Work Text:
Stannis looked at the window wearily as his brother slowly pulled into the parking space of the local grocery store. One would think going grocery shopping would be a mundane and boring affair. Stannis would have preferred that to be the case.
Unfortunately, he had to take into account Robert who was twenty years old and caring solely about his brand new Ford Pinto- Stannis was still angry Robert had spent their very little cash on the damn thing, not matter how good of a “steal” Robert thought it was -and Renly who had just turned six and was strapped in the backseat of said Ford Pinto.
If Stannis was alone, he could get everything he needed in less than twenty minutes without spending more than twenty dollars and have enough food to feed him and his brothers for a week (unless Robert’s friends came over but that was a different story). However, with the combined idiocy of Robert and the childhood wants and desires of Renly, that was almost never the case.
“We only need what’s on the list,” Stannis hissed, holding the paper up warningly. He carefully budgeted and planned out each week and he was not going to let Robert screw that up again.
“Sure, sure,” Robert waved his brother off, but Stannis didn’t miss the wink Robert threw to Renly in the rearview mirror. Nor did he miss the answering giggle from the six-year-old.
“I’m serious-”
“Oh, we know,” Robert laughed that deep-in-his-gut laugh that irritated Stannis to no end. “Pretty sure your face is stuck like that.” This garnered a high pitched squeal from Renly.
Stannis only sighed tiredly. “We have a budget, just stick to it.” Money was even tighter now that Robert spent it on his brand new car. Where he got the money, Stannis didn’t know or want to know.
“Yeah, okay,” Robert agreed, despite his tone saying otherwise.
Stannis let the subject drop, climbing out of his car and pulling the seat forward so Renly could hop out. Stannis knew arguing with Robert was pointless and returning the car was out of the question so it was best to drop any retort and hope he could save as much as he could.
As they walked toward the store, Stannis made a harsh grab from Renly’s hand and yanked him to his side. “You stay with me this time.”
“I want to go with Robert!” Renly whined, tugging sadly at Stannis’ hand and reaching out for Robert’s.
“Too bad.”
Stannis knew in Renly’s eyes that Robert was the fun brother and he was the mean one but if Stannis left Renly under Robert’s care…well, there wouldn’t be much care and then Stannis would have to search the entire store for Renly while Robert filled the shopping cart with unnecessary junk (and Stannis was 90% sure this was a ploy the other two brothers had come up with since this was hardly a one-time occurrence).
As they walked into the store, Stannis turned around for one minute to grab a cart. The next thing he knew, Robert had disappeared and Renly was yanking Stannis’ arm to go with.
“Don’t make me put you in the cart,” Stannis threatened and Renly ceased his tugging, falling in line beside Stannis as he pushed the cart with one hand. It was when Renly had turned six that he decided he was too old to sit in the cart because those were for babies.
They made quick work of the grocery store, grabbing this and that and only what they needed. Stannis knew exactly what he needed and where it was, knowing the longer the spent, the more time Robert had to inflate their final bill. Renly had accompanied Stannis many times to the grocery store and knew the process…this didn’t stop Renly from negotiating every item Stannis put in the cart.
“Can we please get Lucky Charms?” Renly asked, using his big blue eyes to plead.
“No.”
“But Stannis-”
“No.”
“Robert said-”
“Is Robert here?” Stannis turned to meet his younger brother’s eyes. Sure enough, Robert was still who-knows-where doing who-knows-what. As far as Stannis was concerned, Robert no longer had a say in the matter.
Renly pouted, trying to think of a new tactic. “What if I did the dishes for a week?”
“You’re already supposed to help with the dishes,” Stannis countered sternly.
Renly shuffled his feet before brightening. “What if I told you about Robert dipping into the savings jar?”
Now that was interesting.
Stannis stopped the cart and kneeled down to his younger brother’s level. “Explain.”
“Every morning when you are getting ready in your room, Robert takes a few dollars from the jar,” Renly reported. “It is never enough for you to notice, but I see him do it!”
“I see.” Stannis narrowed his eyes in concentration before deciding. “Let me see if I have a coupon-”
Renly didn’t even listen to the rest as he slipped his hand out of Stannis’ and was off down the aisle to replace the generic Bran Flakes they typically bought for the Lucky Charms box coincidentally at his level.
Unfortunately, there was no coupon about the Lucky Charms, but if Stannis bought three paper towel rolls, used his buy 2 another 1 free coupon and then traded with Mr. Cressen down the hall, he could make up for the extra cost of the brand named cereal.
Renly was overjoyed and obedient the rest of the shopping trip. Renly knew that he wasn’t going to be getting much else out of his brother and was lucky to have what he got. He kept his hand on Stannis’ jacket and heeled alongside the cart. It was almost worth the extra $1.20 for the cereal. Hell, Stannis even let Renly pick out the lock that he was going to put on the lid of the savings jar to stop Robert’s sticky fingers.
It was when they pulled up to the checkout line that Stannis’ good fortune crumbled, just as he knew it would. He didn’t even see Robert approached but as soon as he appeared, he was dropping in items that were not on Stannis’ list.
“We don’t need three bags of chips,” Stannis sneered up at his older brother.
Robert rolled his eyes. “Have some fun; we can’t keep eating those disgusting soups and stews.”
“They are nutritious and cheap,” Stannis argued with clenched teeth. Robert always did this.
“Fine, fine.” Robert grinned and held up one finger. “One bag then. You can pick.”
“Which one is cheapest?” Stannis shot right back, taking what leeway Robert was willing to give, knowing Robert could be a whole lot stubborn.
“I’m not telling.” Robert laughed at Stannis’ deepening frown. “I want you to pick what you want.”
Stannis rolled his eyes, knowing Robert’s point. Because picking a flavor of chips was going to suddenly make Stannis social and jovial. It was a lame attempt that did nothing but ruffle Stannis’ feathers.
Instead of answering, Stannis picked Renly up from under his arms and gestured to the cart. “Pick one and let’s go.”
If Renly was happy about getting the cereal of his choice and picking the lock, he was ecstatic about getting the chip choice too. He was practically shaking with excitement, feet kicking out in joy.
“Salt and vinegar! Salt and vinegar!” Renly shouted loud enough for fellow patrons of the store turned to look at the three brothers.
Robert pulled a face at his brother’s choice. It was known Renly preferred sweeter flavors like barbeque flavor. “Why?”
Renly grinned as Stannis set him down and looked up at Stannis cheerfully. “Because they are like Stannis!”
Stannis was unmoved by the comment but Robert fucking lost it as he doubled over in laughter, hanging onto the cart for support. “Fucking shit! Oh my god, Renly that was…that was amazing. God, I fucking love you.”
“Language,” Stannis muttered halfheartedly. He knew they should censor themselves around a six-year-old but by this point, Renly had heard it all. “Take the beer too, we can’t afford it,” Stannis added between Robert’s bursts of hysterical laughter.
Either Robert was too choked up by Renly’s comment or he knew he’d be returning the beer from the beginning but Robert made no effort to fight Stannis and took the beer and two chip bags from the cart, disappearing again, laughing the whole way.
Stannis wordlessly, gestured for Renly to grab his hand and went to the checkout line where Stannis unloaded all his coupons and placed them accordingly on the counter. The cashier rolled her eyes, having been through this song and dance every time the Baratheon troop came in.
Robert returned in time to see the total and watch Stannis hand over a single twenty dollar bill.
“We totally had enough for the beer,” Robert grumbled, although he was still grinning at Renly.
“Buy it yourself. You have a job.”
Robert didn’t respond to that. Instead, he snatched the change the cashier gave back and pocketed it for himself. Stannis shrugged. Forty-six cents was not going to make or break them. Not like the Ford Pinto had.
With the bags each, the Baratheon brothers walked out of the grocery store and towards the bright yellow Pinto: Robert still chuckling at the salt and vinegar comment, Stannis mentally going over what they were going to make for dinner, and Renly skipping ahead as he clutched his Lucky Charms to his chest.