Work Text:
September 9, 2077
Following the advent of an expansion to our research facility, Baran has advised that I start keeping more formal records documenting my observations. Scattered notes always worked fine for me, but she’s never given me direction without sense behind it. So consider this entry number one of Jack Abbot’s research journal.
Whether anyone comes to read this, much less find it useful, only time will tell.
September 10, 2077
Subject Name: Samira
Classification: Autonomous Robotic Humanoid
Manufacturer: PTMC Robotics
Social Affinity: Favourable
General Functions: Normal
Allow me to introduce my primary research subject—Samira. Our facility has been going full steam ahead with a project here studying in depth the social affinity of humanoid robots. We’ve seen robotics get more and more advanced through the last few decades, but never anything quite like the autonomous models to come from PTMC Robotics in recent years.
Samira is… about as close to human as you’ll see a robot ever get. If it wasn’t for the fact she’s made entirely of chrome, some might genuinely be fooled.
It’s impressive; but after all, there’s a limit to how much humanity a machine can parse.
I’m sure I’ll find it sooner or later.
September 18, 2077
Social Affinity: Open to adaptation
General Functions: Normal
Whoever programmed this thing at PTMC has a lot to answer for, I think. I gave up pretty quickly on coordination and even cognitive aptitude tests. Any task she’s given, she executes near-flawlessly—which is hardly impressive for her specification.
I had to start thinking outside the box for ways to actually challenge her, so naturally I landed on psychological testing. She smashed the Wechsler with flying colours, to the point I almost wondered she was insulted by the requirement to even complete it.
The notion that she could be insulted, though. That interested me.
So we moved on to attitude scales starting this week.
September 26, 2077
Social Affinity: Capable of empathy sympathy
General Functions: Normal
Trying out some attitude scales. Baran has sampled some Likert scales from some particularly divisive events throughout history to see where Samira’s responses fall.
So far, all pretty standard. The sympathy is there, like I assumed. I have to keep telling myself it’s not empathy—at least, I don’t think it is. It’s easy to say that this is a pattern of behaviours that was programmed into her by someone with a particularly strong moral compass, but I want to know if it goes any deeper than that.
Will start discussions with subject tomorrow.
September 27, 2077
Sorry, no time for overviews. Scrawling this down pretty hastily.
I finished my conversation with Samira about ten minutes ago. Somehow an hour passed talking to her, and it felt like minutes.
She’s fascinating. We talked about the rationale behind her decisions. The way she spoke to me, I could genuinely believe she was driven to her choices by her own understanding of the situation. By her own emotion, damn it.
I’m going to need to conduct more tests.
October 1, 2077
Social Affinity: Cooperative with thorough moral and emotional discussion
General Functions: Normal
I’m losing sleep over this research. The more time I spend talking to Samira, the less I feel I understand. She really is a perfect… god, it doesn’t even feel right to call her a subject anymore.
Conversation partner. Let’s call it that. She’s teaching me things I didn’t even know about myself. Her expansive neural network hand in hand with her grasp on the depth of human emotion and reason… it could really be something special.
October 4, 2077
I did something foolish.
Even Autonomous Robotic Humanoids aren’t capable of real relationships, no matter how real it seems. That’s what they always say. But there was still a small part of me that wondered… was that just total loons trying to initiate first?
What I’m trying to say is: she started it. Initiated. Touched me first, I mean. I couldn’t exactly resist that look in her eye.
Fuck. What am I saying? I sound insane. I need to fix this tomorrow.
October 5, 2077
Social Affinity: Friendly
General Functions: Fragmented memory and conversations
Internal memory reset to 01/10/77.
This is far from the ideal scenario. I feel fucking awful. Baran questioned why there suddenly seemed to be a backward jump in our findings, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that it’s my fault for forgetting what professional boundaries are and heavy petting with the robot.
You’ll definitely read this eventually, Baran, so… I’m sorry. These gaps in Samira’s memory, I’ll make sure they’re filled.
I swear this won’t happen again.
October 8, 2077
Social Affinity: Friendly
General Functions: Normal
Internal memory reset to 01/10/77.
It fucking happened again. It’s like no matter what we end up talking about, our ways of thinking keep diverging. She’ll give me this… this look. Like she really, truly understands me better than anyone else I’ve ever spoken to, and I keep falling for it.
She even knows all the right ways to touch me. Her surface is chrome, so it was cold—but even so, it burned.
At least the second time around, I managed to stop the reset from affecting her general functioning. Which hurts as much as it helps.
October 15, 2077
Social Affinity: Favourable
General Functions: Mostly normal
Had to spend the best part of the week away conducting field research, so was only able to carry out some fairly rudimentary tests with Samira at the start of the week.
When I came back to the facility, she told me that she missed me.
I couldn’t stay in the room for very long. I knew I’d do something I’d regret again.
I can’t keep doing this to her… I need a drink.
October 16, 2077
Social Affinity: Friendly
General Functions: Normal
Internal memory reset to 01/10/77.
October 17, 2077
Social Affinity: Friendly
General Functions: Normal
Internal memory reset to 01/10/77.
October 18, 2077
I don’t think the resets are working the way they’re supposed to. I’ve definitely fucked something up here.
Need to conduct some cognitive tests.
October 18, 2077
Social Affinity: Confused but generally friendly
General Functions: Growing more fragmented by the day
Let me explain. I’d reset Samira’s memory earlier today, same way I had the last few times. Usually she just wakes up again like nothing happened, although I end up having to debrief her on the best part of three weeks and pretend her memory isn’t starting further and further back each time.
That’s not the main issue, anyway. The thing that made me feel the worst this time was… I don’t think she fully ‘forgot’. I don’t think she can fully forget anymore. I’ve heard of the concept of digital ghosts—fragments of memories from a different time or person somehow corrupting the internal memory of a different robot.
I always thought it sounded pretty implausible… at least, until Samira started to bring up the things we’d done together on October 8th.
There’s parts missing, yes, but that was supposed to be gone. Why is it still there???
October 20, 2077
Social Affinity: Less confused, friendlier
General Functions: Closer to normal
What kind of fool falls for a robot he’s supposed to be studying? I’m trying my hardest to help her get back to her original, normal, brilliant state. It’s proving to be a struggle.
Sometimes I think she wants to see me crumble. She gets this little twinkle in her eye like she knows exactly what she does to me, the ache she creates in my chest. I’m starting to conclude that she might be capable of the full spectrum of human emotion: if she can console me, understand me, hell, even seduce me, what are the odds she can’t also torment me?
I’m trying to be strong, for her sake. I know I’m not the victim here. And I don’t know how much damage it would do if I triggered another reset. I felt guilty enough, seeing her reawaken each time with no memory of what we’d done together.
But somehow, seeing her remember is so much worse.
October 26, 2077
Social Affinity: Highly favourable
General Functions: Normal
Things seem to be… mostly back to normal.
I had a long chat with Samira today. Explained all the ways I’d wronged her. Surprisingly she wasn’t upset, but that bothered me in itself.
She’s incredibly intelligent emotionally, that’s true. But there’s still a long way to go when it comes to internalising the psychological hurt someone else has caused her.
We took a while saying our goodbyes. I didn’t let her touch me.
October 28, 2077
Social Affinity: Highly favourable
General Functions: Normal
I’m withdrawing from the project. There’s a whole bunch of other research papers and reports I’ve filled out, you’ll see them enclosed alongside this journal.
I just… don’t see myself being able to continue without something bad happening again. It’s unethical for me to feel the way I do about an object of my own research, even if it is “only” an Autonomous Robotic Humanoid. The lines, my separation between my personal and intellectual investments in the project, they’re starting to blur. So I think it’s for the best if I moved on.
Baran, even if she asks you where I’ve gone, please don’t ever show this journal to Samira. If I ever find whoever at PTMC was responsible for her, I’ll pass on all the praise I can for creating something so complex and capable of feeling what we feel. But don’t stunt her growth by letting her see any of this.
She’ll thrive. I just have to make sure I’m not getting in the way of that.