Chapter Text
Emotions are weird.
They’re unpredictable, confusing, and overall a big mess and jumble of gibberish. Also, they’re super hard to understand. What goes on inside your chest might be difficult to explain with fathomable words. It would just make more sense to tell it without using words–but with actually experiencing the feeling.
It’s confusing though, how are others supposed to know how one is feeling in the heat of each moment? How can they get across their exact emotion without being able to describe it?
Words are magical, but sometimes they just can't do it all.
Donnie drew an accurate conclusion to this strange dilemma: it’s frustrating. That’s exactly what it is. Irritating, confusing, annoying; every negative word that he knew.
People seem so expressive sometimes. With their vast spectrum of emotions and knowing how to control them all. Two completely opposite individuals can get along perfectly well, like fire and ice seemingly at peace.
But, doesn’t it seem unfair that others lack that ability?
Donnie does.
From a young age, he liked to observe. The television shows which portrayed bubbly characters chatting like best buds, his favourite comics books with the most intriguing conversations, even his own brothers and how they bounced off of each other so effortlessly.
But the moment an opportunity for Donnie to connect and grow and learn about another individual, he blows it.
Forming simple sentences seems more difficult, his tongue knots and cotton fills his throat, the endless vocabulary that he’s collected in his mind just vanishes without a trace. Everything just seems so overwhelming.
And suddenly, Donnie’s choking up. Like a cup filled to the brim, he overflows.
Why, for the love of God, can’t he just keep a steady, normal conversation? He knows aerospace engineering, every scientific formula that exists from memory, how to do complex coding, why–just why–isn’t he able to just wrap his head around this concept?
Too much, the voice buried in the back of his mind muttered, it’s just a little too much. You’re just overwhelmed.
But when won’t it be too much? When will it be just enough?
When will he be just enough?
He wipes a stray tear from his cheek, sniffling and blinking away the rest that pooled along the banks of his eyes.
“C’mon,” he grumbles, “pull yourself together.”
Throwing down his work materials onto his desk, he trudges to his bed and abandons his project. Another fruitless day of work, spent just overthinking.
“Overthinking, that’s all you do,” he scolds himself, digging his palms into his eye sockets and rubbing forcefully.
Yet no matter how hard Donnie tries, the tears just come back. They attack him mercilessly, not stopping for even a second to spare a break.
His emotions feel like melted ice cream. Sticky and messy. And useless. Useless, useless, useless.
Or maybe a spiderweb, a trap that leads to a sealed fate of doom. Tangling strands that paint a beautiful, webbed design, but be foolish enough to follow, and there’s a price to pay.
A wrenching sob escapes his throat as he’s curled up on his bed. It’s okay, the voice in his head whispers, you’re going to be just fine. But no matter how hard he tries, he doesn’t believe it.
Nothing but a cacophony of strained coughs and wails echoes in his ears.
He doesn’t hear the pained gasp that reverberates through his room.
He doesn’t hear the frantic footsteps that approach his bed.
But he feels the warm embrace that holds him tightly. Warm and comforting. The wound in his shattered heart eases slightly.
Endless tears slip down his cheeks as another cry worms its way out of his throat. Brawny arms squeeze him reassuringly.
“You’re gonna be okay,” a familiar voice whispers. Hints of worry laces their words. “Just breathe with me, Donnie.”
He sniffles, “Raph, I–”
“Relax, everything’s going to be just fine. Just breathe, breathe now. Slowly, in and out. There you go.”
And there they both sit, holding each other so closely and tightly as silence consumes the world once again.