it’s very explosion heavy.
Last night they had a game, Ottawa won, Shane wasn’t really surprised. Things had been tense with his team since opening the closest door and his teammates always played terribly against Ilya. Or for them, Rozanov, a distinction they were unaware existed.
Thankfully, for once they’re schedules lined up to afford them two rare days off together, before Ilya’s return to Ottawa. Their phones were set to, do not disturb, and Shane’s parents knew of their plans for complete isolation.
Shane, of course, still went for his morning run, but he was exhausted. He missed Ilya so much, it felt like carrying extra weight. So he was willing to laze around a little more, to luxuriate in his fiance’s presence.
And later they could get a workout in, naked and wrapped around each other in his high thread count sheets.
“Are you enjoying the film?” Asks Ilya, his head on Shane’s lap as he plays with his hair, his curls at their peak today.
“Uh, yeah, it’s great, I love robot cars.”
Ilya sighs, “It’s robot animals, but I'm sure I can find another way to entertain you.” He twists around to meet Shane’s eyes, a playful glint sparkling in his own. Shane is about to respond when someone knocks on the door, “Ignore it,” pleads Ilya, pulling off an impressive pout.
“It could be important,” rebuffs Shane, as if he has any intention of moving.
”Shane, it’s Hayden.” The panicked tone of Hayden’s voice has scenarios filling Shane’s mind.
Ilya meets Shane’s eyes, “So not important at all then,” Ilya smiles, his expression morphing into faux pain when Shane squeezes his bicep, playfully. “His problems are probably like his skating, mediocre, no?”
Shane rolls his eyes, “Come on, get up, Ilya,” he does, though not without a performance, huffing and sighing like moving is worse than a game with overtime.
Shane gives him a quick peck on the lips before running to get the door, opening it to find JJ too, fear spikes low in his stomach, his eyes darting between the pair as if he can divine an answer. “JJ, this is a surprise,” he says, cringing at his choice of words and the volume of his voice.
“He’s here isn’t he?”
Shane’s response dies in his throat as JJ pushes past him, ignoring Hayden’s shouts of protest. Shane follows, the sound of the door closing means Hayden’s on his heels as the voices of Ilya and JJ fill the space.
Mostly swearing in Russian and Quebecois.
He can hear the anger in JJ’s voice, a tone fresh to Shane’s ears. In all the years they’ve known each other he’s never heard his friend sound like this before.
“You told him?” He asks Hayden once he’s joined them, his voice cutting through the shouting.
JJ scoffs, “Who didn’t he tell?”
“Dude!” Shouts Hayden, his eyes glaring.
“Shane, what’s going on?” Asks Ilya, his eyes sweeping over Shane’s body as if cataloging for harm.
“Have you two been online today?” Questions Hayden before Shane can speak.
He watches as Ilya pulls his phone from his pocket, already touching the screen, it’s seconds until the silence is filled with incessant notification alerts. “Who the fuck is Brad?” Shane feels his face furrow in confusion at the question, “Shane, we’re all over Twitter!”
Shane hurries to Ilya’s side, taking in the phone display. It’s a video of Hayden, but reflected in the mirror he sees himself and Ilya, they’re kissing, passionately.
The memory of it comes back to him, heading to Jackie’s car to search for Chompy, Arthur's beloved plushie.
But Ilya was being Ilya, and Shane could never resist him for long. He loved everything with him, and kissing was high on his list of favourites. How it could change from sweet to desperate, bursting with the heady promise of more, as their fingers skimmed where clothes gave away to skin.
Even after all these years they were magnets, pushing, pulling, desperate to get closer.
Shane feels his knees go, thankfully Ilya catches him, settling him on the couch. The couch they had fucked on multiple times. His breathing feels fast, he can faintly hear Ilya asking him to meet his eyes, but he can only look at the floor.
His breathing becomes rapid as ringing fills his ears, images fill his imagination, flashes really, Ilya in danger, forced back to an unsafe country. The thought has him grabbing hold of his fiance’s arms, firmly.
“Shane, look at me,” pleads Ilya, his voice sounding wrecked.
Why does he sound like that? Shane forces himself to meet Ilya’s eyes, moved by both the tone and plea.
“Ilya?”
“I’m here, Shane,” he answers, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.
“Rubbing his back usually helps, I ca-”
“You’ve done enough, Pike,” snaps Ilya, “Go and sit at the table, we’ll be there soon.”
Shane gasps as he’s pulled into a hug. His body relaxes for a second, one second of bliss before he remembers he can’t relax right now.
He’s spent so long carrying around this fear of being outed. He’s woke from nightmares, lost battles against his brain as it conjures scenarios each one more and more terrifying.
Now it’s actually happening he feels a little numb and mostly scared for Ilya. He clings to his fiance, allowing his scent to calm him, until his breathing returns to normal and the ringing stops. Pulling apart, their eyes meet, a wealth of words unspoken between them.
Shane nods, making sure not to rush as he stands, Ilya takes his hand, taking comfort from its warmth and how tight Ilya holds on. They sit as close to each other as possible without Shane jumping into Ilya’s lap, Hayden and JJ sit across the table, a clear line drawn.
“How did this happen?” Asks Shane.
Hayden sits with his head in his hands, he takes a second to rub his eyes before facing Shane, “I’m so sorry, it was a fan mail video, I never review them before sending.”
A fucking fanmail video? His biggest secret, obliterated by a stranger named Brad. Shane wishes he could laugh at the absurdity, maybe one day.
“Everyone knows about us?”
Hayden nods his head, “I wish I could take it back.”
Shane feels unmoored, a part of him feels like he never left the couch, that’s he’s still there hyperventilating. Ilya’s arms rests over his shoulders, grounding him, it feels like relief.
He feels thankful he left his phone in the bedroom, knowing the temptation to look at it would be too strong. Fuck, his parents are probably on the road already, his mom busy making calls and swearing between conversations.
“How long has this been going on?” Asks JJ.
Shane meets his eyes, “A long time,” he answers simply, even Hayden doesn't know the true timeline.
“Have you ever thrown a game for him?”
Shane flinches, why does everyone ask that? Do they think love has made him soft? His competitive edge is as sharp as it’s ever been. He loves the fight, how a game can change with the drop of the puck, if anything love has made them more ferocious. He loves battling against Ilya, the only thing better was that one game at All-Stars, but they still fought to be the top scorer.
Ilya scoffs, “Please like we need help to win, if you paid attention you would see we play harder against each other on the ice. He’s the only one that can keep up with me and um, same for him,” Ilya glances at him, “Shane, what is saying?”
“Vice-versa,” he offers.
“Yes, besides we have reward system, treat matches like foreplay,” adds Ilya, his smirk fully engaged.
“Ew,” comments JJ.
“Feel free to check all our past games, but I bet our statistics go up when we face each other on the ice.” Shane would bet his career on it, in fact.
No other opponent was a challenge in the way Ilya was on the ice.
Hayden’s brow furrows, “All?”
Ilya smirks, delighting in both the honesty and looks of shock from Hayden and JJ, “Oh yes, Shane swept me off my feet summer before rookie season.”
Shane shakes his head, “Ilya, come on, I had no idea what I was doing!” It had been overwhelming, his first real brush of desire.
All previous attempts had felt like a battle against the tides, pushing himself to feel, something, anything. Forcing the stream to turn into a deep sea of want, it never did, not with Jessica or Rose.
With Ilya, the stream became rapids, a live wire, combustible, and desperate for every touch, kiss, and thrust.
Ilya’s finger traces against his arm, Shane meets Ilya’s eyes to find them filled with love, “Yes, but you were so beautiful, it ruined me for anyone else.” Shane doesn’t need a mirror to know his cheeks are red right now.
JJ clears his throat, the sound is enough to pull Shane’s attention from his fiance to face his friends again, God, he wishes they could just speed run this whole segment of his life.
“So, since before we knew you?” Asks JJ, as Hayden looks at a loss for words, Shane nods in answer, “How could you keep a secret that long?”
Annoyance flickers to life in Shane’s veins, he glares at JJ, “Because hockey is so accepting.”
“Okay, point,” concedes JJ, “But it’s Rozanov, the biggest ass in the NHL.”
“An ass I work hard for, thank you for noticing.” Shane attempts to stifle his chuckle but Ilya catches it, of course he does. “Moya Solnyshko,” he beams, moving closer to plant a kiss to Shane’s cheek.
Hayden rolls his eyes, “Don’t bother, Dude, I’ve said it a thousand times.”
“Yes, like broken record,” teases Ilya.
“Oh my God!” Exclaims JJ, “I tried to step you up with so many men.”
“Yes, I am not so fond of that,” muses Ilya, Shane snuggles closer his hand sinking into Ilya’s curls.
JJ shakes his head, “I really misjudged your type.”
A full chuckle bursts out of Ilya, which, of course he overexaggerates by wiping away fake tears and slapping his chest, "You chose a parade of nice men when Shane here loves a challenge.” Smirks Ilya.
“We never cheated, he’s Rozanov to you but he’s Ilya to me,” reveals Shane, “Oh and you know him as Boston Lily.”
“He’s Boston Lily!” Screams JJ.
Ilya rolls his eyes, “Do try to keep up, of course we had code names!” Teases Ilya.
“Are you really that mad I didn’t tell you? Surely you can understand why, I didn’t do it to exclude you, it wasn’t a fun secret to keep. But I did it to protect Ilya, he’s it for me, we’re getting married.”
Did JJ think they were having parties where they laughed at him for not being in the group of the other six people who knew. Instead of fighting tooth and claw to survive, to make their relationship flourish in the dark.
JJ jumps up from his chair, “What!” Shane watches JJ’s eyes shuffle between the two of them, as if seeing them for the first time, “I can’t believe this is happening.”
Shane looks at Hayden hoping maybe his best friend will interject and help him out, he remains quiet. “Well start, you call yourself my friend but you haven’t asked how you can help, instead you barged in here wanting to know if we were cheats,” huffs Shane. The shock is slowly turning into anger, if this is the reaction from a friend the people who merely tolerate him will be so much worse.
Under the table Ilya pushes his foot against Shane’s, while little, any point of contact with Ilya feels like a balm.
Shane’s words hit and JJ looks a little sheepish, he takes his seat again, “I’m sorry, I know how competitive you are, Capitaine. This is just a mind fuck, I only know Rozanov on the ice, you obviously see a different side to him than we do.” JJ looks at them, Shane can see his brain ticking over as if trying to figure them out as a couple. “He’s good to you?”
Shane links his hand with Ilya’s, “Of course, he’s caring and thoughtful, but more importantly we’re good for each other.”
Ilya dramatically fans his face with his free hand, “He says the most romantic things.”
Shane takes a breath, summoning the courage to ask, “Is the group chat in chaos?”
Hayden nods, “I wouldn’t look at the messages.”
Shane nods unsurprised, the locker room had always been uncomfortable, it was a lot worse now.
Whenever he stepped through the doors it was to ruffled feathers and a surge of questioning looks. The Ilya of it all would be a nail in the coffin to pure homophobia.
Truly, he knew they only put up with him because they liked winning.
“Why are they so hateful?” Three pairs of eyes turned to look at Ilya.
”We’re rivals!” Shouts JJ.
Ilya shrugs his shoulders, “Yes, Boston and Ottawa shit talk players before games, but it’s nothing more than that.” He turns to Shane, “The Raiders hated facing you, Shane, but they respect you, Ottawa players basically worship you. Why am I public enemy number one with your team?”
“Well Montreal takes this shit seriously!"
”It’s the chirping,” adds Hayden.
“Okay,” says Ilya, in that infuriating tone that makes it obvious he’s over the conversation.
Shane watches the light bulb turn on in Hayden’s head as he turns away from JJ to meet Shane’s eyes, “Did you tell him about the chirp chat?”
Shane huffs, “No, it’s pathetic enough without him knowing, he’ll be so smug,” answers Shane.
”He’s got you there, Hayd,” agrees JJ.
Shane can feel Ilya’s eyes on him, letting out a little sigh as he turns to face his fiance. Ilya’s smirk is in full bloom, his eyes sparkling with mischief, “Keeping secrets from me, Moyà Lyubov?”
“Christ! Shane you’re blushing!” Comments JJ.
“Think yourself lucky, they’re like this all the time.”
“I am not!” Counters Shane, but he’s kidding no one, especially while Ilya peppers his face with kisses.
“So what is chirp chat?” Asks Ilya.
“It’s just a way for us to workshop chirps,” answers Hayden, a second later his eyes widen as if realising he answered, “Fuck.”
Ilya smiles, “Wow, wow, a group chat all about me? I’m so flattered I might blush,” Ilya quickly turns to Shane, “If I wasn’t Russian, of course.”
Hayden huffs, his hands twisting through his hair, eyes stormy with annoyance, “Maybe if your chirps we’re fucking normal, Dude.”
Shane watches as Ilya sits back in his chair, looking relaxed, he shrugs, “So your lack of imagination is my fault?”
“It goes beyond imagination, last night you kept bumping into me, only to compliment me on my camouflage, I was wearing blue on the ice!”
Ilya’s smile is carefree and beautiful, “Yes, your confusion was highlight of the match, the presenter also said Pike’s are fast but maybe that’s only in the water.”
Shane catches JJ’s eyes causing them to break out into laughter, Hayden’s forehead creases in anger, Shane watches as Ilya’s words register and the penny drops.
“Oh my God, are you talking about the fish!”
“It was on a nature documentary,” informs Ilya.
JJ bangs the table, “Please stop, it’s too funny.”
“Are all the Voyageurs practicing their chirps?” Prods Ilya, Shane readies himself, he can spot his fiance going in for the kill.
Shane nods just to speed it up.
Ilya laughs, “It seems I do have more real estate than you, Hollander,” Shane shakes his head knowing the battle is already lost, “I must thank you guys for all of this prime square footage.”
And there it is, Shane closes his eyes, just for a second, he knows what’s coming, he knows that tone like he knows the ice. His eyes open to find Hayden and JJ staring at Ilya with identical confused faces.
“It’s very nice of you to let me live rent free in your heads, but I have plenty of properties and Shane is one with fetish.”
Hayden’s face goes red and JJ splutters, God, they really make it too easy, thinks Shane.
“Not the Russian ones,” jokes JJ.
What the fuck!
Shane is about to launch into a tirade when a chuckle from Ilya brings him to a complete halt. He whips around to look at Ilya, the laugh was empty and his eyes are filled with tears he’s holding back.
“Finally a good chirp and you don’t save it for the ice,” Ilya tries to make it sound in jest but his voice breaks, Shane immediately pulls him into a hug, while throwing glares at JJ from over Ilya’s shoulder.
JJ’s face is filled with regret, “I’m sorry that was out of line.” He apologizes.
Once he knows Ilya is there okay, pulls away, making sure to keep their hands linked. He looks at his friends, “You should go, we have a lot to sort out.”
“We can help,” offers Hayden.
Shane shakes his head, “My parents are probably on their way and I don’t think my mom will be in a forgiving mood.” Shane can’t help but delight as Hayden goes a little pale.
“Okay.”
“Yeah, I need some time to get my head around this, like Hayden did.”
Shane scoffs, because really, Hayden had done no such thing, he hadn’t even tried. Considering how much Ilya was loved by Jackie and their kids it made no fucking sense, and Shane was done.
It was too much at once, Hayden’s fuck up, JJ’s questions and ill-conceived comments. He’s hand enough.
“I have no problem with you being gay, Shane,” promises Hayden.
“No, just who I’m gay with.”
Ilya squeezes his hand, “Don’t say something you’ll regret, Shane,” he whispers.
Shane turns back to Hayden, “You see that? He asks, pointing at Ilya, “Ilya is willing to stop me hurting our relationship to his own detriment, that’s how much he cares. But I’m not going to be a bad fiance, I don’t want to regret not saying something, especially when it’s been a long time coming.”
“Shane, I’m really sorry about the video,” pleads Hayden.
“It’s not about that.” Shane makes sure his voice is clear, forcing himself to keep eye contact, as surprise crosses Hayden’s face.
“It’s not?” Asks Hayden, his face full of confusion, God, he really had no idea?
“No, it’s about how you constantly belittle my relationship with Ilya, telling me I can do better, that you don’t understand why I like him, that he’s an awful person. It’s like you think I’m a child. I would never say anything like that about Jackie, I trust you know what you need from your partner and I trust that Jackie gives you that.”
Shane takes a breath, he needs to get this out, I can panic later along with everything else, he thinks.
“Ilya, is what I need, I’ve loved him longer than I realised. He’s the only one I’ll ever want, period. You don’t know me the way Ilya does, and you don’t know Ilya off the ice because you’ve never tried. So he chirps at you, it’s part of his fucking job, reacting so easily isn’t part of yours.”
The atmosphere feels thick with tension, but you can always count on Ilya to do something, let go of Shane’s hand to clap. Shane laughs as he pulls Ilya’s hands apart, Ilya throws him a wink before they face the others again.
“I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better, come on JJ, we should go.” They head out after awkward goodbyes and once again Ilya and Shane are alone.
Ilya is pulling Shane into his arms, “It’s okay, Shane, we’ll weather the storm. What do you need? How about some tea, or I could fuck you, or we can relax with nature documentary.”
“Me? Are you okay? What JJ said was really out of line.” Shane pulls back from the embrace to gently kiss Ilya.
“I’m okay, Shane, I promise, I said goodbye to Russia a long time ago.”
Shane nods, letting it go, for now, “There’s no way we have enough time to fuck before my parents get here,” rebuffs Shane.
“Cockblocked by Pike, twice in one hour,” grumbles Ilya.
“And I’m okay, Ilya, I mean I’m terrified and I’m worried about my team. But mostly I feel relieved.” Ilya's eyes widened in surprise.
“Really? You’re not just saying that to make situation easier?”
Shane shakes his head, “No, The longer it went on I sometimes wondered if I’d ever be brave enough to come out. And I hate that it was taken out of our hands but I’m relieved, no more hiding.”
Ilya smiles, “Yes, no more hiding, gimme kiss,” demands Ilya, already puckering his lips.
Shane indulges him, and allows the kiss to deepen, just as another knock hits the door.