Chapter Text
“You’re a god,” Wemmbu breathed out. “You’re a god. You are still a god. You’ve been a god for as long as you’ve existed.”
He may or may not have been repeating sentences along those lines for hours now, just staring at the mirror in the bathroom. He’s just- been having his usual identity crisis, alright? It happened like once every other month, normally less. Rarely more. But when they did happen it hit.
“You’re Wemmbu, god of chaos and cycles, alright? You’ve always been that!” He said, his voice cracking. It was between a laugh and a choked sob. “Why wouldn’t you be that?!”
Because he’s still a god! He’s immortal, he’s a divine being, he- he’s been alive for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years! Just because he’s normally in a mortal form doesn’t make him not a god! It doesn’t matter that he looks like he’s in his early twenties, that he acts younger than he is, that he- how he keeps making relationships and connections even though he knows they’ll die before him.
It doesn’t matter.
It shouldn’t matter.
He’s living life! He’s- he’s doing what regular people do, normal people make connections all the time! They do that even though they know they’re going to die, and- and.. Why does he keep doing mortal things? He’s a god. He’s immortal. Doesn’t that mean he should like- he should-.. Void, what does that even mean he should do?
“Just don’t think about it,” Wemmbu hissed to himself.
He stared at the mirror for a few more moments, before harshly dragging his gaze away. He waited until his breathing had gone back to normal, until he looked fine and felt like he could keep acting. Because he was always acting. If he wasn’t acting and keeping his mask straight then people would know he’s a god, they’d know he isn’t normal.
SHU-... Shut up. He isn’t meant to be thinking about that. He just said and thought that he wasn’t going to think about any of that.
..Void, he needed to like- take a break, or something. He needed to stay in his true form for a bit, maybe. Or mess around with his abilities. Anything to make him stop freaking out like this. It was just his body getting confused, or something. Inside it knew he was a god, but the outer shell (or whatever you’d like to call it), was still mortal. ..Well in a sense the inside was also mortal, with the whole red blood and demonic avian anatomy thing but whatever.
“Just stop thinking about it,” he grumbled once more. “You’re the god of chaos and cycles, you know that. It doesn’t matter what form you’re in. Everything’s fine.”
He just had to keep his act together for a little while. Then as soon as he gets the chance, he can just disappear for a week or so to decompress or whatever Egg called it.
Oh he never actually.. He hasn’t been thinking of current events at all, has he? Actually, with him having to keep going on missions for Arachn1d, would he even be able to take a week away? Wouldn’t the spider hybrid just like.. Assume he turned traitor, or something? Ugh.
Fine. Whatever. Wemmbu would just deal with it. He can last a bit longer anyways, his resilience was great. Everything would be fine.
He’d be fine.
Why wouldn’t he be fine?
“Get your fucking act together,” he hissed softly.
He was Orbitan, god of cycles. He was Xaos, god of Chaos. And of course his chosen name of Wemmbu, who was still the god of both of those things, by the way! Why the hell was he even freaking out?! There was no reason for him to freak out like this- like- come on?
He. Was. Fine.
And if he wasn’t right now, then he will be. Otherwise he’s screwed. Yes, he’s a god. No, he doesn’t want people to know. So maybe him getting confused on which one he is is a good thing, right? If he can’t tell anymore then surely others won’t know, right? Yeah! Yeah, that’d.. That’d work.
He’s still a god though. It doesn’t matter how much he masks it or acts like he isn’t to make sure people don’t catch on. He had temples- and loyal followers, and worshippers, and priests, and- and all those things people thought of when someone asked what a god has. And yeah they may like.. Be in hiding, or something, but he still had them! He still heard prayers occasionally, he could still grant them or sway the way things were going.
So yeah. He’s a god. Wemmbu’s a god. And he’s going to die on that hill if he has to, because it’s just a fact.
He’s a god.
Because if he isn’t, then what the hell is he?