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Abolish awoke in the middle of the night from dream of blood and gore and it was everywhere and he was sitting up in an instant, shaking as he simultaneously tried to shove all the memories out of his mind and cling onto them. It was so rare that he remembered his fights, blacking out and then forgetting it all when he came to his senses.
But did he really want to remember? His whole body trembled as he buried his face in his hands, pulling his knees to his chest, all the red etching into the back of his mind and forcing him to open his eyes again with a deep breath.
A hand rested on his back as the person next to him sat up, nearly making him jump out of his skin. He'd been sleping next to someone? Why in the world had he decided to trust someone that much?
"Abolish…?" He lifted his head slowly, meeting the other's soft blue eyes, which were peering down at him in what he was pretty sure was concern. "Are you alright?"
The other man's arm slid around his waist, pulling him against his side, and tears were suddenly slipping down his face and he could only tuck himself against him with a low whine. He was quickly pulled into his lap, the other letting out a soft sigh as his lips brushed against his neck.
"You're okay," he breathed in Abolish's ear, slowly rubbing circles into the small of his back, easing the panic bubbling up in his chest before he could freak out too much. "You're fine. You had a bad dream, didn't you?"
He squeezed his eyes shut, wrapped his arms around the taller man. Bad dream was one way to put it when he'd been remembering things that'd actually happened to him. Oh, gods, that'd been a time he'd done that to someone, hadn't it been? Hiccuping a bit, he pressed himself closer; guilt overwhelmed him at the thought of hurting anyone else.
Why did he feel guilty? He didn't think he normally felt bad about anything, but right now, he felt awful about pretty much everything. His memories didn't feel like anything he had ever done, but he didn't feel like himself right now anyway. All of his feelings and sensations were there but it felt like he'd been yanked out of his body even though he was right here in the arms of someone whose name was just on the tip of his tongue.
"Yeah," he whispered finally, trying to breathe in to calm himself only to hiccup a bit and sob harder for a couple seconds. His shoulders shook and the other held him closer, calloused fingers digging into his back. "Sorry, I- I'm not… entirely sure what's… going on."
He didn't really want to ask who this person was or why they were in bed together or where he was at all because those were all things he should know. He'd gone to sleep knowing all that, he was pretty sure. Finding himself having no memory of what was going on was not an entirely foreign experience for him, but it hadn't happened since he'd gotten here, and usually he at least knew some things about what was happening.
"Yeah, this isn't… the first time." One of the man's hands slipped up to run through his hair, and he couldn't help but lean into the touch, carefully working through his tangles to calm him. It wasn't the first time? He couldn't remember this happening since he'd been revived, although he couldn't really remember much of anything, so maybe he shouldn't be feeling so confident about that. "You'll be alright, though. I've got you."
A hand rested on his cheek and helped him lift his head again, wiping away the tears still falling down his face. He searched the other's face, taking in the light, scarred skin and thick blonde hair falling in front of his sharp blue eyes, and he wished more than anything that he could just remember. Remember who he was, why he was here, anything. What had he done so wrong when he was younger that'd cursed him to be like this?
But there was someone holding him and this person made him feel safe, in the same way she had made him feel safe, promising him that things were okay and he was fine. So maybe it was. Maybe it could be okay even if he didn't understand everything, because he had someone here for him at least. Despite this certainly not being the person he was used to being here, but… she was gone now. Or, well, he was gone, really.
"This isn't the first time…?" he asked finally, sinking his sharp teeth into his lip and bracing himself. He expected this person to roll his eyes or snap at him that he needed to get his act together like most everyone else did when he forgot things. Instead, he ran his hand through his curls with a little hum of affirmation.
"Last time you were…" The man paused, and Abolish noticed the faintest of smiles tug at his lips for a moment before it disappeared. "Well, I don't know if it's really my information to share. But you were acting a lot different, more… immature, I'll put it that way."
His brow furrowed. "I mean, it was… me, so I don't see why you couldn't…?"
"Right." The other's eyebrows raised and the same smile appeared again, only making Abolish feel even more confused. Then his heart dropped when the person asked, "Anyway, you don't remember my name, do you?"
He didn't respond. As much as he really wanted to just lie and say he did remember, because of course he did, he felt comfortable and safe in his arms so he had to remember who he was, if he was questioned about it he wouldn't be able to come up with anything and he already felt terrible for even thinking about lying. Gods was he glad he was almost never in this kind of mood.
Although he couldn't force any words out, the other seemed to understand. Threading his fingers through his hair again, he hummed, "My name is Nobody. Nobody from nowhere."
That did tug at something at the very back of Abolish's mind, and now that the man said it, the name did feel right. Nobody. A silly name, really, one that he could guess wasn't the guy's real name. His own lips quirked into a smile and he mumbled, "Nobody."
He wondered if he'd learn Nobody's real name one day. Perhaps Nobody didn't trust him enough quite yet, or maybe their closeness was why he was so hesitant to reveal his true identity now.
Or it could be because Abolish - or whatever name he should be calling himself, he hadn't quite thought about it much - wasn't revealing his. His heart lodged itself in his throat and his smile faded at the thought. He knew Nobody knew, the man had all but outright stated that he knew something was going on, even if the guy who was usually here was still entirely unaware. He felt a bit like he'd wrongfully taken over the real Abolish's body and invaded his life like some sort of demon.
"Abs?" He realized he'd just been zoning out and quickly focused on the man in front of him again; his head immediately went blank again when a kiss was pressed to his cheek. "Is there anything I can do to help you feel better…?"
He swallowed hard and tried to recollect his thoughts. "I… you know I'm not really… him, right? I- I don't think he knows, but…"
Abolish did not feel like Abolish. There were times when he did, sort of - all of those faint, blurry memories felt like someone else's, belonging to the person who was supposed to be here in this body rather than himself. Or maybe none of them were meant to be here and the real Abolish, some four year old little girl whose parents actually loved her, had disappeared and been replaced by a guy who would never be good enough. Maybe that was why.
"And I still care about you anyways," Nobody responded, shocking him out of his thoughts. The taller man leaned back and laid down on the mattress again, taking Abolish with him, continuing, "Like I told your other… guy in there, you're still you, in some way. Even if you're sort of a different person, I'm not gonna just abandon you." Another kiss was pressed to his face, this time to the tip of his nose, making his face scrunch up a little on instinct. "Although you might wanna tell the main guy at some point."
His heart jumped a bit again. "Right, that… probably. I'm not really sure… how. I don't know if we can, like… talk?"
"Leave him a note or something?" Nobody suggested, and Abolish settled himself on top of him with a thoughtful hum. Wrapping his arms around him, he added, "One of you can do that later, though. I think you need to sleep."
"Yeah, probably." His eyes fluttered closed with a soft sigh. He was definitely going to forget about all of this in the morning, and the main guy in question would probably be back, and… well, it was unlikely that he was imagining all of this and making stuff up in his head because of how tired he was, but he hoped that was the case nonetheless.
"Goodnight, Abs." A small smile tugged at his lips. No matter what, at least Nobody cared about him.
"Night, Nobody." What a silly name.