Work Text:
CENS CENS CENS
Cap: everyone wish luca luck on sexy photoshoot today!!
Cap: daily affirmations: he is hottest one there
Pointy: yassss luca get that bag!!
Pointy: dont be nervous ur so sexy
Bergy: trust bro you’re gonna be the hottest one there
Bergy: we’ve alllll seen what you look like all sweaty
Bergy: the photographers will be too horny to shoot
Luca: um thank you Bergy
Luca: i guess
Barrett: Moving on…
Barrett: Good luck Luca!! You’ve got this
Hayes: Get it kid!! I remember my first photoshoot!
Luca: its not a sexy photoshoot
Luca: is it?
Cap: every shoot is sexy
Cap: trust
Luca: oh god
Shane: Stop scaring him Rozanov
Shane: You’ll have a great time Luca its a great step for more sponsorships
Dillon: wait @bood @cap @hollander @fbi is this why haasys missing practice?
Dillon: thats so unfair im never allowed to skip
Cap: sorry dillon only sexy people get to miss practice
Cap: is rules
Cap: why pointys always here
Pointy: uncalled for bro
Bood: Not the reason why
Bood: It’s good PR for the team so we cleared it!
Bood: You can always request to skip training to one of us and I will speak with Coach and management
Bood: I recommend reaching out to Hollander or myself
Cap: ???
Cap: i am captain
Cap: i will approve for sexy reasons always
Cap: non sexy reasons occasionally
Dykstra: this coming from the man who always makes practice
Cap: practice is already very sexy for me
Cap: unless hollander wants to skip with me…
Shane: Ilya and myself will be at practice.
Shane: Feel free to reach out privately for clarification on the policy
Bood: Again, good luck today Luca! Let us know if you need anything
Cap: remember my motto
Cap: i am luca haas and i am so sexy
Hayes: Why would that be YOUR motto
Pointy: i tell myself that every morning
Shane: Practice is in 30 minutes guys we should all be getting in the car
Cap: so boring
Cap: but so sexy
Bood: So true boys lets get ittttt!!
Bood: See you soon
Cap: me and shane will be late 🥵
Hollander: See you in 15 Bood.
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: wait what do u wear to a sexy photoshoot
Luca: do i wear underwear?
G: wait its a sexy photoshoot?
G: i thought it was just for young gay celebrities
Luca: idkkkkkkkk
Luca: ilya told me it was sexy
Luca: and that i had to be sexy
G: id say wear underwear
G: u can take it off if you need to
Luca: when do u take it off???
G: why are you asking me???
G: i work at target
G: underwear required there ya know
Luca: im scared
Luca: i don’t know who im shooting with what if they’re mean???
G: you’ve got this!
G: remember i am luca haas and i am sexy!!!
Luca: you sound like ilya
G: literally the nicest thing uve ever told me
Luca and Sam
Sam: it was so fun meeting you today!
Sam: those poses were kinda weird tho haha
Luca: right i was very confused
Luca: this was my first ever non hockey photoshoot i thought they were normal
Sam: lol no
Sam: album covers aren’t normally like that at least
Luca: ur musics so goodddd
Luca: i was so excited when i saw you in there i love ur album
Sam: u looked great in there
Sam: you’re a natural!
Sam: i should put you in my next music video
Luca: haha
Sam: i admit i don’t follow much hockey but ill look you up!
Sam: the photographer said you were very good!
Luca: omfg please dont look me up
Sam: why? were you canceled or something?
Luca: so much worse
Luca: trust me
Sam: haha okay…
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: SOS
G: did u take off ur undies at the wrong time?
Luca: WORSE
Luca: hottest guy ever was at the shoot
G: that is NOT an emergency
G: send pics
Luca: image attached
Luca: his accent is so sexy i was shaking the whole time
G: GODDAMNNNN
G: im so jealous
G: lol he looks like ilyas son
Luca: I KNOW 😭 😭 😭 😭
Luca: he texted me he wants to look me up
Luca: how do i make him stop
Luca: i can never face him if he sees porn of his FATHER on my page
G: well ilyas not actually his dad
G: maybe he’ll think its funny!!
G: and pros: you’ve already seen your crush naked!!
Luca: that is NOT a pro
Luca: he’ll think its so weird
Luca: i want him to think im cool
G: baby im afraid thats a lost cause…
Luca: :////////
G: will you see him again?
Luca: theres an event after the magazine comes out
Luca: maybe then?
Luca: his british accent made me unable to speak
G: ooooo british people r hot
G: i love and respect your accent kink
G: write me a oneshot pleaseeee describe your bodily reaction
Luca: why?
G: u can’t post on tumblr anymore i know you miss it
Luca: lol okay give me 5 ill workshop in notes
CENS CENS CENS
Bergy: hahaha that shot of ilya that harris just put on insta
Pointy: lmao right why must he always be shirtless
Pointy: were literally on the ice
Bood: It looks great Cap!
Bood: No slutshaming here!
Hayes: We have one sexy Cap! No harm in that!
Cap: its easy when u are always sexy
Cap: i make harris job so easy
Dryska: @Barrett how r u not jealous ur man sees so many shirtless men
Dryska: just stares at them for hours
Barrett:...
Barrett: Well I see you guys too!
Cap: no need to be insecure barrett
Cap: everyone knows i am hot is not a secret
Luca: His Hazel eyes drew me in so fucking deep I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Every word out of his mouth twirled like a dance from his tongue and I was under his spell unable to form a sentence while his accent just ate away at my sense of right and wrong. The second his shirt came off his abs revealed what heaven looked like and I wanted to lick up every inch of his body until I can bury my hands in those curls and get what I needed.
Barrett:...
Barret: Um, thank you for the commentary Luca
Bergy: literallyyyy my reaction to that pic lmaoooo
Pointy: HAHAHAHA bro misses tumblr BAD
Cap: thank you luca!!
Cap: u are very talented writer!
Cap: please post in comments the people must know!!
Hayes: Get writing kiddo! You’ve got a gift!
Bood: Lets try and keep things PG in the groupchat boys! Nice wordplay Luca!
Hollander: ?
Cap: oh shane like you do not feel the Same
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: 3 screenshots attached
Luca: HELP
G: LMFAOOOOOO
G: LITERALLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Luca: THAT WAS FOR YOU
Luca: omfg they think im writing porn about ilya again
Luca: omfg shanes there now too fuck meee egneoinionigewionow
Luca: pls give me a response rn
G: you need to start checking who you send things to
Luca: YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT
Luca: please just help
G: just tell them it wasn’t about ilya
G: great work really felt like i was there with you
Luca: :///////
CENS CENS CENS
Luca: would like to say for the record that that was NOT about ilya
Luca: and that was not meant for this groupchat
Choinard: right, it was meant for the ilya thirst chat!
Bergy: or maybe his new tumblr?
Hayes: I believe you Luca!
Pointy: ^ me when i lie
Cap: noooo luca
Cap: do not hide your love for me
Cap: reads just like those posts from your blog
Cap: shanes pov
Cap: very fun and hot
Shane: Would like to clarify that is not my POV
Luca: ITS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE
Pointy: bro you literally references his curls
Dillon: and his hazel eyes
Choinard: and how “his accent just ate away at my sense of right and wrong”
Choinard: thats beautiful bro
Hayes: Though maybe not an appropriate thing to text about your captain in the groupchat
Bood: Seconding that!
Shane: Thirding that
Cap: noooo i want it
Cap: don’t punish ur daddy
Barrett: Ew
Bergie: hot
Shane: Please stop
Luca: Mr. Hollander-Rozanov I’m so sorry
Luca: but i really do promise it wasn’t about your husband
Luca: different hot guy i swear
Bood: “Mr Hollander Rozanov” bro doesn’t treat ME with that respect
Shane: Luca, its fine
Shane: Your feelings about Ilya trend on twitter every week
Luca: omfg NNONONONONONO
Luca: its NOT about him
Pointy: different hot guy you say….
Bergy: okay everyone send pics of hot hockey guys and we’ll figure out which one it is!
Luca: PLEASE DONT
Cap: picture of himself
Pointy: picture of himself
Young: picture of himself
Bergy: Ilya winking gif
Hayes: Don’t know if we’re going to accomplish anything this way boys
Luca: HES NOT A HOCKEY PLAYER
Luca: we met at the photoshoot
Dillon: damn i didnt know haasys type expanded past hockey guys
Dillon: good for you
Pointy: yeah okay….
Pointy: “its not ilya” but coincidentally describes him exactly
Luca: its true!!!
Luca: they just look alike
Cap: i dont believe you
Hayes: We’ll find out when the photoshoot comes out ig
ellie @lucahaasluvr
OMFG THIS NEW PHOTOSHOOT🥵🥵🥵🥵
ellie @lucahaasluvr
my very sexy songlen @ilyarozzyaye
girl….
olive @ottawacens81
obsessed with how that guy looks exactlyyyyy like ilya LMAO
olive @ottawacens81
odds they did that on purposeglen @ilyarozzyaye
out magazine thinks theyre funnyyyyy
vivi @shaneholeander
luca haas getting to live his y/n fantasies for once im so happy for him
ria met harry x4 @stylesfever
how much do you think the gc is bullying luca rn
ellie @lucahaasluvr
i think about this every day
LETS GO CENS!!! @lilyamart
luca haas luckiest man of all time… thirsts over ilya rozanov for years… becomes teammates with ilya rozanov… then gets to fuck his lookalike. alll i do is suffer
BUDDIE CANON SEASON 10 @buckbuckley97
they just did a photoshoot together i dont think that counts as fucking
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
are we gonna talk about those goofy ass poses tho
ellie @lucahaasluvr
i didn’t want to bring it up
Rachel Met Sam!! @sammyyezhovatemyson
trying to look at the new Sam photoshoot who tf is ilya rozanov
glen @ilyarozzyaye
oh girl let me tell you a story…
Luca and Sam
Sam: the pics look great!! you look very handsome
Luca: ty you look great too!!
Sam: now just out of curiosity…
Sam: whos ilya rozanov
Sam: thats literally all anyones talking about on twitter
Luca: hes my captain you guys look similar haha
Luca: people are probably just joking around
Sam: are you two together or something?
Sam: people are talking a lot about shipping…
Luca: omfg no
Luca: hes married
Luca: people r just trolling
Sam: really? im seeing a lot of links on here
Sam: theyre calling u y/n
Luca: DONT CLICK ON THEM
Luca: i used to have a crush on him or whatever not a big deal
Luca: twitter never got over it
Sam: really?
Sam: so you had a crush on a guy that looks a lot like me….
Luca: haha yeah ig
Sam: im excited to see u tomorrow
Luca: yeah it'll be fun!
Luca: stay off twitter
Sam: Luca Haas what secret are you keeping from me
Luca: NOTHING
CENS CENS CENS
Hayes: I can’t believe I’m saying this but I believe Luca!
Luca: ??
Luca: idk what your talking about but ://///////
Hayes: No not mean!
Hayes: Re hot guy thing
Hayes: Your oneshot totally describes this guy!!
Bood: Please explain for those of us who aren’t chronically online
Hayes: image attached
Hayes: The dude from the photoshoot w Luca!
Bood: Wow his cheekbones
Bergy: omfg he looks just like cap
Bergy: send me his number 😅 😅
Young: brooooo
Barrett: Bergy seriously, answer my pms
Hayes: Awww Bergy has a bigger crush then Luca!
Hayes: In a supportive way not shaming!
Cap: wow almost as hot as me
Cap: good work luca!!!!
Dillon: Hahaha hes like ilyas son
Cap: son???
Cap: more like twin
Shane: Definitely son. He's cute Luca!
Dryska: HA get him for us Hollander!
Pointy: ofc ilyas husband is agreeing
Shane: Ilya’s husband?
Pointy: i mean best player in the mlh and all around amazing guy who happens to be married to our captain
Shane: Thanks!
Cap: fuckkkk so true shane is so good at hockey
Cap: haasys boy has nothing on my husband
Luca: hes not my boy!
Luca: i dont even know if hes gay
Barrett: You did a photoshoot for Out Magazine together….
Barrett: And no one was comparing him to Hollander, Ilya chill
Luca: yeah hes probably gay
Luca: that doesn’t mean anything
Bergy: bro you wrote fanfic about this guy in the groupchat not 2 days ago
Luca: it was like a week
Bergy: literally what difference does that make
Cap: you have crush!
Cap: does not hurt he looks like me
Cap: makes it so much better ;)
Luca: that has nothing to do with it
Hayes: Hate to say it kid but your poem about him was interchangeable with your Ilya fic
Hayes: That's cute though!
Hayes: Everyone wants to get with their celebrity crush!
Hayes: You can reenact your fanfics!
Pointy: thats sooooo hot
Luca: please stop
Luca: he doesn’t even like me like that
Bood: He’s cute Luca! I support it!
Cap: go get some
Cap: captains orders
Barrett: He’s so adorable Luca! Love the meet cute -Harris
Barrett: I agree with Harris you should text him!!
Luca: i wish you were still homophobic.
Bood: WOAHHH MAN
Hayes: ????
Pointy: alright someone find the hate posts
Bergy: “I want Troy Barrett to crawl into a hole and die there, as he deserves to perish in a cold dark hole like his heart” -Luca Haas, 2018
Young: do u just have those waiting 😂😂
Barrett: I’m so sorry
Barrett: I deeply regret my actions towards all of you and I did not act in a way I stand by whatsoever
Barrett: Furthermore
Barrett: Typing…
Luca: OMFG STOP
Hayes: Troy enough bro we forgive you
Pointy: nooooo i want to hear the formal apology again
Luca: I’ve apologized for those posts like 20 times
Luca: TROY STOP TYPING WE CAN ALL SEE IT
Shane: Okay moving on from homophobia….
Shane: Does he seem nice?
Barrett: Okay, sorry again
Hayes: 🤦
Luca: hes very nice
Luca: not that it matters
Luca: its not like anything would happen
Cap: why not?
Cap: he is hot
Cap: you are hot
Cap: perfect!
Luca: hes so cool
Luca: im too weird
Hayes: You’re so cool Luca!
Bood: Don’t speak about yourself like that Luca! You’re a catch!
Pointy: literally who WOULDN’T want you
Bergy: we would ALL be lucky to get you in the sack
Bergy: think about it all the time!
Hayes:????
Dryska: well i don’t know about all that
Dryska: but you're a great guy! Ilya’s son would only be so lucky
Cap: my twin may be beautiful
Cap: but you are most beautiful
Cap: only after my sexy husband of course
Pointy: Luca do you like get hard when cap says ts to you 😂😂
Luca: NO
Cap: why so offended
Cap: is no secret i am hot
Shane: Alright lets keep it professional
Bergy: its the centaurs groupchat what about us is professional
Bood: Gonna have to agree with Hollander on this one!
Bood: Luca text him and let us know how it goes!!
Choinard: Just finished up a gym session! Damn so many texts
Choinard: What’d I miss?
Luca and Sam
Sam: hey!
Sam: im gonna be in ottawa next week for a benefit concert thing
Sam: with fabian salah if you’ve heard of him
Luca: omg i LOVE fabian!
Luca: im so jealous you get to see him, im so weird around him haha
Sam: you’ve met fabian too?
Luca: he’s dating a former player
Luca: my captain is friends with them, he introduced me once
Luca: i was very awkward
Sam: you? being awkward? i can’t imagine
Sam: you’re so sweet!
Luca: haha yeah im super normal
Luca: anyways…
Sam: okay subject change
Sam: i was wondering if you wanted to come! it would be good publicity for both of us
Sam: and maybe we could hang out afterwards
Luca: yeah totally
Luca: i think some of my teammates are going
Luca: and one of their bfs, Harris our social media guy
Sam: wait how many gay guys are there on your team?
Sam: i thought hockey was like anti gay
Luca: theres a few of us
Luca: Troys bf works for the team
Luca: and my captain is married to another player on our team
Luca: bergys probably gay but we dont talk abut that
Sam: wait i just looked up your captain these guys are hottttt lol
Sam: shane hollander tho 🥵🥵🥵
Luca: lolll right
Sam: theres so many weird links here
Sam: there’s like immediately porn fanart lollll
Sam: i get it tho they’re so cute
Luca: STOP
Sam: ?
Luca: i mean no need to scroll haha
Luca: you can meet them!
Luca: ilya will probably be weird and force you to get drinks after the show
Luca: just dont pay too much attention to anything he says
Sam: what if i want it to just be the 2 of us?
Luca: ilya will insist on meeting you
Luca: he’s very overprotective and intense
Sam: okay well then i’ll have to make a good impression :)
CENS CENS CENS
Pointy: guys i think lucas writing porn again
Pointy: hes blushing sooo much rn lol
Bood: Is this really a matter for the groupchat?
Cap: good i started following blog
Cap: hasn’t been updated in ages
Bergy: haha right this one better be juicy
Bergy: im forced to scroll back to old stuff constantly
Young: no ones forcing you lil bro
Luca: IM NOT!!!
Luca: you two are not getting any updates on the blog!! it’s over!!
Cap: booooo
Cap: no need to lie
Bergy: haha send me the link to ur new one
Luca: THERES NO NEW ONE
Luca: im just texting my friend
Pointy: “my friend” and bro is literally beet red
Pointy: no shame dude
Barret: Oh, are you and your ex back together?
Luca: my ex?
Barrett: The Swiss guy!
Barrett: You don’t need to be ashamed you know the teams supportive right?
Bood: We support you kid!
Choinard: You have a boyfriend? Congrats Luca!!
Dryska: Go Luca!! We love you!!
Cap: get some 😈
Luca: i literally have no clue what youre talking about
Barrett: You told us about him at the barbeque last year?
Luca: oh
Luca: yeah haha my swiss ex boyfriend! hes great!
Luca: um no were not back together
Hayes: I’m starting to think there's no Swiss ex boyfriend
Pointy: waitttt were you writing porn then????
Pointy: bro is addicted
Luca: I WASNT
Luca: he's totally real!!
Bood: We believe you!
Young: lol no we dont
Pointy: when your besties single and loveless
Bergy: HEY!! his very real bf just goes to another school
Bergy: you wouldn’t know him
Luca: ://///
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: 2 screenshots
Luca: i need you to emotionally prepare to start sexting
G: LMAO of course
G: get on your knees 😛
Luca: not right now!
Luca: we have to time it so someone's looking over my shoulder
G: i gotchu
G: we need a codeword
Luca: why?
G: a sexting codeword
G: so i know to text back in a sexy way!!
Luca: would you not just assume if i start sexting you thats whats going on??
G: be so fucking fr
G: you send me sexts all the time!!
G: how do i know its a cover up sexting situation or if you're just thinking about ilya?
G: we cannot have your teammates think that we roleplay hollonov while sexting
Luca: STOPPPPPP
G: scroll up
Luca: lmao okay perhaps
Luca: ill call you daddy
Luca: and thats a the sexting sting
G: okay perf
G: okay wait send me the link tho
Luca: ?
G: you were writing smut right?
G: or were you reading?
G: maybe some sexy fanart?
G: you can’t gatekeep this from me, i dont get to see hollonov making out on the reg
Luca: i actually wasn’t
Luca: i was just texting!!
G: wow they grow up so fast!!
G: wait…
G: if you weren’t reading fic
G: or texting me
G: WHY WERE YOU BLUSHING AT YOUR PHONE????
Luca: wow you think you make me blush
Luca: conceited much?
G: lollll i know i do bbg 😉
Luca: 😛
G: WAIT DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT
G: who were you texting?
Luca: it was just the guy from the magazine shoot…
G: OMG
G: luca haas talking to a real boy?? who knew it was possible??
Luca: like you ever flirt with real people!!
Luca: were BOTH chronically online dont start with me
G: omg so you WERE flirting
G: please have sex with him
G: do it for me!!
Luca: were not going to have sex
Luca: yes hes hot and gay and funny and hot
Luca: but theres no way he likes me like that
Luca: he was just inviting me to a show
G: thats totally flirting
G: you go to the show then to his room
Luca: theres no way he likes me like that
G: youre sooo sexy
G: have some confidence!!
G: he could only be so lucky
Luca: you sound like bergy
Luca: i dont even know if im going to go
G: YOURE GOING
G: please im broke and loveless you need to have hot gay sex in my honor
Luca: fine i will go
Luca: but i will not be having hot gay sex
G: SUREEEEE
Groupchat: Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett, Harris Drover
Luca: you guys are going to the Fabian concert next week right?
Cap: Luca!!!
Harris: We are :D
Luca: any chance i can tag along?
Luca: and possibly get a ride?
Harris: YES of course you can come!
Harris: i think me and troy are walking tho
Hollander: We can pick you up Luca!
Cap: what about sexy car time :/
Hollander: Ilya….
Cap: jokes!
Cap: of course we can get you luca!!
Cap: this is big occasion, you never leave your apartment
Luca: not true
Luca: i go to all the barbeques
Cap: ah yes what a sexy occasion
Cap: just eating ribs while bergy flirts terribly
Cap: coming to sexy concert is big!!
Barrett: Does this have anything to do with the opener?
Hollander: Whose opening?
Barrett: The hot guy from the photoshoot Luca did
Cap: omg my twin
Hollander: *son
Harris: Omg!!
Harris: Luca that great! Are you guys hanging out after?
Luca: maybe
Luca: he invited me he’ll probably come say hi for a second
Cap: luca he wants you
Cap: you will do more then say hi
Cap: captains orders
Hollander: Captains don’t have that power
Hollander: But I agree with the first point
Harris: Actually I’m with Ilya!
Harris: Thats totally flirting
Barrett: Fourthing that
Luca: stop
Luca: its just as friends
Harris: Just see where it goes!
Luca: no
Luca: its embarrassing
Luca: he definitely doesn’t like me like that
Barrett: How do you know?
Luca: idk
Luca: its not like im boyfriend material
Luca: hes really cool! and famous
Cap: you are also really cool and famous!
Cap: and hot!!!
Cap: say it with me “i am hot”
Harris: Don’t talk about yourself that Luca! Of course your boyfriend material
Barrett: Do I need to text the group chat that you’re talking bad about yourself?
Luca: do NOT text the groupchat
Luca: idk :////
Luca: he is sweet but its not like anything could ever happen between us
Cap: i cannot wait to meet him!!
Cap: only the best for my son!!
Sam and Luca
Luca: that was so much fun!!
Luca: thank you for inviting me :)
Sam: of course!! i was really happy to see you
Sam: next time we have to ditch your teammates
Luca: lol yes sorry ilya was asking you so many weird questions
Luca: he calls himself my father a lot i think he was trying to shovel talk you or something idk
Sam: waitttt i wasn’t prepared to meet your parents!!!
Sam: did i get their approval?
Luca: definitely
Luca: so sorry he made you drink vodka!! he doesn’t respect that most people don’t like to sip it straight
Sam: i didn’t know how to tell him i usually mix it with cranberry juice….
Luca: definitely don’t tell him that
Sam: well i’m glad that they liked me!!!
Sam: next time we’ll have to ditch your dad
Luca: you can never say that in front of him
Luca: wait, next time?
Sam: yes next time :)
Sam: i’m sure we’ll be in the same city again soon
Luca: that sounds fun!!!
Luca: it’s hard to have non hockey player friends!!
Sam: right
Popcrave @popcrave
Sam Yezhov and hockey player Luca Haas stun in photo after benefit concert
image attached
ellie @lucahaasluvr
holy shit they look gooddddd
olive @ottawacens81
haha lucas SO red
ellie @lucahaasluvr
the crush is obvious LOL they need to get together!!olive @ottawacens81
fr luca deserves to live out his hollonov fantasy
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
omg are they together??? thats so hot
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
luca haas’ gay porn has dragged me into hockey kicking and screaming i want this for him!!
glen @ilyarozzyaye
waitttt luca going to his concert???? i know we were loling but i think this might be fr
ria met harry x4 @stylesfever
100%... i ship it
LETS GO CENS!!! @lilyamart
LOOK AT HOLLONOV IN THE BACKGROUND theyre sooo fine
vivi @shaneholeander
lol right everyone talking about luca fanfic fantasies meanwhile im sitting here drolling over shane in that tight shirtolive @ottawacens81
ilya looking like a proud father 💀
BUDDIE CANON SEASON 10 @buckbuckley97
someone write the fic
ellie @lucahaasluvr
can that someone be luca haas??? only he could write it nasty enough for me 🥵
CENS CENS CENS
Pointy: EXCUSE ME
Pointy: WHY WERE WE NOT INVITED??????
Bergy: im actually so offended rn what do you mean all the gays got to go see luca flirt and i didntttttt
Hollander: Please don’t refer to us as the gays
Bood: Seconded
Bood: Also what are we talking about?
Bergy: i deeply apologize, you know i support people of all sexualities, particularly those on our team who made the brave choice to come out
Bergy: link to popcrave
Barrett: We are very aware you’re not homophobic Bergy
Dryska: Hell yeah go Luca!!
Dryska: Good for you making a move! I love this for you
Cap: do not get too excited
Cap: they did not fuck
Cap: just terrible flirting
Choinard: BOOOOO
Choinard: Why didn’t you go for it Luca? He obviously likes you
Luca: no he doesn’t
Luca: and i was not flirting. im just awkward!!
Young: come on man!! go for it!!
Young: unless you’re still talking to your fake boyfriend
Pointy: hes not fake!! you just wouldnt know him he goes to another school!!
Luca: I DIDN’T MAKE HIM UP!!!
Bergy: lol yeah sure
Dillon: theres NOTHING wrong with being single and loveless and virginal Luca
Luca: STOP
Pointy: also luca hurry up im at your door
Pointy: we can discuss your huge crush on sam in the car
Pointy: i need these groceries
Hayes: Awww the rookies going grocery shopping together
Barrett: Are your shopping plans really a matter for the group chat?
Luca: we will not be discussing Sam in the car
Luca: because there is nothing going on between us
Luca: and my swiss ex is very real!!!
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: okay its time
Luca: can’t stop thinking about you in my jersey
Luca: i need you so bad
G: oh yeah??
G: you underneath me
G: with rozanov across your back
G: while i pound into you
G: ill make you cum so hard hollander
Luca: ??????
Luca: NO
Luca: YOURE SUPPOSED TO SEXT ME!!!!
G: ?
G: i thought we were roleplaying again!!
Luca: THIS WAS THE SEXTING STING
Luca: i need to get my teammates off my back about the sam thing
G: YOU DIDNT DO THE CODEWORD!!
Luca: oh
Luca: oops
Luca: well it doesn’t even matter Pointy was too busy studying the different types of bread
Luca: we’ll try again when someones actually paying attention
G: remember, i am your daddy
Luca: 🙄
centaurs news @censdaily
Ottawa Centaurs star Luca Haas spotted at the grocery store with teammate LaPointe!
image attached
ellie @lucahaasluvr
im sorry WHAT am i seeing on his screen?????
ellie @lucahaasluvr
BREAKING NEWS: LUCA HAAS CAUGHT ROLEPLAYING HOLLONOV SEXTING AT THE GROCERY STORE
Image attached
Transcript:
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈Luca: can’t stop thinking about you in my jersey
Luca: i need you so badG: oh yeah??
G: you underneath me
G: with rozanov across your back
G: while i pound into you
G: ill make you cum so hard hollanderglen @ilyarozzyaye
aint no way this is happening again….
olive @ottawacens81
literally what is wrong with him??????
vivi @shaneholeander
bro wont post on his tumblr but hes sexting as SHANE HOLLANDER at 2pm in public…
ellie @lucahaasluvr
like???? does he have a voyeurism kink or something???
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
luca haas voyeur?? luca haas roleplayer?? luca haas BOTTOM????
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
this is why i watch hockeyLETS GO CENS!!! @lilyamart
okay lets not pretend we didn’t already know the third one…
BUDDIE CANON SEASON 10 @buckbuckley97
i normally advocate for players privacy but this is just diabolical
ria met harry x4 @stylesfever
literally like respect lucas privacy but bro is literally in the grocery store sexting with pointy right next to him 🤦 that deserves some public shamingBUDDIE CANON SEASON 10 @buckbuckley97
lowkey like a little disrespectful, the tumblr blog was all in fun but these are literally his teammates…
ellie @lucahaasluvr
NOT PEOPLE TRYING TO SHAME LUCA FOR SEXTING IN PUBLIC i support my bbgs rights and wrongs
vivi @shaneholeander
sorry why is POINTY in the background???? why must he be here for this??????
olive @ottawacens81
real talk what do you think ilyas reaction to this is gonna be
CENS CENS CENS
Hayes: Luca… buddy…
Bood: What now?
Hayes: link
Bood: Oh wow
Young: LMFAOOOOOOOO
Young: luca what is your issue HAHAHAHA
Pointy: seriously??? you couldn’t wait until you got home??
Pointy: you had so sext roleplay NEXT TO ME
Choinard: Absolutely foul bro
Choinard: Hilarious though
Choinard: @Cap please give us your thoughts
Cap: what now???
Cap: i am in bed w my husband 😉
Cap: i will look at link
Luca: omfg no no no no no
Cap: 😂😂😂😂
Cap: inaccurate i am much better sexter then that
Cap: sexting in public also bad idea
Cap: you get caught too many times
Bergy: haha who were you texting
Bergy: can i have their number? lol
Hayes: Let’s just move on.
Hayes: Luca why?
Cap: does this mean tumblr is reactivated
Cap: please 🙏🙏🙏
Luca: i am so fucking sorry
Luca: its not what it looks like
Luca: i swear
Luca: mr. hollander im so sorry its a misunderstanding
Luca: i respect you so much
Barrett: Literally what could the misunderstanding be?
Luca: omfg fuck OFF troy you have no leg to stand on
Bergy: “I hope Tory Barrett kills himself on ice it would be the only positive contribution he’s ever made to hockey” -Luca Haas, 2017
Barrett: I’m so sorry
Barrett: typing
Young: okay now is not the time for your guilt complex troy
Young: luca seriously bro lock in
Young: this CANNOT keep happening to you
Bood: Seconded
Bood: I support your creative writing kid! But perhaps we keep it to the privacy of our own homes!
Bood: And possibly change the characters from our captain and star player
Cap: noooo keep it going
Hollander: I agree with Bood’s suggestions
Luca: shane im sososososo sorry
Luca: i swear i was not roleplaying as you
Luca: i promise
Dryska: literally no one believes you
Cap: do not listen to what my husband says
Cap: he is laughing so hard right now
Shane: I’m just glad this has never happened to me
Shane: Using real names in sexts is always a bad idea Luca
Shane: If you’re going to do this you have to use codes
Shane: Having a fake name as the contact and using gender neutral terminology is essential for your privacy
Hayes: ???
Pointy: never thought id receive sexting advice from shane hollander but here we are!!
Luca: i promise its not what it looks like
Young: yeah okay…
Cap: please send me number of this friend
Cap: i have to meet whoever sexts in my honor
Cap: i have tips to give
Luca: absolutely not
Hayes: contact attached
Hayes: Please get in contact with a PR agent
Hayes: You really need one
messaged emphasized by 10 people
Sam and Luca
Sam: haha whats this?
Sam: Link- Luca Haas caught ROLEPLAYING as his TEAMMATES while SEXTING in public
Luca: omfg no
Luca: its not what it looks like
Luca: i was just joking with my friend
Luca: dont look deeper into this
Sam: twitters having a lot of fun
Sam: these texts are kind of hot lol
Luca: im so sorry this is unlike me
Sam: you like people wearing your jersey?
Luca: i guess haha
Sam: maybe ill have to order a haas jersey…
Sam: wait you’re not dating this friend, right?
Luca: no!! definitely not
Luca: it was supposed to be a sexting string operation to get my teammates off my back
Luca: obviously it did not work out
Sam: i need more information on this
Sam: how does one do a sexting sting operation?
Luca: it’s a long story
Luca: like a YEAR ago i made up a fake boyfriend so harris and troy would leave me alone
Luca: and i thought everyone forgot!! but they didn’t
Luca: my teammates were making fun of me and kept calling him my boyfriend who goes to another school
Luca: and then they were calling me single and loveless
Luca: so i thought i’d let pointy catch me sexting to prove i wasn’t making my swiss boyfriend up!!
Sam: … but the boyfriend WAS made up
Luca: well yes
Luca: but i needed to prove a point!!
Sam: how did this turn into the roleplaying?
Luca: that’s 100% my friends fault
Luca: we had a sexting sting code word which i may have forgot to include
Luca: so they just started trolling me
Sam: because of your crush on ilya?
Luca: my FORMER crush
Luca: which i am very over
Sam: well im glad to hear that :)
Sam: we’ll work on your sexting skills more
Sam: whens your next game in boston?
Luca: its in 2 weeks
Sam: screenshot, Haas jersey ordered
Sam: ill be there 😉
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: twitter link attached
Luca: 5 screenshots attached
Luca: i’m going to kill you
G: HOW IS THIS MY FAULT???
Luca: YOURE THE ONE WHO NAME DROPPED ILYA
G: YOU DIDNT SAY THE CODEWORD
G: god forbid i took part in a little role play
Luca: 😡😡😡
G: would it really have been better to be caught regular sexting in public?
G: like this might be better no one’s shocked
G: it’s just ur personality this is a regular day in the luca haas fandom ya know
Luca: THATS NOT A POSITIVE
Luca: i don’t want to be known as roleplay sext porn artist guy
Luca: this cannot be my digital footprint
G: babes i fear it’s too late for that
G: your teammates took it well at least!!!
Luca: ilya wants to meet you
Luca: apparently he has “tips” for you to get more into character
G: omfg please connect me
G: let me have this i beg
Luca: NO
Luca: we can’t let this get any further
Luca: i NEVER want sexting advice from shane hollander even again
Luca: AND!!! sam asked if i had a bf!! this is bad!!!
Luca: screenshot attached, conversation with Sam
G: no wait this is a good thing!!
G: he said the texts were hot!!
G: and said you two could learn how to sext together!!
G: and that he’s coming to your game!!
G: in YOUR jersey
Luca: this doesn’t mean anything
G: you revealed you have a kink for people in your jersey
G: and he immediately got one
G: you can’t pretend this isn’t flirting anymore
Luca: I DONT HAVE THAT KINK THOUGH
G: okay seriously this isn’t a big deal
G: i’d argue it’s a good thing
G: DEFINITELY not as bad as the tumblr reveal was
Luca: sam doesn’t know about my tumblr
Luca: i can’t let him find out he won’t understand
Luca: we can try sexting sting operation pt 2 to make me look normal?
G: no way!!
G: you can’t get caught sexting now if you want to fuck this guy!!
G: the ONLY person you can get caught sexting is him
Luca: i never said i wanted to sleep with him
G: be so fucking fr
G: i saw the oneshot
G: as did your teammates
G: this is a secret to no one
Luca: ://////
Luca: fine, no more sexting stings
Luca: but we are DONE roleplaying as my teammates
G: please don’t do this to me
Luca: it has to be done
Luca: my image cannot take another hit
G: 😢
CENS CENS CENS
Luca: i am going to say something and i need everyone to be very chill.
Bergy: bro ofc
Young: when are we ever NOT chill frfr
Luca: sam is coming to the game tomorrow to watch me play, and we are going to hang out after
Young: OMFG YESSSSS
Pointy: luca you can’t just drop that youre about to lose your virginity in the chat like this
Luca: 😡😡😡
Pointy: i’m being serious
Pointy: we need to celebrate!!!!
Bergy: oh HELL yeah im literally hard for you
2 people questioned this message
Bergy: i mean youre going to be hard
Bergy: for him
Bergy: im not involved
Hayes: Good for you luca!
Dillon: Thank god you're finally getting laid!
Dillon: You need it bro
Luca: its probably not like that
Cap: what did i hear about luca getting laid?
Hayes: He’s seeing your lookalike after the game tomorrow!
Cap: yes!!
Cap: captains orders you must have sex with him
Cap: this is excellent news!!
Hollander: Definitely not in the scope of captaincy but good for you Luca!
Cap: maybe you did things differently in montreal
Cap: this is the centaurs way
Hollander: The centaurs way is encouraging your players have gay sex?
Pointy: basically
Dillon: Yup
Choinard: Pretty much
Hayes: TBH yeah
Hayes: It’s worked pretty well for us so far
Barrett: I actually had that exact conversation with Roz
Barrett: Worked for me!
Cap: bergy youre up next 😉
Bergy: :////////
Bergy: i don’t know why you all keep saying this!
Barrett: 30 seconds ago you messaged that you were hard for luca
Bergy: “I lose braincells everytime that pig Tr*y B*rrett speaks” - Luca Haas, 2016
Choinard: Those are less effective when you send it to defend yourself
Choinard: Cause lowkey Troys right about this one….
Cap: were getting distracted
Cap: my son is getting laid!!
Cap: do we need team sex ed meeting?
Luca: thats not necessary
Luca: i am kindly asking everyone to be normal to him
Luca: and keep my past on the hush hush
Dryska: “My past” and he’s referring to being a erotic artist
Pointy: respectfully there's no way he doesn’t know already
Pointy: you made headlines for rpfing like a week ago
Luca: he doesn’t know!!
Luca: i have worked very hard to keep it that way
Luca: he might not even see you but i am begging you to make me seem normal
Bergy: we got you bro
Bergy: we will not fumble this 💪💪💪
Luca: thank you
Luca: i appreciate it
Sam and Luca
Sam: picture of him in a Haas jersey
Sam: go sports!!!
Luca: wow that looks better on you then me!!
Sam: definitely not
Sam: i can’t wait to see you after the game
Sam: i know a great restaurant
Luca: im excited too! i never go out in boston
Luca: i don’t have many friends here
Sam: well maybe next time you can meet my friends
Sam: but tonight we are ditching everyone
Sam: i want you to myself 😉
Luca: next time?
Sam: i mean assuming the date goes well
Sam: which i’m sure it will :)
Luca: the date?
Sam: yes the date
Sam: my previous attempts weren’t clear enough
Sam: i want this to be a date
Sam: without your captain present
Luca: i want this to be a date too
Luca: i will ward off ilya
Sam: ❤️
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: soooooo
Luca: image attached
G: IS THAT SAM???
G: IN YOUR BED????
Luca: its a hotel bed
Luca: but yes
G: omg tell me EVERYTHING!!!
Luca: okay wait
Luca: im gonna sneak to the lobby i don’t want him reading this over my shoulder
G: give me sexy first person pov
G: i want to feel like i was there
Luca: lol okay ill write it while im at the cafe!!
Luca: but i will NOT get graphic this time we can’t have a repeat of last time…
G: probably for the best
CENS CENS CENS
Hayes: Anyone want a pastry? This bakery looks fire
Luca: It started slow. He looked me up and down and his delicious British accent made me lose my sense. I lost myself in his pure domination and got on my knees, sucking for what felt like forever on his girthy member. I lost my mind in his pure musk, until he got me on my stomach and I forgot what was real and what was fake.I was only able to say Sam Sam Sam until I reached completion.
Barrett: … Okay then
Pointy: do you text with your eyes closed????
Hayes: Seriously. How does this keep happening to you?
Luca: im so sorry
Dillon: waittttt
Dillon: DOES THIS MEAN YOU FUCKED THE HOT MUSICAN???
Luca: 🤷♂️
Bood: I’ll take a croissant Wyatt!
Bood: Congrats Luca! Lets have a convo about groupchat appropriateness later!
Bergy: LFGGGGG
Bergy: im so happy for you rn
Cap: go haasy!!
Cap: i am overjoyed for you
Cap: so proud
Choinard: I dont know about proud…
Choinard: But good for you Luca!
Choinard: You deserve to get laid fr
Luca: this was not meant for you
Luca: but thank you i guess
Hollonov Stans 😏👉👈
Luca: screenshot attached
Luca: i dont know whats wrong with me
G: BRO 😭😭😭😭
G: seriously, you need to start checking groupchat names
G: no more clicking the first chat you have
G: this needs to stop
Luca: I KNOW!!
G: also THATS what you call not being detailed?
Luca: i didn’t even mention his veins!!
G: point.
Luca: seriously it was sooo hot and he was so sweet
Luca: i could go on forever
G: wait
G: um
G: if i were you i wouldn’t check twitter
Luca: oh god what now
hockey news @hockeydaily
Luca Haas spotted by fan texting at hotel coffee shop! image attached
ellie @lucahaasluvr
AGAIN??????
ellie @lucahaasluvr
BREAKING NEWS: Luca Haas spotted texting RECAP about his HOT SEX from last night to the CENTAURS GROUPCHAT
image attached
Transcript:
Luca: It started slow. He looked me up and down and his delicious British accent made me lose my sense. I lost myself in his pure domination and got on my knees, sucking for what felt like forever on his girthy member. I lost my mind in his pure musk, until he got me on my stomach and I forgot what was real and what was fake.I was only able to say Sam Sam Sam until I reached completion.glen @ilyarozzyaye
youve GOT to be kidding me
vivi @shaneholeander
oh my god AGAIN???? luca stop sexting in public challenge
LETS GO CENS!!! @lilyamart
love that an average day in the luca haas fandom is getting wayyyyy to much info about his sexual prefences leaked
LETS GO CENS!!! @lilyamart
seriously luca, get a privacy screen!! stop writing smut!! i will take ANYTHING at this point!! i did not need to know this
richie GO CENS @tozierdaily
waitttt he said sam??? is he talking about sam yezhov???? the singer guy who looks like ilya???
BUDDIE CANON SEASON 10 @buckbuckley97
oh 100%. he was at the game last nightrichie GO CENS @tozierdaily
HELL YES GET IT LUCAAAAA
olive @ottawacens81
congrats to luca on fucking his celebrity crushes lookalike!! huge news for the chronically online
glen @ilyarozzyaye
the wattpad y/n girlies won with this one
ria met harry x4 @stylesfever
seriously??? does he EVER stop writing and drawing smut?? TOO MUCH INFORMATION LUCA!!
ellie @lucahaasluvr
NO SUCH THING!!
glen @ilyarozzyaye
why does the centaurs group chat have to be involved in this??? what is the reason???
olive @ottawacens81
i dont know how but i blame ilya
Sam
Sam:twitter link
Sam: already?
Sam; you have a problem 💀
Sam: i thought we’d have at least a few days before this happened!!!
Luca: oh my goodness sam
Luca: this is actually humiliating
Luca: this was so inappropriate of me im sorry i dragged you into it
Luca: i get this will probably be our last date
Sam: no way!!
Sam: last night was fun
Sam: and your dad already approves i can’t let that go 😏
Luca: still
Luca: this is so embarrassing im so sorry that you had to see that
Luca: i really did have fun last night
Luca: but you don’t need to act like this was okay :/
Sam: it’s flattering!! your writing might be giving me too much confidence
Sam: besides, i kinda knew this would happen to you
Luca: ???
Sam: your stuff gets leaked like every other day
Sam: you have the worst digital footprint of anyone i’ve ever met
Luca: YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT???
Sam: your tumblr is the first thing that comes up when i search your name
Sam: i looked you up before we even had the shoot
Sam: i knew the whole time :D
Luca: this is humiliating
Sam: you also got caught roleplaying last week
Sam: it’s not hard to put two and two together
Luca: oh
Luca: wait
Luca: you knew and you still kept talking to me??
Sam: duh
Sam: how often do you get to date people so multitalented
Sam: pro sports player
Sam: and a very talented artist 😉
Luca: i can’t believe you saw those!!
Luca: i swear i’ll get better about cybersecurity
Sam: let’s start by keeping sexting to the privacy of our own homes
Sam: and we’ll move from there
Luca: i know it seems obvious
Luca: i have a problem :(((((
Sam: i actually have a problem too
Luca: what happened?
Sam: i went on a date with a really hot sweet guy last night
Sam: and he left before i woke up
Sam: i wish he was here right now
Luca: still?
Luca: after that twitter post?
Sam: i’m having some trouble remembering what the post said
Sam: maybe we should try to recreate it in person
Luca: really?
Sam: really
Luca: on my way!!!!
centaurs news @censdaily
Luca Haas spotted sneaking into hotel room image attached
ellie @lucahaasluvr
BREAKING: Luca goes to hook up with Samm Yezhov in hotel
glen @ilyarozzyaye
seriously does bro ever stop getting stuff leaked 😂😂😂😂