Work Text:
It is only five hours into his shift and Dan can already tell it is going to be an all timer of a night. It is a Friday night, which is already a bad start, but there is something clearly in the air in London that is making people more insane than usual. So far today he has seen drunken binges, stab wounds, domestic arguments gone too far, a kid who lost a lego in their nose. Could none of these people just stay home and relax?
Dan checks the triage paper work for his next client. Phil Lester, 39. Complaining of fatigue, nausea, dizziness. Appears to be distressed. Possible intoxication. Priority low. He had been checked in at 11 PM, it was 1:30 AM and he is just now getting to speak with someone. Poor guy, hopefully it hadn't been too much of a stressful night.
He pulls back the curtain and peaks in to look towards the bed. "Hi Phil? I'm Dan, your Nurse Practitioner, can I come in?" Sitting on the bed is a very pretty man who looks to he having a very bad night. He is sweaty, eyes glazed, breathing quickly. Quick diagnostic told Dan it is likely a panic attack, although if that is the primary issue or a secondary condition caused by sitting alone in the ER for over two hours, Dan couldn't be sure yet.
He walks in and leans on the edge of the bed. "Hey, it's alright. We're gonna get you taken care of. Can you breath with me first? Once we get you calmed down I'm going to ask you some questions."
The man grabs his leg, looks to him and nods. Dan patted his hand. "Alright in, out. In. Out." Dan counts out the breaths in his head. "Good, yeah. Just follow my breaths." He watches as Phil watches back, until his shoulders start to drop, the hand on his leg slows its shaking, and some life returns to those blue eyes.
"Okay, feeling a little better?"
Phil nods, "Yeah, thanks."
"Alright, good, I'm going to start by asking you some questions." Dan moves to the chair opposite the bed and pulls out his notes again. "Alright, so it says here you came in reporting nausea, dizziness, fatigue, is that right? Those are all pretty broad symptoms so I'm going to ask some more about—"
"I think I'm pregnant," Phil says suddenly, cutting Dan off. Dan looks at the man. Then down again at the chart. Then up at the man. There are tears forming in the corners of Phil's eyes as he takes another shaky breath in and his hands are fidgety in his lap.
Alright, well this is why medical professionals are trained to not assume anything. This poor man is scared and the last thing he needs is to worry Dan is going to be a dick about it.
Dan nods. "Okay, well those are all things that can be signs of pregnancy. But you know you don't have to come to the hospital to get a pregnancy test, right? They sell those at the pharmacy."
The tears are starting to fall over now. "I'm sorry I was just really scared, I didn't know what to do."
Dan nods again, it was hardly the first time he's seen someone come in for an over the counter test, and he knows that hormone replacement therapy can make pregnancies more complicated, which might make the situation more anxiety inducing.
He smiles gently. "It's okay. You're here now. We'll get you tested. So, you are sexually active?"
Phil nods.
"How often are you having intercourse with a partner?"
Phil wrinkles his nose, "A few times a month?"
"Okay, and are you using protection?"
"Sometimes," Phil mumbles in response.
Dan nods and notes it. "It's important to know that HRT is not a form of birth control, you do know that, right?"
A cloud passes over Phil's face but he nods tentatively. Dan sighs. It's amazing that even gender affirming doctors sometimes don't cover the basics effectively with their patients.
"Alright, and what was the date of your last period?"
Phil looks genuinely confused now.
"My period?"
"Yes, your last menstruation cycle. I understand it probably hasn't been regular, but it's still important that we get an idea of that to help make sure we've covered all our bases."
"I've never had a period."
Now Dan is the one who is confused.
"Never?"
Phil giggles nervously. "No, why would I have had a period?"
Dan places the clipboard on the ground and leans forward, resting his head on his hand.
"Phil, do you have a uterus?"
Phil seems stressed again now, "No."
Jesus Christ. He knew this was going to be a weird night. "Phil if you don't have a uterus there's no way that you could be pregnant." Dan is very glad he hadn't bothered putting the order in for the test yet, at least he's managed to save some hospital resources on this one.
Phil seems mortified now as he buries his face in his hands. "Oh my god, I'm a disaster. And an idiot. And now the hottest doctor in the world knows it."
Dan feels his face flush, but coughs down the unprofessional flip in his stomach to focus on helping Phil calm down again. He moves over next to him again and pats him on the shoulder. "It's alright. How about you talk me through what happened before you came here, we'll figure out what those symptoms are actually from."
Phil lifts his face from his hands and chews on his bottom lip as he looks at Dan.
"Well, I was out for a drink." Dan nods along as he speaks. "I had a couple, and then when I got home I wasn't feeling great. My stomach hurt, and my head hurt, and I was really dizzy. And I've been tired all week!"
"Yup, those are the symptoms that we're worried about, go on."
"So I starting googling the symptoms. And it told me that there was a bunch of stuff that it could be, and I was clicking in and following links and reading everything. Then I kept reading about how these were all early signs of pregnancy and I looked down and my stomach did seem bigger and then everything starting feeling worse and I couldn't breathe and was even more dizzy and I thought there was no way any of this was okay. So then I came here."
Dan nods, taking notes as Phil speaks. He looks to Phil, "Do you want to know what I think, Phil?"
Phil nods at him, looking like a lost puppy with is wide and watery eyes.
"I think you were a little tipsy, and then worked yourself into a panic attack worrying about the effects of the alcohol. Both the panic attack and the alcohol can impact your ability to be impartial and logical, and so you did what your worried brain told you to do, and latched onto an answer that seemed to make sense in the moment."
Phil's got his face in his hands again. "I'm so embarrassed."
Dan puts a hand on his thigh and gives it a squeeze. "It's alright, these things happen. Brains aren't all logic." It was a wacky situation but hardly the craziest thing Dan had seen in his time here. And Phil seemed genuinely upset about it all, he didn't think he had been fucking around for fun.
Dan continues as he stands up. "I will run some tests to confirm. We'll do an EKG to make sure there's nothing unexpected with your heart that would have impacted the breathing and dizziness you had today. And I'll run a basic blood panel as well, but I have a feeling by the time all that's over and you've calmed down and sobered up you'll feel totally normal again."
Phil looked up at him, "But no pregnancy test?"
Dan couldn't contain a laugh. "No pregnancy test. Unless you're not sure about the uterus situation."
Phil shakes his head.
"If you really want to check you can buy a test at the pharmacy. But I'm not putting one in for you here. And consider starting to see a therapist about medical anxiety. Might be good to understand these behavior patterns before you end up spending all night in a hospital and embarrassing yourself in front of another hot doctor."
Phil's blushing as Dan heads out to order the labs.
***
The next day after work Dan is at home scrolling Instagram when he gets a "like" notification on a post from two years ago. From someone @amazingphil. By the time he goes to check the post the like is gone.
He laughs, shaking his head. Phil isn't his patient any more, he's got no professional obligation. He had been quite cute, and he was obviously a bit curious about Dan so…
Dan sent a follow request on Instagram. It was instantly approved. He gets a DM.
um, hi
hi back. how's the baby?
oh my god, please shut up. no one can ever know about this
okay :) then if anyone ever asks how we met i'm telling them we met on grindr
i genuinely would prefer that to the truth