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Everything had gone wrong. Lloyd stood on the deck of the Bounty, motionless as he watched Zane and Nya haul Jay of below deck. Blood dripped a path behind them, so much of it, glistening red against the dark wood.
They'd walked right into a trap. He'd known it but decided to spring it anyway. Now Jay was bleeding out, Kai was standing off to the side steaming slightly, Zane needed repairs but had to tend to Jay first. They hadn't even got what Wu had sent them after. Some kind of artifact, stolen from some vault somewhere. It didn't matter. What mattered was Lloyd had messed up.
They had been wildly unprepared – why had he told them to keep going? What if he'd been faster to support Jay, noticed the guy behind Zane, kept them all in his sightlines. Why did they trust him? He clenched his fists, trying to hide their shaking.
"What the hell was that, Lloyd!"
Kai stormed over, smoke rolling off him as he threw his hands up before Lloyd. He was right to be angry, the sword that ran Jay through had been heading for Nya, would have killed her if Jay hadn't jumped in. Now he was seriously injured, and it was all his fault.
"I-I-" Lloyd stammered, unable to get the words out, voice shaking just as much as his hands. "I don't—I didn't—"
Kai glowered at him, and he shrank back slightly. He looked at the floor, unable to meet the older boy's eyes. Kai was shaking too, Gi stained darker with Jay's blood.
"You could have gotten us killed."
Lloyd fell silent. Kai's voice was cold, a sharp contrast to the heat that rolled off him as he struggled to control his emotions. Lloyd felt his own power rise in response to the perceived threat, but he squashed it down.
Footsteps crossed the deck and a large hand fell on Kai's shoulder.
"Go and cool off," Cole told him. Kai huffed and stalked away, "Set the course back to the monastery."
He called after the retreating red form, before turning and looking Lloyd up and down. Sighing, he turned and followed Kai into the bounty, leaving Lloyd rooted to the spot. HIs hands shook harder, whole body trying to follow the trembling.
He puffed out a harsh breath, trying to centre himself. Closing his eyes, he swayed back and forth, rocking in time with the familiar sway of the ship. His feet started moving before he really registered it, pushing across the deck towards the mast.
Eye burning from the wind and tears he definitely wasn't shedding, he scrambled up the rigging, throwing his arms out wide as he walked down the cross-bridge. It had been a long time since he'd done this, and though it was significantly easier with his improved skills, losing his small size upped the difficulty.
He dropped down to sit towards the end of the wood, hidden from view of the bridge by the sails. Turning his face to the wind, Lloyd let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He sniffed slightly, wiping the sleeve of his Gi over his face. Blonde hair whipped around, he wished he had a hoodie on so he could keep it out of his face – he could wear his ninja mask, but he didn't deserve it.
Lloyd sighed deeply, chest tight. What had he been thinking – walking into a trap he knew was a trap, with almost no information, after a random artifact his uncle wanted. He looked down out across the empty deck. Aching from loneliness, he pushed the thoughts of finding the others away. They wouldn't want him around. Not after what he had done. It was better for everyone if he just stayed out of the way.
He sat there, legs swinging, staring into the wind, hoping it would numb his thoughts as effectively as it was his body. Lloyd barely noticed when the Bounty came to rest, anchoring above the monastery. He heard the others moving about, talking fast, shouting, but it was muffled by the ringing in his ears. They didn't need him.
This wasn't even the only bad call he'd made lately. Last week he'd mistimed an attack and hit Nya instead of an enemy. Two days ago, they'd been on patrol when he'd told them to hang back, to wait, and his hesitation cost them precious seconds of time to escape when an explosion went off.
What was wrong with him? His instincts had always been good, sure. The others trusted him, or – wait, did they? Had they been questioning him more recently, ignoring his suggestions? Kai had, but he always did, didn't he?
Lloyd didn't know. He crumpled inwards slightly, drawing in a few harsh breaths. They didn't trust him. And they were right. All he caused was damage. He began to shake again, part of him wanted to get up, to run after them, to ask, and the other bit couldn't move. Only balance precariously in this years old hiding place, falling further into the depths of his doubt.
"Lloyd!" A voice startled him, and he jerked around, throwing his arms out as he almost lost his balance, "Whoa! Careful!"
Cole was standing where the mast met the cross-bridge, one arm looped through the rigging, other extended out towards him. The boy's face was etched in panic. Weird. Lloyd blinked at him, tearstained face remaining impassive.
"Hey, buddy—come over here" Cole beckoned him, panic still remaining, "Please, okay?"
Lloyd tilted his head but didn't move. Why did Cole want him to move, he was good here. He turned back to the sky, looking out across the mountain range. He shivered, realising how cold he was. Fingers and toes were numb under his gloves and boots, muscles stiff and sore from being seated so awkwardly.
The ropes creaked as Cole shifted, voice sounding slightly closer, "Lloyd, you're scaring me bud. Come down."
He frowned, why was Cole scared. Oh. Right. The rigging wasn't exactly safe, and he was sitting up here, dangling his legs towards a several meter drop to the deck and then the side of a mountain after a terrible mission – he could see where Cole's mind was going.
"I-I'm good." His voice shook as he shivered harshly.
"No—Lloyd, you need to come here."
"No!" He shouted harshly, hating how small he sounded.
"Uh—" Cole fell silent for a moment, Lloyd sniffed, the ninja spoke again, "It's your decision Lloyd, but it's not safe up here. What are you gonna do?"
That made tears start to fall again. He didn't know. He didn't know if Jay was okay or if any of them trusted him again or if they hated him or what he was gonna do.
"I-I don't know." He stuttered, "I don't know—I don't know what to do, about any of it. I'm a terrible leader and I-I don't know what to do—I-I don't know."
He trailed off, hiccuping sobs and swaying slightly on the narrow wood. Silence fell again, and Lloyd closed his eyes, waiting for Cole to just leave him alone.
"Okay."
He looked up. Cole was still standing on the rigging, but one of his hands was extended.
"Let's work it out together."
Nothing but honestly was written on his face. Lloyd looked him over sceptically, watching for any signs that he was lying. He didn't find any.
Carefully standing, his muscles burned as he teetered over to the mast. As soon as he was within arm's reach, the black ninja grabbed his Gi, pulling him close to his body. They began to climb down the rigging, Cole basically carrying Lloyd, super strength negating his added weight.
Feet landing on the deck, Cole pulled him tight to his side. Lloyd stiffened at the unexpected movement, before melting into the embrace.
"Y'know, you don't have to work everything out alone."
"But—" Lloyd whined into his chest, "I-I'm the green ninja—I'm supposed to."
"You're just a kid Lloyd," Cole ruffled his hair affectionately, "How old even are you really? Twelve?"
"Zane says I'm seventeen."
"No, Zane says your body is seventeen, you" Cole booped his nose, "Have only been in this realm for twelve years, so you're twelve."
"Hmph."
Lloyd ducked his head and smiled slightly, pouting in jest. He wiped his sleeve across his face, and they began to walk down into the monastery.
"Oh buddy," Cole sighed gently, "What are we gonna do with you, hey."
His face fell slightly but softened when Cole continued to speak.
"Jay's alright by the way. Well—no, not alright. He's not gonna die. Pix and Zane got him stable—"
"Why did you come to find me?" Lloyd butted in.
Cole stopped, turning Lloyd to look him in the eyes.
"Well, firstly, I had to check you weren't doing anything dumb which—by the way—you were," heat flushed Lloyd's cheeks, "And Kai is eating himself alive for yelling at you, so I told him I would come and check."
They continued down the halls. Why was Kai feeling guilty? He had been right. As if sensing his thoughts, Cole continued, "We all make mistakes Lloyd—all of us. You've been doing this a long time, we all have. But that doesn't mean we don't mess up."
He pushed open the door to the med bay, and Lloyd peeked inside. Jay was lying unconscious on the cot, oxygen mask over his face, bandages peeking out from his chest under the blankets. He was pale, but not as pale as he had been when blood was dripping all over the ship. Nya sat in the chair next to him, head resting on the bed, hand twined with his.
Kai was leaning against the wall, he did look worried, staring at Lloyd in the doorway but with no heat in his gaze. Cole pushed his shoulder gently, and he stepped through the door. Kai walked towards him and wrapped his arm around him, Nya glancing up at the movement and smiling gently.
Lloyd sank into the arms of his brother. It wasn't okay, but he wasn't alone.