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Spring. The season that comes after winter and before summer, in which vegetation begins to appear. In the northern hemisphere, the season lasts from March to May, and in the southern hemisphere, from September to November. The season is usually brought in with gracious arms by the people. Everyone seems excited for it, glad for the new warmth and life in the scenery.
Everyone except Yato, that is. Oh sure, he thought spring was a beautiful season. However, the memories that continuously plagued his mind were more intense in this season than any other.
It was because of all the cherry blossom trees, he thought. The blossoms reminded him too much of her. Sakura, his first regalia besides Hiiro. His time with her was brought to an end way too quickly for his liking, but he knew deep in his heart that she was the only one who’d have such a strong impact on him. After all, no one else had left a centuries-long mark on him (at least, not yet).
He had great memories with her, but the thought of her also brought him deep pain. Their last moments were not pretty. Not to mention that even after all this time, he still missed her, still regretted telling her the God’s Greatest Secret, still wished that he could have saved her.
Every spring, he’d be reminded of her, no matter where he turned. She’d be there, like a ghost haunting him. So every spring, he’d go to a cherry blossom tree he found years back. This tree had no meaning to them back when Sakura was still alive, but it had special meaning now since he’d been going there for so long. It felt like his own personal tradition.
That spring would be no different. So one morning in the early morning hours before dawn, he left for the cherry tree. It was a ways away, but he didn’t mind the walk. It gave him time to think about what he was going to say to her.
Even though he knew how worried Yukine and Hiyori got when he left without a trace, he had to go visit her at that cherry tree. He figured that he maybe should have left a note, but then he remembered that Yukine would ask too many questions, and the both of them would try to follow him. He couldn’t have that. The days he went to visit her were his special moments alone with her. Those moments were all he had left of her. He cherished them almost as much as the memories he had with her.
On his way to that tree, he stopped to pick some flowers. They weren’t the prettiest or the best, but those flowers had special meaning to him. When he was little and she was still alive, he’d pick flowers for her. He knew that she liked flowers and tiny frogs, as well as sunsets.
He smiled, a bittersweet memory flooding into his mind.
“I picked some flowers for you!” Yato said, handing Sakura the numerous wildflowers and weeds he had picked from the field.
She smiled at him, taking the flowers and ruffling his hair. “Thank you, Yato-sama,” she said in a pleasant voice, one that held joy and approval and love. Her voice was unlike anything he’d ever heard before. The amount of care and love in her tone when she spoke to him filled him with happiness unlike he’d ever known before.
“You like frogs too, don’t you?” He asked her, and she laughed and nodded. He smiled and puffed out his chest, seeing the lake just a few meters from where they were sitting. He rushed into it, searching for a frog or two to bring back to her.
When he found what he was looking for, he yelled in triumph before racing back up to Sakura and handing her the frogs. Her look of shock when he stood dripping wet in front of her with a frog sitting gently in his palm made him laugh. She laughed too.
“I know you like sunsets too, but I can’t give you those,” He said once they settled down and he had dried off some. He had been leaning into her side, and she had an arm around him to hold him close.
She’d chuckle whenever he said that, and while he didn’t understand why, her laugh was very pretty to him, so he liked whenever he could make her laugh. She picked him up and set him in her lap while loosely wrapping her arms around him.
“That’s alright, Yato-sama. You have been very generous to me today, and I cannot thank you enough.”
“Does that mean you’re happy?” He asked her, trying to twist around to look at her face.
“Yes, I am very happy, Yato-sama. Thank you.”
“That’s good then. If you’re happy, I am too!”
By the time the memory passed in his mind, he had made it to the tree. He hadn't even realised it, but he could ignore that for the time being. He was here now, and that was all that mattered. He had waited all year to talk to her again, and now that he was here he wanted to waste no time in doing so.
He laid his flowers at the trunk of the tree and then sat with his back pressed against the tree. He breathed in deep for a moment, gathering his thoughts before speaking.
“Hey, Sakura. Long time no see, huh?” He said to the open air, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. Still, he paused, as if he was expecting a response. When none came, he continued.
“Yukine has been getting stronger as a regalia. I’m really proud of him. Hiyori has been helping us out too, and I’m really grateful for her. I don’t know where we’d be without her. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for her. I really owe her…
“Anyways, you’d like them a lot, Yukine and Hiyori. They’re good kids. They remind me a lot of you, so selfless and wanting to keep people on the right track.
“Speaking of that, I decided I was going to become a god of fortune. I’ve stopped um, well, killing people, for good now, and I’m doing my best to help people instead of hurting them. Some people say I can’t do it, but I think I can. I know it’s what you’d want for me. So, I’m going to try my best at it.
“Hiyori made me a shrine, and so now I have my own plot in Takamagahara. It’s small, but now me and Yukine can visit whenever we want to!
“Also, I’ve patched things up with Bishamon. Remember me telling you how we’ve been at each other’s throats for centuries? Well, we’re not anymore. We aren’t exactly on good terms, but we’re not rivals anymore, so I think that’s an improvement.”
He went on to tell Sakura of the many adventures he had gone on with Yukine, Hiyori and everyone else. Everything from how he met Hiyori and Yukine to the recent battle with Heaven, and how Heaven was found in the wrong. He talked and talked for hours, hardly pausing at all.
When he did pause, he stopped for a few minutes. It was a deep silence - he could even hear his own heartbeat - and the world seemed to stop around him. It was around midday now, but he could hardly hear any insects or animals buzzing about.
“I miss you, Sakura,” he whispered to the open air. “I miss you a hell of a lot. I wish you could be here next to me right now, experiencing all these things with me. I’m still really sorry about what happened. If I could go back to that day and change it, I would. I’m so sorry, Sakura.”
Tears slowly fell from his eyes, making two thin trails down his cheeks. Before he knew it, he was full on crying. No masks. No strong facade. Raw, genuine emotion was all that could be found within him. He completely broke down, allowing himself to feel the effects of everything that had happened; not only about her death, but about recent events as well. It was rare for him to get the opportunity to express himself like this, so he took the chance and ran with it. He knew that she would not mind.
Suddenly, he felt the wind blow. Only, it wasn’t as strong as wind, no, more like a gentle breeze. It rustled the tree above him, dropping some petals that fluttered through the air and came to rest in his palm. He stared at the petals in his palm for a moment, while the breeze came back and ruffled his hair. He smiled.
It was unlikely, and probably wishful thinking on his part, but he liked to believe that it was her response to his ramblings. The breeze reminded him of her hands, gently carding through his hair when he was a child and was afraid to go back home. The petals and ruffling of his hair were like her soft-spoken words.
“I miss you, too,” the gesture said. “I’m so proud of you, Yato-sama.” He can almost hear her gentle voice whispering to him as she once did many years before.
He spent the next few hours sketching beneath that tree. Most of his sketches were of her or clear memories he had of he and her doing something together. He sketched them splashing in the water, he sketched her sitting in the grass while the breeze blew her hair like a fluttering flag in the wind, he sketched them playing in a field, he even sketched them napping beneath a tree similar to the one he was currently sitting under. He scratched his pencil across the paper to make his memories come to life until his wrist ached and dusk was setting in. Since he could not see in the dark to sketch, he started to head back home.
“Goodbye, Sakura. Until next year,” he whispered, waving to the cherry blossom tree before heading away from the little clearing.
He leisurely walked home, watching the streetlights flicker on one by one. The sounds of animals and insects now filled the air as he walked along the narrow path from that cherry tree to where he was staying with Koufuku, Daikoku, and Yukine.
Dusk had long since passed by the time he made it back, but all the lights were still on when he got there. He slipped off his boots by the door and walked inside.
As soon as he stepped in, a book whipped past his head and hit the wall, just narrowly missing its target of his face. He had not been prepared for an ambush when he arrived.
“You idiot master, where the hell were you?! You didn’t say goodbye or tell us where you were going, hell, you couldn’t even be bothered to leave a note? What the fuck! Where were you?” Yukine seethed, storming up to Yato. He was prepared to lecture more, but before he could say anything else, Yato wrapped him in a tight hug.
“Wh-what the-” Yukine said when Yato let him go. He then moved to where Hiyori was standing, watching the scene from the sidelines, and hugged her too. Her eyes went wide in shock when he let her go, and she and Yukine looked at each other before glancing back to Yato. He was walking up the steps to he and Yukine’s shared room.
He said nothing since arriving, but his thoughts were swirling within his head.
The two of them may not have understood his actions, but to him, they held a meaning that was clear as day.
He visits Sakura every year because he could not protect her and keep her safe, and because of his weakness and inexperience, she suffered a terrible death.
He would not let the same fate befall Hiyori and Yukine. He would do whatever it takes to protect them, even if it meant dying in the process.
But there was no way in hell he’d let them suffer any more because of him. He resolved to be stronger for them in order to protect them, and he would not turn back on that promise he had made himself. No matter what.