Chapter Text
Janis/Rodrick
She does a good job making herself over, even if she does say so herself.
Between the dyed black boycut, guyliner, piercings, punk clothing and four years of puberty that didn’t do shit to make her look more like a woman, she - well, he, as far as everyone else is concerned - is unrecognizable as the shy girl Janis used to be in middle school.
She slips into her leather jacket and smirks at herself in the mirror. He looks good.
Rodrick. She already loves the sound of that. Of him.
Rodrick is above caring. He’s beyond high school cliques and petty mean girl drama. He’s in a punk band and he doesn’t need other friends in school and he is never, ever allowing himself to be subjugated under the thumb of Regina George.
“Janis, we’re late!” Greg yells from the hall. She shoulder checks him as she pushes past to head for the door. “Shut it, punk.”
“Wha -”
“And it’s Rodrick now.” She twists his ear. “Call me anything else again and I’m telling mom about the toothpick incident.”
“Ow!” Greg whines. “Okay, Rodrick.”
Rodrick smiles. “Get in the truck.”
So driving his annoying brother to school in a washed up truck probably isn’t the coolest first impression, but whatever. Rodrick doesn’t concern himself with artificial constructs of popularity and arbitrary coolness.
He makes his own rules.
The first week of school is fairly uneventful. Rodrick keeps his head down, eats lunch with his bandmates and doesn’t ask for trouble.
Until he sees her.
It happens during lunch on Monday. He’s diligently walking to his designated table by the corner of the mess when he hears the voice that’s haunted his nightmares for years.
She still sounds the same.
“You. Emo boy.”
Rodrick freezes, unsure of what to do. He hates the fear that grips his lungs. He’s supposed to be able to stand up to her now. He’s not supposed to care.
“I’m talking to you.”
Rodrick forces himself to turn around.
“Oh, he’s hot,” the brunette beside her mutters under her breath. Regina shoots her a death glare. “Shut up, Gretchen.”
Regina looks breathtaking.
Janis isn’t in love with her anymore. Rodrick definitely isn’t.
But she’s so beautiful it fucking hurts.
Her long blonde hair falls down her back in a silky sheet. Her skin is flawless, and she’s only grown more into her looks with age. Her make-up is perfect and her lips shine with cherry lip gloss, full and soft. She’s still wearing the lavender perfume Janis got her in middle school. The same one Janis herself hasn’t touched since.
There are so many emotions swimming in her chest right now that she can barely breathe.
“You’re new here, aren’t you?”
Rodrick clears his throat, forcing Janis to snap back to the present. “Yeah. The name’s Rodrick.”
Regina simpers. “I’m Regina George.”
Oh, I know.
“And this is Karen,” she says, gesturing to the blonde beside her, “and Gretchen.”
She’s found herself two new sidekicks to follow her around like lost puppies, clearly. Janis would be surprised if they’ve had a single original thought in their lives.
“Nice to meet you,” Rodrick says, trying to sound bored. He flicks his eyes downward to study Regina further, and - holy fuck.
Look, Janis might have been in love with Regina, but she’d never been the pervy lesbian her ex best friend had made her out to be, okay? She’s always respected women. She would never objectify someone for their looks.
But Regina has a great rack now, fully on display with about three inches of cleavage snugly held back by a sleek, tight-fitting cotton blouse and a pink cardigan hung above it. The dainty ‘R’ necklace Janis stole her for her thirteenth birthday sits right above her cleavage.
Of course she’s still wearing it.
And now that she’s noticed it, it’s kind of impossible to miss.
I'm sorry, women.
“Like what you see?” Rodrick can hear the smirk in Regina’s voice.
Stifling the panic in her chest, Janis forces herself to play it cool. Channel Rodrick, turn on the unaffected, bad boy charm to 100.
“Not bad.” She smirks back, regarding Regina. “But you’re not my type.”
Regina’s jaw drops. Her eyes flash, all traces of her earlier smile gone. “Excuse you, but I’m everyone’s type.” She scoffs. “Unless, well.” She looks him up and down with distaste. “I probably should’ve guessed you’re a fag.”
A startled laugh escapes Rodrick. “Sure.” She didn’t mean to laugh, but it’s just so bizarre. Regina really hasn’t moved on from her one old trick from all those years ago. “Whatever you want to tell yourself.”
“I could say the same to you,” she shoots back. “You’re pretty mouthy for a new kid.”
Rodrick shrugs. “Did you have anything else you wanted to say to me, or…?”
“No.” Regina smiles saccharinely. “I would suggest you learn how things work around here before that big mouth of yours gets you into trouble, though.”
Rodrick smiles back. “Thanks for the advice.”
He walks back to his table to find his band mates all staring at him, open-mouthed. “Dude.”
“What?” He says tiredly. He didn’t realize it until he was out of Regina’s field of view, but that interaction was extremely draining. He takes a long sip of his chocolate milkshake, trying to release the tension in his shoulders.
“She was totally checking you out.”
Rodrick almost spits out his chocolate milk. “What?”
“Yeah, what?” Their lead singer, Billy, slips into the seat beside him.
“Regina George was checking Rodrick out.”
“No way.”
Rodrick raises his eyebrows. “I don’t beli -” He stops in his tracks. “Wait.”
Was she flirting with him?
Janis feels like she’s about to explode. Now wouldn’t that be the plot twist of the millennium.
“Okay, you have to tell us everything.” Billy runs his fingers through his own hair. “What did she say?”
“She called me a fag,” Rodrick says with amusement.
“Fuck, dude.”
“Well, it was because I told her she isn’t my type.”
“Isn’t your ty - brother, that’s Regina George!”
“Yeah, she’s everyone’s type!”
“Okay, that’s just not possible.” Janis stifles the annoyance rising in her. What kind of hold has Regina gotten over the entire North Shore population since she left? She’s always been pretty popular, but this is on another level. “Preferences are subjective.”
“My brother in Christ, have you seen her?”
Okay, well, yes. So maybe Rodrick is also a basic bitch and not an exception to the rule, but it’s the principle of the matter, okay?
“She’s, like, a celebrity,” Billy explains. “She’s the queen bee. She can elevate you to untouchable status or ruin your life.”
Oh, he’s aware.
“Which is why you need to smooth things over with her,” Damian finishes. “I don’t care what it takes. Apologize, beg, grovel, I don’t care.” He sighs. “If not for yourself, do it for the band.”
Rodrick looks at Billy pleadingly.
“Sorry, man.” He shrugs. “I’m with Damian on this one. We don't want to get on Regina's bad side.”
“She could literally ruin our careers.”
Rodrick slams his head down on the table.
Fantastic.
Regina
Regina takes her usual seat in the last row, still fuming over the interaction with Rodrick when the last period rolls around. No one talks to her that way. No one.
Regina George does not get rejected. She's used to men drooling and falling at her feet. She's never been rejected in her life, and she sure as hell isn't getting started now.
And she didn't even ask that douche out. He had provided the “rejection” unsolicited. Okay, so maybe she'd been thinking about hitting on him. He was kind of hot, and that’s coming from Regina, who rarely feels attraction to men unless they could prove useful to her in some way. She doesn't believe in silly ideas like love at first sight, but she has the strangest feeling that she knows him from somewhere.
And he shouldn't be able to pull off the guyliner so well.
Someone dumps a bag on the seat next to her and Regina looks up, alarmed.
Speak of the devil.
“Hello there, princess.”
Regina rolls her eyes. “The seat's taken.”
“By who?”
“By whom,” Regina corrects. “And it’s for my boyfriend.”
“Is it for whom or for your boyfriend?” Rodrick sniggers, and Regina wants to throttle him.
“But nah, I’m not sitting here.” He sits down anyway. “Just wanted to apologize for lunch.”
Oh. So someone’s given him a crash course on the way things run here, then.
“For what?” She smiles innocently. “Ogling my tits and then telling me I’m not your type when literally no one asked?”
“Yeah, uh.” He has the decency to look sheepish. “That.”
“Well, I don’t care,” Regina replies haughtily. “You can go shave your back now.”
“Right.” Rodrick looks amused. “So you had nothing to do with the neanderthals that shoved me into a locker and called me a faggot on the way to class, then?”
Regina widens her eyes. “I had no idea that was happening,” she lies. “It must suck to suck.”
“Good to know. Well,” Rodrick grins obnoxiously, standing up as he scribbles something on his notebook, “I would offer to make it up to you, but I’ll let you decide if you want to take me up on that.” He rips a scrap of paper from his notebook and slides it towards her. A phone number is scrawled on it in the worst handwriting Regina has seen in her life. She blanches, ignoring her racing heart. “Adios.” He mock salutes before sliding away.
Regina can’t focus for the rest of the period.
An hour later, she finds herself in the janitor’s closet.
“You’re such a,” she growls, fisting Rodrick’s shirt in her palm, “fucking,” she pushes him against the wall of the closet, “loser.” She pushes her knee against his torso as he lets out a satisfying ow!
Rodrick pulls back from Regina’s lips, where he unceremoniously had his tongue down her throat. “Your lip gloss tastes nice,” he murmurs. “Does your boyfriend like it?”
Regina rolls her eyes impatiently. “Are you going to get me off or what?”
“On it, princess,” he retorts, and she can practically hear the smirk in his tone. He sinks down to his knees obediently, pushing Regina’s skirt up.
She shoves his head in between her thighs and leans back, closing her eyes and picturing the same girl she thinks of when she gets herself off at night.
It’s strange how much Rodrick looks like her.
Well. This is the closest she’s come to feeling attraction for a guy, as pathetic as he is. Being seen with him in public would be social suicide, but this could mean she has it in her to like other men…
She doesn’t know what it is about him. It can’t just be that he looks like her, right?
Rodrick. She makes a mental note to do a background check on him later.
Fuck, that feels good. She’s never had a guy eat her out so well before. Hell, she’s never had a guy offer to go down on her without asking for anything in return before, and they always seem to struggle so much to attune themselves to what she needs. She can almost pretend it’s her down there…
She slots the head deeper in between her legs, running her fingers through the surprisingly soft, silky hair. Oh, Janis, you feel so good.
His head darts back all of a sudden. “What did you just say?”
Did she say something? She hadn’t meant to.
He stands up to face her, lips wet. He wipes at his mouth, and oh, his eyes look a little too much like…
She pushes him back down. “You aren’t done.”
“I know.” He falls against the closet, sitting back with his legs spread. “It’s just…you said a name.”
Fuck.
“No, I didn’t,” Regina denies. “Shut up and finish your job.”
Rodrick looks up at her, plum lips parted. His eyelashes are so, so long. “Who’s Janis?”
“I don’t fucking know.” She’s trying not to panic. She never lets this happen. She let her guard down, and now her entire perfect carefully constructed life is going to come crashing down around her.
“Regina, hey.” He winces as he stands up to put his hand on her shoulder, biting his lip like Janis used to when she was worried. “It's okay. Breathe.”
“Fuck off,” she growls, pushing him back down and pressing the head of her high heel against his chest to keep him there. He looks down at her foot gingerly, seeming almost amused.
It's like everything is a fucking joke to this guy.
“It was Dennis,” she tells him. “My, uh, ex. I'm not completely over him. Don't tell anyone or I'll ruin your life.”
Rodrick puts his hands up. “Whatever you say, princess.”
She pushes the back of her heel down into his torso. “And don't call me that.”
“Ow,” he yelps, and Regina smirks, satisfied at finally provoking a reaction. She slides the front of her shoe along his chest and up his neck, finally using it to prop his chin up so he's forced to avert his gaze from her Loubotin to look up at her from under his long lashes. As soon as they lock eyes, though, heat rushes to Regina’s cheeks and she's forced to look away. Those eyes look a little too much like Janis’.
Fuck, is he her long lost cousin or something?
She looks down to find him tugging at her hand, eyes wide and gentle as ever. Sighing, she sinks down, allowing him to carefully pull her onto his lap and let her straddle him. She locks her legs tightly around him, pushing her navel into him. Regina bumps her nose against his, nibbling at his lip. “Kiss me,” she orders, digging her nails into the back of his black T-shirt.
He laughs (is that a hint of nervousness she detects? She can't be sure), tucking more of her hair behind her ear with an affectionate smile. She's about to growl at him to respect her time, flustered by the sickening fondness he's looking at her with for some fucking reason, but he mercifully obliges, pulling her bottom lip into his mouth and letting his hands travel up and down her back, sending shivers up her spine. He pauses at her shoulders, sliding his fingers under the straps of her bra, and bites at her lip exactly as he yanks at the straps and lets them snap back against her skin. She lurches back, eyes blazing. “What the fuck was that?”
Rodrick has a glint in his eye as he lazily arches an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”
Regina snarls at him. “You’re such a boy.”
“But you like boys,” he prods, “don't you?”
“No, I like men,” she huffs, sliding off him.
He looks unfazed. “Gentler, then?”
She rolls her eyes. “Just ask next time.”
He looks down, and this time, his blush is unmistakeable. Regina tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.
He clears his throat. “Well, then, in the spirit of being a gentleman -”
Regina snorts. “You, a gentleman?”
His lip twitches, eyes sparkling playfully. “Should I ask you out on a proper date?”
Regina's heart flips. “You're gonna have to be smoother than that if you want me to dump my boyfriend for you,” she retorts, trying to stay aloof. She hates how giddy the idea makes her feel. She can't afford to be seen on a date with him.
He brushes her chin with his ringed thumb, staring at her intently. Regina shifts uncomfortably. Those goddamn eyes. It's impossible to look at them without…
Regina knew she was being unusually quiet on the way home from school, and she was surprised Janis hadn't detected it already. After ten minutes of silence, Janis finally interrupted her troubled trainwreck of thoughts. She sighed. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing,” Regina retorted immediately.
“Bullshit,” Janis muttered. She knew her best friend better than that. “Is it because the girls won't stop asking you who you have a crush on?”
Once again, Janis had immediately troubleshot the root of Regina's agonies. Regina hated how she could just read her mind without trying like that. Regina liked to consider herself an enigma to other people, but with Janis, it was the opposite.
She snapped her head up, frowning. “What? No.”
She knew she sounded a little too defensive. Janis took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Regina stilled at the contact immediately. Her heart felt like it was about to jump out of her throat. Her entire body felt like it was being electrocuted in slow motion. All she could think was JanisJanisJanis. “I think boys are dumb,” Janis said.
Oh, God. Janis totally just read her mind. Which was terrifying, because Regina herself could barely put what she was feeling into words. She just knew that it was extremely, unconditionally private. Regina pulled her hand away, heart still thumping. “I think Kyle likes me,” she said stiffly, deflecting.
“Probably.” Janis shrugged, obviously struggling to remain nonchalant. Regina could tell she was frustrated. Patience or subtlety had never been Janis’ strong suits. Regina knew that whatever this was growing between them couldn't be restrained for long. It was going to explode into something ugly and awful and life ruining, and Janis was going to be the one to make it happen by demanding they talk about it or something stupid like that.
Regina was running out of time.
“I should ask him out,” she decided.
Janis stopped in her tracks. “What?”
“I mean, why not, right?” Regina muttered, hoping Janis would grasp that she was being rhetorical. Janis, of course, did not.
“You don't need a boyfriend,” Janis grumbled. “You have me.”
“Janis, that's obviously not the same thing,” Regina said tiredly.
“I mean, why not?” Janis demanded, lifting up Regina's chin to force her to look her in the eye. Those big soft brown eyes that always made Regina's face feel like it was on fire, which were now blazing themselves. “What can a boy give you that I can't?”
Regina felt dizzy. Her nervous system was going into overdrive, and it wasn't in a good way anymore. She didn't understand why Janis had to be so difficult all the time.
She didn't understand why Janis made her feel so crazy.
They were way too close. Regina averted her eyes from Janis’ burning gaze. She knew she had been quiet for too long. She wanted to respond. She wished she had an eloquent retort to her question.
While she was still fumbling with what to say, something shifted. Janis’ eyes softened as she leaned forward, resting her forehead against Regina's and bumping their noses together. “Hey, it's going to be okay, Gi.”
Regina startled back, feeling like a deer in the headlights. “I - I have to go.” She blinked quickly, willing herself not to cry. “Um, I just remembered I was supposed to pick Kylie up from daycare today. Mom's at the dentist,” she lied quickly. Desperately, she scanned their surroundings to make sure no one was looking before pressing a quick, impulsive kiss to Janis’ cheek. “Goodbye.”
“Regina?”
She jerks back, aghast to find tears on her lashes. With a start, she also realizes it's the first time he's called her by her name.
She wipes at her eyes. “Sorry, yeah?”
“Um.” He knits his eyebrows together. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Regina rolls her eyes. “But I should get to class.” She hesitates, then pulls out her favourite lip gloss. “Come here.”
He raises his eyebrows. “I'm more just an eyeliner guy.”
She scrunches up her nose, yanking him forward with his T-shirt. She lifts up the hem and writes her address on his torso in gloss. It’s soft and flabby, and she has to stretch the skin apart with her fingers to get the words down properly. “Come over after school on Friday. My bedroom’s on the first floor. Do not come in through the front door.” She then bites her lip, considering.
Fuck it. Might as well throw caution to the wind. She applies another coat to her lips and leans down to press a soft kiss on his stomach below the address.
When she comes up, she's pleased to find Rodrick looking red as a tomato.
“Uh,” he stammers. “I gave you my number, remember?”
“I'm not wasting my time trying to decipher that kindergartener scribble.”
She stands up, leaving him there dazed.
_
Rodrick/Janis
“Knock knock.”
Regina spins around, scowling. “I said Friday, imbecile.”
Rodrick shrugs, trying not to pant from climbing up to the window. “Isn't it Friday?”
“It's Thursday.” She turns back to the mirror. Her dress is unzipped. Rodrick tries not to let his imagination fast forward too much. Regina gestures to the bed, which used to be her parents’ back when Janis used to come here. It has a canape over it and looks so much fancier now. “Whatever, just sit down.”
Rodrick plops down on the bed, taking everything in. “Cool room.”
“It was my parents, but I made them trade me,” Regina brags.
“Were you getting ready to go somewhere?” Rodrick asks, looking pointedly at Regina's unzipped dress.
“Just making sure everything in my closet still fits,” she responds. “I somehow gained 0.2 pounds last week. And I'm actually trying to lose three pounds.”
Janis tries not to roll her eyes. Looks like Regina's turned into a mini clone of her mother sometime over the past three years.
“You look fine,” Rodrick drawls. “You're literally so skinny it's painful.”
“Shut up,” Regina mutters. “How would you know, anyway? You're literally a guy.”
“Uh, I have eyes?” Rodrick helpfully rolls them to illustrate. Not that Regina notices. She's too busy scrutinizing herself in the mirror.
And then, a positively evil idea pops into Janis’ brain.
“Hey, uh, I might be able to score ya some fancy imported protein bars my dumbass brother’s friend's mom used to make him take to lose weight,” she says casually. “I could get them for you if you're trying to shed a few pounds.”
And that's how Janis’ plan to ruin Regina George's life kicks into motion.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
And oh, boy, does she keep Regina close.
It's a twofold plan. Not only does Janis - er, Rodrick - like his girls with a little extra skin on them, she knows the popular guys at North Shore are too shallow to date a girl that's not ultra-skinny with perfect tits.
This way, Regina will be hers and only hers.
Er, his.
“Are you kidding?” Regina snarls. “Gimme it already?”
“Not so fast, princess.” Rodrick smirks. “What do I get in return?”
Regina glares at him. “In return?”
“I don't tell just any girl about these things, you know.” Rodrick wiggles his eyebrows. “This kid’s parents are super rich and they import them from, like, Switzerland. People pay hundreds of dollars for this shit.”
Regina wrinkles her nose. “You want money?”
Well, it's not like Janis couldn't use some cash. And she knows for a fact that Regina is loaded.
Rodrick shrugs.
“Ugh, you're so…”
“Not all of us were born with silver spoons in our mouths, princess.” He gestures at himself. “And this irresistible drip doesn't come for free, FYI.”
Regina flops back on the bed next to him. “Fine, whatever.”
Rodrick scuffles towards her on the bed, looping an arm through hers like Janis used to on their idle afternoons together at Regina's. He presses a quick kiss to her cheek. “That's my girl.”
“You're insufferable,” Regina tells him as she snuggles into his side.
Rodrick hums, smiling lazily as his hand shifts up to fiddle with the back of her bra. Janis is internally losing her shit. She can't believe she's doing this, and more shockingly, how agreeable Regina seems to all of it. Even the quips she keeps taking at him have no bite to them, more reminiscent of the easy, good-naturedly bitchy banter they used to share as kids than anything.
By some miracle of fate, Regina seems genuinely into her new cringesona. Janis never would have predicted this in a million years. Her goal as Rodrick was to coast through high school with as little engagement with her ex best friend as possible. Even now, every touch, every new line she crosses with her feels thrillingly sinful, like she's taking something that should've never been hers. Rather than guilt, though, she only feels vindication. Almost everything they've done so far has been at Regina's behest. Turns out all she needed was a different gender to go from sleazy pervert to the perfect shag in Regina's eyes all along.
He props himself up on his elbow to gently prompt Regina to shrug off the straps of her bra as he deftly unhooks it with one hand. He relishes the way she fully relaxes into the mattress as she falls back with a sigh that travels through her entire body. Leaning over, he softly presses another kiss to her clavicle.
“You've been with a lot of girls, huh,” Regina heaves as she collects her hair to tie it into an elegant knot around itself.
“What?” Janis is genuinely taken aback. She only kissed one girl after Regina, and that barely went anywhere.
“I've never had a guy unhook me with one hand before,” she admits. “Let alone that fast.”
Oh. Janis stifles the panic in her chest, opting to deflect. “Have you been with a lot of guys?”
She knows it's a pretty douche-y question to ask as a guy, but she figures it's fair game since Regina went there first. And brought up the guys she's been with herself, too.
And okay, fuck her, she might be genuinely curious.
Regina's quiet for long enough that Janis is seriously considering taking the question back, but just as she's about to blurt out an apology, Regina answers in a low voice. “A few, I guess,” she says cryptically. “I don't usually let them get far, though. Most teenage guys suck at it.”
Concern takes over the jealousy and vindication she was feeling earlier. “Please don't tell me you've been with adult men.”
Regina smirks at her. “Why, would you feel threatened?”
“What the fuck?” Janis scowls. “No, I'm concerned for you, asshole!”
“Jeez, no, I haven't.” Regina shakes her head. “I'm not an idiot. I'm just holding out hope that they get better at it with experience.” She nudges him so he falls back onto the bed and hoists herself on top of him. Janis is too stunned to speak. Regina George is on top of her.
“You were pretty good, though,” Regina admits, running her hands down his chest. He prays that she doesn't feel the binder there. Fuck, he was supposed to think of an explanation for it. It was already a close fucking call when she lifted up his shirt the last time. If she'd gone a little higher… “Don't you dare tell anyone though or I'll ruin you.”
“Uhh, sure,” he mutters. “Can we maybe leave the shirt on?”
Regina frowns, confused, but nods anyway. “Sure, whatever.” She looks down at him with her piercing blue-gray eyes, and the eye contact takes Janis’ breath away. “You know, I'm surprised you haven't asked me to suck you off yet.”
Rodrick laughs, hoping he doesn't sound too uncomfortable. “You don't need to do that.”
“Cool, because I'm not going to.” A wave of relief courses through him. Fuck, this is so much more stressful than he ever anticipated. What has he got himself into?
“You seem awfully relieved to hear that for a guy who hasn't gotten anything from me yet, though,” she adds, eyes narrowed. Her hand travels up his torso to press against his skyrocketing heart.
They stare at each other, panic flooding Janis’ chest. Fuck. Regina was always smart. She should have never underestimated her, never have gotten this close…
Regina smiles, kissing his jaw. “Well, it works for me.”
Rodrick sinks into the mattress, heart thumping.
He has a feeling he's headed for trouble very soon.